[Copypasta] If Apple opens super green tomorrow

If Apple opens super green tomorrow, I will buy a green Apple and cut a 1/4in hole in it and fuck it with my peen.
December 2020

WallStreetBets

https://www.reddit.com/r/wallstreetbets/comments/kj17ga/what_are_your_moves_tomorrow_december_24_2020/gguwkak
Waiting for adblock to be disabled
More WallStreetBets Copypastas

I am financially ruined

I came here for the first time and in 3 minutes made the decision to put way more than I can afford into PLTR calls. I’m too retarded and now I literally dont know what to do I am financially ruined and I can’t even remember what I read that said this pltr thing was a good move. Fml
December 2020

WallStreetBets

I just smashed my TV because of the SPY

I just smashed my TV in front of 30 guests at my house because of the SPY. My wife just took our crying kids and said they’re all spending the week at a hotel. This sub has ruined my life and my party. I can’t handle this anymore. Goodbye Powell. I am no longer a fan.
March 2022

WallStreetBets

WSB Choose your fighter

Choose your fighter Alex Magikarp 🐟 Elon TechnoCuckLord 🤖+🤴 Jeff Divorcedzos 💔 Salmonella 🐔 Nutella 🍫 Bill "HELL Giga GUH is coming" Clownman 🤡 Chamath, "I'm abouta fuck shit up" Papaya 🍈 Ryan Cocken your butthole 🥒💦 👉👌😳 🥒 Z 🥒 U 🥒 C 🥒 C 🥒 Tim 🍎 Bottom 🅱️ENIS Jack Ma MIA 🤷‍♂️ Cathie "A prayer a day keeps the 🐻s' away" or "Jesus, take my buying power" Woods 🙏✝️
March 2021

WallStreetBets

The Battle of Gamestop rages on.

The Battle of Gamestop rages on. Pre-market we could hear the bears in no-man’s land, baiting us towards higher prices so the shorts could do their dirty work. I was stationed at the 13.80 line, and knew the morning was going to be hot. I shoveled a breakfast of tendies and said a quick prayer to Father Cohen. When the bell rang, the bears surged into our trenches. Blood and rainbow fur filled the air and littered the ground. The Diamond Division has seen worse days, and we held firm. As the bears retreated we gave chase to retake ground we’d lost in the past week. As I caught my breath near the 14.50, I could see bodies everywhere; paper hands who had fallen in earlier battles. One of them groaned and reached a hand towards me. I spat on him and kept moving. No honor in retreat, and no sympathy for self-inflicted wounds. This war won’t be won in a day, but it will be won. Tell my wife’s boyfriend to tell her I love her.
December 2020

WallStreetBets

game of doctor

when i was like 12 my neighbor invited me over and we played a game called “doctor” basically he took his pants off got fully erect and asked me to examine it. don’t even remember what happened after that. anyways BFT to the moon
January 2021

WallStreetBets

More WallStreetBets Copypastas
Text-to-Speech Playing