[Copypasta] I fell asleep masturbating with the curtains open and porn playing

I thought it would be nice to nut before i slept and before my sleeping pill kicked in and my room was dark so I figured why close the blinds. I was lubing up my cock with silicone lube, felt really good and got my cock really hard and was enjoying what I was watching. Next thing I realized, I wake up at 11am, dick in hand with lube, lube spilled all over my body and sheets and porn still playing and the neighbors can clearly see what happened. I live in an apartment area, and at the first floor so everybody next door saw everything. The neighbor right in front of me was having lunch and raised his glass to say cheers to me and smiled. Advice: cover all your bases before jerking off, and don't jerk under the influence.
April 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Among us ritual

Go to the bathroom at 3:33 am, then open youtube and play among us drip song then do the jerma sus face and repeat the word "sus" in front to the mirror for 666 times, if the ritual worked then a voice from your parents room will say "shut up", you will then hear a creature walk to the bathroom, at this point destroy the mirror before he enters In the bathroom if the ritual worked then the next day your parents will start discussing about you having mental problems
April 2021

Among Us / Amogus

Voluteering at a Food Bank

twitchquotes: Hey Imaqtpie! I'm gonna volunteering at a Food Bank soon. Thanks for playing a fatty Yasuo game to teach me the tips on feeding! Thanks in advance and God bless
twitch chat
August 2017
imaqtpie

Military intervention on the territory of Kripparrian chat

twitchquotes: ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ノTHIS IS MILITARY INTERVENTION ON THE TERRITORY OF KRIPPARRIAN CHAT, WE ARE TRYING TO PROTECT RUSSIANS IN THIS CHAT!! WE TAKING 1/3 OF THE CHAT OVER ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ノ
twitch chat
December 2014
Kripp

Gotta love making jokes with my friends bro

I was driving with a friend I grab his leg instead of the gearstick We both laugh and I unzip his pants I park the car while fondling with his balls, my friend is laughing because he knows it's a joke and we're just friends I start sucking his dick and was about to choke on it because I'm laughing so hard My friend is also laughing his ass off, he starts making train noise while yelling "BROJOB BROJOB CHOO CHOO" He then cums and then I swallow it all and kiss him while both laughing cuz we know it's a joke. Gotta love making jokes with my friends bro.
May 2022

SadgeCoomer

⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣀⣀⣠⣤⣴⡶⢖⠒⣢⢀⡠⠤⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣴⠾⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡉⢭⣾⠛⣓⡉⣖⡒⢒ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣸⢣⢪⣵⡶⢭⣛⡿⣌⡣⠨⢋⣦⣸⡣⡻⠈⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣤⣮⡻⣶⣭⣭⣓⠮⣭⣓⡮⢭⣛⡻⠿⠿⠾⠿⠷ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣴⣿⣿⣿⣷⣝⡻⠿⣿⣷⣾⣽⣛⠶⠮⣝⣓⡒⠶⠖⠂ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣮⣭⣍⣉⣉⣁⣀⣈⠉⠉⠁⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠾⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⢀⣴⣿⣿⣿⣶⣭⣝⣛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠄ ⠄⢀⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡎⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄ ⠄⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢣⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄ ⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠋⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄ ⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢣⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢱⠖⠄
June 2021

Pepe

Text-to-Speech Playing