[Copypasta] What if TF2 injuries were more realistic?

Just imagine: You are playing 2fort as RED team and pick heavy, you get out of spawn when suddenly a Pyro with the Homewrecker hits you square on the head. Your Heavy falls down and makes a weird snoring sound and has a nasty gash in his head with clear fluid running out of his ears. Then for like 30 minutes the screen goes black and you hear Heavy being transported into an ambulance. After the 30 mins Heavy opens his eyes a little. It looks like hes in the ICU and is currently getting artificially ventilated. Then the screen goes black again for 3 days until Heavy opens his eyes a little to see a woman, presumably heavys wife, crying beside his bed. She says something but it seems like Heavy doesnt understand anything she is saying, only thing you clearly make out is "permanent brain damage" and how sorry she is for never talking you out of your Mercenary profession. Then the screen goes black for another 5 months with some short times of conciousness inbetween until you see the same woman with 2 kids talking to your doctor in the ICU. All you can make out is that they decided to end your suffering and pull the plug. The last thing you see is heavys eyes closing, until you suddenly respawn in RED Spawn.
January 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

I couldn’t tell you what half of the companies in my portfolio do

I couldn’t tell you what half of the companies in my portfolio do or even what the ticker stands for...but you better believe I’m jacked to the mf’ing tits in every single meme stonk that you crayon eaters have been pumping. CHOO CHOO MF’ER.
December 2020

WallStreetBets

Bear

β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–€β–€β–„β–ˆβ–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–’β–„β–’β–€β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–’β–ˆβ–€β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–€β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–€β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–’β–ˆβ–ˆβ–’β–’β–’β–’β–ˆβ–ˆβ–’β–’β–’β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–’β–’β–„β–’β–ˆβ–ˆβ–’β–„β–„β–’β–’β–’β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–’β–’β–’β–€β–„β–ˆβ–€β–ˆβ–„β–€β–’β–’β–’β–’β–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–„β–’β–’β–β–β–„β–Œβ–Œβ–’β–’β–„β–β–„β–β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–’β–’β–„β–’β–’β–€β–€β–€β–’β–’β–’β–’β–€β–’β–€β–„β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–’β–€β–ˆβ–€β–Œβ–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–„β–„β–„β–β–’β–’β–β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–„β–„β–Œβ–Œβ–’β–’β–’β–’β–β–’β–’β–’β–€β–’β–’β–β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–Œβ–’β–’β–’β–’β–€β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–€β–‘β–‘ ░░░░░░░░▐▄▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▐░░░ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–’β–’β–’β–’β–„β–„β–’β–’β–’β–β–‘β–‘β–‘
November 2014

I thought my parents were rap battling

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck mann fick fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck My parents were fighting and I thought they were rap battling so I came in and started beatboxing. Fuck fuck fuck why am I such an idiot fuck fuck fuck
February 2021

Handsome Squidward

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February 2021

Classic

Tyler from the seven seas

twitchquotes: So you're going by "MOONMOON" now huh matey? Haha whats up scalleywag, it's Tyler from the seven seas. Remember me? Me and the fellas used to give you a hard time on the water. Sorry you were just an easy target lol. I can see not much has changed. Remember Sarah the old scag you had a crush on? Yeah we're married now. I pillage over 200 isles a year and drive a cream interior sloop. I guess some things never change huh loser? Nice catching up lol. Pathetic.
twitch chat
December 2018
MOONMOON

Tanner from High School

Text-to-Speech Playing