[Copypasta] I fell asleep masturbating with the curtains open and porn playing

I thought it would be nice to nut before i slept and before my sleeping pill kicked in and my room was dark so I figured why close the blinds. I was lubing up my cock with silicone lube, felt really good and got my cock really hard and was enjoying what I was watching. Next thing I realized, I wake up at 11am, dick in hand with lube, lube spilled all over my body and sheets and porn still playing and the neighbors can clearly see what happened. I live in an apartment area, and at the first floor so everybody next door saw everything. The neighbor right in front of me was having lunch and raised his glass to say cheers to me and smiled. Advice: cover all your bases before jerking off, and don't jerk under the influence.
April 2021
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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ascii art
November 2021

Classic

The default Fortnite dance is truly a masterpiece

twitchquotes: The default dance is truly a masterpiece. Never, in all of history, has such an artistic masterpiece ever been created. The choreography is possibly the most beautiful sight ever beheld by the human eye. The sharp sound of the SLAP when the player’s hands collide perfectly with the beat of the song sends a bone chilling shiver down my spine, every single time I hear it. I find my self watching my in-game avatar performing this phenomenal dance ritual for hours on end.
twitch chat
November 2018

Fortnite

Mitochondrion is a double membrane-bound organelle

twitchquotes: The mitochondrion (plural mitochondria) is a double membrane-bound organelle found in all eukaryotic organisms. Some cells in some multicellular organisms may however lack them (for example, mature mammalian red blood cells). A number of unicellular organisms, such as microsporidia, parabasalids, and diplomonads, have also reduced or transformed their mitochondria into other structures. To date, only one eukaryote, Monocercomonoides, is known to have completely lost its mitochondria.
twitch chat
July 2017

Valorant censorship

At least you have the fucking balls to say it. Like in Valorant in the voice chat if you call someone a retard for being trash at the game and not using a mic, and he's a Russian player, you're "banned". Nevermind that the race of the player exists independently from how trash he is at the game. Obviously not all Russians have no mic, (correlation/causation), but this "all players are equal" political correctness bullshit is making it impossible for Valorant players to solve a problem they cannot discuss.
August 2021

Valorant

Logan Paul apology script

Dear Internet, Where do I begin... Let's start with this -I'm sorry. This is a first for me. I've never faced criticism like this before, because I've never made a mistake like this before. I'm surrounded by good people and believe I make good decisions, but I'm still a human being. I can be wrong. I didn't do it for views. I get views. I did it because I thought I could make a positive ripple on the internet, not cause a monsoon of negativity. That's never the intention. I intended to raise awareness for suicide and suicide prevention and while I thought "if this video saves just ONE life, it'll be worth it," I was misguided by shock and awe, as portrayed in the video. I still am. I do this sh*t every day. I've made a 15 minute TV show EVERY SINGLE DAY for the past 460+ days. One may understand that it's easy to get caught up in the moment without fully weighing the possible ramifications. I'm often reminded of how big of a reach I truly have & with great power comes great responsibility... for the first time in my life I'm regretful to say I handled that power incorrectly. It won't happen again. I love everyone. I believe in people. I'm out here. Peace #Logang4Life
March 2021
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