[Copypasta] What if TF2 injuries were more realistic?

Just imagine: You are playing 2fort as RED team and pick heavy, you get out of spawn when suddenly a Pyro with the Homewrecker hits you square on the head. Your Heavy falls down and makes a weird snoring sound and has a nasty gash in his head with clear fluid running out of his ears. Then for like 30 minutes the screen goes black and you hear Heavy being transported into an ambulance. After the 30 mins Heavy opens his eyes a little. It looks like hes in the ICU and is currently getting artificially ventilated. Then the screen goes black again for 3 days until Heavy opens his eyes a little to see a woman, presumably heavys wife, crying beside his bed. She says something but it seems like Heavy doesnt understand anything she is saying, only thing you clearly make out is "permanent brain damage" and how sorry she is for never talking you out of your Mercenary profession. Then the screen goes black for another 5 months with some short times of conciousness inbetween until you see the same woman with 2 kids talking to your doctor in the ICU. All you can make out is that they decided to end your suffering and pull the plug. The last thing you see is heavys eyes closing, until you suddenly respawn in RED Spawn.
January 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Meet the Engineer TF2

twitchquotes: Hey look buddy, I'm an engineer. That means I solve problems, not problems like "What is beauty?" Because that would fall within the purview of your conundrums of philosophy. I solve practical problems, for instance: how am I going to stop some mean mother Hubbard from tearing me a structurally superfluous be-hind? The answer, use a gun, and if that don't work... Use more gun. Take for instance this heavy caliber tripod mounted lil' old number designed by me, built by me, and you best hope... Not pointed at you.
twitch chat
June 2019

Dennis

twitchquotes: when dennis smite, my eye automatically go to the hero health. i watch the hero health and feel i have sex with the 2 skipped turn. all becoming sudoku
twitch chat
March 2014
Kripp

Can you take it easy with your complaints about Flamestrike?

twitchquotes: Hey Kripp. Can you take it easy with your complaints about Flamestrike? My friend is a developer at Blizzard and he invented Flamestrike. He has been getting spam letters in the mail threatening to "brofist" him. These spammers claim to be "insane" and "crazy" and "have exactly what they need to beat him." I am worried for him, please help. Thanks man.
twitch chat
August 2015
Kripp

Hearthstone

Gi-Hun Squid Game Stare

➖➖⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛ ➖⬛⬛⬛🏼🏼⬛⬛ ➖⬛⬛⬛🏼🏼🏼⬛ ➖⬛🏼🔳🏼🔳🏼⬛ ➖➖🏼🏼🏼🏼🏼 ➖➖🏼🏽🏽🏽🏼 ➖⬜🟦🏼🏼🏼🟦⬜ ⬜🟦🟦🟦🏽🟦🟦🟦⬜ 🟦🟦🟦🟦⬜🟦🟦🟦🟦
November 2021

Squid Game

forsenLUL

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠛⢉⣿⣿⠿⠋⠄⢴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣄⠄⠄ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⣠⣶⣿⠟⠁⣠⣶⣶⣤⣄⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⠄ ⣿⣿⣿⠟⠁⣴⡿⠛⠁⢠⣾⣯⣉⡉⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣯⣍⡉⠙⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇ ⣿⡟⠁⠄⣾⠋⠄⠄⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠿⣷⣤⣽⣿⣿⣿⠄ ⠟⠄⠄⣠⣴⠋⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣯⣹⣟⡉⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣤⣈⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⡀ ⠄⠄⣴⡟⠁⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣤⣤⣌⡙⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠄⢰⣿⠁⣰⣿⣿⣿⡟⢁⣤⣤⣭⡙⠳⢦⣄⠙⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟ ⠄⣾⡇⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⢻⡏⠉⠻⠿⣷⣆⠹⡆⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠋⠁⠄⠄ ⠄⡿⠄⣡⣬⠉⣻⣿⣷⣄⣀⠄⠄⠄⠈⠛⠂⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠃⠄⠄⢠⣾ ⠄⣡⣾⡿⢇⣼⣿⠿⠿⠟⢉⣉⣠⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⠈⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠁⠄⠄⣴⣿⠏ ⣾⣿⣟⣁⣈⣩⣴⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⠿⠟⠛⠛⠋⠡⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⠇⠄⢀⣾⡟⠁⠄ ⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⠿⠛⣛⣉⣁⣀⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣀⣀⠘⠻⣿⣿⠟⠄⠄⣾⠟⠄⠄⠄ ⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠿⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⢸⡿⠄⠄⣼⡏⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠛⣉⣁⣤⣤⣴⣶⣶⣶⣦⣤⣌⣙⠛⢀⣈⠃⠄⠰⣿⠁⠄⠄⠄⢠ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠟⠛⣋⣉⣩⣭⠉⢋⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣦⣤⣤⣴⣿
November 2021
Forsen

Emote

Text-to-Speech Playing