[Copypasta] What if TF2 injuries were more realistic?

Just imagine: You are playing 2fort as RED team and pick heavy, you get out of spawn when suddenly a Pyro with the Homewrecker hits you square on the head. Your Heavy falls down and makes a weird snoring sound and has a nasty gash in his head with clear fluid running out of his ears. Then for like 30 minutes the screen goes black and you hear Heavy being transported into an ambulance. After the 30 mins Heavy opens his eyes a little. It looks like hes in the ICU and is currently getting artificially ventilated. Then the screen goes black again for 3 days until Heavy opens his eyes a little to see a woman, presumably heavys wife, crying beside his bed. She says something but it seems like Heavy doesnt understand anything she is saying, only thing you clearly make out is "permanent brain damage" and how sorry she is for never talking you out of your Mercenary profession. Then the screen goes black for another 5 months with some short times of conciousness inbetween until you see the same woman with 2 kids talking to your doctor in the ICU. All you can make out is that they decided to end your suffering and pull the plug. The last thing you see is heavys eyes closing, until you suddenly respawn in RED Spawn.
January 2021
What happened to this ad? :(
More Copypastas

Thomas the Tank Engine

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣾⣿⣷⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣠⣤⣤⣤⣤⣼⣷⣿⣿⠿⠿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⢠⣾⢟⣭⣝⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠩⢒⠂⠀⠀⠀⠤⢄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⣸⣸⣯⣻⣿⣾⣿⣿⣿⠏⠀⠈⡉⠙⠄⠀⠐⠉⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⣿⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠈⠛⠁⠀⠀⠀⠿⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣆⢀⣠⣤⡤⠒⠺⠛⢄⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⣿⡏⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣍⠁⠀⠤⠤⠤⠂⣹⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⣿⣧⣿⣿⡏⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣶⣶⣾⣿⣷⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⣽⡿⠉⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⢀⣸⣿⣿⣿⠉⠑⠛⠀⠄⠀⠙⠛⢿⣿⡿⠿⢿⠿⢿⣿⠛⠛⠛⢠⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⠀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣈⣿⣆⣀⣸⣀⣘⣿⣀⣀⣀⣸⣀⣀⣀⡀⠀ ⠛⠛⠛⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠛⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
January 2019

Reynad and Lea

twitchquotes: REYNAD AND LEA SITTIN ON A DECK, W - E - L - L - M - E - T
twitch chat
March 2014
Reynad

Having to call a judge “your honor” is so cringey (found on /r/unpopularopinion)

“Your Honor”. I mean gimmie a fuckin’ break, dude. What else do you want me to call you? Your highness? Do you want me to fondle your nuts while I blow you, too? I’ve seriously seen courtrooms where they’ll say “Sir” and the judge will be like “It’s “Your Honor” young man!!” Fuck off. How much of an egotist you gotta be to care about some medieval-ass title? Use “Sir” like everybody else. It’s some LARPING I’d expect kids to do. “Oh Billy you have to call me supreme ruler snorlax the magical wizard!!1!” Shut up. EDIT: I’m literally 22 and have never been in front of a judge, y’all, please relax and slow down with the theory crafting/ story writing. EDIT 2: A lot of people are saying “it’s just a title, like Doctor!”. Judges have a title like “Doctor”, it’s called “Judge” - Doctors don’t expect us to call them “Thy Healer” or some crap like that.
August 2021

Hi, my name is Bill Gates and today I’ll teach you how to count to ten

twitchquotes: Hi, my name is Bill Gates and today I’ll teach you how to count to ten: 1, 2, 3, 95, 98, NT, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10
twitch chat
October 2014

Classic

Trolling My Dad's Office with Among Us (Office Series Part 5, Finale 2)

That's right. I am the IMPOSTER. I just killed my boss. I now had to convince everyone that I wasn't the imposter. "Chad is the imposter!" I randomly yelled out. Another coworker said "Well, I did see him running towards the stairs/elevator. "Wait, think about this!" Chad stated. "How do you know I'm the murderer? It could be him!" "Hmm.." My coworker, John, said. "Why do you think it's him, Darrius?" "Well," I started, "The same reason as you. I saw him running towards the elevator when the killing happened. "Wait, wait, wait!" Angelica proclaimed. "How do we know it happened on the top floor?" Another coworker, Adam, pointed out the window towards the paramedics wrapping up my boss' mangled corpse in a body bag." Oh!" Angelica said." That's a bit sussy," I said. "I think it must have been Angelica, she's pretending she doesn't know anything?" "Hmm, you might be right." My coworker Dave spoke up. "But I think that it might be you, Darrius." "Wait woah woah, why is it me?" I defended myself. He said "I saw you enter the elevator right before the murderer hit!" He said. Shit. he's onto me." Woah, you could be lying! I was in my cubicle doing my office work!" I yelled back." Oh really, what were you doing?" Dave said." I was uh.. scanning for viruses on my computer!" "Hmm.. okay." "I think that we should get rid of Liam." Angelica proclaimed. "Woah woah woah, pretty lady! Why do you think that?" He quickly hopped to his defense. "I haven't been a part of this discussion at all!" "Well, you're pale, and you work on the closest floor to the boss." Angelica replies. "Yeah, that's sus, Liam." I said. "We should get rid of him." "I agree." Chad said." Me too!" Adam said." Me three!" John said. And so we decided to throw him out the window.
April 2021

Among Us / Amogus

Trolling with Among Us

Text-to-Speech Playing