[Copypasta] Awooga Awooga

twitchquotes: *jaw drops to floor, eyes pop out of sockets accompanied by trumpets, heart beats out of chest, awooga awooga sound effect, pulls chain on train whistle that has appeared next to head as steam blows out, slams fists on table, rattling any plates, bowls or silverware, whistles loudly, fireworks shoot from top of head, pants loudly as tongue hangs out of mouth, wipes comically large bead of sweat from forehead, clears throat, straightens tie, combs hair* Ahem, you look very lovely.
twitch chat
February 2020
I used to be a real ad
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Imagine complaining about aim assist

twitchquotes: Imagine complaining about aim assist when u have a WHOLE mouse and a WHOLE table and a WHOLE hand to move around to track a player , meanwhile controller players use A THUMB and ARE LIMITED TO MOVING , We can’t move our little analog stick ALL AROUND THE TABLE , complaining BOTS.
twitch chat
February 2019

Fortnite

My daughter is dating a douche-bag (response to /r/cryptocurrency post)

My daughter is dating a douche-bag I don't know where I messed up, I thought I taught her well on what to look for in a man. The guy just showed up at my house and starting rambling on about how DCAing 30 dollars in 4 months into Safemoon helped him understand finance and geopolitics. I told him he was completely oblivious about being in a ponzi, this only unchained a what I believed to be a cocaine induced speech saying that Safemoon was going to be the next Bitcoin and he was going to moon while buying "lambos" for his friends because he was no "Bitch-ass paperhands". I'm a bank executive, so you can only imagine what a nightmare this is for me. Don't know what the point of this post is, is not like my daughter is going to stop dating that idiot anyways. I'm scared about my daughter's future.
September 2021

Cryptocurrency

Dreaming about forsen

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⢸⢟⣛⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣿⣶⣶⣶⡆⠄ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⢸⡿⡽⠿⠾⣿⣿⡿⠿⠟⠛⠛⠛⠻⡇⠄ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡗⢸⣧⣤⢴⡦⣽⣿⠃⢀⣀⡒⠯⠄⢀⢀⠄ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⢸⣿⣿⣶⣿⣿⣧⠄⠚⢿⣧⣅⣀⣤⣔⡄ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⣿⣷⢸⣿⡿⣻⠿⠟⠁⠄⠄⠄⠹⣿⣿⣿⡿⠁ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⣿⣄⣀⣸⣿⢸⣿⣿⣅⣤⡦⠦⣄⠄⠄⠄⠙⣿⡉⠄⠄ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⣤⣼⣿⣿⣿⡯⢸⣿⠿⢿⣿⣏⣉⢙⣒⣿⣿⢿⡿⠃⠛⠁ ⣿⣿⣿⢋⣭⠍⠛⠛⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣷⠸⠋⠄⠄⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠛⠃⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⡿⣛⡭⠌⠁⠊⢠⣿⣟⣤⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣦⣦⣄⣤⣤⣤⣀⣤⣠⣤⣤⣤⣶ ⡇⢿⣰⠏⢀⣾⢆⣽⣛⣼⣦⠉⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⡘⢿⣤⣿⣵⡟⣸⣿⠿⠃⠄⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⢿⣿⣛ ⣿⣧⢺⣿⣿⣿⡟⠋⠄⠄⣠⡔⣘⡻⠿⠿⠛⠛⠉⠉⠉⠉⠄⠉⠉⠉⠛⠒⠿⠿ ⣿⣿⣧⢿⣿⣿⣧⠄⢴⡿⢋⣴⣿⣿⡟⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⣻⠿⣛⣩⣶⣿⣿⡿⠟⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠈⠛⠿⣿⣿⠿⠘⣿⣿⢿⣿⠟⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
ascii art
December 2020
Forsen

Unrealized losses

She runs her hand through your thinning hair and laughs. “What?” you ask absentmindedly. You’re looking at Futures, and you’re surprised to see them red. “I want you to play with me.” She says it playfully, but the single ounce of you that isn’t totally aloof realizes she said this in earnest. And so you do. You throw your phone, and you pin her to the sofa, then the ground. You both roll about, wrestling, like lion cubs. Kissing, lightly biting. Sometime later, you both stop, breathing hard. She grabs an open bottle of red wine, and you pass it back and forth. Eventually she says, “I want to do that more.” But you’ve already found your phone again to check Futures. Still red. “Uh huh,” you say, distracted. She stares at you for a long moment, but you don’t realize it. Silently, she gets up and goes to bed, and you don’t say a word because you don’t notice. She hasn’t left you yet, but she will soon. Unrealized losses.
December 2020

WallStreetBets

Twitch's terrible Bounty commercial

twitchquotes: Four people on me. Quick I need help. Dash, we're on then way. Come on guys we got this. NOOOO. NOOOO.Quick! The quicker picker upper.A spill? No biggie.That's right chat, ya GOTTA have Bounty at your battle station. My man! Let's get back into this. Cover Me, cover me. Guy's I'm still knocked over here. Bounty. The Quicker Picker-upper.
twitch chat
June 2020
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