[Copypasta] I fell asleep masturbating with the curtains open and porn playing

I thought it would be nice to nut before i slept and before my sleeping pill kicked in and my room was dark so I figured why close the blinds. I was lubing up my cock with silicone lube, felt really good and got my cock really hard and was enjoying what I was watching. Next thing I realized, I wake up at 11am, dick in hand with lube, lube spilled all over my body and sheets and porn still playing and the neighbors can clearly see what happened. I live in an apartment area, and at the first floor so everybody next door saw everything. The neighbor right in front of me was having lunch and raised his glass to say cheers to me and smiled. Advice: cover all your bases before jerking off, and don't jerk under the influence.
April 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Anime girl 8

⣿⠟⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢣⠟⠋⡜⠄⢸⣿⣿⡟⣬⢁⠠⠁⣤⠄⢰⠄⠇⢻⢸ ⢏⣾⣿⣿⣿⠿⣟⢁⡴⡀⡜⣠⣶⢸⣿⣿⢃⡇⠂⢁⣶⣦⣅⠈⠇⠄⢸⢸ ⣹⣿⣿⣿⡗⣾⡟⡜⣵⠃⣴⣿⣿⢸⣿⣿⢸⠘⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿⡀⢱⠄⠨⢸ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿⢁⣾⣿⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣸⣿⡎⠐⠒⠚⠛⠛⠿⢧⠄⠄⢠⣼ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⠿⢸⡿⠭⠭⢽⣿⣿⣿⢂⣿⠃⣤⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⡾ ⣼⠏⣿⡏⠄⠄⢠⣤⣶⣶⣾⣿⣿⣟⣾⣾⣼⣿⠒⠄⠄⠄⡠⣴⡄⢠⣿⣵ ⣳⠄⣿⠄⠄⢣⠸⣹⣿⡟⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⡻⡖⠦⢤⣔⣯⡅⣼⡿⣹ ⡿⣼⢸⠄⠄⣷⣷⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣕⡜⡌⡝⡸⠙⣼⠟⢱⠏ ⡇⣿⣧⡰⡄⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣋⣪⣥⢠⠏⠄ ⣧⢻⣿⣷⣧⢻⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⢀⣀⣀⡙⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠂⠄⠄ ⢹⣼⣿⣿⣿⣧⡻⣿⣿⣇⣴⣿⣿⣿⣷⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣰⠄⠄⠄ ⣼⡟⡟⣿⢸⣿⣿⣝⢿⣿⣾⣿⣿⣿⢟⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠄⡀⡀ ⣿⢰⣿⢹⢸⣿⣿⣿⣷⣝⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠛⠉⠄⠄⣸⢰⡇ ⣿⣾⣹⣏⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣍⡻⣛⣛⣛⡉⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⢇⡏⠄
May 2019

Weebs

TSM and TL waiting for Fly at the airport

twitchquotes: HELLO FLY? 📞 4Head TSM HERE 📞 4Head WE FOUND TL AT THE AIRPORT MC DONALDS 📞 4Head WE ARE WAITING FOR YOU 📞 4Head WIFI PASSWORD 0-6
twitch chat
October 2020
Riot Games

League of Legends

Holy Champion: how many fingers do you see?

twitchquotes: ╭∩╮( ° ͜ʖ͡°)╭∩╮ How many fingers do you see? ╭∩╮ ( ° ͜ʖ͡°)╭∩╮
twitch chat
October 2015
Kibler

crying emote

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⢀⣀⣀⣀⣤⣤⣄⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⠴⠛⠋⠉⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣈⣉⣉⠛⠻⠿⣷⣦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⠶⢫⡴⠞⠋⠋⠛⠶⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠁⠈⠉⠳⣄⠀⠀⠉⠙⣦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡴⠋⢀⣴⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⠦⣀⡀⠀⠘⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣴⠋⠀⠠⣻⡏⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣠⣤⣤⣶⣶⣦⣦⣤⣄⡀⠀⠀⠈⠾⡳⣯⡳⡄⠸⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣴⠃⠀⠰⡱⡳⠃⠀⢠⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣤⠀⠀⠈⠒⢝⣸⠀⢹⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣼⡟⠀⠀⠀⠈⠀⢀⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣤⡀⠀⠀⠁⠀⠀⢻⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣿⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢷⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⡀⠀⠀⠸⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡀⠀⠀⢻⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡀⠀⢸⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⠀⠸⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⢸⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢻⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⢨⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⢸⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢻⡃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠇⣼⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢳⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⣰⠏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠦⣤⡀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠙⠻⣿⣿⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⢃⡾⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠻⣤⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠉⠉⠉⠛⠙⠛⠛⠛⠻⠿⠿⣿⠿⠟⢋⣥⠾⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠛⠿⢶⣶⣶⣶⣤⣤⠴⢶⣶⣶⢶⣤⣤⣤⠶⠶⢶⠾⠿⠟⠛⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
November 2021

I am not receiving 328.2 million votes on my election

twitchquotes: I have noticed that, although America has 328.2 million people, I am not receiving 328.2 million votes on my election. I'm not sure if this is being done intentionally or if these "friends" are forgetting to vote for me. Either way, I've had enough. I have compiled a spreadsheet of individuals who have "forgotten" to vote for me. After 2 consecutive strikes, your name is automatically highlighted (shown in red) and I am immediately notified. 3 consecutive strikes and you can expect an in-person "consultation". Think about your actions.
twitch chat
November 2020

2020 US Election

Classic

Text-to-Speech Playing