[Copypasta] I fell asleep masturbating with the curtains open and porn playing

I thought it would be nice to nut before i slept and before my sleeping pill kicked in and my room was dark so I figured why close the blinds. I was lubing up my cock with silicone lube, felt really good and got my cock really hard and was enjoying what I was watching. Next thing I realized, I wake up at 11am, dick in hand with lube, lube spilled all over my body and sheets and porn still playing and the neighbors can clearly see what happened. I live in an apartment area, and at the first floor so everybody next door saw everything. The neighbor right in front of me was having lunch and raised his glass to say cheers to me and smiled. Advice: cover all your bases before jerking off, and don't jerk under the influence.
April 2021
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More Copypastas

Do you guys mind not spamming the chat so much?

twitchquotes: Do you guys mind not spamming the chat so much? I'm really trying to pay attention to the stream and you guys are distracting me. If you guys really cared about the quality of the stream or [insert streamer name] you would stop the spamming and copying and pasting. God, I swear you guys are the worst part of twitch. Couldn't you just try to be mature for once in your life? Everyday I come here and it's the same thing, a bunch of no life neckbeards ruining this quality content for everyone else..
twitch chat
December 2017

Classic

I hate Twitch Chat

Learn to spell you fucking idiot

It's 'forget' not 'forgor'. It's 'remember' not 'rember'. How many fucking times do I have to tell you this? Go to a fucking school and learn how to spell you dumbass. Seriously, these 'forgor' and 'rember' things are NOT funny and will make you look like a loser.
August 2021

Momo

⣿⣿⣿⡉⢀⣾⣿⡟⣩⣭⣭⡈⠙⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄ ⣿⣿⡗⠄⣼⣿⣿⢸⡿⠉⠉⢻⡆⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢠⠄ ⣿⡻⠁⢠⣿⣿⣿⣦⡛⠢⠴⠛⠁⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠛⢉⣉⣉⡙⢻⣿⣿⣗⠄⠄ ⠷⠁⠄⢰⣿⣿⣿⣷⣬⣭⣼⣷⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⢀⣾⠟⠛⢿⣿⣄⣿⣿⡏⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⠳⢀⣀⡼⢟⣼⣿⡟⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣮⣒⣲⣶⣾⣿⣿⠏⠄⠄⠄⢠ ⠄⠄⠄⠸⣿⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣉⣿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠁⠄⠄⠄⢠⣷ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⢻⣷⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣾⣿ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢻⣧⡙⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠛⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢠⣿⣿⣿ ⠄⠄⠄⡀⠄⠈⣿⣿⣶⣭⣭⣭⣿⣾⡿⠟⠋⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠄⠄⠎⠄⠄⣨⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠋⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣀⡲⣿⣿⣿⣿
March 2019

Copypasting tomfoolery

twitchquotes: Hello friends, I recently lost my job and am unemployed. Twitch chat has been my safe haven during this time. I come to this stream today and what do I see? Copypasting tomfoolery. Please, have respect for the intellectuals here and return to the days of glorious discussion in twitch chat.
twitch chat
November 2014
Trick2g

Anonymous (Guy Fawkes)

⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠄⠄⠄⠁⠄⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣀⣀⣤⣤⣴⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣦⣤⣤⣄⣀⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⣴⣿⣿⡿⣿⢿⣟⣿⣻⣟⡿⣟⣿⣟⡿⣟⣿⣻⣟⣿⣻⢿⣻⡿⣿⢿⣷⣆⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⢘⣿⢯⣷⡿⡿⡿⢿⢿⣷⣯⡿⣽⣞⣷⣻⢯⣷⣻⣾⡿⡿⢿⢿⢿⢯⣟⣞⡮⡀⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⢸⢞⠟⠃⣉⢉⠉⠉⠓⠫⢿⣿⣷⢷⣻⣞⣿⣾⡟⠽⠚⠊⠉⠉⠉⠙⠻⣞⢵⠂⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⢜⢯⣺⢿⣻⣿⣿⣷⣔⡄⠄⠈⠛⣿⣿⡾⠋⠁⠄⠄⣄⣶⣾⣿⡿⣿⡳⡌⡗⡅⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⢽⢱⢳⢹⡪⡞⠮⠯⢯⡻⡬⡐⢨⢿⣿⣿⢀⠐⡥⣻⡻⠯⡳⢳⢹⢜⢜⢜⢎⠆⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠠⣻⢌⠘⠌⡂⠈⠁⠉⠁⠘⠑⢧⣕⣿⣿⣿⢤⡪⠚⠂⠈⠁⠁⠁⠂⡑⠡⡈⢮⠅⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠠⣳⣿⣿⣽⣭⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣺⣟⣾⣻⣿⣯⢯⢿⣳⣶⣶⣶⣖⣶⣮⣭⣷⣽⣗⠍⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⢀⢻⡿⡿⣟⣿⣻⣽⣟⣿⢯⣟⣞⡷⣿⣿⣯⢿⢽⢯⣿⣻⣟⣿⣻⣟⣿⣻⢿⣿⢀⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⡑⡏⠯⡯⡳⡯⣗⢯⢟⡽⣗⣯⣟⣿⣿⣾⣫⢿⣽⠾⡽⣺⢳⡫⡞⡗⡝⢕⠕⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⢂⡎⠅⡃⢇⠇⠇⣃⣧⡺⡻⡳⡫⣿⡿⣟⠞⠽⠯⢧⣅⣃⠣⠱⡑⡑⠨⢐⢌⠂⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠐⠼⣦⢀⠄⣶⣿⢿⣿⣧⣄⡌⠂⠢⠩⠂⠑⣁⣅⣾⢿⣟⣷⠦⠄⠄⡤⡇⡪⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠨⢻⣧⡅⡈⠛⠿⠿⠿⠛⠁⠄⢀⡀⠄⠄⠘⠻⠿⠿⠯⠓⠁⢠⣱⡿⢑⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⢌⢿⣷⡐⠤⣀⣀⣂⣀⢀⢀⡓⠝⡂⡀⢀⢀⢀⣀⣀⠤⢊⣼⡟⡡⡁⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⢢⠚⣿⣄⠈⠉⠛⠛⠟⠿⠿⠟⠿⠻⠻⠛⠛⠉⠄⣠⠾⢑⠰⠈⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠑⢌⠿⣦⡡⣱⣸⣸⣆⠄⠄⠄⣰⣕⢔⢔⠡⣼⠞⡡⠁⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠑⢝⢷⣕⡷⣿⡿⠄⠄⠠⣿⣯⣯⡳⡽⡋⠌⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠙⢮⣿⣽⣯⠄⠄⢨⣿⣿⡷⡫⠃⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠘⠙⠝⠂⠄⢘⠋⠃⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
February 2021
Text-to-Speech Playing