[Copypasta] Own a musket for home defense

twitchquotes: Own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, "Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the founding fathers intended.
twitch chat
August 2019
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More Copypastas

Kripp forgot about shredder placement

twitchquotes: Pupparrian scampers excitedly as Kripp carries the new bird cage. "Here you go, Birdarrian," says Kripp as he hangs the cage in the office. Unfortunately, Pupparian's joyful romping caused kripp to stumble, the cage bursting open and Birdarrian falling helplessly into the merciless jaws of the paper shredder sitting below the cage. "Oh no," gasps Kripp, "I forgot about shredder placement!"
twitch chat
April 2016
Kripp

Hearthstone

When chat spam my kripp stream crashes

twitchquotes: Hey guys. I am living in poor family with low interneting and very cheap pc barely handle kripp stream at 5 fps and when chat spam my kripp stream crashes so please dont spam the chat thank you.
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

ZOOMIN , IN THE FOreign. GOt thE enGINE ROARIN

twitchquotes: Z OO MIN , IN THE FOreign ⛽️🚓GOt thE enGINE ROARIN 🚗 ⛽️Z OO MIN , IN THE FOreign ⛽️🚓Z OO MIN , IN THE FOreign ⛽️🚓GOt thE enGINE ROARIN 🚗 ⛽️Z OO MIN , IN THE FOreign ⛽️🚓Z OO MIN , IN THE FOreign ⛽️🚓GOt thE enGINE ROARIN 🚗 ⛽️Z OO MIN , IN THE FOreign ⛽️🚓Z OO MIN , IN THE FOreign ⛽️🚓GOt thE enGINE ROARIN 🚗 ⛽️Z OO MIN , IN THE FOreign ⛽️🚓Z OO MIN , IN THE FOreign ⛽️🚓GOt thE enGINE ROARIN 🚗 ⛽️Z OO MIN , IN THE FOreign ⛽️🚓
twitch chat
March 2018
Tyler1

I'll do it. I'll stream Final Fantasy

twitchquotes: Kripp is chained to the chair, sobbing as the man hacks at his face with a razor. He cries as the last bit of his beard is cut away, sapping him of his Romanian gypsy powers. "Please don't hurt her. I'll do whatever you want" says Kripp. The man with the razor laughs and says "Are you ready to accept the deal? Or do we need to hurt Pupparian?" Kripp shakes his head. "I'll do it. I'll stream Final Fantasy." WutFace
twitch chat
March 2016
Kripp

The teacher was Albert Einstein

twitchquotes: When jon lenon was 10 his teacher askd "what do u wana do when u are adult?" and jon lenon said "hapy". the teacher said "u didn't understand question" and lenon said "u dont understand life.". The teacher was alber Einstein, retweet if u beliv in god
twitch chat
December 2014
Forsen
Text-to-Speech Playing