[Copypasta] Own a musket for home defense

twitchquotes: Own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, "Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the founding fathers intended.
twitch chat
August 2019
(β–€ΜΏΔΉΜ―β”œβ”¬β”΄β”¬β”΄ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
More Copypastas

Just me and EA hanging out

twitchquotes: Just me and πŸ’°πŸ’•EAπŸ’•πŸ’°, hanging out I wanted some Star Wars🌟 so I started to pout 😞 He asked if I was down ⬇for something yummy πŸ˜πŸ† and I asked what and he said he'd give me his πŸ’°πŸ’¦looties!πŸ’¦πŸ’° Yeah! Yeah!πŸ’•πŸ’¦ I earn them!πŸ’¦ I buy them!πŸ’¦ I purchase them wholeπŸ’¦πŸ’° 😍 It makes πŸ’°πŸ’˜EAπŸ’˜πŸ’° 😊happy😊 so it's my only goal... πŸ’•πŸ’¦πŸ˜«Harder EA! Harder EA! πŸ˜«πŸ’¦πŸ’• 1 lootieπŸ’¦, 2 lootieπŸ’¦πŸ’¦, 3 lootieπŸ’¦πŸ’¦πŸ’¦, 4πŸ’¦πŸ’¦πŸ’¦πŸ’¦ I'm πŸ’°πŸ’˜EA'sπŸ’˜πŸ’° πŸ‘‘Disney princess πŸ‘‘but I'm also a consumer whore! πŸ’Ÿ He makes me OPπŸ’—!He makes me feel goodπŸ’œ! πŸ’˜πŸ’˜πŸ’˜He makes me feel everything a whale should!~ πŸ’˜πŸ’˜πŸ’˜ πŸ‘‘πŸ’¦πŸ’˜Wa-What!πŸ’˜πŸ’¦πŸ‘‘ο»Ώ
twitch chat
November 2017

Anime ass

March 2021

Weebs

NSFW

This message adds zero value to your life

twitchquotes: This message adds zero value to your life. I hope you enjoyed reading this, because I enjoyed typing it out. If you are still reading this, I would just like to tell you that you are wasting your time. If you think anything positive will come out of this final sentence, you are mistaken
twitch chat
October 2014
Kripp

Joker

β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–„β–‘β–β–„β–€β–„β–€β–„β–’β–‘β–‘β–’β–„β–„β–„β–„β–‘β–„β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–‘ ░░░░▄▀░▄░▐▐▄▀▄▀▒░░░▀░░░░▀░▄▀▐░░ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–β–β–€β–„β–€β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–Œβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–„β–β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–Œβ–β–β–‘β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–Œβ–‘ β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–β–„β–€β–‘β–€β–„β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–β–‘ β–‘β–β–β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–β–‘β–Œβ–„β–€β–„β–€β–„β–€β–„β–€β–„β–€β–ˆβ–„β–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œ β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–Œβ–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–β–„β–€β–„β–€β–„β–€β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–€β–„β–„β–€ β–‘β–β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–€β–„β–€β–„β–€β–ˆβ–„β–ˆβ–€β–ˆβ–€β–ˆβ–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–Œβ–Œβ–‘β–Œβ–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–β–€β–„β–€β–„β–€β–„β–€β–„β–ˆβ–„β–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–β–‘β–Œβ–„β–€β–„β–€β–„β–€β–„β–€β–€β–€β–„β–€β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘ β–Œβ–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–β–‘β–Œβ–€β–„β–€β–„β–€β–„β–€β–„β–€β–‘β–„β–β–„β–‘β–‘
November 2014

Kripparian here with VEGAN FACTS

twitchquotes: Hi guys Kripp here with VEGAN FACTS! Did you know that milk is literally !Worse Than Hitler! and also killed many people during the Twitch Chat-ocaust in the 1940's? If you drink milk your bones will be as frail as Reynad's Rag RNG and you'll basically be Leifman's brother. Well, that's all for today's vegan facts! Bye guys! BRO FIST!!
twitch chat
October 2014
Kripp
Text-to-Speech Playing