[Copypasta] I fell asleep masturbating with the curtains open and porn playing

I thought it would be nice to nut before i slept and before my sleeping pill kicked in and my room was dark so I figured why close the blinds. I was lubing up my cock with silicone lube, felt really good and got my cock really hard and was enjoying what I was watching. Next thing I realized, I wake up at 11am, dick in hand with lube, lube spilled all over my body and sheets and porn still playing and the neighbors can clearly see what happened. I live in an apartment area, and at the first floor so everybody next door saw everything. The neighbor right in front of me was having lunch and raised his glass to say cheers to me and smiled. Advice: cover all your bases before jerking off, and don't jerk under the influence.
April 2021
Waiting for adblock to be disabled
More Copypastas

Think, Mark! Think! (Invincible show meme script)

WHY DID YOU MAKE ME DO THIS?! YOU'RE FIGHTING SO YOU CAN SEE EVERYONE AROUND YOU DIE! THINK, MARK! YOULL OUTLAST EVERY FRAGILE INSIGNIFICANT BEING ON THIS PLANET! YOU'LL LIVE TO SEE THIS PLANET CRUMBLE TO DUST AND BLOW AWAY! EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING YOU KNOW WILL BE GONE. WHAT WILL YOU HAVE AFTER 500 YEARS?!
June 2021

Ruski Constituski

twitchquotes: HELLO CHAT. My NAME Sergei Copypastavich from Russia. You all steal my family name and violate copyright law 459.53 of Ruski Constituski. I sue all of you and me and Putin laugh and play in pile of twitch monies. As they say in amarica F*CK To YOU, Pay to me!!
twitch chat
November 2014
Reynad

$19 Fortnite card

Ok.. $19.00 Fortnite card. Who wAnts it? And yes, I'm giving it away. Remember: SHARE. SHARE SHARE. ..and Trolls... DON'T GET BLOCKED!
March 2021

Fortnite

Angry Wojak chat bubble

β €β ˜β‘€β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β‘œβ €β €β € ⠀⠀⠀⠑⑀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⑔⠁⠀⠀⠀ β €β €β €β €β ˆβ ’β’„β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β£€β ΄β Šβ €β €β €β €β € β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β’Έβ €β €β €β’€β£€β£€β£€β£€β£€β‘€β €β „β ’β ˆβ €β €β €β €β €β €β €β € β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β ˜β£€β „β Šβ β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β € β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β’€β‘ β ”β ’β ’β ’β ’β ’β ’β €β£€β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β € β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β‘°β ‰β β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β ˆβ ‘β’„β‘€β €β €β €β €β €β €β € β €β €β €β €β €β €β‘Έβ €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β‘€β €β €β €β €β ™β „β €β €β €β €β €β € β €β €β €β €β €β’€β β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β ƒβ €β’ β ‚β €β €β ˜β‘„β €β €β €β €β € β €β €β €β €β €β’Έβ €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β ˆβ’€β‘€β’‚β €β’¨β €β’€β‘ β ˆβ’£β €β €β €β €β € β €β €β €β €β €β’€β’€β‘–β ’β Άβ €β ­β’½β£Ÿβ£—β ²β –β Ίβ£–β£΄β£†β‘€β €β €β Όβ‘„β €β €β €β € β €β €β €β €β €β ˜β‘ˆβ ƒβ €β €β €β ˜β£Ίβ‘Ÿβ’»β »β‘†β €β‘β €β‘Έβ£Ώβ’Ώβ’žβ „β‘‡β €β €β €β € β €β €β €β €β €β €β’£β‘€β €β‘€β‘€β‘”β ‰β£β‘Ώβ ›β “β Šβ β €β’Žβ ›β‘—β‘—β’³β‘β €β €β €β € ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⒱⠀⠨⑇⠃⠀Ⓕ⠁⑔⒑⠒⒀⠀⠀⑅Ⓓ⣿⒨⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀ β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β’Έβ €β  β’Όβ €β €β‘Žβ‘œβ ’β’€β ­β‘–β‘€β’­β£±β’Έβ’™β †β €β €β €β €β € β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β‘Έβ €β €β Έβ’β‘€β Ώβ ˆβ ‚β£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ‘β‘β‘β €β €β €β €β €β € β €β €β €β €β €β €β’€β ‡β €β €β €β €β Έβ’’β£«β’€β ˜β£Ώβ£Ώβ‘Ώβ β£Όβ‘β €β €β €β €β €β €β € β €β €β €β €β£€β£ β Šβ €β£€β Žβ β €β €β €β ™β ³β’΄β‘¦β‘΄β’Άβ£žβ£β£€β£€β‘€β €β €β €β €β € β €β β ’β ‰β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β  β €β’€β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β €β ˆβ ‰β €β €β €β €
May 2021

Squid

β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–’β–’β–’β–’β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–Œβ–’β–’β–β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘(●)β–’β–’(●)β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–„β–„β–„β–„β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–Œβ–Œβ–Œβ–‘β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–β–’β–β–‘β–Œβ–β–‘β–β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–Œβ–‘β–Œβ–’β–Œβ–‘β–Œβ–‘β–Œβ–‘β–Œβ–β–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘ β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–β–‘β–β–’β–β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–β–‘β–β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–β–„β–Œβ–’β–Œβ–‘β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–β–„β–Œβ–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘
November 2014
Text-to-Speech Playing