[Copypasta] I fell asleep masturbating with the curtains open and porn playing

I thought it would be nice to nut before i slept and before my sleeping pill kicked in and my room was dark so I figured why close the blinds. I was lubing up my cock with silicone lube, felt really good and got my cock really hard and was enjoying what I was watching. Next thing I realized, I wake up at 11am, dick in hand with lube, lube spilled all over my body and sheets and porn still playing and the neighbors can clearly see what happened. I live in an apartment area, and at the first floor so everybody next door saw everything. The neighbor right in front of me was having lunch and raised his glass to say cheers to me and smiled. Advice: cover all your bases before jerking off, and don't jerk under the influence.
April 2021
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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Trolling My Dad's Office with Among Us (Office Series Part 5, Finale 2)

That's right. I am the IMPOSTER. I just killed my boss. I now had to convince everyone that I wasn't the imposter. "Chad is the imposter!" I randomly yelled out. Another coworker said "Well, I did see him running towards the stairs/elevator. "Wait, think about this!" Chad stated. "How do you know I'm the murderer? It could be him!" "Hmm.." My coworker, John, said. "Why do you think it's him, Darrius?" "Well," I started, "The same reason as you. I saw him running towards the elevator when the killing happened. "Wait, wait, wait!" Angelica proclaimed. "How do we know it happened on the top floor?" Another coworker, Adam, pointed out the window towards the paramedics wrapping up my boss' mangled corpse in a body bag." Oh!" Angelica said." That's a bit sussy," I said. "I think it must have been Angelica, she's pretending she doesn't know anything?" "Hmm, you might be right." My coworker Dave spoke up. "But I think that it might be you, Darrius." "Wait woah woah, why is it me?" I defended myself. He said "I saw you enter the elevator right before the murderer hit!" He said. Shit. he's onto me." Woah, you could be lying! I was in my cubicle doing my office work!" I yelled back." Oh really, what were you doing?" Dave said." I was uh.. scanning for viruses on my computer!" "Hmm.. okay." "I think that we should get rid of Liam." Angelica proclaimed. "Woah woah woah, pretty lady! Why do you think that?" He quickly hopped to his defense. "I haven't been a part of this discussion at all!" "Well, you're pale, and you work on the closest floor to the boss." Angelica replies. "Yeah, that's sus, Liam." I said. "We should get rid of him." "I agree." Chad said." Me too!" Adam said." Me three!" John said. And so we decided to throw him out the window.
April 2021

Among Us / Amogus

Trolling with Among Us

Anime girl 10 open mouth

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠋⠁⣀⣤⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠋⠁⠀⠀⠺⠿⢿⣿⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⠻⣿ ⣿⣿⡟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣤⣤⣤⣤⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣤⣦⣄⠀⠀ ⣿⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣤⣶⣿⠏⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣁⠀⠀⠀⠛⠙⠛⠋⠀⠀ ⡿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡀⠀⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⠄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⠇⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⠘⢿⣿⣿⣿⣅⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠁⠀⠀⠀⣴⣿⠀⣐⣣⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠛⠛⠀⠌⠻⣿⣿⣿⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⣶⣮⣽⣰⣿⡿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡀⢿⣤⠄⢠⣄⢹⣿⣿⣿⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⣶⣶⣾⣿⣿⡆⢻⣿⣿⠃⢠⠖⠛⣛⣷⠀ ⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣮⣝⡻⠿⠿⢃⣄⣭⡟⢀⡎⣰⡶⣪⣿⠀ ⠀⠀⠘⣿⣿⣿⠟⣛⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣿⣿⣿⡿⢁⣾⣿⢿⣿⣿⠏⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⣻⣿⡟⠘⠿⠿⠎⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣵⣿⣿⠧⣷⠟⠁⠀⠀ ⡇⠀⠀⢹⣿⡧⠀⡀⠀⣀⠀⠹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠋⢰⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⡇⠀⠀⠀⢻⢰⣿⣶⣿⡿⠿⢂⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢿⣻⣿⣿⣿⡏⠀⠀⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⣷⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠿⠟⣁⣴⣾⣿⣿⠿⠿⣛⣋⣥⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⣿⡀
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August 2019

