[Copypasta] I fell asleep masturbating with the curtains open and porn playing

I thought it would be nice to nut before i slept and before my sleeping pill kicked in and my room was dark so I figured why close the blinds. I was lubing up my cock with silicone lube, felt really good and got my cock really hard and was enjoying what I was watching. Next thing I realized, I wake up at 11am, dick in hand with lube, lube spilled all over my body and sheets and porn still playing and the neighbors can clearly see what happened. I live in an apartment area, and at the first floor so everybody next door saw everything. The neighbor right in front of me was having lunch and raised his glass to say cheers to me and smiled. Advice: cover all your bases before jerking off, and don't jerk under the influence.
April 2021
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December 2021

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Kripp show us THE decks

twitchquotes: Enough with the bullshit Kripp. We all know you've hid away the best decks for this expansion to be showing off to the ladies, and we in chat find that really weird. All we want is to watch you win, and yet you play some bullshit hunter for some bullshit reason and all you do is lose. Show us the decks Kripp. Show us THE decks.
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May 2020
Kripp

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Jared returns home from North Korea to Tobito

twitchquotes: The year is 2028, Jared returns home to Nantucket after serving his 3rd tour in North Korea. Victorious but broken, he exhales hard as he looks up to see his quaint house on the hill. It isn't until that his eyes take in the grace and beauty of Tobito Flatdickacini that he finds the will to continue living. That night they dined on rum and cheese by candlelight and reminisced of 2016. The time of Harambe, the quarrel they had that lead to JABITO, and their asexual child, Plankie. KappaPride
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December 2016
Fate_Twisted_NA

League of Legends

FeelsAYAYAMan

⣿⢳⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⢣⣿⣿⡿⣫⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⡀⠄⠄ ⣾⣿⡿⣱⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢋⢿⣏⡻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡄⠄ ⣿⡿⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣌⠛⢱⣿⣿⣿⡟⡫⠾⢸⣧⠹⠊⢻⣿⣿⣿⡟⣿⣿⡝⣦ ⣿⢳⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⢕⣛⠇⣦⣍⠻⠫⠼⠓⣘⢸⡟⠸⣛⣓⡛⢿⣿⡇⣝⢿⣷⡈ ⠃⣿⣿⢟⣫⣶⣾⣿⣿⠘⠋⣡⢨⠉⠩⣭⣔⠘⠡⠝⢒⢠⠄⠘⡟⣷⢿⣯⢻⡇ ⡟⠟⡕⣛⣿⣭⣽⣶⣶⡑⢿⡇⠐⠈⠄⣸⠿⠾⠰⠿⣇⠄⠄⠁⢀⣿⠘⢻⠸⡇ ⢱⣿⡇⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣏⡳⠶⠶⠶⢖⣒⣚⣩⣾⣷⣶⣶⣶⣿⡟⠋⠄⠸⠁⠁ ⡸⣿⡇⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⣛⣭⣾⣿⣿⣷⣮⣭⣭⣭⣭⡅⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⣷⢹⡇⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⣿⢸⡇⣿⣿⣿⡿⣩⣶⡶⢶⣶⣮⣭⣛⣛⣛⣛⣛⣛⣛⣛⣛⣛⣛⣣⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⣿⢸⡇⣿⣿⣏⢧⡛⠿⠿⠷⠶⢶⣤⣭⣛⣛⠿⠿⠿⢟⣛⣛⣛⣛⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⣙⢸⢃⣿⣿⣿⣦⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣭⣭⣭⣭⣭⣭⣭⡭⠉⠋⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⣿⣨⣒⠤⢬⣭⣝⣛⡻⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠟⠛⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣶⣭⣭⣭⣭⣭⣭⣭⣭⣭⣭⣵⣶⣦⣄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
November 2021

Weebs

Pepe

I sexually Identify as the Bolshevik Revolution of 1917

twitchquotes: I sexually Identify as the Bolshevik Revolution of 1917. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of seizing the means of production from the dirty bourgeoisie. People say to me that a person being a historical communist revolution is Impossible and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon instal hammers, sickles, and other assorted proletariat farming tools on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "Comrade" and respect my right to seize the means of production and free the working class. If you can't accept me you're an oppressor and need to check your capitalist privileges. Thank you for being so understanding.
twitch chat
June 2017

I sexually Identify as

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