[Copypasta] I fell asleep masturbating with the curtains open and porn playing

I thought it would be nice to nut before i slept and before my sleeping pill kicked in and my room was dark so I figured why close the blinds. I was lubing up my cock with silicone lube, felt really good and got my cock really hard and was enjoying what I was watching. Next thing I realized, I wake up at 11am, dick in hand with lube, lube spilled all over my body and sheets and porn still playing and the neighbors can clearly see what happened. I live in an apartment area, and at the first floor so everybody next door saw everything. The neighbor right in front of me was having lunch and raised his glass to say cheers to me and smiled. Advice: cover all your bases before jerking off, and don't jerk under the influence.
April 2021
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More Copypastas

Among Us player was ejected

twitchquotes: .  。    •   ゚  。   .   .      .     。   。 .  .   。  ඞ 。  . • . [Enter name] was ejected. . .   。 .     。      ゚   .     . ,    .  .   .
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Among Us / Amogus

Ripperoni Pepperoni dude

twitchquotes: ✓I'm just gonna shove this shit out ✓ *I'm pretty strong right now* ✓ *FUCK man* ✓ *NO SMALL CAT THOSE ARE MY RIBS* ✓ *I love it dude* ✓ *Epic nice dude* ✓ *Just gonna go shop* ✓ Did that really fucking hit me? ✓ Ripperoni Pepperoni dude ✓.
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imaqtpie

I dream of becoming a carrot

twitchquotes: I dream of becoming a carrot. When I'm home alone I dig holes in the backyard and stand in them, put lettuce on top of my head from sun up to sun down. I would steal sun tan spray from stores and use it until I turned a bright orange. People tell me it's impossible for me to be a carrot but I know I can be anything I want to be.
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May 2016

Classic

As Quinn finished her drink, she was overcome with sadness

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twitch chat
July 2015
imaqtpie

League of Legends

THIS NEW SPAM IS FANCY

twitchquotes: ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ஜ۩۞۩ஜ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ DAMN THIS N E W S P A M IS FANCY! ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ஜ۩۞۩ஜ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
twitch chat
March 2014
Text-to-Speech Playing