[Copypasta] What if TF2 injuries were more realistic?

Just imagine: You are playing 2fort as RED team and pick heavy, you get out of spawn when suddenly a Pyro with the Homewrecker hits you square on the head. Your Heavy falls down and makes a weird snoring sound and has a nasty gash in his head with clear fluid running out of his ears. Then for like 30 minutes the screen goes black and you hear Heavy being transported into an ambulance. After the 30 mins Heavy opens his eyes a little. It looks like hes in the ICU and is currently getting artificially ventilated. Then the screen goes black again for 3 days until Heavy opens his eyes a little to see a woman, presumably heavys wife, crying beside his bed. She says something but it seems like Heavy doesnt understand anything she is saying, only thing you clearly make out is "permanent brain damage" and how sorry she is for never talking you out of your Mercenary profession. Then the screen goes black for another 5 months with some short times of conciousness inbetween until you see the same woman with 2 kids talking to your doctor in the ICU. All you can make out is that they decided to end your suffering and pull the plug. The last thing you see is heavys eyes closing, until you suddenly respawn in RED Spawn.
January 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

The sweat begins to form at qts brow

twitchquotes: The sweat begins to form at qts brow. His fingers are clammy, his neckbeard ruffled. After dying yet again he sees the hope of getting challenger fade away. "oh my god i cant believe we didn't get that guy," he proclaims. This is the beginning of the end for imaqtpie.
twitch chat
May 2019
imaqtpie

League of Legends

Only the chosen one can wield this sword...

twitchquotes: 𝕠|𝕠𝕠𝕠|=========> 𝕆ℕ𝕃𝕐 𝕋ℍ𝔼 β„‚β„π•†π•Šπ”Όβ„• 𝕆ℕ𝔼 ℂ𝔸ℕ π•Žπ•€π”Όπ•ƒπ”» π•‹β„π•€π•Š π•Šπ•Žπ•†β„π”» 𝔸ℕ𝔻 ℕ𝕆𝕋 𝔹𝔼 π•Šπ•ƒπ”Έπ•€β„• 𝔽𝕆ℝ πŸ™πŸ˜π•„π•€β„• 𝔹𝕐 𝕀𝕋'π•Š β„™π•†π•Žπ”Όβ„. 𝔸ℝ𝔼 π•π•†π•Œ 𝕋ℍ𝔼 β„‚β„π•†π•Šπ”Όβ„• 𝕆ℕ𝔼? ℂ𝕆ℙ𝕐 π•‹β„π•€π•Š β„™π”Έπ•Šπ•‹π”Έ 𝔸ℕ𝔻 𝔽𝕀ℕ𝔻 π•†π•Œπ•‹!
twitch chat
March 2016
Kripp

Blockchain NFT Gaming

The year is 2030. It's a rainy Saturday afternoon. You've just finished mining 30 obsidian ore playing Crypto Crush Saga, a match-3 mobile game. You open up The Elder Chains Online and feel a rush of excitement. Your school buddy has spent years becoming a Master Blacksmith, and he has agreed to turn 10 obsidian into an Obsidian Battlestaff, a HUGE upgrade over the Mithril Mace you’ve been wielding for the last months. It’ll take him an hour or so. In the meantime, you log into Clash of Guilds, and use the remaining obsidian to upgrade your town hall to the next level. That should keep your village safe for now. You wish you could fast forward time to tonight. Your Guild has plans to go for a deep run into the wilderness in Old School Rune Chains, and your prospects of a successful run (and great loot) have never been better. All guild members have been spending the past 2 weeks grinding for better weapons, and you’ve agreed (through a vote) to use the Guild treasury to buy everyone a new full set of Red Dragonhide Armor. Tonight’s objective is to kill the level 128 Frost Giant hiding in the Cave of Sorrow. He has a 5% chance of dropping an Immaculate Orb of Brilliance, of which there are currently only 4 in existence. The Orb can be used as a power source in an upcoming space exploration game, and should give your guild a great advantage in reaching distant galaxies first. A 5% drop rate is low, but you’re feeling optimistic. In the distance, you hear a faint 'BloCkChAIn doEsNT bRiNg AnYtHiNg nEW tO gAmES'. You shrug, and join your friends in the Discord voice channel. Life is good.
July 2022

Cryptocurrency

NFTs

Deathrattle is "Lose the game"

twitchquotes: Guys what if Acidic swamp ooze was a 30/30, but its deathrattle was "Lose the game"? Would this be balanced? Should I contact bilbarzard??
twitch chat
November 2014
Reynad

bears are fuk

I hate people saying bears are fuk or bulls are fuk. Stop saying that. It's very rude. Just say bears are fuk
December 2020

WallStreetBets

Text-to-Speech Playing