[Copypasta] I fell asleep masturbating with the curtains open and porn playing

I thought it would be nice to nut before i slept and before my sleeping pill kicked in and my room was dark so I figured why close the blinds. I was lubing up my cock with silicone lube, felt really good and got my cock really hard and was enjoying what I was watching. Next thing I realized, I wake up at 11am, dick in hand with lube, lube spilled all over my body and sheets and porn still playing and the neighbors can clearly see what happened. I live in an apartment area, and at the first floor so everybody next door saw everything. The neighbor right in front of me was having lunch and raised his glass to say cheers to me and smiled. Advice: cover all your bases before jerking off, and don't jerk under the influence.
April 2021
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Hiko is as cracked as he is jacked (7-11 diapers)

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twitchquotes: My name is Edmond Krune from Australia. I work with the Australian border patrol and we have been receiving multiple immigrants by the name of "imaqtpie". After assembling intelligence from all our data bases we have traced it down to this website. Please make sure to stop immigrating into Australia Mr. imaqtpie. Please do not copy and paste this top secret highly classified storingo dogeringo.
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Sesame Street Celebrity Recruitment Department

twitchquotes: Hello Kripparian. Its Becky from the Sesame Street Celebrity Recruitment Department. Although "E-Sports" has indeed become mainstream, we unfortunately have declined your application to be on an episode of Sesame Street. We have already filmed the episode where "K" is the letter of the day. Thank you for your interest.
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Hello everyone, concerned father here. Recently my 7 year old son discovered the video game ā€œAmong Usā€ after playing it on his computer. While i didn’t mind at first, it soon began to affect his character. Within a week, he had been screaming 'sus’ in his sleep. When asked to do his homework, he called me a stupid father and said ā€˜kicked’. His grades have been dropping heavily since that day and whenever i refuse to give him my credit card for cosmetics he threatens me saying he’ll ā€œejectā€ me. Yesterday I entered his room to witness him listening to extremely loud rave 'Among Drip’, he put a bunch of pillows in his shirt to make himself look big and now calls himself a ā€œcrewmateā€. He refuses to go to bible study unless we use ā€œventā€ to get there. I don’t know what that is but he refuses to take any form of transportation except that. Please I am so concerned, what do I do?
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