[Copypasta] Useless Spotify ad

twitchquotes: Thanks for listening to Spotify. No, really. You could've listened to the radio. You could've spun some vinyl. You could've played a cassette tape. You could've listened to an eight track tape, if you knew what an eight track tape looked like. But you listened to Spotify. Thanks for that. And you still have hundreds of more playlists to enjoy
twitch chat
May 2020
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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Don't use the "F word" on the trade floor

Just heard an employee use the “F word” on the trade floor, and immediately fired them. Maybe other funds will tolerate that kind of language, but don’t you dare talk about Fundamentals here.
January 2021

WallStreetBets

RATIO? WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?

RATIO? RATIO? WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN MEAN, WHAT THE FUCK ARE THESE KIDS SAYING THESE DAYS? RATIO? WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU HAVE SOME SORT OF VIOLENT BRAIN DAMAGE? RATIO THIS, L THAT. ARE YOU PEOPLE ACTUALLY MENTALLY CHALLENGED? HOLY SHIT LIKE. RATIO IS A FUCKING MATH TERM YOU DERANGED DEGENERATE BASEMENT DWELLING MORONS CAN YOU STUPID DENSE MOTHERFUCKERS SAY ANYTHING ELSE? SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP
April 2022

I hate British people

Lame ass British motherfucking broken teeth tea drinking small country weird accent monocle top hat wearer bitchass motherfuckers with their poor hygiene and dental care and a shitty bitchass old ass motherfucking queen that was alive during the fucking Boston tea party just to say “OH WHAT BLOODY WANKERS” towards the Americans who made the smart ass decision to throw their dumbass motherfucking tea into the fucking BOSTON HARBOR then say “see you” and get the fuck out and start a new nation and shit cause they couldn’t tolerate people who put the letter “u” into the word color and call cookies fucking BISCUTS, the British cant even see straight with their crossed-ass eyes and their messed up teeth and EVERYTIME they take a bite atleast 8 of their teeth on their crooked-ass jaws are shoved into their tongues and the top of their worthless ass bitchass motherfucking mouths and then, with a mouth full of blood, they’ll say “OH HOW FUCKING SCRUMPTIOUS” like shut the fuck up bitch no one wants to hear your accent that sounds worse than motherfucking nails on a chalkboard. Just. SHUT. THE FUCK. UP. Lameass wankers.
February 2021

British People

Mirana

⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣀⣤⠠⠤⣤⡤⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣴⡲⠶⣺⡋⠋⠁⠄⠄⠙⠢⡀⠘⠱⠱⡄⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⠔⠋⠄⠄⣴⣿⡣⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠂⠄⠁⠹⡏⢢⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⡔⠁⠄⠄⠄⣼⠿⢿⣻⠃⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠠⠃⠄⠢⡀⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⢀⠌⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠻⠖⢟⠕⣪⣤⣴⣄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⢳⣿⣶ ⠄⠄⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⣼⣿⣷⠻⡃⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠘⢹⣿ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠘⠛⠻⣿⣿⡽⠋⠉⢉⣍⣽⣿⣿⡄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢠⠶⢼⣿ ⣮⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣀⠈⣿⣿⣷⡠⠄⣶⣦⣽⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⡾⠡⢿⢨⣿ ⣿⣧⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠉⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡀⠄⠄⠄⡀⠄⠄⡞⠄⣿ ⣿⣿⣇⠄⠄⠄⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠄⠄⠄⠐⡶⠄⠁⠄⠸ ⣿⣿⣿⡆⠄⠄⠙⢿⣇⠙⣋⣭⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄⢹⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄⡀⠉⠄⠧⠿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⣿⣿⣿⣇⠄⠄⢸⣿⣄⠄⠐⠒⠛⢠⣾⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠁⠄⠄⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⣿⣿⣿⣷⠄⠄⠈⢿⣿⣇⠄⠐⢻⣿⣿⡿⠟⠉⠄⠄⠄⠄⠂⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠄⠄⠈⣿⠋⠄⠄⠈⠉⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣀⣀⡄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
ascii art
February 2021

Dota 2

Not funny I didn't laugh

Not funny I didn't laugh. Your joke is so bad I would have preferred the joke went over my head and you gave up re-telling me the joke. To be honest this is a horrid attempt at trying to get a laugh out of me. Not a chuckle, not a hehe, not even a subtle burst of air out of my esophagus. Science says before you laugh your brain preps your face muscles but I didn't even feel the slightest twitch. 0/10 this joke is so bad I cannot believe anyone legally allowed you to be creative at all. The amount of brain power you must have put into that joke has the potential to power every house on Earth. Get a personality and learn how to make jokes, read a book. I'm not saying this to be funny I genuinely mean it on how this is just bottom barrel embarrassment at comedy. You've single handedly killed humor and every comedic act on the planet. I'm so disappointed that society has failed as a whole in being able to teach you how to be funny. Honestly if I put in all my power and time to try and make your joke funny it would require Einstein himself to build a device to strap me into so I can be connected to the energy of a billion stars to do it, and even then all that joke would get from people is a subtle scuff. You're lucky I still have the slightest of empathy for you after telling that joke otherwise I would have committed every war crime in the book just to prevent you from attempting any humor ever again. We should put that joke in text books so future generations can be wary of becoming such an absolute comedic failure. Im disappointed, hurt, and outright offended that my precious time has been wasted in my brain understanding that joke. In the time that took I was planning on helping kids who have been orphaned, but because of that you've waisted my time explaining the obscene integrity of your terrible attempt at comedy. Now those kids are suffering without meals and there's nobody to blame but you. I hope you're happy with what you have done and I truly hope you can move on and learn from this piss poor attempt
September 2019

Classic

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