[Copypasta] I fell asleep masturbating with the curtains open and porn playing

I thought it would be nice to nut before i slept and before my sleeping pill kicked in and my room was dark so I figured why close the blinds. I was lubing up my cock with silicone lube, felt really good and got my cock really hard and was enjoying what I was watching. Next thing I realized, I wake up at 11am, dick in hand with lube, lube spilled all over my body and sheets and porn still playing and the neighbors can clearly see what happened. I live in an apartment area, and at the first floor so everybody next door saw everything. The neighbor right in front of me was having lunch and raised his glass to say cheers to me and smiled. Advice: cover all your bases before jerking off, and don't jerk under the influence.
April 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

No one else plays healer, only me

twitchquotes: i am a mercy player, and you should be THANKFUL i managed to bless your game. no one else plays healer, only me, and you DARE complain about the way I play? this entire community is TOXIC and ruins the competitive experience for us mercy players
twitch chat
June 2017

Overwatch

Keepo

β–ˆβ–€β–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–€β–ˆ β–ˆβ–‘β–’β–“β–ˆβ–„β–„β–€β–€β–€β–ˆβ–€β–„β–„β–„β–ˆβ–“β–’β–‘β–ˆ β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–’β–“β–“β–€β–“β–“β–’β–“β–’β–’β–€β–“β–“β–’β–‘β–ˆβ–‘ β–„β–€β–„β–‘β–’β–“β–“β–’β–’β–“β–’β–“β–’β–“β–“β–’β–‘β–„β–€β–‘ β–ˆβ–“β–ˆβ–’β–’β–“β–’β–“β–“β–“β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–’β–ˆβ–„β–‘ β–ˆβ–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–’β–“β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–“β–ˆβ–‘ β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘ β–“β–“β–“β–“β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–„β–€β–‘ β–‘β–€β–„β–“β–‘β–‘β–’β–€β–“β–“β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–“β–’β–’β–‘β–‘ β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–„β–’β–’β–ˆβ–‘ β–‘β–€β–‘β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–’β–€β–„β–„β–’β–€β–’β–’β–ˆβ–‘ β–‘β–‘β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–„β–„β–’β–„β–„β–„β–’β–’β–ˆβ–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–„β–„β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–’β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–„ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–„β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–€ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–ˆβ–„β–„β–„β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘
ascii art
November 2014

LACKS CRITICAL INFORMATION

twitchquotes: PepeLaugh HE LACKS CRITICAL INFORMATION
twitch chat
July 2019

Just seen Biden in a hotel

twitchquotes: Just seen Biden in a hotel and I asked how he was feeling about the election. He laughed and winked at me, then grabbed me by the hair and dragged me into a toilet and spat in my mouth while whispering β€œcount every vote” over and over in my ear. Make of that what you will.
twitch chat
November 2020

2020 US Election

I want to play Patron Warrior but I'm missing some components

twitchquotes: Hey Reynad, I want to play Patron Warrior but I'm missing some components. I don't have Grim Patron, Frothing Berserker, Warsong Commander, the Warrior class, and the Hearthstone game. Can you suggest some replacements?
twitch chat
August 2015
Reynad

Hearthstone

More Copypastas
Text-to-Speech Playing