[Copypasta] What if TF2 injuries were more realistic?

Just imagine: You are playing 2fort as RED team and pick heavy, you get out of spawn when suddenly a Pyro with the Homewrecker hits you square on the head. Your Heavy falls down and makes a weird snoring sound and has a nasty gash in his head with clear fluid running out of his ears. Then for like 30 minutes the screen goes black and you hear Heavy being transported into an ambulance. After the 30 mins Heavy opens his eyes a little. It looks like hes in the ICU and is currently getting artificially ventilated. Then the screen goes black again for 3 days until Heavy opens his eyes a little to see a woman, presumably heavys wife, crying beside his bed. She says something but it seems like Heavy doesnt understand anything she is saying, only thing you clearly make out is "permanent brain damage" and how sorry she is for never talking you out of your Mercenary profession. Then the screen goes black for another 5 months with some short times of conciousness inbetween until you see the same woman with 2 kids talking to your doctor in the ICU. All you can make out is that they decided to end your suffering and pull the plug. The last thing you see is heavys eyes closing, until you suddenly respawn in RED Spawn.
January 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Catten Eatarrian

twitchquotes: "This pasta is delicious, Rania," says Kripp as he receives his vegan foodie. Rania replies, "That's not pasta. It's cat." As the Kripp vomits in horror, Trump removes the Rania mask. "It seems you've catten Eatarrian."
twitch chat
June 2015
Kripp

John Cena is an Asian person born into a white body

I get a feeling that John Cena is an Asian person born into a white body. He has a lot of discipline, he was the most hardworking WWE wrestler during his time at the WWE, always coming early and putting in the work. He is extremely wise beyond his years. When confronted with a stalker, he gave the guy life lessions. He is extremely patient and show the same restraint an Asian person has. I don't know if he read a lot of Art of War or Eastern philosophy when he was younger. He learning Chinese and playing piano shows me that he is very discipline and very eager about self improving. He is a millionaire and is famous, but yet, he still wants to improve. Interestingly enough, he didn't marry some hot female despite Nikki Bella expecting a proposal. He started dating and actually married Shay Shariatzadeh not long after meeting her. John Cena wanted a smart girl, and Shay had a career and wasn't just hot. So there are many examples that John Cena surprise me as a person. Not many white people can legit speak Mandarin for that long after learning it for a short period of time. His pronunciation isn't the best, but he has ways with his words and his mind is sharp. No wonder he is so successful.
June 2021

Hurr Durr Durr Pizza

twitchquotes: α••OpieOPα•— οΌ¨ο½…ο½Œο½Œο½ οΌ«ο½’ο½‰ο½ο½οΌŒ οΌ£ο½™ο½‚ο½’ο½‰ο½˜ ο½ˆο½…ο½’ο½…οΌŽ οΌͺust ο½—ο½ο½Žο½”ο½…ο½„ to ο½“ο½ο½™οΌš β™©β™¬ο½žβ™ͺ οΌ¨οΌ΅οΌ²οΌ² οΌ€οΌ΅οΌ²οΌ² οΌ°οΌ©οΌΊοΌΊοΌ‘ β™©β™¬ο½žβ™ͺ . β™©β™¬ο½žβ™ͺ οΌ¨οΌ΅οΌ²οΌ² οΌ€οΌ΅οΌ²οΌ² οΌ°οΌ©οΌΊοΌΊοΌ‘ β™©β™¬ο½žβ™ͺ . β™©β™¬ο½žβ™ͺ οΌ¨οΌ΅οΌ²οΌ² οΌ€οΌ΅οΌ²οΌ² οΌ°οΌ©οΌΊοΌΊοΌ‘ β™©β™¬ο½žβ™ͺ . β™©β™¬ο½žβ™ͺ οΌ¨οΌ΅οΌ²οΌ² οΌ€οΌ΅οΌ²οΌ² οΌ°οΌ©οΌΊοΌΊοΌ‘ β™©β™¬ο½žβ™ͺ . β™©β™¬ο½žβ™ͺοΌ¨οΌ΅οΌ²οΌ² οΌ€οΌ΅οΌ²οΌ² οΌ°οΌ©οΌΊοΌΊοΌ‘ β™©β™¬ο½žβ™ͺ . β™©β™¬ο½žβ™ͺ οΌ¨οΌ΅οΌ²οΌ² οΌ€οΌ΅οΌ²οΌ² οΌ°οΌ©οΌΊοΌΊοΌ‘ α••OpieOPα•—
twitch chat
June 2014
Kripp

