[Copypasta] Raid Shadow Legends changed my life

twitchquotes: i used to play fortnite all nite. no sleep! but ever since obama told me to try raid shadow legends for free, i am addicted. this game is a game. it has graphics. it has characters. best of all it has a loot box mechanic to enhance my experience even more by adding another exciting chance based layer to the game! two week ago i spend all my money becoming a raid shadow legend. now i live in a dumpster outside a mcdonalds with free wifi. at night i sneak into the mcdonalds just like my new racoon dad, stripey, taught me to do so that i can charge my phone. through the cracked screen i am still perpetually amazed at the graphics of this game... they look so real! thank you obama, you truly change my life!
twitch chat
January 2020
I used to be a real ad
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PogChamp

โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ–‘โ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ–’โ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–’โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–“โ–“โ–’โ–‘โ–‘ โ–“โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–“โ–“โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–’โ–‘โ–‘ โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ–€โ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–ˆโ–’โ–‘โ–‘ โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–„โ–‘โ–‘ โ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–€โ–€โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–ˆโ–’โ–‘ โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–’โ–„โ–€โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–ˆโ–’โ–’โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–„โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–’โ–„โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–“โ–’โ–ˆโ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–’โ–“โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–€โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–‘โ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–„โ–‘โ–’โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–‘โ–’โ–’โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–‘โ–’โ–’โ–‘โ–“โ–€โ–€โ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–“โ–’โ–’โ–‘โ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–“โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘
ascii art
November 2014

Bear

โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–โ–€โ–€โ–„โ–ˆโ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–’โ–„โ–’โ–€โ–Œโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–โ–’โ–ˆโ–€โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–€โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–€โ–Œโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–Œโ–’โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–’โ–’โ–’โ–โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–Œโ–’โ–’โ–„โ–’โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–’โ–„โ–„โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–€โ–„โ–ˆโ–€โ–ˆโ–„โ–€โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–ˆโ–„โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–ˆโ–„โ–’โ–’โ–โ–โ–„โ–Œโ–Œโ–’โ–’โ–„โ–โ–„โ–โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–€โ–’โ–’โ–„โ–’โ–’โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–€โ–’โ–€โ–„โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–’โ–€โ–ˆโ–€โ–Œโ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–โ–’โ–’โ–โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–Œโ–Œโ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–€โ–’โ–’โ–โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–โ–Œโ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–โ–„โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–Œโ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–„โ–„โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘
ascii art
November 2014

Kermit the Frog and the Twin Towers

It is actual Muppets canon that Kermit the Frog, in some way, had a role in bringing down the Twin Towers in the terror attacks of September 11, 2001. In "It's a Very Muppets Christmas Movie," a film released in late 2002, Kermit is shown a glimpse of what New York City might look like if he had never been born. Among the scenery of this alternate reality NYC, we find none other than the Twin Towers proudly standing in the background. They were, of course, long destroyed in Kermit's normal reality. And yet, in the world without Kermit, the war on terror is missing its powder keg spark. Who would've thought that green piece of fuck could kermit a terror attack on US soil, but there it stands unimpeachable... We have concrete, canon proof of involvement. Why the world hasn't stopped and asked further questions is only further proof of a media cabal keeping this conversation away from the masses. The Twin Towers would still be standing if it weren't for Kermit the Frog. Al Qaeda was the puppet this time, and Kermit the hand within.
April 2022

Oh my gourd, I am financially ruined (agricultural futures)

I have lost everything, and I'm not sure how to continue. This summer I invested $17,500 (six months salary and my entire life savings) into ornamental gourd futures, hoping to capitalize on this lucrative emerging industry. After watching a video about Vincent Kosuga and his monopoly on onions, I decided I'd try to do something similar with another vegetable. I did some research and found out many agricultural forecasters expected this year's gourd yield would be far smaller than the past, due to deteriorating soil conditions in central Mexico and a warmer-than-average spring. At first, demand soared around Halloween and prices skyrocketed, but the gourd bubble burst on November 12th. Unfortunately, the coronavirus caused a massive drop-off in demand due to fewer families decorating their tables for thanksgiving, and prices plummeted. I had invested early enough that I thought I would still be fine, but then on the morning of December 2nd, a new email in my inbox caused my stomach to turn into a pretzel. The massive gourd shipment from Argentina, scheduled for early March, had arrived. I was planning on selling off my futures right before this, in February, but this ruined everything. To top it off, the gourds in this shipment were absolutely gargantuan, some topping 4 pounds each, causing the price-per-pound to drop like an anchor into the range of 6 cents per pound. I am ruined.
January 2021

Classic

WallStreetBets

CoolStoryBob tell me more

twitchquotes: CoolStoryBob fascinating, tell me more
twitch chat
November 2016
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