[Copypasta] A long dad joke

An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Cameroonian, a Canadian, a Cape Verdean, a Central African, a Chadian, a Chilean, a Chinese, a Colombian, a Comoran, a Congolese, a Costa Rican, a Croatian, a Cuban, a Cypriot, a Czech, a Dane, a Djibouti, a Dominican, a Dutchman, an East Timorese, an Ecuadorean, an Egyptian, an Emirian, an Equatorial Guinean, an Eritrean, an Estonian, an Ethiopian, a Fijian, a Filipino, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Gabonese, a Gambian, a Georgian, a German, a Ghanaian, a Greek, a Grenadian, a Guatemalan, a Guinea-Bissauan, a Guinean, a Guyanese, a Haitian, a Herzegovinian, a Honduran, a Hungarian, an I-Kiribati, an Icelander, an Indian, an Indonesian, an Iranian, an Iraqi, an Irishman, an Israeli, an Italian, an Ivorian, a Jamaican, a Japanese, a Jordanian, a Kazakhstani, a Kenyan, a Kittian and Nevisian, a Kuwaiti, a Kyrgyz, a Laotian, a Latvian, a Lebanese, a Liberian, a Libyan, a Liechtensteiner, a Lithuanian, a Luxembourger, a Macedonian, a Malagasy, a Malawian, a Malaysian, a Maldivan, a Malian, a Maltese, a Marshallese, a Mauritanian, a Mauritian, a Mexican, a Micronesian, a Moldovan, a Monacan, a Mongolian, a Moroccan, a Mosotho, a Motswana, a Mozambican, a Namibian, a Nauruan, a Nepalese, a New Zealander, a Nicaraguan, a Nigerian, a Nigerien, a North Korean, a Northern Irishman, a Norwegian, an Omani, a Pakistani, a Palauan, a Palestinian, a Panamanian, a Papua New Guinean, a Paraguayan, a Peruvian, a Pole, a Portuguese, a Qatari, a Romanian, a Russian, a Rwandan, a Saint Lucian, a Salvadoran, a Samoan, a San Marinese, a Sao Tomean, a Saudi, a Scottish, a Senegalese, a Serbian, a Seychellois, a Sierra Leonean, a Singaporean, a Slovakian, a Slovenian, a Solomon Islander, a Somali, a South African, a South Korean, a Spaniard, a Sri Lankan, a Sudanese, a Surinamer, a Swazi, a Swede, a Swiss, a Syrian, a Taiwanese, a Tajik, a Tanzanian, a Togolese, a Tongan, a Trinidadian or Tobagonian, a Tunisian, a Turkish, a Tuvaluan, a Ugandan, a Ukrainian, a Uruguayan, a Uzbekistani, a Venezuelan, a Vietnamese, a Welshman, a Yemenite, a Zambian and a Zimbabwean all go to a nightclub... The doorman stops them and says “Sorry, I can’t let you in without a Thai.”
February 2021
What happened to this ad? :(
More Copypastas

Buzz Lightyear action figure stuck in my ass

I currently have a Buzz Lightyear action figure stuck in my ass. I am male if it matters. I've always been into putting things in my ass I don't know why, I'm not gay or anything I just like how it feels. Well I got drunk last night and decided to play with my ass and I hadn't gone shopping so I was out of carrots and cucumbers so I looked around and I saw my Buzz Lightyear action figure and thought "why not?" I've put action figures up there before because they feel different and it's funny. I grabbed Buzz, lubed him up and put him up against my asshole and started sliding him in. "To infinity and beyond!" I moaned as Buzz entered me. The only problem is that he has those wings that expand and so they popped open nearly splitting me in half and now he's stuck in there and I can't get him out. I know I need to go to the emergency room but honestly I'm scared and ashamed. I've managed to hide it from my wife so far but I think she's getting suspicious and can tell something is wrong. I'm going to try to sneak to the ER later and hopefully get it taken care of without her finding out.
July 2022

