[Copypasta] I fell asleep masturbating with the curtains open and porn playing

I thought it would be nice to nut before i slept and before my sleeping pill kicked in and my room was dark so I figured why close the blinds. I was lubing up my cock with silicone lube, felt really good and got my cock really hard and was enjoying what I was watching. Next thing I realized, I wake up at 11am, dick in hand with lube, lube spilled all over my body and sheets and porn still playing and the neighbors can clearly see what happened. I live in an apartment area, and at the first floor so everybody next door saw everything. The neighbor right in front of me was having lunch and raised his glass to say cheers to me and smiled. Advice: cover all your bases before jerking off, and don't jerk under the influence.
April 2021
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
More Copypastas

Awkward Look Monkey Puppet

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣟⠻⠯⠭⠉⠛⠋⠉⠉⠛⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡽⠚⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣀⣀⠀⠈⠙⢿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⠏⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⡀⠶⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⡏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⢻⣿⣿ ⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣤⣻⣿⣯⣤⣹⣿ ⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⢿⣿⡇⠀⣿⢟⣿⡀⠟⢹⣿ ⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⣷⣤⣤⣼⣿⣿⡄⢹⣿ ⣷⠀⠀⠀⠶⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠛⠉⠈⢻ ⣿⣷⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠛⠋⠛⠛⠛⠀⠀⣤⣾ ⣿⣿⣿⣷⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠉⠉⠉⠛⠁⣰⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⣤⣤⣤⣤⣄⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣠⣤⣤⣤⣾⣿⣿⣿
January 2022

This chat is the dumbest group of people i've ever seen

twitchquotes: This chat is the dumbest group of people i've ever seen. I work with mentally handicapped people and i've been all over the world. I have been to beauty pageants and monster truck events. I have met a kid with an IQ of 8. I have even met President George W. Bush. But this chat is truly the most retarded thing I have ever encountered.
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

I hate Twitch Chat

Don't pretend to be entitled to financial compensation...

Don't👏 pretend👏 to 👏be 👏entitled👏 to👏 financial👏 compensation👏 if 👏you 👏or👏 a👏 loved 👏one 👏hasn't👏 even 👏been 👏diagnosed👏 with 👏mesothelioma
February 2020

HYDRO STORM

twitchquotes: ヽ`ヽ`、ヽヽ`ヽ`、ヽヽ`ヽ、ヽヽ`ヽ`、ヽヽ`ヽ`、`、ヽヽ`ヽ`、ヽヽ`ヽ`、ヽヽ`ヽ`、ヽヽ`ヽ`、ヽヽ`ヽ`、ヽヽ`ヽ`、ヽ ヽ ヽ(・ิ-・ิ)ノ HYDRO STORM! (╯・ิ-・ิ)╯ ヽ`ヽ`、ヽヽ`ヽ`、`ヽ`、ヽヽ`ヽ`、ヽヽ`ヽ、ヽヽ`ヽ
twitch chat
March 2015
imaqtpie

TL aka Laughingstock

twitchquotes: TL, aka "Total Laughingstock," is a team that plays for Riot Games' Minor League that is often ridiculed for its disappointing international performances. It is specifically known for fielding expensive lineups to be dumpstered by Native Eu Talent.
twitch chat
August 2019
Riot Games

League of Legends

Text-to-Speech Playing