[Copypasta] What if TF2 injuries were more realistic?

Just imagine: You are playing 2fort as RED team and pick heavy, you get out of spawn when suddenly a Pyro with the Homewrecker hits you square on the head. Your Heavy falls down and makes a weird snoring sound and has a nasty gash in his head with clear fluid running out of his ears. Then for like 30 minutes the screen goes black and you hear Heavy being transported into an ambulance. After the 30 mins Heavy opens his eyes a little. It looks like hes in the ICU and is currently getting artificially ventilated. Then the screen goes black again for 3 days until Heavy opens his eyes a little to see a woman, presumably heavys wife, crying beside his bed. She says something but it seems like Heavy doesnt understand anything she is saying, only thing you clearly make out is "permanent brain damage" and how sorry she is for never talking you out of your Mercenary profession. Then the screen goes black for another 5 months with some short times of conciousness inbetween until you see the same woman with 2 kids talking to your doctor in the ICU. All you can make out is that they decided to end your suffering and pull the plug. The last thing you see is heavys eyes closing, until you suddenly respawn in RED Spawn.
January 2021
(โ–€ฬฟฤนฬฏโ”œโ”ฌโ”ดโ”ฌโ”ด Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
More Copypastas

Kripp, Blizzard here again

twitchquotes: Kripp, Blizzard here again. We've noticed that you've been away from Hearthstone for at least 2 hours. We're just wondering if everything is okay. Is it still mages? We're serious about nerfing them if it's a problem to you. Our Viewbots are ready to bring you much ad revenue. Thank you Kripp, hope to see you soon!
twitch chat
April 2015
Kripp

Viewbots

Hearthstone

Do you guys mind not spamming the chat so much?

twitchquotes: ๐”ป๐•  ๐•ช๐• ๐•ฆ ๐•˜๐•ฆ๐•ช๐•ค ๐•ž๐•š๐•Ÿ๐•• ๐•Ÿ๐• ๐•ฅ ๐•ค๐•ก๐•’๐•ž๐•ž๐•š๐•Ÿ๐•˜ ๐•ฅ๐•™๐•– ๐•”๐•™๐•’๐•ฅ ๐•ค๐•  ๐•ž๐•ฆ๐•”๐•™? ๐•€'๐•ž ๐•ฃ๐•–๐•’๐•๐•๐•ช ๐•ฅ๐•ฃ๐•ช๐•š๐•Ÿ๐•˜ ๐•ฅ๐•  ๐•ก๐•’๐•ช ๐•’๐•ฅ๐•ฅ๐•–๐•Ÿ๐•ฅ๐•š๐• ๐•Ÿ ๐•ฅ๐•  ๐•ฅ๐•™๐•– ๐•ค๐•ฅ๐•ฃ๐•–๐•’๐•ž ๐•’๐•Ÿ๐•• ๐•ช๐• ๐•ฆ ๐•˜๐•ฆ๐•ช๐•ค ๐•’๐•ฃ๐•– ๐••๐•š๐•ค๐•ฅ๐•ฃ๐•’๐•”๐•ฅ๐•š๐•Ÿ๐•˜ ๐•ž๐•–. ๐•€๐•— ๐•ช๐• ๐•ฆ ๐•˜๐•ฆ๐•ช๐•ค ๐•ฃ๐•–๐•’๐•๐•๐•ช ๐•”๐•’๐•ฃ๐•–๐•• ๐•’๐•“๐• ๐•ฆ๐•ฅ ๐•ฅ๐•™๐•– ๐•ข๐•ฆ๐•’๐•๐•š๐•ฅ๐•ช ๐• ๐•— ๐•ฅ๐•™๐•– ๐•ค๐•ฅ๐•ฃ๐•–๐•’๐•ž ๐• ๐•ฃ ๐•„๐• ๐• ๐•Ÿ ๐•™๐•š๐•ž๐•ค๐•–๐•๐•— ๐•ช๐• ๐•ฆ ๐•จ๐• ๐•ฆ๐•๐•• ๐•ค๐•ฅ๐• ๐•ก ๐•ฅ๐•™๐•– ๐•ค๐•ก๐•’๐•ž๐•ž๐•š๐•Ÿ๐•˜ ๐•’๐•Ÿ๐•• ๐•”๐• ๐•ก๐•ช๐•š๐•Ÿ๐•˜ ๐•’๐•Ÿ๐•• ๐•ก๐•’๐•ค๐•ฅ๐•š๐•Ÿ๐•˜. ๐”พ๐• ๐••, ๐•€ ๐•ค๐•จ๐•–๐•’๐•ฃ ๐•ช๐• ๐•ฆ ๐•˜๐•ฆ๐•ช๐•ค ๐•’๐•ฃ๐•– ๐•ฅ๐•™๐•– ๐•จ๐• ๐•ฃ๐•ค๐•ฅ ๐•ก๐•’๐•ฃ๐•ฅ ๐• ๐•— ๐•ฅ๐•จ๐•š๐•ฅ๐•”๐•™. โ„‚๐• ๐•ฆ๐•๐••๐•Ÿ'๐•ฅ ๐•ช๐• ๐•ฆ ๐•›๐•ฆ๐•ค๐•ฅ ๐•ฅ๐•ฃ๐•ช ๐•ฅ๐•  ๐•“๐•– ๐•ž๐•’๐•ฅ๐•ฆ๐•ฃ๐•– ๐•—๐• ๐•ฃ ๐• ๐•Ÿ๐•”๐•– ๐•š๐•Ÿ ๐•ช๐• ๐•ฆ๐•ฃ ๐•๐•š๐•—๐•–?
twitch chat
February 2018
MOONMOON

Krippis casualis

twitchquotes: Krippis casualis! oอกโ•ฎเผผ เฒ ะ”เฒ  เผฝโ•ญoอกโ”โ˜†๏พŸ.*๏ฝฅ๏ฝก๏พŸ
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

We found this new site called CSGO Lotto

twitchquotes: We found this new site called CSGO Lottoโ€”so I'll link it down in the description if you guys want to check it out. We were betting on it today and I won a pot of like $69 or something like that, so it was a pretty small pot, but it was like the coolest feeling ever. I ended up following them on Twitter and stuff, and they hit me up and they're talking to me about potentially doing like a skin sponsorship.
twitch chat
August 2016
TmarTn

CSGO

40% of the chat are 41 year olds pretending to be 14

twitchquotes: This chat disgusts me. 40% of the chat are 41 year olds pretending to be 14. The other 40% are 14 year olds pretending to be 41. And the remaining 30% just copy pastes the longest message they can find in the chat. Grow up chat, grow up. FailFish
twitch chat
January 2019

Classic

I hate Twitch Chat

Text-to-Speech Playing