[Copypasta] I fell asleep masturbating with the curtains open and porn playing

I thought it would be nice to nut before i slept and before my sleeping pill kicked in and my room was dark so I figured why close the blinds. I was lubing up my cock with silicone lube, felt really good and got my cock really hard and was enjoying what I was watching. Next thing I realized, I wake up at 11am, dick in hand with lube, lube spilled all over my body and sheets and porn still playing and the neighbors can clearly see what happened. I live in an apartment area, and at the first floor so everybody next door saw everything. The neighbor right in front of me was having lunch and raised his glass to say cheers to me and smiled. Advice: cover all your bases before jerking off, and don't jerk under the influence.
April 2021
What happened to this ad? :(
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Yuno Gasai

β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–„β–„ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–„β–„ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–„ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–„ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β– β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œ β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–Œβ–’β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–‘β–Œβ–β–‘β– β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–Œβ–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–„β–„β–€β–€β–Œβ–Œβ–’β–’β–‘β–’β–‘β–β–€β–Œβ–€β–Œβ–„β–’β–‘β–β–’β–Œβ–‘β–Œ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–Œβ–‘β–’β–‘β–‘β–β–€β–„β–Œβ–Œβ–β–β–’β–’β–’β–’β–β–β–β–’β–β–’β–Œβ–Œβ–‘β–β–’β–Œβ–„β– β–‘β–„β–€β–„β–β–’β–’β–’β–‘β–Œβ–Œβ–„β–€β–„β–β–‘β–Œβ–Œβ–’β–β–‘β–Œβ–„β–€β–„β–‘β–β–’β–‘β–β–’β–Œβ–‘β–€β–„ β–€β–„β–€β–’β–’β–Œβ–’β–’β–„β–€β–‘β–Œβ–ˆβ–β–‘β–‘β–β–β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–ˆβ–β–‘β–€β–„β–β–’β–Œβ–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–€ β–‘β–€β–€β–„β–„β–β–’β–€β–„β–€β–‘β–€β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–„β–€β–„β–€β–’β–Œβ–‘β– β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–β–€β–„β–’β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–Œβ– β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–’β–Œβ–β–’β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–’β– β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–β–’β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–€β–€β–€β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–’β– β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–β–’β–β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–’β–‘β– β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–β–β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–€β–„β–„β–„β–€β–‘β–„β–€β–β–’β–‘β–‘β– β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–Œβ–‘β–Œβ–β–‘β–Œβ–’β–€β–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–Œβ–β–‘β–Œβ–’β–‘β– β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–’β–β–‘β–β–β–‘β–Œβ–’β–’β–’β–’β–€β–€β–„β–€β–Œβ–β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–’β–‘β–Œ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–’β–’β–Œβ–β–’β–Œβ–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–β–€β–„β–Œβ–‘β–β–’β–’
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September 2018

Weebs

I have a really small keyboard

twitchquotes: ʰᡉˑᡖ ᡐᡉ αΆœΚ°α΅ƒα΅— α΄΅ ʰᡃᡛᡉ ᡃ ʳᡉᡃˑˑʸ ˒ᡐᡃˑˑ α΅α΅‰ΚΈα΅‡α΅’α΅ƒΚ³α΅ˆ α΅ƒβΏα΅ˆ α΄΅'ᡐ Λ’α΅—α΅˜αΆœα΅ ᡗʸᡖᢦⁿᡍ ˑᢦᡏᡉ α΅—Κ°αΆ¦Λ’
twitch chat
August 2020

My wife told me to talk dirty to her

So the wife and I were getting into it and she told me to talk dirty to her. So I called her a filthy slut. She said β€œdirtier!” So I smacked her around and told her I was going to use her like the cheap whore she is. She said β€œdirtier!” So I said β€œI’m gonna stick some SQQQ in your portfolio. I’m gonna put it in long and deep. I’m gonna fill you up with way OTM SPY puts.” She then slapped me, packed a bag and took the kids. I think we’re getting a divorce.
April 2021

WallStreetBets

Kappa Nazi

β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–ˆβ–€β–„β–„β–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–’β–“β–’β–“β–“β–’β–“β–’β–’β–“β–’β–“β–“β–“β–“β–‘ β–„β–€β–’β–’β–“β–’β–“β–’β–’β–“β–’β–ˆβ–’β–ˆβ–“β–’β–’β–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘ β–ˆβ–“β–’β–“β–’β–“β–’β–ˆβ–ˆβ–“β–ˆβ–‘β–ˆβ–€β–€β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘ β–ˆβ–“β–“β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–’β–“β–’β–‘β–€β–€β–ˆβ–€β–ˆβ–’β–’β–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘ β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–“β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–€β–‘β–€β–‘β–’β–’β–ˆβ–‘ β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–“β–‘ β–‘β–€β–„β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–“β–‘β–“β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–“β–’β–‘ β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–“β–’β–’β–ˆβ–‘ β–‘β–€β–‘β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–‘β–‘β–“β–€β–„β–„β–„β–“β–’β–“β–ˆβ–‘ β–‘β–‘β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–“β–“β–‘β–‘β–‘β–“β–ˆβ–“β–“β–“β–ˆβ–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–„β–„β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–’β–ˆβ–€β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–“β–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–ˆβ–„β–„β–„β–„β–€β–‘
ascii art
November 2014

Is that all you shitposting fucks can say?!

Is that all you shitposting fucks can say?!? Duurrhhlll... Based, based, cringe, cringe, based, based, cringe, cringe, cringe, based, cringe... I feel like I'm in a FUCKING asylum full of dementia-ridden old people that can do nothing but repeat the same FUCKING words on loop like a fucking broken record!!! Cringe cringe cringe cringe!!! Cringe, based, based! Onions? Onions, SNOYY!! Onions L O L onions! Cringe, BOOMER?? Le zoomer, I am BOOMER!!! No zoom zoom zoomies!! Zoomer going zoomies!! YnnnggGGHHAAHH I..FUCKING hate the internet so god DAMN much... FUCK! Shitposting, honest to...god...fucking hope your mother CHOKES on her own feces in hell you...COCK SUCKER. But oooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhh I know my post is CRINGE!! ISN'T IT??? Cringe, cringe, CRINGEY cringe, based, cringe, based, REDDIT?? CRINGE!! BASED? CRINGE!! ZOOM?? CRINGE!! ONIONS?? REDDIT, BASED....BASED!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
August 2021

Based

Classic

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