[Copypasta] I fell asleep masturbating with the curtains open and porn playing

I thought it would be nice to nut before i slept and before my sleeping pill kicked in and my room was dark so I figured why close the blinds. I was lubing up my cock with silicone lube, felt really good and got my cock really hard and was enjoying what I was watching. Next thing I realized, I wake up at 11am, dick in hand with lube, lube spilled all over my body and sheets and porn still playing and the neighbors can clearly see what happened. I live in an apartment area, and at the first floor so everybody next door saw everything. The neighbor right in front of me was having lunch and raised his glass to say cheers to me and smiled. Advice: cover all your bases before jerking off, and don't jerk under the influence.
April 2021
What happened to this ad? :(
More Copypastas

This reddit sub is not funny

I have been in this shitty sub for almost a year and the humour here almost didnโ€™t change at all. All of you here are so fucking unfunny it hurts to even open Reddit and see your โ€œjokesโ€ on my home page. The word 69 is not funny at ALL. 420 is also not funny. I know they are the sex and weed number but how is that funny at all? Do you just say โ€œoh Iโ€™m almost about to get 69 karma haha funnyโ€????? Youโ€™re not. Saying โ€œpenisโ€ or when asked to say a joke โ€œmy lifeโ€ isnโ€™t fucking funny in any way. How is a whole group of teenagers SO UNFUNNY???? I used to have this type of โ€œhumourโ€ for a bit (not that long so thank god) and after I realized how much it was being repeated I realized that you guys are embarrassing. No one out of Reddit likes or respects ANY of you. TIK TOK is funnier then here AND ALWAYS WILL BE. โ€œSo leave the subโ€ that wonโ€™t fix the sub though, will it? It hurts to see your โ€œjokesโ€. Develop a sense of humor or just get out๐Ÿ˜
May 2021

IS THAT A MOTHERFUCKING ***SQUID GAME REFERENCE***??????!!!!!!!!!!11!1!1!1!1!1!1! ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ

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October 2021

TheIlluminati emote circle

แ…šแ…šแ…šแ…šแ…šแ…šแ…šแ…šแ…šแ…šแ…šแ…šแ…šแ…šแ…šแ…šแ…šแ…šแ…šแ…šแ…šแ…šแ…šแ…šแ…šแ…šแ…šแ…šแ…šแ…šแ…šแ…šแ…šแ…š  BuddhaBar  SmoocherZ  KevinTurtle แ…šแ…šแ…šแ…šแ…šแ…šแ…š แ…šแ…šแ…šแ…šแ…šแ…š  TooSpicy แ…šแ…šแ…šแ…šแ…š  ANELE แ…šแ…šแ…šแ…šแ…šแ…šแ…šแ…š แ…šแ…šแ…šแ…šแ…š  PogChamp แ…šแ…š  TheIlluminati แ…šแ…š  CoolStoryBob แ…šแ…šแ…šแ…šแ…šแ…š แ…šแ…šแ…šแ…šแ…šแ…š  DansGame แ…šแ…šแ…šแ…šแ…š  cmonBruh แ…šแ…šแ…šแ…šแ…šแ…š แ…šแ…šแ…šแ…šแ…šแ…šแ…š  DatSheffy  Kreygasm  WutFace
twitch chat
June 2016
Forsen

Bonjourno my name es Luigi

twitchquotes: Bonjourno my name es Luigi and i am from italiano and i own a restaurant called Dongerino where we make the best copy pasterino and copy pizzarino in the whole world so if you go to italiano plis come visit us you wont be disapointino. Sry for bad americano and plis no coperino pasta alfredo ravioli ravili give me the formuoli
twitch chat
December 2014
imaqtpie

A NUCLEAR REACTOR HAS EXPLODED IN LEGO CITY

A NUCLEAR REACTOR HAS EXPLODED IN LEGO CITY START THE EMERGENCY HELICOPTERS HEY BUILD THE HELICOPTERS, THROW BORON INTO THE REACTOR AND STOP THE DISASTER THE NEW CHERNOBYL COLLECTION FROM LEGO CITY
December 2020

Lego City

Text-to-Speech Playing