Weebs

NSFW

United Nations logo

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠋⢉⣀⣤⣤⣶⡆⢰⣶⡤⢤⣀⡉⠙⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠛⠉⢀⣴⣿⣿⠟⠉⣠⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠇⠀⠀⣤⣼⣿⣿⣿⣦⣄⠉⠻⣿⣿⣦⡀⠉⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠛⠉⠀⠀⠠⣾⡿⠛⠁⣴⣿⣿⠿⠛⢋⣩⣤⡄⢠⡆⢰⣤⣀⣠⣍⡙⠛⠋⠙⢿⣦⠈⠛⢿⣷⣄⠀⠀⠉⠛⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡏⠀⢠⠀⠀⠀⢰⡏⢀⣴⣄⠘⠛⢁⣠⣎⣿⣿⠿⠛⠒⠃⠘⠛⠛⠏⢻⠿⠆⠀⠀⠀⠃⣠⣦⡀⢹⡇⠀⠀⠀⡀⠀⢹⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⡿⠁⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⠏⢰⣿⣿⡿⢃⣀⠙⢿⠛⢉⣠⣴⣶⣿⡇⢸⣿⣶⣦⣄⡀⠀⠠⠀⠀⠈⢻⣿⣿⡆⠹⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⠈⢿⣿ ⣿⠀⠀⡇⠀⠀⠀⣸⠃⢠⣿⣿⠏⢠⣾⣿⠃⢀⠘⢿⣿⠇⠛⠉⡁⢈⠉⠛⠻⣿⡿⠃⡀⠐⠀⡀⠀⠈⢻⣿⡄⠘⣇⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⣿ ⣏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡏⢀⣿⣿⠏⢠⣿⡿⠁⣰⣿⣦⠀⠁⢴⣾⣿⠇⠸⡿⠷⠆⠈⠀⠴⠁⠀⠀⢸⣄⡀⠸⣿⣿⡀⢹⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹ ⠩⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣾⠁⣼⣿⡿⠀⣾⣿⡇⣰⡿⠿⠁⠀⠀⠈⠉⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠐⠒⠆⢀⣿⣷⠀⢿⣿⣧⠈⣷⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠍ ⠀⢇⠀⠀⡐⠀⣿⠀⣿⣿⡇⢸⣿⣿⠃⣿⠃⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠐⣾⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠀⣿⣿⡇⢸⣿⣿⠀⣿⠀⢂⠀⠀⡸⠀ ⠀⠘⠄⠘⠀⢀⣿⠀⣤⣤⡄⢠⣤⡤⠀⠀⡠⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⣿⡂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⠤⢀⣤⣤⡄⢠⣤⣤⠀⣿⡀⠀⠃⠠⠃⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣿⠀⢿⣿⣧⠈⣿⠁⠀⠀⠀⣈⠀⢳⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣠⡔⢸⣿⣿⠁⣸⣿⡿⠀⣿⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠡⠀⠀⠀⢠⠀⢹⡆⠈⠀⠀⠀⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⣹⣧⠀⠁⢰⣿⣶⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⡿⠁⣼⣿⡏⢀⣿⣿⠇⢰⡏⠀⡄⠀⠀⠀⠌ ⠀⠁⢆⠀⡎⠀⠈⣿⡄⠠⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⢁⣴⣶⣮⡉⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⢀⣾⡟⠏⢠⣾⣷⠎⢠⣿⠁⠀⢱⠀⡰⠈⠀ ⣆⠀⠀⠡⡀⠀⠀⠙⣷⡀⢁⣷⣤⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠛⠿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠇⣠⣿⣿⡏⢀⣾⠋⠀⠀⢈⠎⠀⠀⣰ ⣿⡦⢀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡄⠈⠷⡄⠻⢿⠿⢃⣀⠀⠴⣶⣶⣤⣌⣁⣀⡀⢀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⠃⣀⡘⠿⡿⠟⢠⡾⠁⢠⠀⠀⠀⠀⡀⢴⣿ ⣿⣷⡀⠑⠄⡀⠀⢃⠀⠀⢻⣦⡀⠀⠾⣿⣷⣦⡈⠙⠻⠿⣿⣏⡁⢸⣿⣅⠀⠀⠀⠀⣤⣾⣿⡷⠀⢀⣴⡟⠀⠀⡘⠀⢀⡠⠊⢀⣾⣿ ⣿⣿⣷⡄⠀⠈⠑⠤⡀⠀⢀⠉⠻⣦⡀⠘⢿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣦⣤⣤⡀⢀⣠⣤⣴⣤⣴⣾⣿⠿⠛⢁⣴⠟⠉⡀⠀⢀⠤⠊⠁⠀⢠⣾⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⠀⢀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠡⠀⠈⠻⣿⣶⣤⡉⠙⠛⠿⠿⢿⡇⢸⡿⠿⠿⠛⠋⢉⣤⣶⣿⠟⠁⠀⠌⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⠉⠒⠒⠠⠤⠀⠄⠀⠈⠙⠻⣿⣿⣶⣶⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣴⣶⣾⣿⣿⠟⠋⠁⠀⠠⠀⠤⠄⠒⠒⠈⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣤⡄⢀⣀⣀⣀⣀⡠⠤⠀⠀⠈⠁⠀⠀⠀⢈⡁⠀⠀⠀⠈⠁⠀⠀⠤⢄⣀⣀⣀⣀⡀⢠⣤⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⠈⠉⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⢀⠀⠊⠀⣠⣶⣿⣿⣷⣄⠀⠁⠀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠉⠁⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣦⣴⣶⣾⠁⠀⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⠀⠈⣷⣶⣦⣴⣶⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
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May 2021

Riven is the perfect champion

twitchquotes: Riven is the perfect champion. With every 3rd Q cast she flips upside down ahd shows her panties to the 300 million active incel League of Legends players. The voice acting when she casts her ult is perfect for fellow spergs in need of voice ASMR assistance during masturbation, and to top it all off, the toes of her feet are exposed for the maximum pleasure per second (p/s) of gameplay. One of the greatest champions by Riot Games so far next to Braum.
twitch chat
November 2018

League of Legends

TIFU: By slapping my wife’s ass

TIFU: By slapping my wife’s ass Last night my wife and I were getting hot and heavy, and began having sex. During sex, I decided to put in a little spanking. This is where things got weird. As I slapped her ass in the heat of the moment, she bursts out with “yes daddy, spank me harder!” (To preface I knew she had some serious daddy issues)This initially was a turn on, but after a few seconds all I could think of was disciplining my daughter and my face went sour. I stopped immediately and felt awkward. She responded with “what’s wrong daddy, did you not punish me enough?” I walked out of the room and told her I needed a minute. Now I don’t think I can ever have sex again. TL;DR slapped my wife’s ass, called me daddy, now I can only think about disciplining my daughter and don’t know if I can ever have sex again
July 2022
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