[Copypasta] I fell asleep masturbating with the curtains open and porn playing

I thought it would be nice to nut before i slept and before my sleeping pill kicked in and my room was dark so I figured why close the blinds. I was lubing up my cock with silicone lube, felt really good and got my cock really hard and was enjoying what I was watching. Next thing I realized, I wake up at 11am, dick in hand with lube, lube spilled all over my body and sheets and porn still playing and the neighbors can clearly see what happened. I live in an apartment area, and at the first floor so everybody next door saw everything. The neighbor right in front of me was having lunch and raised his glass to say cheers to me and smiled. Advice: cover all your bases before jerking off, and don't jerk under the influence.
April 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Valorant censorship

At least you have the fucking balls to say it. Like in Valorant in the voice chat if you call someone a retard for being trash at the game and not using a mic, and he's a Russian player, you're "banned". Nevermind that the race of the player exists independently from how trash he is at the game. Obviously not all Russians have no mic, (correlation/causation), but this "all players are equal" political correctness bullshit is making it impossible for Valorant players to solve a problem they cannot discuss.
August 2021

Valorant

Viewbot online, initiating praise script

twitchquotes: MrDestructoid VIEW BOT MrDestructoid O N L I N E MrDestructoid INITIATING PRAISE SCRIPT MrDestructoid WOW NICE PLAY AMAZ MrDestructoid
twitch chat
September 2015
Amaz

Viewbots

Hearthstone

Military intervention on the territory of Kripparrian chat

twitchquotes: 銉洁技嗪堎勍溹簣嗉斤緣THIS IS MILITARY INTERVENTION ON THE TERRITORY OF KRIPPARRIAN CHAT, WE ARE TRYING TO PROTECT RUSSIANS IN THIS CHAT!! WE TAKING 1/3 OF THE CHAT OVER 銉洁技嗪堎勍溹簣嗉斤緣
twitch chat
December 2014
Kripp

Kappa is no longer working

twitchquotes: ItsBoshyTime ItsBoshyTime ItsBoshyTime ATTENTION ItsBoshyTime ItsBoshyTime ItsBoshyTime Someone has reported that the kappa emote is no longer working. Please type "Ka ppa" (no spaces) to confirm that it is indeed still working. Kappa
twitch chat
July 2014
Kripp

CHOCOLATE RAIN, HOBGOBLIN INTO CHICKEN WINS THE GAME

twitchquotes: CHOCOLATE RAIN, hobgoblin into chicken wins the game, CHOCOLATE RAIN, turn one coin in missles, Kripp is slain, CHOCOLATE RAIN, fireball the face and feel the pain, CHOCOLATE RAIN, sacrifice the raptor, all in vain, CHOCOLATE RAIN, Kripp that wrecking of Tay was inhumane BibleThump
twitch chat
February 2015
Kripp
More Copypastas
Text-to-Speech Playing