[Copypasta] Own a musket for home defense

twitchquotes: Own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, "Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the founding fathers intended.
twitch chat
August 2019
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Do you have what it takes to be a Memester?

slow claps steps out of the shadows Heh... not bad, kid. Not bad at all. Your meme, I mean. It's not bad. A good first attempt. It's plenty dank... I can tell it's got some thought behind it... lots of quotable material... But memeing isn't all sunshine and rainbows, kid. You're skilled... that much I can tell. But do you have what it takes to be a Memester? To join those esteemed meme ranks? To call yourself a member of the Ruseman's Corps? Memeing takes talent, that much is true. But more than that it takes heart. The world-class Memesters - I mean the big guys, like Johnny Hammersticks and Billy Kuahana - they're out there day and night, burning the midnight meme-oil, working tirelessly to craft that next big meme. And you know what, kid? 99 times out of a hundred, that new meme fails. Someone dismisses it as bait, or says it's "tryhard," or ignores it as they copy/paste the latest shitpost copypasta dreamt up by those sorry excuses for cut-rate memers over at reddit. The Meme Game is rough, kid, and I don't just mean the one you just lost :). It's a rough business, and for every artisan meme you craft in your meme bakery, some cocksucker at 9gag has a picture of a duck or some shit that a million different Johnny No-Names will attach a milion different captions to. Chin up, kid. Don't get all mopey on me. You've got skill. You've got talent. You just need to show your drive. See you on the boards...
June 2017

A boy asked a girl in a library

twitchquotes: A boy asked a girl in a library, "Do you mind if I sit beside you"? The girl Answered with a loud angry voice; "I don't want to spend the night with you!! All the people in the library started staring at the boy and he was embarrassed. After minutes the girl walked quietly to the guy's table and said to him I study psychology and I know what man is think, I guess you felt embarrassed,right? The guy responded with a loud voice :$300 for one night That's too much!! and all the people in the library looked at the girl in shock and the guy whispered in her ears, "I study law and I know how to make someone guilty.
twitch chat
August 2020

My husband of 5 years bought me Reddit Gold for my anniversary

My 5-Year anniversary with my husband was last week. The traditional gift for 5 years is silverware. I wanted a new set and told my husband which he could get me as a gift. I knew he wanted an Apple Watch and bought that as my gift to him. On the day of our anniversary, I logged onto Reddit to find dozens of my posts and comments guilded. I found it odd as I don’t post terribly often and the guilded comments were old. It’s also the first time I’ve received Reddit gold. When the time came to exchange gifts, he gleefully opened his Apple Watch and begin setting it up. I figured I’m all the excitement he forgot to give me my gift so I gently prodded him. He told me to check Reddit. Ladies and Gentlemen, my husband GUILDED me 24 times as an anniversary gift. He’s a bit of a jokester, so I figured my real gift was coming. But Reddit, it’s been a week. Do I say something? Buy the silverware myself? Some combination of the two? I feel if I don’t say something then the cycle will repeat itself.
September 2021

Reddit

Maple leaf

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September 2020

Fruit towers

twitchquotes: πŸ“ πŸ‘ 🍊 πŸ‹ 🍍 🍐 🍏 🐬 🐳 πŸ‡ πŸ† πŸ™ 🌷 🐷 🍎 πŸ“ πŸ‘ 🍊 πŸ‹ 🍍 🍐 🍏 🐬 🐳 πŸ‡ πŸ† πŸ™ 🌷 🐷 🍎 πŸ“ πŸ‘ 🍊 πŸ‹ 🍍 🍐 🍏 🐬 🐳 πŸ‡ πŸ† πŸ™ 🌷 🐷 🍎 πŸ“ πŸ‘ 🍊 πŸ‹ 🍍 🍐 🍏 🐬 🐳 πŸ‡ πŸ† πŸ™ 🌷 🐷 🍎 πŸ“ πŸ‘ 🍊 πŸ‹ 🍍 🍐 🍏 🐬 🐳 πŸ‡ πŸ† πŸ™ 🌷 🐷 🍎 πŸ“ πŸ‘ 🍊 πŸ‹ 🍍 🍐 🍏 🐬 🐳 πŸ‡ πŸ† πŸ™ 🌷 🐷 🍎 πŸ“ πŸ‘ 🍊 πŸ‹ 🍍 🍐 🍏 🐬 🐳 πŸ‡ πŸ† πŸ™ 🌷 🐷 🍎 πŸ“ πŸ‘ 🍊 πŸ‹ 🍍 🍐 🍏 🐬 🐳 πŸ‡ πŸ† πŸ™ 🌷 🐷 🍎 πŸ“ πŸ‘ 🍊 πŸ‹ 🍍 🍐 🍏 🐬 🐳 πŸ‡ πŸ† πŸ™ 🌷 🐷 🍎 πŸ“ πŸ‘ 🍊 πŸ‹ 🍍 🍐 🍏 🐬 🐳 πŸ‡ πŸ† πŸ™ 🌷 🐷 🍎 πŸ“ πŸ‘ 🍊 πŸ‹ 🍍 🍐 🍏 🐬 🐳 πŸ‡ πŸ† πŸ™ 🌷 🐷 🍎 πŸ“ πŸ‘
twitch chat
August 2018
Text-to-Speech Playing