[Copypasta] What if TF2 injuries were more realistic?

Just imagine: You are playing 2fort as RED team and pick heavy, you get out of spawn when suddenly a Pyro with the Homewrecker hits you square on the head. Your Heavy falls down and makes a weird snoring sound and has a nasty gash in his head with clear fluid running out of his ears. Then for like 30 minutes the screen goes black and you hear Heavy being transported into an ambulance. After the 30 mins Heavy opens his eyes a little. It looks like hes in the ICU and is currently getting artificially ventilated. Then the screen goes black again for 3 days until Heavy opens his eyes a little to see a woman, presumably heavys wife, crying beside his bed. She says something but it seems like Heavy doesnt understand anything she is saying, only thing you clearly make out is "permanent brain damage" and how sorry she is for never talking you out of your Mercenary profession. Then the screen goes black for another 5 months with some short times of conciousness inbetween until you see the same woman with 2 kids talking to your doctor in the ICU. All you can make out is that they decided to end your suffering and pull the plug. The last thing you see is heavys eyes closing, until you suddenly respawn in RED Spawn.
January 2021
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More Copypastas

Gitraktmaet motherships descend upon the Earth

twitchquotes: High in orbit, the Gitraktmaet motherships descend upon the Earth. They prepare to enslave the world and mine it for all its salt, but the scanners detect an abnormally high concentration inside a tiny shack in Greece. The invasion won't be necessary. "Lock onto him with the RNG disruptor," says the captain, greedily. "Soon we shall have all the salt we need."
twitch chat
February 2015
Kripp

Classic

salty

I use Linux as my operating system

"I use Linux as my operating system," I state proudly to the unkempt, bearded man. He swivels around in his desk chair with a devilish gleam in his eyes, ready to mansplain with extreme precision. "Actually", he says with a grin, "Linux is just the kernel. You use GNU+Linux!' I don't miss a beat and reply with a smirk, "I use Alpine, a distro that doesn't include the GNU Coreutils, or any other GNU code. It's Linux, but it's not GNU+Linux." The smile quickly drops from the man's face. His body begins convulsing and he foams at the mouth and drops to the floor with a sickly thud. As he writhes around he screams "I-IT WAS COMPILED WITH GCC! THAT MEANS IT'S STILL GNU!" Coolly, I reply "If windows were compiled with GCC, would that make it GNU?" I interrupt his response with "-and work is being made on the kernel to make it more compiler-agnostic. Even if you were correct, you won't be for long." With a sickly wheeze, the last of the man's life is ejected from his body. He lies on the floor, cold and limp. I've womansplained him to death.
June 2021

Please stop hoarding Hearthstone dust

twitchquotes: ༼ ºل͟º ༽ Well Met Kripp, this is Doctorino Dongerino. I urge you: pls stop hoarding Hearthstone dust. Breathing in all that dust will cause your lungs to RIP in pepperonis. Pls copypasta to save Kripp life ༼ ºل͟º ༽
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

Fortnite default dance 6

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣤⣶⣶ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣀⣀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣤⣶⣀⠿⠶⣿⣿⣿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠉⠿⣿⣿⠿⠛⠉⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠀⠀⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣤⣤ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣤⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣿⣿⣿⠿⠉⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⠿⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠿⣿⣿⠛ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠛⣿⣿⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠿⣿⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣿⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠤⣿⠿⠿⠿
November 2018

Fortnite Default Dance

Fortnite

All these flavours, and he chose to be salty

twitchquotes: PJSalt All these flavours, and he chose to be salty. PJSalt
twitch chat
August 2015
Reynad

salty

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