[Copypasta] It's already priced in

twitchquotes: Don't even ask the question. The answer is yes, it's priced in. Think Amazon will beat the next earnings? That's already been priced in. You work at the drive thru for Mickey D's and found out that the burgers are made of human meat? Priced in. You think insiders don't already know that? The market is an all powerful, all encompassing being that knows the very inner workings of your subconscious before you were even born. Your very existence was priced in decades ago when the market was valuing Standard Oil's expected future earnings based on population growth that would lead to your birth, what age you would get a car, how many times you would drive your car every week, how many times you take the bus/train, etc. Anything you can think of has already been priced in, even the things you aren't thinking of. You have no original thoughts. Your consciousness is just an illusion, a product of the omniscent market. Free will is a myth. The market sees all, knows all and will be there from the beginning of time until the end of the universe (the market has already priced in the heat death of the universe). So please, before you make a post on wsb asking whether AAPL has priced in earpods 11 sales or whatever, know that it has already been priced in and don't ask such a dumb fucking question again.
twitch chat
April 2020
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Creepy Spongebob

โ „โ „โ „โ „โ „โ „โ „โ „โ „โ „โ „โ „โ „โ „โ „โ „โ „ โ”ˆโ”ˆโ•ฑโ–”โ–”โ–”โ–”โ–”โ–”โ–”โ–”โ–”โ–”โ–”โ–โ „โ „โ „โ „โ „ โ”ˆโ•ฑโ•ญโ–โ•ฎโ•ญโ”ปโ”ปโ•ฎโ•ญโ”ปโ”ปโ•ฎโ•ญโ–โ „โ „โ „โ „โ „ โ–•โ•ฎโ•ฐโ–โ•ฏโ”ƒโ•ญโ•ฎโ”ƒโ”ƒโ•ญโ•ฎโ”ƒโ•ฐโ–โ „โ „โ „โ „โ „ โ–•โ•ฏโ”ˆโ–โ”ˆโ”—โ”ปโ”ปโ”›โ”—โ”ปโ”ปโ”ปโ•ฎโ–โ „โ „โ „โ „โ „ โ–•โ•ญโ•ฎโ–โ•ฎโ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆโ”ˆโ”โ”โ”โ”โ•ฏโ–โ „โ „โ „โ „โ „ โ–•โ•ฐโ•ฏโ–โ•ฏโ•ฐโ”ณโ”ณโ”ณโ”ณโ”ณโ”ณโ•ฏโ•ญโ–โ „โ „โ „โ „โ „ โ–•โ”ˆโ•ญโ–โ•ญโ•ฎโ”ƒโ”—โ”›โ”—โ”›โ”ƒโ”ˆโ•ฐโ–โ „โ „โ „โ „โ „ โ–•โ”ˆโ•ฐโ–โ•ฐโ•ฏโ•ฐโ”โ”โ”โ”โ•ฏโ”ˆโ”ˆโ–โ „โ „โ „โ „โ „
ascii art
December 2019

This is the shittiest reply ever Overwatch version

twitchquotes: This is the shittiest reply ever. Overwatch requires camping, booping, stunning, sleeping, hacking, slamming, aimbotting and hitting shots. There are not โ€œpositionsโ€ in Overwatch. A kickers job is LITERALLY to kick. Horrible analogy, kind of embarrassing.
twitch chat
December 2019

Hi Kripp, it's Jarl Balgruuf the Greater

twitchquotes: Hi Kripp it's Jarl Balgruuf the Greater. I heard you are trying to play other games when we need you here at Skyrim to clean up the dragons. Quit what you are doing right now and come join me as the new Whiterun Thane. My axe is ready as your reward.
twitch chat
January 2015
Kripp

