[Copypasta] I fell asleep masturbating with the curtains open and porn playing

I thought it would be nice to nut before i slept and before my sleeping pill kicked in and my room was dark so I figured why close the blinds. I was lubing up my cock with silicone lube, felt really good and got my cock really hard and was enjoying what I was watching. Next thing I realized, I wake up at 11am, dick in hand with lube, lube spilled all over my body and sheets and porn still playing and the neighbors can clearly see what happened. I live in an apartment area, and at the first floor so everybody next door saw everything. The neighbor right in front of me was having lunch and raised his glass to say cheers to me and smiled. Advice: cover all your bases before jerking off, and don't jerk under the influence.
April 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Who is TUCK and why does everyone want to FRUMP him?

twitchquotes: Hello Twitch chat, i am new to Twitch and wanted to know who this "T U C K" guy is and why everyone wants to "F R U M P" him? I thank you for your answers and pls no copy pasta this spam Greyface Kappa Kappa
twitch chat
November 2014
Trump

Alvin from "Alvin and the Chipmunks" is not a chipmunk

Alvin from "Alvin and the Chipmunks" is not a chipmunk. This is proven by the name "Alvin and the Chipmunks", as you can see, Alvin is separated from the chipmunks, suggesting that Alvin is an entirely different species, making him an "imposter" amongst the others. Also, in "The Chipettes", Brittney has the strongest resemblance to Alvin, so why is it not called "Brittney and the Chipettes". So all that proves that Alvin is not a chipmunk. Not to mention that Alvin wears red, and I'm not sure about you, but that seems awfully sus to me. In the video game "Among us", the color red is was the birth of the obnoxious catchphrase, "red sus", being that the color red in the game is a stereotype that they are the imposter. While that might be unrelated, keep in mind that Alvin wears red too, and he is also the imposter amongst the other chipmunks. So this proves that Alvin is not a chipmunk, or anything like that. Alvin is just a sussy amogus imposter.
October 2021

Watashi wa a victim of cyberbullying

Watashi wa a victim of cyberbullying. Everyday someone online calls me a "weeb" desu. Watashi won't stand for this. 26 percent of bullying victims are chosen due to their race or religion desu. I may look like a basic white boy, but deep down I am Nihongo desu. Watashi religion is anime. Anata wa bullying me because of my race and religion desu ka? Disgusting desu. Anata should be ashamed of yourself, racist pig. A baka gaijin like anata is probably jealous of my race and culture, cause Nippon is more sugoi than your shitty country desu. Watashi pity anata. You'll never be Nihongo like watashi. I'm a weeb? Pfft. I AM AN OTAKU DESU. Educate yourself on nani a "weeb" is before anata try to insult watashi desu. I WILL NOT BE CYBERBULLIED ANYMORE. REPORTED.
December 2018

Weebs

Classic

I've won 69 rounds of Fortnite

twitchquotes: ð“›ð“˜ð“žð“―ð“Ū𝓷 ð“ūð“đ 𝔂ð“ļð“ū ð“ĩð“ēð“―ð“―ð“ĩð“Ū ð“Ŧð“ēð“―ð“Žð“ą, ð“ē'ð“ŋð“Ū ð“Ŧð“Ūð“Ū𝓷 ð“―ð“ŧ𝓊ð“ē𝓷ð“ē𝓷𝓰 ð“Ŋð“ļð“ŧ ð“ļð“ŋð“Ūð“ŧ 90 𝔂ð“Ū𝓊ð“ŧ𝓞 𝓊𝓷𝓭 𝔂ð“ļð“ū 𝓎ð“ļð“ķð“Ū ð“ąð“Ūð“ŧð“Ū 𝓊𝓷𝓭 ð“―ð“Ūð“ĩð“ĩ ð“ķð“Ū 𝔂ð“ļð“ū'ð“ŧð“Ū ð“Ŧð“Ūð“―ð“―ð“Ūð“ŧ ð“―ð“ąð“Šð“· ð“ķð“Ū? ð“―ð“ąð“ē𝓷ð“ī 𝓊𝓰𝓊ð“ē𝓷 𝔂ð“ļð“ū ð“ĩð“ēð“―ð“―ð“ĩð“Ū ð“đð“ēð“Ū𝓎ð“Ū ð“ļð“Ŋ ð“žð“ąð“ēð“―, ð“ē'ð“ŋð“Ū 𝔀ð“ļ𝓷 69 ð“ŧð“ļð“ū𝓷𝓭𝓞 ð“ļð“Ŋ 𝓕ð“ļð“ŧð“―ð“·ð“ēð“―ð“Ū 𝔂ð“ļð“ū ð“ĩð“ēð“―ð“―ð“ĩð“Ū ð“ē𝓭ð“ēð“ļð“―. 𝓘'ð“ŋð“Ū 𝔀ð“ļ𝓷 𝓊ð“ĩð“ĩ ð“ļð“Ŋ ð“―ð“ąð“Ū 𝓞ð“īð“ē𝓷𝓞 ð“ē𝓷 𝓕ð“ļð“ŧ𝓷𝓝ð“ēð“―ð“Ū, 𝓘 𝓰ð“ļð“― 𝓊ð“ĩð“ĩ ð“―ð“ąð“Ū 𝓰ð“ū𝓷𝓞 𝓊𝓷𝓭 𝔀ð“Ū𝓊ð“đð“ļ𝓷𝓞. ð“Ļð“ļð“ūð“ŧ ð“ģð“ūð“žð“― 𝓊𝓷 ð“ē𝓭ð“ēð“ļð“― ð“žð”€ð“Šð“―, ð“Ŧð“ēð“―ð“Žð“ą.
twitch chat
September 2018

Fortnite

You have been gifted a Yep

twitchquotes: ▮▮▮▮▮▮▮▮▮▮āۜÛĐ۞ÛĐāŪœâ–Žâ–Žâ–Žâ–Žâ–Žâ–Žâ–Žâ–Žâ–Žâ–Ž You have been gifted a Yep . Type COCK to activate. ▮▮▮▮▮▮▮▮▮▮āۜÛĐ۞ÛĐāŪœâ–Žâ–Žâ–Žâ–Žâ–Žâ–Žâ–Žâ–Žâ–Žâ–Ž
twitch chat
July 2020
Text-to-Speech Playing