[Copypasta] Natalie Portman is the reason I work out

Natalie Portman is the reason I work out. I have this fantasy where we start talking at the Vanity Fair Oscars party bar. We exchange a few pleasantries. She asks what I do. I say I loved her in New Girl. She laughs. I get my drink. "Well, see ya," I say and walk away. I've got her attention now. How many guys voluntarily leave a conversation with Natalie Portman? She touches her neck as she watches me leave. Later, as the night's dragged on and the coterie of gorgeous narcissists grows increasingly loose, she finds me on the balcony, my bowtie undone, smoking a cigarette. "Got a spare?" she asks. "What's in it for me?" I say as I hand her one of my little white ladies. She smiles. "Conversation with me, duh." I laugh. "What's so funny?" she protests. "Nothing, nothing... It's just... don't you grow tired of the egos?" "You get used to it," she says, lighting her cigarette and handing me back the lighter. "What would you do if you weren't an actress?" I ask. "Teaching, I think." "And if I was your student, what would I be learning?" "Discipline," she says quickly, looking up into my eyes, before changing the subject. "Where are you from?" "Bermuda," I say. "Oh wow. That's lovely." "It's ok," I admit. "Not everything is to my liking." "What could possibly be not to your liking in Bermuda?" she inquires. "I don't like sand," I tell her. "It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere."
January 2021

Classic

What happened to this ad? :(
More Classic Copypastas

A girl... AND a gamer?

A girl.... AND a gamer? Whoa mama! Hummina hummina hummina bazooooooooing! *eyes pop out* AROOOOOOOOGA! *jaw drops tongue rolls out* WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF *tongue bursts out of the outh uncontrollably leaking face and everything in reach* WURBLWUBRLBWURblrwurblwurlbrwubrlwburlwbruwrlblwublr *tiny cupid shoots an arrow through heart* Ahhhhhhhhhhh me lady... *heart in the shape of a heart starts beating so hard you can see it through shirt* ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum *milk truck crashes into a bakery store in the background spiling white liquid and dough on the streets* BABY WANTS TO FUCK *inhales from the gas tank* honka honka honka honka *masturabtes furiously* ohhhh my gooooodd~
March 2021

Classic

Put shoe on head to prove not pre-recorded

twitchquotes: ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ノ PUT SHOE ON HEAD TO PROVE NOT PRE-RECORDED ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ノ
twitch chat
August 2015

Classic

I remember a time when copypasta was biting satire

twitchquotes: I remember a time when copypasta was biting satire and prophetic indictments of contemporary Twitch chat. Copypasta when I was a younger teenager had the potency to topple Nazi moderatorships and revolutionize new chat epochs. Even the truncation of "copypasta" to "pasta" shows a lack of eloquence that speaks volumes. If, like me, you are a product of those better times and wish to see them return then speak out. Let the memers and Toucans know that real copypasta back.
twitch chat
July 2015

MODS

Classic

Anime girl tongue (ahegao face)

⠄⠄⠄⢰⣧⣼⣯⠄⣸⣠⣶⣶⣦⣾⠄⠄⠄⠄⡀⠄⢀⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⢸⡇⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⣾⣿⠿⠿⠶⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣤⣄⢀⡅⢠⣾⣛⡉⠄⠄⠄⠸⢀⣿⠄ ⠄⠄⢀⡋⣡⣴⣶⣶⡀⠄⠄⠙⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣴⣿⣿⣿⢃⣤⣄⣀⣥⣿⣿⠄ ⠄⠄⢸⣇⠻⣿⣿⣿⣧⣀⢀⣠⡌⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⠄ ⠄⢀⢸⣿⣷⣤⣤⣤⣬⣙⣛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣿⣿⡍⠄⠄⢀⣤⣄⠉⠋⣰ ⠄⣼⣖⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢇⣿⣿⡷⠶⠶⢿⣿⣿⠇⢀⣤ ⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣽⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣥⣴⣿⡗ ⢀⠈⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠄ ⢸⣿⣦⣌⣛⣻⣿⣿⣧⠙⠛⠛⡭⠅⠒⠦⠭⣭⡻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠃⠄ ⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠹⠈⢋⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣵⣾⠃⠄ ⠄⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⣴⣿⣶⣄⠄⣴⣶⠄⢀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠈⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⢻⣿⣿⣿⠄⣿⣿⡀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣛⠛⠁⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⠁⠞⢿⣿⣿⡄⢿⣿⡇⣸⣿⣿⠿⠛⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠉⠻⣿⣿⣾⣦⡙⠻⣷⣾⣿⠃⠿⠋⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣠⣴ ⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣮⣥⣒⠲⢮⣝⡿⣿⣿⡆⣿⡿⠃⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣠⣴⣿⣿⣿
October 2018

Weebs

Classic

You guessed it right, im 12 btw

twitchquotes: older than 11 haHAA turning 13 in may haHAA you guessed it right haHAA im 12 btw hahAA
twitch chat
September 2018

Classic

Text-to-Speech Playing