i didnt fuck my cat emojified

twitchquotes: iπŸ™‹β€β™‚οΈdidn’t 🚫 fuck πŸ†πŸ’¦my cat😾. i didnt 🚫cum πŸ†πŸ’¦on my cat😼 . i didnt❌ put πŸ‘‰ my Dick πŸ† anywhere 🌎near my catπŸ™€ . Ive never βŒπŸ™…β€β™€οΈdone anything weird ❓❓❓with my πŸ’β€β™‚οΈπŸ˜»cats. I promised🀝 myself 🀞i wasnt going to make πŸ’’πŸ’’apology 😿 videosπŸ“Ή after last yearsπŸ“… thing so im just trying to be as short and honest πŸ‘ with this πŸ‘…πŸ˜Όas possible. (1/?)
twitch chat
March 2019

Emoji Pasta

Do you guys mind not spamming the chat so much?

twitchquotes: 𝔻𝕠 π•ͺ𝕠𝕦 π•˜π•¦π•ͺ𝕀 π•žπ•šπ•Ÿπ•• π•Ÿπ• π•₯ π•€π•‘π•’π•žπ•žπ•šπ•Ÿπ•˜ π•₯𝕙𝕖 𝕔𝕙𝕒π•₯ 𝕀𝕠 π•žπ•¦π•”π•™? 𝕀'π•ž 𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕝𝕝π•ͺ π•₯𝕣π•ͺπ•šπ•Ÿπ•˜ π•₯𝕠 𝕑𝕒π•ͺ 𝕒π•₯π•₯π•–π•Ÿπ•₯π•šπ• π•Ÿ π•₯𝕠 π•₯𝕙𝕖 𝕀π•₯π•£π•–π•’π•ž π•’π•Ÿπ•• π•ͺ𝕠𝕦 π•˜π•¦π•ͺ𝕀 𝕒𝕣𝕖 π••π•šπ•€π•₯𝕣𝕒𝕔π•₯π•šπ•Ÿπ•˜ π•žπ•–. 𝕀𝕗 π•ͺ𝕠𝕦 π•˜π•¦π•ͺ𝕀 𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕝𝕝π•ͺ 𝕔𝕒𝕣𝕖𝕕 𝕒𝕓𝕠𝕦π•₯ π•₯𝕙𝕖 π•’π•¦π•’π•π•šπ•₯π•ͺ 𝕠𝕗 π•₯𝕙𝕖 𝕀π•₯π•£π•–π•’π•ž 𝕠𝕣 π•„π• π• π•Ÿ π•™π•šπ•žπ•€π•–π•π•— π•ͺ𝕠𝕦 𝕨𝕠𝕦𝕝𝕕 𝕀π•₯𝕠𝕑 π•₯𝕙𝕖 π•€π•‘π•’π•žπ•žπ•šπ•Ÿπ•˜ π•’π•Ÿπ•• 𝕔𝕠𝕑π•ͺπ•šπ•Ÿπ•˜ π•’π•Ÿπ•• 𝕑𝕒𝕀π•₯π•šπ•Ÿπ•˜. 𝔾𝕠𝕕, 𝕀 𝕀𝕨𝕖𝕒𝕣 π•ͺ𝕠𝕦 π•˜π•¦π•ͺ𝕀 𝕒𝕣𝕖 π•₯𝕙𝕖 𝕨𝕠𝕣𝕀π•₯ 𝕑𝕒𝕣π•₯ 𝕠𝕗 π•₯π•¨π•šπ•₯𝕔𝕙. β„‚π• π•¦π•π••π•Ÿ'π•₯ π•ͺ𝕠𝕦 𝕛𝕦𝕀π•₯ π•₯𝕣π•ͺ π•₯𝕠 𝕓𝕖 π•žπ•’π•₯𝕦𝕣𝕖 𝕗𝕠𝕣 π• π•Ÿπ•”π•– π•šπ•Ÿ π•ͺ𝕠𝕦𝕣 π•π•šπ•—π•–?
twitch chat
February 2018
MOONMOON
Text-to-Speech Playing