[Copypasta] What if TF2 injuries were more realistic?

Just imagine: You are playing 2fort as RED team and pick heavy, you get out of spawn when suddenly a Pyro with the Homewrecker hits you square on the head. Your Heavy falls down and makes a weird snoring sound and has a nasty gash in his head with clear fluid running out of his ears. Then for like 30 minutes the screen goes black and you hear Heavy being transported into an ambulance. After the 30 mins Heavy opens his eyes a little. It looks like hes in the ICU and is currently getting artificially ventilated. Then the screen goes black again for 3 days until Heavy opens his eyes a little to see a woman, presumably heavys wife, crying beside his bed. She says something but it seems like Heavy doesnt understand anything she is saying, only thing you clearly make out is "permanent brain damage" and how sorry she is for never talking you out of your Mercenary profession. Then the screen goes black for another 5 months with some short times of conciousness inbetween until you see the same woman with 2 kids talking to your doctor in the ICU. All you can make out is that they decided to end your suffering and pull the plug. The last thing you see is heavys eyes closing, until you suddenly respawn in RED Spawn.
January 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

I will now transform this human into a cat

twitchquotes: I WILL NOW TRANSFORM THIS HUMAN INTO A CAT╰( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )つ──☆ -> -> -> Kappa Keepo CoolCat
twitch chat
August 2015

Classic

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021

Pokemon Marathon Season 3 Intermission

twitchquotes: IT'S HERACROSS ResidentSleeper THIS LOOKS BAD ResidentSleeper WINDS OF NEW BEGINNINGS ResidentSleeper GLIGARMAN ResidentSleeper LOOK, TOGEPI ResidentSleeper RETURN EVERYBODY ResidentSleeper IT'S SUPER EXPENSIVE ResidentSleeper
twitch chat
September 2018

Pokemon Marathon 2018

Ben Shapiro

⣿⣿⡿⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠻⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⡏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⢿⣿ ⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⣤⣤⣀⣀⣠⣤⣤⣷⣦⣤⣤⣤⣤⣀⣀⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿ ⡇⠀⠀⠀⠈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣶⣄⠀⠀⢸⣿ ⣷⠀⠀⠈⠨⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠀⠀⢸⣿ ⣿⡄⠀⠀⣈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⠀⠀⢸⣿ ⣿⡇⠀⠀⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠁⠀⠀⢸⣿ ⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠛⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠿⡿⢀⡀⠀⣔⣿ ⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠉⠛⣿⣿⣿⠿⠛⠛⠛⠋⠈⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⡇⢠⣾⣿ ⣇⠇⠀⣠⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣀⣀⡀⢸⣿⣿⣇⣀⣀⢠⣀⢀⠀⠀⣀⣠⣶⡇⣾⣿⣿ ⣿⡄⠀⢸⣿⣶⣤⣀⣀⣠⣽⣿⠁⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣼⣬⣭⣶⣶⣿⣿⣿⠀⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⡇⠀⠀⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠁⠀⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣷⡄⠀⠈⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠁⢬⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠀⢠⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣇⠀⠀⠘⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠈⠛⠿⠟⠙⠛⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣯⠀⠀⣼⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡄⠀⠀⠀⠙⢿⣿⣿⣖⣄⣀⠀⢰⣿⣿⢿⣿⢿⣿⣿⡿⠀⠀⠸⢿⣿⣿⣿ ⠛⠋⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣄⡀⠈⢈⠙⠛⢟⣋⢁⢁⣠⣤⣼⡿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠙ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠹⠟⢀⢀⠚⠚⠛⠙⠛⢛⣿⣿⡟⠛⠁⠀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠨⢿⣷⣿⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⠇⠂⠀⠀⢠⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢐⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠛⠯⠿⡹⠛⠟⠉⠀⠀⠀⢀⣾⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣾⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⣦⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣾⢿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
August 2021

Ultra EDM dance

twitchquotes: ┏(-_-)┓┏(-_-)┛┗(-_- )┓┗(-_-)┛┏(-_-) ┏(-_-)┓┏(-_-)┛┗(-_- )┓┗(-_-)┛┏(-_-)┓┏(-_-)┛┗(-_- )┓┗(-_-)┛┏(-_-) ┏(-_-)┓┏(-_-)┛┏(-_-)┓┏(-_-)┛┗(-_- )┓┗(-_-)┛┏(-_-) ┏(-_-)┓┏(-_-)┛┗(-_- )┓┗(-_-)┛┏(-_-)┓┏(-_-)┛┗(-_- )┓┗(-_-)┛┏(-_-) ┏(-_-)┓┏(-_-)┛
twitch chat
March 2016
Ultra
Text-to-Speech Playing