[Copypasta] What if TF2 injuries were more realistic?

Just imagine: You are playing 2fort as RED team and pick heavy, you get out of spawn when suddenly a Pyro with the Homewrecker hits you square on the head. Your Heavy falls down and makes a weird snoring sound and has a nasty gash in his head with clear fluid running out of his ears. Then for like 30 minutes the screen goes black and you hear Heavy being transported into an ambulance. After the 30 mins Heavy opens his eyes a little. It looks like hes in the ICU and is currently getting artificially ventilated. Then the screen goes black again for 3 days until Heavy opens his eyes a little to see a woman, presumably heavys wife, crying beside his bed. She says something but it seems like Heavy doesnt understand anything she is saying, only thing you clearly make out is "permanent brain damage" and how sorry she is for never talking you out of your Mercenary profession. Then the screen goes black for another 5 months with some short times of conciousness inbetween until you see the same woman with 2 kids talking to your doctor in the ICU. All you can make out is that they decided to end your suffering and pull the plug. The last thing you see is heavys eyes closing, until you suddenly respawn in RED Spawn.
January 2021
What happened to this ad? :(
More Copypastas

Anduin and Uther

twitchquotes: Anduin is standing outside, looking through the window. He sees how Ben Brode SCAMAZes Tyrande. A small tear runs down his face. "Since Tyrande is the new Priest hero, nobody will ever fulfill my wishes and desires..." A muscular hand lays down on Anduin's shoulder. He turns around and gasps. It's Uther, the Lightbringer himself. "Don't worry, I will make sure you will get my Blessing of Might". Anduin's sorrow immediatly vanishes as he is about to receive his blessing. Uther smirks and reveals his 5/3 Assbringer. "Wow..." Anduin says. Uther slams his Assbringer into Anduin's 1/1 Lightspawn. "Well Played" Uther yells as he Consecrates all over Anduin's face. "BY THE HOLY LIGHT!"
twitch chat
October 2016

Hearthstone

Anything to get inside Kripp

twitchquotes: I never wanted to breed with anyone more than I want to with Kripp. That perfect, scrawny body. That shining forehead. The receding hairline of a literal god. It honestly fucking hurts knowing that I’ll never mate with him, pass my genes through him, and have nothing happen because he's a man. I’d do fucking ANYTHING for the chance to get inside Kripp. A N Y T H I N G.
twitch chat
February 2019
Kripp

FeelsTrashMan

⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣄⣀⣀⣀⡆⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣀⣤⣤⣶⣶⣿⣿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠛⠛⠛⠃⠄⠄⠄⠤⠄ ⠄⠄⣀⣴⡶⠶⠿⠿⠿⠏⠉⠉⣀⣀⣀⣀⡀⢀⣀⣀⣀⣠⣤⣤⣤⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣴⣿⣿⣧⣾⣿⡿⢛⣫⣭⣭⣤⣍⠻⣿⠛⠛⡋⠭⠭⠤⣄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⣠⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠅⣊⣵⣶⠾⠟⣛⣛⣃⢩⠥⠶⠒⠛⠛⠒⠲⠦⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⣼⣿⣾⣿⣿⣿⣷⣬⣭⡉⢭⠂⢐⢠⡄⠻⠋⠰⢾⣿⠃⠄⠲⠄⠙⠋⠄ ⠄⠄⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣍⣓⣒⣒⣒⡒⣊⣥⣿⠶⣶⠶⠶⠿⠛⠉⠄⠄ ⠄⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣏⣡⣾⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣿⣿⣷⣄⠄⠄⠄ ⠰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⣛⡛⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠆⠄⠄ ⠄⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢋⣶⣛⣛⣛⣛⠷⠶⣮⣭⣭⣭⣭⣭⣭⣭⣭⣵⠞⠁⠄ ⢠⣐⡲⠬⣍⣛⡛⠿⠹⢦⣭⣭⣭⣭⣭⣝⣓⣒⣊⡩⠭⠭⠭⠵⠶⠖⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠠⣽⣛⠿⠷⣤⣭⣭⣛⣓⣒⡤⠤⠬⣭⣭⣙⣛⣛⣛⣛⣛⣛⣋⣁⣤⣤⡄⠄⠄ ⣐⡒⠾⢭⣽⣓⡺⠭⢭⣛⣛⣛⡿⠷⠶⠾⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⣟⡃⠄⠄⠄ ⢸⡇⡿⣰⣦⢠⡝⣛⡓⠦⠤⠭⢭⣛⣛⣛⣛⣛⣛⣛⣛⣛⣛⣻⠯⠅⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⣿⢸⡇⣿⡏⣾⢇⣿⢣⡿⣸⡟⣴⡆⡶⢰⡆⡶⣰⣶⢰⡆⣶⢰⡆⠿⠄⠄⠄⠄
November 2021

Pepe

HOLD THE LINE

twitchquotes: HOLD THE LINE EVERYONE 🏥 WutFace _ 🔪
twitch chat
March 2016
Kripp

Nice opinion, just one tiny problem with it

Nice opinion, just one tiny problem with it. Inspecting your post, it looks like your opinion is different from mine. Let me tell you something, I am the baseline for opinions. Any opinion I hold is objectively correct and as a result, any other opinions are wrong. Guess what? You happen to hold the wrong one! I hope you know that your opinion is now illegal. I have contacted the FBI, CIA, the NSA, the navy seals, secret service, and your mom! You'll be sorry you ever shared your opinions, by the time you're reading this, you'll be done for. Nature will punish you, humanity will punish you, space will punish you. We decided just to make sure we'll nuke your house from orbit. So there's no chance you can run away, everyone will know you will die. It's a small price to pay, to remove your wrong opinion from this world.
September 2021
Text-to-Speech Playing