[Copypasta] I fell asleep masturbating with the curtains open and porn playing

I thought it would be nice to nut before i slept and before my sleeping pill kicked in and my room was dark so I figured why close the blinds. I was lubing up my cock with silicone lube, felt really good and got my cock really hard and was enjoying what I was watching. Next thing I realized, I wake up at 11am, dick in hand with lube, lube spilled all over my body and sheets and porn still playing and the neighbors can clearly see what happened. I live in an apartment area, and at the first floor so everybody next door saw everything. The neighbor right in front of me was having lunch and raised his glass to say cheers to me and smiled. Advice: cover all your bases before jerking off, and don't jerk under the influence.
April 2021
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More Copypastas

THATS RIGHT IM TALKING ABOUT EU LUL

twitchquotes: OUR TEETH ARE EWWWWW LUL THE PEOPLE WHO WATCH US ARE FEW LUL SJOKZ IS THE ONLY GOOD THING TO VIEW LUL THATS RIGHT IM TALKING ABOUT EU LUL
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August 2018
Riot Games

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Kermit the Frog and the Twin Towers

It is actual Muppets canon that Kermit the Frog, in some way, had a role in bringing down the Twin Towers in the terror attacks of September 11, 2001. In "It's a Very Muppets Christmas Movie," a film released in late 2002, Kermit is shown a glimpse of what New York City might look like if he had never been born. Among the scenery of this alternate reality NYC, we find none other than the Twin Towers proudly standing in the background. They were, of course, long destroyed in Kermit's normal reality. And yet, in the world without Kermit, the war on terror is missing its powder keg spark. Who would've thought that green piece of fuck could kermit a terror attack on US soil, but there it stands unimpeachable... We have concrete, canon proof of involvement. Why the world hasn't stopped and asked further questions is only further proof of a media cabal keeping this conversation away from the masses. The Twin Towers would still be standing if it weren't for Kermit the Frog. Al Qaeda was the puppet this time, and Kermit the hand within.
April 2022

Second breakfast

twitchquotes: "Rania, where's my breakfast?" asks the Kripp. "You already had it!" she replies. "Yes, I've had one, but what about second breakfast?" asks the Kripp. As Rania walks away, Kripp is startled. "I don't think she knows about second breakfast," Kripp panics, "What about brunch, elvensies, afternoon falafel?"
twitch chat
May 2015
Kripp

Hi Kripp, sleazy video game developer here

twitchquotes: Hi Kripp, sleazy video game developer here. I understand you are willing to sell yourself out like a cheap Romanian hooker to any two-bit game development outfit as long as they dangle some shekels in front of your beady little eyes? Great! Because I have this brilliant game in beta testing right now called "Watching Paint Dry" and I am willing to pay you $5.00 USD to play it for 24 hours straight. Let me know what you think, you glorious sellout!
twitch chat
June 2016
Kripp

sellout

Classic

DONALD TRUMP NUDES

twitchquotes: IF πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Έ YOU πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Έ SEE πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Έ A LINK πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Έ THAT πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Έ SAYS πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Έ DONALD πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Έ TRUMP πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Έ NUDES πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Έ DON’T πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Έ CLICK πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Έ ITS πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Έ A πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Έ VIRUS πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Έ THAT πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Έ PUTS πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Έ AMERICAN πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Έ FLAGS πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Έ BETWEEN πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Έ EVERY πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Έ WORD πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Έ YOU πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Έ TYPE
twitch chat
October 2020
Text-to-Speech Playing