[Copypasta] I fell asleep masturbating with the curtains open and porn playing

I thought it would be nice to nut before i slept and before my sleeping pill kicked in and my room was dark so I figured why close the blinds. I was lubing up my cock with silicone lube, felt really good and got my cock really hard and was enjoying what I was watching. Next thing I realized, I wake up at 11am, dick in hand with lube, lube spilled all over my body and sheets and porn still playing and the neighbors can clearly see what happened. I live in an apartment area, and at the first floor so everybody next door saw everything. The neighbor right in front of me was having lunch and raised his glass to say cheers to me and smiled. Advice: cover all your bases before jerking off, and don't jerk under the influence.
April 2021
What happened to this ad? :(
More Copypastas

Hey Kripp, how's it going, Faeria Dev here

twitchquotes: Hey Kripp, how's it going, Faeria Dev here. We noticed that your streams are interesting and entertaining. To fix this issue, we have decided to offer you money to play our very uninteresting and boring card game that is clearly a clone of Hearthstone. We look foward to future business with you and hope that you can sellout out a little bit more in the future. ResidentSleeper
twitch chat
April 2016
Kripp

I'm already Tracer

twitchquotes: ❓ Maybe I’ll be Tracer 😛💨🕰️ ❗ I’m already Tracer 🏳️‍🌈👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 ❔ What about Widowmaker 💜🕷️ ❕ I’m already Widowmaker 🕸️ 👌🏿💯I’ll be Bastion 🤖 🚫 N͘͞E͞͠R̷͘F͟ ͞͠BAS̢͞Ţ͢IO̢N͟҉҉ ⚰️ 🤷 You’re right; so, Winston 🐵👍🏿 🍌 I wanna be Winston 🦍 🗡️ I guess I’ll be Genji 🐱‍👤 😏 I’m already Genji 👤 💀 Then I’ll be McCree 🤠👌 🔫 I already chose McCree 🕛☠️ ✋ I have an idea 🙋 ❓ What’s your idea? 🤔 🙌 You should be— 😇🦶 🙅 I’m not gonna be Mercy ‼️✨
twitch chat
November 2018

Emoji Pasta

Overwatch

I just screenshotted your NFT FAQ (Reddit)

I just screenshotted your NFT. You may be concerned about this. In case you are, please read the below: # FAQ: ## Why did you screenshot my NFT? I'm not going to tell you. ## Did you screenshot anybody else's NFTs? You could say I am screenshotting everybody's NFTs, but in the case I am telling you that I screenshotted your NFT. ## How are you screenshotting my NFTs? I screenshot when you post them on your profile. ## What are you planning to do with my NFTs? Have them all. ## What do I do about you screenshotting my NFTs? There's nothing you can do. ## When are you going to stop screenshotting my NFTs? You cannot escape me. ## Do I call the police? No. The authorities will not help you. ## What are the consequences of you screenshotting my NFTs? Be aware. ## What if I am ok with you screenshotting my NFTs? I will make sure you’re not. If there are any more questions then please consult your NFT wallet by directly speaking to it. ## Summary: I am screenshotting your NFTs.
November 2021

