[Copypasta] What if TF2 injuries were more realistic?

Just imagine: You are playing 2fort as RED team and pick heavy, you get out of spawn when suddenly a Pyro with the Homewrecker hits you square on the head. Your Heavy falls down and makes a weird snoring sound and has a nasty gash in his head with clear fluid running out of his ears. Then for like 30 minutes the screen goes black and you hear Heavy being transported into an ambulance. After the 30 mins Heavy opens his eyes a little. It looks like hes in the ICU and is currently getting artificially ventilated. Then the screen goes black again for 3 days until Heavy opens his eyes a little to see a woman, presumably heavys wife, crying beside his bed. She says something but it seems like Heavy doesnt understand anything she is saying, only thing you clearly make out is "permanent brain damage" and how sorry she is for never talking you out of your Mercenary profession. Then the screen goes black for another 5 months with some short times of conciousness inbetween until you see the same woman with 2 kids talking to your doctor in the ICU. All you can make out is that they decided to end your suffering and pull the plug. The last thing you see is heavys eyes closing, until you suddenly respawn in RED Spawn.
January 2021
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
More Copypastas

Scraggly vegan is the only one left

twitchquotes: BOB “You’re doing GREAT out there!” I exclaim with as much enthusiasm as I can this late in the day. The scraggly vegan is the only one left in the tavern, his attention focused entirely on the card game we put out to entertain children and toddlers. “I don’t wanna talk about it guys” cries the man, knocking his cup of vegan water over. I try to reassure him that everyone has bad luck now and then, but he just ignores me, as always. This tavern attracts some strange types indeed.
twitch chat
December 2019
Kripp

Hearthstone

Sense of pride and accomplishment

twitchquotes: The 💰 intent 💰 is 💰 to 💰 provide 💰 players 💰 with 💰 a 💰 sense 💰 of 💰 pride 💰 and 💰 accomplishment 💰 for 💰 unlocking 💰 different 💰 heroes. 💰 As 💰 for 💰 cost, 💰 we 💰 selected 💰 initial 💰 values 💰 based 💰 upon 💰 data 💰 from 💰 the 💰 Open 💰 Beta 💰 and 💰 other 💰 adjustments 💰 made 💰 to 💰 milestone 💰 rewards 💰 before 💰 launch. 💰 Among 💰 other 💰 things, 💰 we're 💰 looking 💰 at 💰 average 💰 per-player 💰 credit 💰 earn 💰 rates 💰 on 💰 a 💰 daily 💰 basis, 💰 and 💰 we'll 💰 be 💰 making 💰 constant 💰 adjustments 💰 to 💰 ensure 💰 that 💰 players 💰 have 💰 challenges 💰 that 💰 are 💰 compelling, 💰 rewarding, 💰 and 💰 of 💰 course 💰 attainable 💰 via 💰 gameplay. We 💰 appreciate 💰 the 💰 candid 💰 feedback, 💰 and 💰 the 💰 passion 💰 the 💰 community 💰 has 💰 put 💰 forth 💰 around 💰 the 💰 current 💰 topics 💰 here 💰 on 💰 Reddit, 💰 our 💰 forums 💰 and 💰 across 💰 numerous 💰 social 💰 media 💰 outlets. Our 💰 team 💰 will 💰 continue 💰 to 💰 make 💰 changes 💰 and 💰 monitor 💰 community 💰 feedback 💰 and 💰 update 💰 everyone 💰 as 💰 soon 💰 and 💰 as 💰 often 💰 as 💰 we 💰 can. 💰
twitch chat
November 2017

Anime girl 6

⠄⠄⢿⣇⠄⠄⠘⣆⢀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⢿⡿⣿⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⢧⡲⣿⢷⢦⡀ ⠄⠄⠈⣿⠄⠄⠄⢙⢞⢿⣿⢹⢿⣦⢏⣱⢿⠘⣿⣝⠹⢿⣿⡽⣿⣿⣏⣆⢿⣿⡞⠁ ⠄⠄⠄⢻⡀⠄⠄⠈⣾⡸⡏⢸⡾⣴⣿⣿⣶⣼⣎⢵⢀⡛⣿⣷⡙⡻⢻⡴⠨⠨⠖⠃ ⠄⠄⠄⠈⣧⢀⡴⠊⢹⠁⡇⠈⢣⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣿⣷⣜⡳⣝⢧⢃⢣⣼⢁⠘⠆⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⢹⡇⠄⣠⠔⠚⣅⠄⢰⣶⣦⣭⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠿⣷⡧⠄⣘⣟⣸⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢷⠎⠄⠄⠄⣼⣦⠻⣿⣿⡟⠛⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⡾⢱⣿⡏⠸⡏⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠸⡄⠄⡄⠄⣿⢧⢗⠌⠻⣇⠿⠿⣸⣿⣿⡟⡐⣿⠟⢰⣇⠇⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣠⡆⠄⠃⢠⠏⣤⢀⢢⡰⣭⣛⡉⠩⠭⡅⣾⢳⡴⡀⢸⣿⡆⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⢀⣶⡟⣽⠼⢀⡕⢀⠘⠸⢮⡳⡻⡍⡷⡆⠤⠤⠭⢸⢳⣷⢸⡟⣷⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⣴⣿⢫⢞⣵⢏⡞⠄⢸⠄⣛⣗⠩⠄⣰⣚⠒⠂⣀⡀⢸⢸⣿⣧⠇⡼⣧⠄⠄⠄ ⢠⣾⢟⡴⢫⡾⣱⢟⠄⠄⢸⠄⢈⡓⡮⡦⡬⠽⡠⠄⠔⠄⢸⠈⣿⣿⡄⣷⢹⣆⠄⠄ ⡿⢁⠞⢀⣿⢣⠇⣿⠄⠄⠸⢀⢳⢣⣗⣿⡇⡔⠄⠔⠄⠄⢠⠄⠹⣿⣷⡝⣧⢻⣆
December 2018

Weebs

Hunters are compelled by a mysterious force to attack face

twitchquotes: After months of careful and thorough research, I have discovered that Hunters, quite literally, do NOT have the capacity to trade minions. They are physically unable to attack an opponents minion with one of theirs. They a compelled by some mysterious force to mindlessly attack the face of their opponent.
twitch chat
December 2014
Reynad

AITA for not showing up to my own funeral?

So I (74M) was recently hit by a car (2014 Honda) and died. My wife (5F) organized me a funeral (cost $2747) without asking me (74M) at all. I (74M) was unable to make it because I (74M) was dead (17 days). At the funeral I heard my dad (15M) and other family members talking about how they wish I could be there and now I feel bad for not showing up. AITA?
August 2021

AITA

Text-to-Speech Playing