[Copypasta] I fell asleep masturbating with the curtains open and porn playing

I thought it would be nice to nut before i slept and before my sleeping pill kicked in and my room was dark so I figured why close the blinds. I was lubing up my cock with silicone lube, felt really good and got my cock really hard and was enjoying what I was watching. Next thing I realized, I wake up at 11am, dick in hand with lube, lube spilled all over my body and sheets and porn still playing and the neighbors can clearly see what happened. I live in an apartment area, and at the first floor so everybody next door saw everything. The neighbor right in front of me was having lunch and raised his glass to say cheers to me and smiled. Advice: cover all your bases before jerking off, and don't jerk under the influence.
April 2021
I used to be a real ad
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So you call these things "chips"?

So you call these things "chips"? Instead of crispity crunchy munchie crackerjack snacker nibbler snap crack n pop westpoolchestershireshire queen's lovely jubily delights? That’s rather bit cringe, innit bruv
December 2020

GME short squeeze

Lets dumb this down for you apes: - Let's say 5 banana's currently cost 10 dollar - One ape on the market has 5 banana's - Snake asks to borrow 5 banana's for a bit and instead sells the 5 banana's thinking price will go down soon (shorting). he thinks he can buy them later for less and give them back to ape, so he make's profit on the difference. - Group of apes notice what stupid snakes are doing and decide to buy all banana's on the market until snakes have no other choice than to buy from the group of apes in order to return what they borrowed - If group of apes stay strong then price will go πŸš€πŸš€πŸš€
January 2021

WallStreetBets

Ok, so I basically fucked my bedroom door.

January 2021

Ape rocket

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ascii art
April 2021

WallStreetBets

PogChamp

⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⒀⣀⣀⣄⣢③⣦⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ β „β „β „β „β „β’ β‘¦β‘Ÿβ »β ›β ™β ‰β ˆβ „β „β ˆβ »β ›β£Ύβ£¦β£€β£€β „β „ β „β „β „β£°β‘Ώβ Ÿβ ƒβ „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β ˜β ‹β ½β’Ώβ£§β „ β „β’€β£΄β žβ ‚β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β’Όβ †β „ ⠄⣼⠇⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣀⣠⣀⣢⣿⣢⣦⣀⣀⠄⣻⑃⠄ ⠄⑿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦Ⓒ⣧⠄ ⠄Ⓙ⑀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⒠⣾⣿⣿⣋⣩⣭⣝⣿⣿⠛⒰⑇⠄ β „β’Έβ‘‡β „β „β’€β „β „β „β „β£Ύβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ÿβ£―β ‰β’‰β£Ώβ ‹β£Ÿβ’»β‘‡β „ ⠄⠄Ⓓ⑀⒳⑗⠂⣠⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣭⣽⣿⣿⣿⣉⣸⠇⠄ β „β „β ˆβ£·β „β’³β£·β£Ώβ „β „β’Ήβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ‘‡β „ β „β „β „β ˜β£§β „β ˆβ ™β „β „β „β ‰β ™β ›β ›β£Ώβ£Ώβ£·β£€β£„β’Ώβ‘Ώβ ƒβ „ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠉⠳⣄⑀⠄⠄⠄⒒⣦⣾⣿⠿⠿⠛⠉⒉⣽⠇⠄⠄ β „β „β „β „β „β „β ˜β Ώβ£„β’€β „β£€β£β’»β£Ώβ‘Ώβ ’β£€β£€β£Έβ β „β „β „ β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β ˆβ ³β£€β β ™β Žβ’»β£„β „β „β£Έβ ‹β „β „β „β „ β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β ˆβ ™β Άβ’¦β£„β£€β££β ΄β ƒβ „β „β „β „β „
ascii art
February 2020
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