Everything points to Amogus

๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿฟ๐Ÿ‘‡๐Ÿฟ๐Ÿ‘‡๐Ÿฟ๐Ÿ‘‡๐Ÿฟ๐Ÿ‘‡๐Ÿฟ๐Ÿ‘‡๐Ÿฟ๐Ÿ‘‡๐Ÿฟ๐Ÿ‘‡๐Ÿฟ๐Ÿ‘‡๐Ÿฟ๐Ÿ‘‡๐Ÿฟ๐Ÿ‘ˆ๐Ÿฟ ๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿฟ๐Ÿ‘‡๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ‘‡๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ‘‡๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ‘‡๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ‘‡๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ‘‡๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ‘‡๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ‘‡๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ‘‡๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ‘ˆ๐Ÿฟ ๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿฟ๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ‘‡๐Ÿฝ๐Ÿ‘‡๐Ÿฝ๐Ÿ‘‡๐Ÿฝ๐Ÿ‘‡๐Ÿฝ๐Ÿ‘‡๐Ÿฝ๐Ÿ‘‡๐Ÿฝ๐Ÿ‘‡๐Ÿฝ๐Ÿ‘ˆ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ‘ˆ๐Ÿฟ ๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿฟ๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿฝ๐Ÿ‘‡๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ‘‡๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ‘‡๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ‘‡๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ‘‡๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ‘ˆ๐Ÿฝ๐Ÿ‘ˆ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ‘ˆ๐Ÿฟ ๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿฟ๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿฝ๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ‘‡๐Ÿป๐Ÿ‘‡๐Ÿป๐Ÿ‘‡๐Ÿป๐Ÿ‘ˆ๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ‘ˆ๐Ÿฝ๐Ÿ‘ˆ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ‘ˆ๐Ÿฟ ๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿฟ๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿฝ๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿป เถž ๐Ÿ‘ˆ๐Ÿป๐Ÿ‘ˆ๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ‘ˆ๐Ÿฝ๐Ÿ‘ˆ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ‘ˆ๐Ÿฟ ๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿฟ๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿฝ๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ‘†๐Ÿป๐Ÿ‘†๐Ÿป๐Ÿ‘†๐Ÿป๐Ÿ‘ˆ๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ‘ˆ๐Ÿฝ๐Ÿ‘ˆ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ‘ˆ๐Ÿฟ ๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿฟ๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿฝ๐Ÿ‘†๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ‘†๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ‘†๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ‘†๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ‘†๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ‘ˆ๐Ÿฝ๐Ÿ‘ˆ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ‘ˆ๐Ÿฟ ๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿฟ๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ‘†๐Ÿฝ๐Ÿ‘†๐Ÿฝ๐Ÿ‘†๐Ÿฝ๐Ÿ‘†๐Ÿฝ๐Ÿ‘†๐Ÿฝ๐Ÿ‘†๐Ÿฝ๐Ÿ‘†๐Ÿฝ๐Ÿ‘ˆ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ‘ˆ๐Ÿฟ ๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿฟ๐Ÿ‘†๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ‘†๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ‘†๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ‘†๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ‘†๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ‘†๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ‘†๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ‘†๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ‘†๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ‘ˆ๐Ÿฟ ๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿฟ๐Ÿ‘†๐Ÿฟ๐Ÿ‘†๐Ÿฟ๐Ÿ‘†๐Ÿฟ๐Ÿ‘†๐Ÿฟ๐Ÿ‘†๐Ÿฟ๐Ÿ‘†๐Ÿฟ๐Ÿ‘†๐Ÿฟ๐Ÿ‘†๐Ÿฟ๐Ÿ‘†๐Ÿฟ๐Ÿ‘ˆ๐Ÿฟ
ascii art
March 2022

Among Us / Amogus

Classic

I finally did it. I out-pizza'd the Hut

I finally did it. I out-pizza'd the Hut. It was the greatest mistake of my life. After years of perfecting my recipe, I made my way down to the local hut, fresh-baked pizza pie in hand. "Try this," I told the kid working the counter. He did, and he had to agree that it was better than anything Pizza Hut had to offer. Soon, the entire store, customers included, was feasting on my delicious pie. The manager walked over, grabbed a slice, and took a bite. I look at him, anticipation rising. This was the boss, the local fief lord of the Hut. His approval meant more to me than all the rest combined. He took a bite and nodded. "I'll be damned," he said, "you really did it. You out-pizza'd the Hut. Shame." Shame? What did he mean by tha- the manager pulled a gun out from behind his apron and shot the nearest customer in the head. "We have a Code Jalapeรฑo," he said into his wrist as he executed the remaining customers. "I repeat, we have a Code Jalapeรฑo." The ground was slick with blood. The kid working the counter choked out his dying breath as the manager turned to me. "You just had to do it motherfucker. You just had to out-pizza the Hut." He shoved the gun in my face. I was too scared to fight, too scared to run. The manager pulled the trigger. A click. The gun was empty. I threw a chair at the manager and scrambled out of the Pizza Hut, not even bothering to see if my missile hit its mark. I was closely pursued by the manager, who had gotten his hands on a deadly sharp pizza cutter. I suspected in his hands it would cut more than pizza. Somehow, I was able to get into my car and speed off, the manager cursing my existence as I left him behind. I took a deep breath. The manager was clearly psychotic. Yes, that was it, just a crazy man with a gun. It had to be. My phone rang. Sister. I picked it. "They're dead, she sobbed. They're all dead. M-mom, dad, Chris, Bill. Dead. They killed them all." I could barely understand her, so great were her sobs. "What do you mean? Where are you?" I asked urgently. "How is this possi-" a single gunshot sounded through my phone's speakers. Silence. Then, I heard a man's voice. "No one out-pizzas the Hut." He hung up. I drove down the empty county road, mind blank. I had nothing. They killed my family. I was alone. At that moment I knew what I had to do. They took everything from me. Well then, I would take everything from them. Pizza Hut was so terrified of being out-pizza'd, they forgot there's one thing worse than a man with a recipe: A man with nothing to lose. I'll give them a limited time offer they won't be able to refuse: two bullets for the price of one. With a free side order of pain.
May 2021
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