[Copypasta] What if TF2 injuries were more realistic?

Just imagine: You are playing 2fort as RED team and pick heavy, you get out of spawn when suddenly a Pyro with the Homewrecker hits you square on the head. Your Heavy falls down and makes a weird snoring sound and has a nasty gash in his head with clear fluid running out of his ears. Then for like 30 minutes the screen goes black and you hear Heavy being transported into an ambulance. After the 30 mins Heavy opens his eyes a little. It looks like hes in the ICU and is currently getting artificially ventilated. Then the screen goes black again for 3 days until Heavy opens his eyes a little to see a woman, presumably heavys wife, crying beside his bed. She says something but it seems like Heavy doesnt understand anything she is saying, only thing you clearly make out is "permanent brain damage" and how sorry she is for never talking you out of your Mercenary profession. Then the screen goes black for another 5 months with some short times of conciousness inbetween until you see the same woman with 2 kids talking to your doctor in the ICU. All you can make out is that they decided to end your suffering and pull the plug. The last thing you see is heavys eyes closing, until you suddenly respawn in RED Spawn.
January 2021
What happened to this ad? :(
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President's Day Emoji Pasta PresiDICK's Day

Happy PresiDICKโ€™S ๐Ÿ†๐ŸŒ๐ŸŒฝ DAYโ€ผ๏ธ Time โฐโฐ to honor the DADDIES ๐Ÿ‘ฌ๐Ÿ‘ฌ of our nation ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธ George SLUTsington ๐Ÿ‘ฏ๐Ÿ‘ฏ, Benjamin SPANKlin๐Ÿ‘‹๐Ÿ‘, John HanCOCK ๐Ÿ†๐ŸŒฝ๐Ÿ’ฆ๐Ÿ’ฆ๐Ÿ’ฆ These POUNDING ๐Ÿ”จโš’ fathers ERECTED โฌ†๏ธโฌ†๏ธ their ๐Ÿ˜ป๐Ÿ“ƒCUNTstitutional dongs ๐Ÿ˜๐ŸŒfor LADY LIBERTY ๐Ÿ—ฝ๐Ÿ‘…๐Ÿ™€ Raise that ASS ๐Ÿ‘ to ๐Ÿ’ฆ๐Ÿ’ฆ Abraham LinCUM ๐Ÿ’ฆ๐Ÿ’ฆ, ๐ŸŒฒ WOODrow Wilson ๐Ÿ˜๐ŸŒฒ๐Ÿ˜‰, Bill CLIT-on ๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿ‘ˆ, and the CUMmander in chief, ๐Ÿ‘ฆ๐Ÿ†๐Ÿ‘€BarCOCK Obama ๐Ÿ‘ฆ๐Ÿ†๐Ÿ‘€ Donโ€™t forget Dwight D. EisenWHORE ๐Ÿ‘€๐Ÿ˜ฉ DICKlared war ๐Ÿ”ซ๐Ÿ’ฃ on those CUMMIES ๐Ÿ’ฆ๐Ÿ’‚๐Ÿ’‚ Share in โ™‹๏ธ SUCKonds or you wonโ€™t be pounding ๐Ÿ”จthat presidential PUSSY ๐Ÿ™€๐Ÿ™€ Get 5๏ธโƒฃ back and ur a White House HOE ๐Ÿ  Get ๐Ÿ”Ÿ back and ur the SUCKretary of state ๐Ÿ“”๐Ÿ˜™๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธ Get 20 back and the First Lady will make u moan ๐Ÿ˜ฉ๐Ÿ˜ฉ๐Ÿ’ฆ๐Ÿ’ฆ๐Ÿ’ฆ๐Ÿ’ฆ๐Ÿ’ฆ HAPPY JIZZIDENTโ€™S DAY!! Hail to the CHEEKS ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘
February 2024

President's Day

Emoji Pasta

Holiday Emoji

To the conservative suburban woman behind me in line at Subway yesterday:

To the conservative suburban woman behind me in line at Subway yesterday: Iโ€™m sorry I kept referring to Fredโ€™s liberally mayoโ€™d oven-roasted chicken sub as a โ€œbukkake specialโ€. Iโ€™m sorry that you kept demanding that your teenage son explain why he was laughing so hard. Iโ€™m extra sorry that this turn of events led you to practically yelling โ€œETHAN, WHAT IS A BUKKAKE SPECIAL?โ€ in the middle of a crowded restaurant.
August 2021

Why do I keep hearing โ€œpre madanaโ€ all the time?

Why do I keep hearing โ€œpre madanaโ€ all the time? Did she use to do some other thing before she was famous or am I just dumb? Edit: I was just stupid Edit 2: which one of you reported me to Reddit resources or whatever??
July 2021

Feels good to be a Trump sub

twitchquotes: trumpW FEELS trumpW GOOD trumpW TO trumpW BE trumpW A trumpW TRUMP trumpW SUB trumpW
twitch chat
August 2015
Forsen

Yep

twitchquotes: sneaky's lips began to form the word. his lips were pursed into what couldn't be quite called an O shape, the sound of a C starting to leave his mouth. his lips stayed rounded as he let out the O, then finally flattened as he released the word. "cock," he finally spoke into the microphone, the tantalizing seconds over. he smiled watching the endless spam of "Yep", seeing the storm just one word could create.
twitch chat
July 2020
Sneaky
Text-to-Speech Playing