[Copypasta] Own a musket for home defense

twitchquotes: Own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, "Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the founding fathers intended.
twitch chat
August 2019
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Kripp puts his hands on my hips and looks into my eyes

twitchquotes: Kripp puts his hands on my hips and looks into my eyes. His face comes closer as he plants his wet lips onto mine. We are locked together in a beautiful display of love. Then I wake up. I look at Kripp's stream. He is playing Tavern Brawl. Now I remember why I fell asl... ResidentSleeper
twitch chat
November 2016
Kripp

Classic

Hearthstone

Buff Doge

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢠⣤⠈⢿⣿⡿⠋⠉⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠇⢸⣿⣷⠦⢀⣤⡚⠂⠘⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠃⠀⡾⠋⠀⢼⣥⡘⠃⣤⠀⠀⠈⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠇⢀⣦⡄⠀⠀⠀⠉⠁⠀⣤⣄⠀⠀⠈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⢠⡾⠉⠃⠀⠀⠀⠠⣤⣰⣿⡗⠀⠀⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠀⠀⠀⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⠿⠟⠋⠀⠀⢠⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠛⠛⠉⠙⠛⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠛⠛⠁⠀⠀⢀⣀⡀⠤⠴⠲⣲⣿⠄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠀⠀⣀⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢻⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⠡⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠛⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠐⠉⠉⠉⠉⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⠄⠙⢿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⣿ ⣿⣿⡏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠲⠄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸ ⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸ ⣿⠏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡗⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈ ⡟⢠⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⡄ ⡇⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣤⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇ ⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡸⠑⠀⠀⠀⢀⢀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣼⡟⠀⠀⠀⡀⠀⠀⠾⠛⠀⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠃ ⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠀⠀⡀⠀⠀⠈⠙⠓⠲⠀⠠⠄⠠⠴⠟⠒⠂⢀⡈⠁⠘⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠻⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠙⣦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠐⠀⠀⠀⠈⠈⠄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⠄⠀⠑⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢰ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⡄⣿⣷⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠀⠐⠂⠤⠀⠐⠀⠀⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡞⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸ ⠀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⡇⣿⣿⡇⠀⠞⠁⠂⠀⠀⠀⠠⠀⠠⠤⠀⠀⠀⡢⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇⣴⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸ ⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠁⣿⣿⡇⠀⠲⢮⢀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠤⠀⠄⠀⠀⡅⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡜⢡⠇⠰⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸ ⣷⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠣⡀⢹⣿⡇⠀⠓⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠂⠒⠀⠀⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠁⠸⠇⠀⡂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣾ ⣿⣿⣦⠐⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠳⣄⠙⠇⠸⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠖⠀⠐⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⠀⠀⣀⠤⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣴⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣷⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠹⢧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢠⡆⠀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣼⡋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣾⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠳⠿⠀⣼⡐⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡀⢠⢂⣿⣷⡇⢠⠀⠀⠀⡐⠀⠀⣧⣤⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣼⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣤⡀⢠⠀⠀⠂⠀⠀⠀⢀⣿⡇⠸⢄⠀⠀⡠⠊⠀⢁⣾⣿⣿⡇⠸⠣⠀⠴⠅⠀⡄⡀⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠄⠀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⣤⣤⣤⣤⣾⣿⣿⣿⣷⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢲⣷⡄⣠⣤⣄⡀⢀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣿⣿⣉⡿⣿⣿⣴⣿⣿⡀⠠⠀⠀⠀⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣤⣼⣿⣷⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⢿⣿⣿⣿⠇⠠⠀⠀⠈⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⠁⠀⣀⣤⣤⣭⣾⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣶⣶⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
March 2021

Welcome to the $5 strip club

twitchquotes: So I went to a Strip Club in Greece the other night and guess who i saw there. It was the Kripp with hundreds of 5 dollar bills. So the Stripper goes in a hot pose, Kripp smiles and pours himself a glass of OJ. Kripp said "Welcome to the 5 Dollar Club" and they went into a private room. Not sure what .happened then but i guess he gave her a brofist.
twitch chat
October 2014
Kripp

Valorant censorship

At least you have the fucking balls to say it. Like in Valorant in the voice chat if you call someone a retard for being trash at the game and not using a mic, and he's a Russian player, you're "banned". Nevermind that the race of the player exists independently from how trash he is at the game. Obviously not all Russians have no mic, (correlation/causation), but this "all players are equal" political correctness bullshit is making it impossible for Valorant players to solve a problem they cannot discuss.
August 2021

Valorant

Lapras

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April 2017

Pokemon

Text-to-Speech Playing