I thought it would be nice to nut before i slept and before my sleeping pill kicked in and my room was dark so I figured why close the blinds.
I was lubing up my cock with silicone lube, felt really good and got my cock really hard and was enjoying what I was watching.
Next thing I realized, I wake up at 11am, dick in hand with lube, lube spilled all over my body and sheets and porn still playing and the neighbors can clearly see what happened.
I live in an apartment area, and at the first floor so everybody next door saw everything. The neighbor right in front of me was having lunch and raised his glass to say cheers to me and smiled.
Advice: cover all your bases before jerking off, and don't jerk under the influence.
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas
"touch grass" is not an insult towards gamers
"touch grass" is not an insult towards gamers, rather it is advice for them. When participating in intense periods of gaming, the human hand has a tendency to get sweaty. The sweat causes the hand to become slick, and it b becomes more difficult to retain a grip on the gamers gaming mouse, thus making it more difficult to perform well in intense gaming moments. By touching grass with the gamers hand, the grass will impart a layer of particulate onto the gamers hand, the particulate can be made of a variety of dusts, dirts and other natural matter. This particulate will then act in a similar form to climbers chalk, absorbing the sweat and drying out the gamers hand. With dry hands, the gamer can now perform to their maximum when gaming. This is why when an enemy or teammate tells you to touch grass, they are simply trying to assist you in performing better.
Classic
Can you please stop making me sweat for more salt?
twitchquotes:
reynad, everytime I watch you I start sweating, I believe this is because you have the power to harvest salt through my pores even through the internet, can you please stop making me sweat for more salt?
twitch chat
Reynad
salty
Kripp doesn't topdeck, cards just manifest in his hand
twitchquotes:
Stop it guys, Kripp doesn't topdeck cards, they just manifest in his hand, only his opponents draw from the top of their decks 
twitch chat
Kripp
Hearthstone
For the blind, it is light
twitchquotes:
Who is [streamer name]? 
For the blind, π¦ it is light. π‘ For the hungry π£ , it is bread. π For the sick, π it is the cure. βοΈ For the sad π’ , it is joy. π For the poor π«π° , it is the treasure; π° βοΈ for the debtor β π° , it is forgiveness. π For the face πΆ , it is the lips π
For the blind, π¦ it is light. π‘ For the hungry π£ , it is bread. π For the sick, π it is the cure. βοΈ For the sad π’ , it is joy. π For the poor π«π° , it is the treasure; π° βοΈ for the debtor β π° , it is forgiveness. π For the face πΆ , it is the lips π
twitch chat
My average IQ after taking IQ tests...
twitchquotes:
My average IQ after taking IQ tests from accredited psychologist is 134.5 βOnly 2% of the human population score that high. I'm very close to genius level IQ. You calling me stupid is like some one calling Albert Einstein stupid. Which makes one of us look stupid. Hint: Not me.
twitch chat