[Copypasta] My e-girl e-cheated on me

twitchquotes: My e-girl e-cheated on me after an entire e-day of e-dating and now I'm e-sad. On another e-note, e-girls please send in your e-resumes, I am currently looking to e-fill an e-position.
twitch chat
March 2019
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
More Copypastas

EU "Expect Unsatisfaction” is known as the fastest region to arrive at the Airport

EU "Expect Unsatisfaction” is known as the fastest region to arrive at the Airport. Since they gave up on the LoL Worlds Championship, they are investing in Speedruns. In particular they are current worldrecord holders in Airport no wins Any %
October 2021

EU vs NA

Stimulus hopes in the year is 2025

The year is 2025. House speaker Nancy pelosi's brain jar has agreed with Mitch McConnell's new human skinbody to vote on the $12 covid stimulus package. This is the 37th revision to the package initially introduced in late 2020. One dollar will be split between all americans, two between all illegal immigrants, and the rest to Jeff bezos. Due to stimulus hopes, SPY has rallied to 600.
December 2020

WallStreetBets

I hate Among Us

I can't fucking take it. I see an image of a random object posted and then I see it, I fucking see it. "Oh that looks kinda like the among us guy" it started as. That's funny, that's a cool reference. But I kept going, I'd see a fridge that looked like among us, I'd see an animated bag of chips that looked like among us, I'd see a hat that looked like among us. And every time I'd burst into an insane, breath deprived laugh staring at the image as the words AMOGUS ran through my head. It's torment, psychological torture, I am being conditioned to laugh maniacly any time I see an oval on a red object. I can't fucking live like this... I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't! And don't get me fucking started on the words! I'll never hear the word suspicious again without thinking of among us. Someone does something bad and I can't say anything other than "sus." I could watch a man murder everyone I love and all I would be able to say is "red sus" and laugh like a fucking insane person. And the word "among" is ruined. The phrase "among us" is ruined. I can't live anymore. Among us has destroyed my fucking life. I want to eject myself from this plane of existence. MAKE IT STOP!
February 2021

Among Us / Amogus

Did you ever hear the tragedy of xQc?

twitchquotes: Did you ever hear the tragedy of xQc? I thought not. It's not a story the OWL casters would tell you. It's a tank legend. xQc was a tank main, so powerful and so wise he could use his shield to influence the DPS to do their jobs.. He had such a knowledge of the shields that he could even keep the ones he cared about from dying. The tank mains of the game is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural. He became so powerful... the only thing he was afraid of was getting banned for toxicity, which eventually, of course, he did. Unfortunately, he taught his apprentice everything he knew, then his apprentice reported him to blizzard in his sleep. It's ironic he could save others from death, but not himself.
twitch chat
May 2019
xQcOW

Tragedy of Darth Plagueis The Wise

Overwatch

I put sushi in my husband’s butthole while he was asleep

He was sleeping soundly naked, and I was eating leftover sushi. I couldn't help myself. I spread open his cheeks ever so softly, and tucked a slice of Philly roll right next to his puckered asshole. He did not wake up. When he awoke several hours later, he thought he had shit himself. I managed to video him discovering it was in his asshole, and I cannot stop watching him dig salmon, cream cheese, and rice out of his butthole. I also cannot stop laughing. I needed to tell someone.
May 2022
Text-to-Speech Playing