Confessions

crying emote

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⢀⣀⣀⣀⣤⣤⣄⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⠴⠛⠋⠉⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣈⣉⣉⠛⠻⠿⣷⣦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⠶⢫⡴⠞⠋⠋⠛⠶⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠁⠈⠉⠳⣄⠀⠀⠉⠙⣦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡴⠋⢀⣴⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⠦⣀⡀⠀⠘⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣴⠋⠀⠠⣻⡏⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣠⣤⣤⣶⣶⣦⣦⣤⣄⡀⠀⠀⠈⠾⡳⣯⡳⡄⠸⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣴⠃⠀⠰⡱⡳⠃⠀⢠⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣤⠀⠀⠈⠒⢝⣸⠀⢹⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣼⡟⠀⠀⠀⠈⠀⢀⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣤⡀⠀⠀⠁⠀⠀⢻⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣿⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢷⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⡀⠀⠀⠸⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡀⠀⠀⢻⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡀⠀⢸⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⠀⠸⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⢸⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢻⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⢨⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⢸⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢻⡃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠇⣼⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢳⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⣰⠏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠦⣤⡀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠙⠻⣿⣿⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⢃⡾⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠻⣤⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠉⠉⠉⠛⠙⠛⠛⠛⠻⠿⠿⣿⠿⠟⢋⣥⠾⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠛⠿⢶⣶⣶⣶⣤⣤⠴⢶⣶⣶⢶⣤⣤⣤⠶⠶⢶⠾⠿⠟⠛⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
November 2021

Dear Twitch Partners, Our community members are always our priority

twitchquotes: Dear 👋 Twitch Partners 🤝 , Our 👉 community members 👪 are always ☑️ our priority 🛑. We received 📥 some reports ❗ describing ⌨️ the discomfort ☹️ some of our members 🗣️ felt after a Twitch Rivals 🤼 participant used "KE*W" and "mo*kaS," 😶 both emotes are often ⏲️ used in toxic 💀 contexts. Please 🙏 refrain from using such emotes, and use KEKHeim & CaitlynS instead 👍. Best regards 👋, Twitch Team 💌
twitch chat
November 2021

forsenBee

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⢿⡾ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣽⣿⣿⡿⠿⠟⠛⡛⠛⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣤⣶⢶⣄⣃ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿⡯⠴⣶⣻⠽⠖⢪⢻⣿⣿⣿⡿⢺⡍⢩⡻⣿⢿ ⣿⣿⣿⠿⢿⣿⣿⢯⣾⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣙⡾⠭⣄⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⢻⣷⠿⠷⣿⣿⣼ ⣿⣯⣾⣿⣿⣷⣯⡸⣿⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢿⠶⠿⢿⣿⣇⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠛⣿⡟⣽⡇⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠑⢛⠛⠛⢳⠙⠿⢲⡽⣿⣿⣧⣿ ⡏⣿⣿⣾⡿⣎⢾⣿⡇⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣏⣶⢁⣀⡚⠿⠽⢉⣀⣢⣿⣿⣿⢻⣿ ⣿⣽⣿⣿⣾⡿⠋⠁⠄⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣽⡿⠟⠻⣻⣽⣿⣿⣿⣟⣾⣿ ⣿⣿⣷⣝⣵⣶⣀⠄⠄⠄⠁⠝⣿⣿⣿⢈⢸⣿⣿⣿⣾⣿⣿⣿⡗⠛⣫⣾⣿⣿ ⣿⠟⠉⠈⠙⠻⢿⣷⣶⣤⡀⠄⠄⠙⠁⠄⠉⠊⠻⠿⠿⠿⠟⠉⠁⠄⠘⣿⣿⣿ ⣃⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠉⠛⠻⢶⣤⣄⣀⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠸⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣷⣦⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠉⠙⠛⠿⠿⢿⣷⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⡆⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣤⣤⣄⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⢹⣿ ⠄⠈⠙⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣶⣤⣄⣀⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣾⣿ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠉⠙⠛⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡖⣴⣿⣿
November 2021
Forsen

Emote

Valiant calls Shanghai

twitchquotes: HELLO SHANGHAI 📞 4Head IT'S THE VALIANT 📞 4Head WE'LL TAKE IT FROM HERE 📞 4Head
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March 2019
OverwatchLeague

Overwatch

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