[Copypasta] I fell asleep masturbating with the curtains open and porn playing

I thought it would be nice to nut before i slept and before my sleeping pill kicked in and my room was dark so I figured why close the blinds. I was lubing up my cock with silicone lube, felt really good and got my cock really hard and was enjoying what I was watching. Next thing I realized, I wake up at 11am, dick in hand with lube, lube spilled all over my body and sheets and porn still playing and the neighbors can clearly see what happened. I live in an apartment area, and at the first floor so everybody next door saw everything. The neighbor right in front of me was having lunch and raised his glass to say cheers to me and smiled. Advice: cover all your bases before jerking off, and don't jerk under the influence.
April 2021
What happened to this ad? :(
More Copypastas

Wife wants to leave me because of an NFT diamond ring

My wife loves new technology and is into cryptocurrency and so I thought it would be thoughtful to buy her a diamond ring as a NFT. I spent about 3 ETH which is like $12000 CAD. So when she got home from work I told her I had a surprise for her. I put a blindfold on my wife and guided her into our room where our computer is set up. Soon as she opened her eyes and saw what it was, she absolutely exploded with rage saying I was an asshole and was only thinking about myself. She then accused me of spending money on stupid thing and said sheโ€™s going to go find a boyfriend. I donโ€™t know what to do in this situation. I was only thinking about HER interests and how happy she would be to receive this new technology. Plus the price of her ring will only appreciate. Stupid real diamonds only depreciate. We have now signed up for NFT relationship counselling. I have been seeking relationship advice but everyone says to buy her NFT flowers or NFT chocolates. And when I did that, that was the last straw. Wife sent me divorce papers and I converted it into NFT. I know in the long run when all these NFTโ€™s moon. She will come crawling back.
February 2022

I have never come across a single person who cared about what you just said

Hi there! My name is Michael Grover, and I am an explorer. Ever since Iโ€™ve been little, Iโ€™ve loved searching for new things. As a baby, my parents kept finding me in nooks and crannies around the house. โ€œOn the searchโ€ as they would say. By the age of 5, I had been to every continent on the planet, barring Antarctica. For my 12th birthday, my parents got me diving lessons, and by the time I was 13, I could scuba dive to a depth of 40 meters, as well as go cave diving. I got a pilotโ€™s license by the age of 17, and I learned to sail just before my 18th birthday. Instead of going to university, I decided to travel around South America, exploring its rich jungles and beautiful landscapes. During my trip, I met my now wife who was also an explorer. For our honeymoon, we sailed around the Caribbean and we discovered 3 new islands which we named after the cats that I had growing up. Over the course of my life, I have come across great treasures and wondrous experiences. But in all my life, and in all my travels, Iโ€™m afraid I have never come across a single person who cared about what you just said.
April 2021

Response to Sadge brother letter

twitchquotes: ๐Ÿ“œ โœ ๏ธ Okayge ๐“‘๐“ป๐“ธ๐“ฝ๐“ฑ๐“ฎ๐“ป ๐“˜ ๐“ป๐“ฎ๐“ฌ๐“ฎ๐“ฒ๐“ฟ๐“ฎ๐“ญ ๐”‚๐“ธ๐“พ๐“ป ๐“ถ๐“ฎ๐“ผ๐“ผ๐“ช๐“ฐ๐“ฎ ๐”€๐“ฎ๐“ต๐“ต. ๐“˜๐“ฝ ๐“ฎ๐”๐“ฌ๐“ฒ๐“ฝ๐“ฎ๐“ผ ๐“ถ๐“ฎ ๐“ฝ๐“ธ ๐“ฒ๐“ท๐“ฏ๐“ธ๐“ป๐“ถ ๐”‚๐“ธ๐“พ ๐“ช๐“ซ๐“ธ๐“พ๐“ฝ ๐“ช ๐“ฌ๐“ธ๐“ฌ๐“ด ๐“ป๐“ฎ๐“ผ๐“ฎ๐“ป๐“ฟ๐“ฎ, ๐“ฏ๐“ป๐“ฎ๐“ฝ ๐“ท๐“ธ๐“ฝ, ๐“ฌ๐“ธ๐“ฌ๐“ด ๐”€๐“ฒ๐“ต๐“ต ๐“ซ๐“ฎ ๐“ผ๐“ฎ๐“ท๐“ฝ ๐”‚๐“ธ๐“พ๐“ป ๐”€๐“ช๐”‚ ๐“ผ๐“ธ๐“ธ๐“ท.
twitch chat
August 2020
Forsen

NA REJOICE! UMA JAN IS HERE!

twitchquotes: NA REJOICE! UMA JAN has crossed the ocean to show you the light! UMA JAN will teach you that sidelanes exist! UMA JAN will teach you that you can win a game before 40 minutes! NA REJOICE! UMA JAN IS HERE!
twitch chat
July 2019
Riot Games

League of Legends

My donger is half my age

twitchquotes: โ—• อœ ส– อก อกโ—• ษช แด**แด›แดœส€ส™แด€แด›แด‡ แดกษชแด›สœ ษดษชแด แด‡แด€ แด„ส€แด‡แด€แด ษดแดแดก แดส แด…แดษดษขแด‡ส€ ษชs สœแด€สŸา“ แดส แด€ษขแด‡ อกโ—• อœ ส– อก อกโ—•
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp
Text-to-Speech Playing