Peeking Anime Girl

⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠛⠋⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠛⠛⠻⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⠟⠈⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠀⠈⠙⠾⣿⣾⣿⣾⣿⣾⣿⣾⣿ ⠋⡁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠔⠁⠀⠀⢀⠠⠐⠈⠁⠀⠀⠁⠀⠈⠻⢾⣿⣾⣿⣾⣟⣿ ⠊⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠔⠃⠀⠀⠠⠈⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠆⠀⠀⠄⠀⠙⣾⣷⣿⢿⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⡠⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⢰⢀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢰⠀⠀⠈⡀⠀⠈⢿⣟⣿⣿ ⠀⠀⢀⡜⣐⠃⠀⠀⠀⣠⠁⡄⠰⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠐⠀⠀⠀⠰⠀⠀⠈⢿⣿⣿ ⠀⢠⠆⢠⡃⠀⠀⠀⣔⠆⡘⡇⢘⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿ ⢀⡆⠀⡼⢣⠀⢀⠌⢸⢠⠇⡇⢘⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣿ ⣼⣃⠀⠁⢸⢀⠎⠀⢸⠎⠀⢸⢸⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠂⢀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿ ⠃⡏⠟⣷⣤⠁⠀⠀⠸⠀⠀⡾⢀⢇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠄⠸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠄⠀⠀⠀⣿ ⠀⠀⣀⣿⣿⣿⢦⠀⠀⠀⠀⡧⠋⠘⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇⢸⠀⠀⠠⡘⠀⠀⠀⢠⣿ ⠈⠀⢿⢗⡻⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠱⡀⠀⠀⢰⠁⡇⠀⠀⢨⠃⡄⢀⠀⣸⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⠈⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣱⠀⠀⡎⠸⠁⠀⢀⠞⡸⠀⡜⢠⣿⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣺⣿⣧⢰⣧⡁⡄⠀⡞⠰⠁⡸⣠⣿⣿⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⡿⠏⣿⠟⢁⠾⢛⣧⢼⠁⠀⠀⢰⣿⡿⣷⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠡⠄⠀⡠⣚⡷⠊⠀⠀⠀⣿⡿⣿⡿⣿ ⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡠⠊⠁⢸⠁⠀⠀⠀⢰⣿⣿⡿⣿⣿ ⠱⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡠⠊⠀⠀⠀⡞⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣷⣿⣿⣿ ⠀⠙⢦⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣠⠖⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⣸⣿⣾⡿⣷⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠉⣩⡞⠉⠁⠀⢸⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢰⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣷⣿⣿⣿ ⡆⠀⠀⣀⡠⠞⠁⣧⢤⣀⣀⣀⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣷⣿⣷⣿⣿ ⣿⣷⠊⠁⠀⠀⡰⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⣹⠶⢦⡀⠀⠀⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣷⣿⣷⣿ ⣿⢿⠀⠀⠀⡔⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠳⡄⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⣿⣾⣷⣿⣿ ⠋⠈⠀⢀⠜⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡀⠀⠈⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠻⣿⣽⣾⣿ ⢀⡄⡠⠊⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡀⠁⠀⠀⠀⣸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣻⣿ ⣿⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢰⠀⠐⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⡿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⣿⣻⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡼⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣃⡇⠀⠲⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⣿⡿⣿ ⣀⠤⠤⠤⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡴⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢬⠞⡇⠀⠀⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿ ⡁⢀⠀⠀⡇⠀⠀⠀⡼⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣸⠁⠀⠇⠀⠀⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿ ⠔⠃⠀⠀⡇⠀⠀⡼⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡇⠀⠀⡃⠀⠀⠙⢄⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣷⣿ ⠒⠊⠀⠀⢸⠀⣸⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡞⠀⠀⠀⢅⠀⠀⡂⠸⡄⠀⠀⠀⣿⣟⣿ ⠓⠀⠉⠀⢸⣰⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡜⡆⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⡇⢀⠇⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿ ⠉⠁⠀⢠⠞⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⠁⡇⠀⠀⠀⡇⠀⠀⡇⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣷⣿ ⡀⠀⢀⢿⣥⡤⠤⠤⠤⣀⣀⢠⠇⠀⢸⠀⠀⢰⠁⠀⢨⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣟⣿
December 2021

Weebs

Anime

Ruining my twitch chat experience

twitchquotes: You guys are ruining my twitch chat experience. I come to the twitch chat for mature conversation about the gameplay, only to be awarded with kappa faces and frankerzs. People who spam said faces need medical attention utmost. The twitch chat is serious business, and the mods should really raise their dongers.
twitch chat
April 2014
Kripp
Text-to-Speech Playing