[Copypasta] I fell asleep masturbating with the curtains open and porn playing

I thought it would be nice to nut before i slept and before my sleeping pill kicked in and my room was dark so I figured why close the blinds. I was lubing up my cock with silicone lube, felt really good and got my cock really hard and was enjoying what I was watching. Next thing I realized, I wake up at 11am, dick in hand with lube, lube spilled all over my body and sheets and porn still playing and the neighbors can clearly see what happened. I live in an apartment area, and at the first floor so everybody next door saw everything. The neighbor right in front of me was having lunch and raised his glass to say cheers to me and smiled. Advice: cover all your bases before jerking off, and don't jerk under the influence.
April 2021
What happened to this ad? :(
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lethal

twitchquotes: Amaz moans hard as Kripp gropes his smallish package. β€œPepperoni” Kripp whispered into Amaz’s elvish ear, as they started making out. β€œDo…do I win?” Amaz says tentatively, as Kripp slowly tugs away his pants. β€œYour deck is crazy” Kripp says, as he flips Amaz on his back. β€œIt’s lethal guys” Amaz says playfully, as he presents his Twisting Nether.
twitch chat
October 2014
Kripp

Hearthstone

KappaPride

I sexually Identify as TheLegend27

twitchquotes: I sexually Identify as TheLegend27. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over the armies of my enemies hurling big, hard boulders at disgusting cavalry. People say to me that a person being TheLegend27 is Impossible and I’m *** retarded but I don’t care, I’m beautiful. I’m having a plastic surgeon install Game of War: Fire Age, trebuchets and 90kg stones on my body.
twitch chat
January 2017

I sexually Identify as

Le Boobhead has arrived

β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆ β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆ β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘(◐)β–‘β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘(◐)β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆ β–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–„β–„β–„β–„β–ˆβ–€β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–ˆβ–€ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„ β–‘β–‘β–‘leβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„ β–‘β–‘boobheadβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘hasβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–„β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„ β–‘β–‘β–‘arrivedβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆ
July 2017

Classic

Albert Einstein watches Rick and Morty

twitchquotes: My teacher said to my I'm a failure, that I'll never amount to anything. I scoffed at him. Shocked, my teacher asked what's so funny, my future is on the line. "Well...you see professor" I say as the teacher prepares to laugh at my answer, rebuttal at hand. "I watch Rick and Morty." The class is shocked, they merely watch pleb shows like the big bang theory to feign intelligence, not grasping the humor. "...how? I can't even understand it's sheer nuance and subtlety." "Well you see...WUBBA LUBBA DUB DUB!" One line student laughs in the back, I turn to see a who this fellow genius is. It's none other than Albert Einstein.
twitch chat
September 2017

Classic

Rick and Morty

Happy Thanksgiving emoji

Happy πŸ¦ƒ Thanksgiving πŸ¦ƒ! Guess what πŸ˜―β“it’s that time ⏰ of year πŸ—“ to gobble πŸ¦ƒ gobble πŸ¦ƒ gobble πŸ¦ƒ up ⬆️ those dicks πŸ† chicks πŸ₯ and bicks 🀨 (big dicks) πŸ†πŸ˜«πŸ˜«πŸ˜«πŸ˜« I bet 😏 you’re all 😀😀😀 HORNY-copia 🌽 πŸ₯”πŸ₯•πŸŒΆπŸ†β™‹οΈπŸ‘€πŸ‘‰πŸ‘Œ for SKANKS-giving πŸ€ͺπŸ˜”πŸ€€πŸ€€πŸ˜ƒπŸ˜πŸ˜ you’ll be saying πŸ’¬ thanks πŸ™ for giving me all 😫 this 😫 COCK πŸ₯³πŸ₯³πŸ₯³πŸ₯³ send this to πŸ”Ÿ of your thiccest sluts with those hot πŸ₯΅ hot πŸ”₯ tasty πŸ€€πŸ˜‹ peach pies πŸ₯§ πŸ‘ 😏😏 if you know πŸ€” what I mean β˜ΊοΈπŸ˜˜πŸ˜‹ if you get 1️⃣ back πŸ™„πŸ€¬πŸ˜‘ then you and that slut 🀀🀀🀀😫😫😫 have to appropriate Native American culture together πŸ˜”πŸͺΆπŸ• if you get 3️⃣ back πŸ˜ˆπŸ€‘ you’re going to get your turkey πŸ¦ƒ eaten πŸ˜‹πŸ˜‹πŸ˜‰πŸ˜‰πŸ˜ tomorrow night 😱😱😱😱 if you get 5️⃣ back πŸ‘€πŸ‘€ you will be eating your cousin’s πŸ‘ΆπŸ» peach πŸ‘ pie πŸ₯§ just like you’ve always πŸ’―πŸ’―πŸ’―wanted πŸ˜‹πŸ€€πŸ₯΅ if you get 7️⃣ back πŸ›Ά you’ll become 😲😲 a pilgrim πŸŽ©πŸ‘ž and be the villain πŸ¦Ήβ€β™€οΈ of American πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Έ history πŸ“–πŸ“•πŸ“š πŸ˜”πŸ˜”πŸ˜” if you get all 1️⃣0️⃣ back 🀯😱🀯😱🀯😱🀯 you’ll be feasting 🀀😏 this thanksgiving πŸ‘€πŸ‘€ in more ways than one πŸ˜«πŸ˜πŸ‘€πŸšΌπŸ’˜ okay you sexy πŸ˜‡ sexy 😈 gobbling turkey poos πŸ¦ƒπŸ¦ƒπŸ¦ƒ it’s time ⏰ for me to go ➑️ atone 🀣for the sins ✝️ πŸ˜”of my ancestorsπŸ’€πŸ’€πŸ’€πŸ‘©πŸΌβ€β€οΈβ€πŸ’‹β€πŸ‘¨πŸΌπŸ€°πŸΌπŸ€±πŸΌπŸ‘©β€πŸ‘§πŸ€ͺπŸ€ͺπŸ€ͺπŸ€ͺπŸ€ͺ
January 2024

Emoji Pasta

Holiday Emoji

Thanksgiving

Text-to-Speech Playing