[Copypasta] Own a musket for home defense

twitchquotes: Own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, "Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the founding fathers intended.
twitch chat
August 2019
What happened to this ad? :(
More Copypastas

Elder Scrolls developer messages Kripp

twitchquotes: (The Elder Scrolls: Legends™ Developer): Hey Kripp! Just popping on to make sure you started streaming our game on time. Remember to wear your TES:L shirt and don't forget our little 'arrangement' later tonight at the motel. ;)
twitch chat
March 2017
Kripp

sellout

Dank memes

twitchquotes: 🅳🅰🅽🅺🅼🅴🅼🅴🆂
twitch chat
March 2016
ESL TV LoL

Mimikyu

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣤⡤⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣾⣿⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⣠⣾⣿⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⢸⠛⠉⢹⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡠⠄⠠⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⡘⠀⠀⠀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⠖⠉⠀⠀⠀⣾⣿⣦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⡇⠀⠀⠀⢡⠄⠀⠀⣀⣀⣀⣠⠊⠀⠀⠀⠀⡠⠞⠛⠛⠛⠛⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⢃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠗⠚⠉⠉⠀⠈⠁⠀⠀⠀⢀⡔⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣴⣶⣄⠲⡎⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠃⠀⠀⢠⣤⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⠀⠘⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⡆⠀⠀⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠛⠉⣴⣆⢹⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⣇⢰⡧⣉⡉⠀⠀⢀⡀⠀⣀⣀⣠⣿⡷⢠⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⢻⠘⠃⠈⠻⢦⠞⠋⠙⠺⠋⠉⠉⠉⢡⠟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠳⢄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠁⢲⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⡆⠀⠀⠀⣀⣤⣴⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡰⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡞⠁⠀⠀⣾⠀⠀⣶⠀⠀⠀⢸⣦⣴⣿⣿⣿⠛⠉⠉⠉⠉⠁⠀ ⠀⠀⢀⣀⡰⠏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠀⠈⠋⠀⠀⠀⠘⣿⣿⣿⠛⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠰⣮⣉⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠻⣿⡋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠈⠉⠻⠥⠤⢤⣶⢄⠀⢀⣠⣄⠀⠀⢠⣶⣤⣄⠈⠑⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠁⠈⠋⠁⠠⠁⠀⠈⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
November 2020

Pokemon

"touch grass" is not an insult towards gamers

"touch grass" is not an insult towards gamers, rather it is advice for them. When participating in intense periods of gaming, the human hand has a tendency to get sweaty. The sweat causes the hand to become slick, and it b becomes more difficult to retain a grip on the gamers gaming mouse, thus making it more difficult to perform well in intense gaming moments. By touching grass with the gamers hand, the grass will impart a layer of particulate onto the gamers hand, the particulate can be made of a variety of dusts, dirts and other natural matter. This particulate will then act in a similar form to climbers chalk, absorbing the sweat and drying out the gamers hand. With dry hands, the gamer can now perform to their maximum when gaming. This is why when an enemy or teammate tells you to touch grass, they are simply trying to assist you in performing better.
July 2021

Classic

I hope Yuumi wins

twitchquotes: I hope Yuumi wins. I am a Yuumi main. I love cats, and my parents tell me I'm a parasite, so we have a lot in common. Yuumi might not be able to flash, but it lights up my life and heart. Go Yuumi!!!!!!
twitch chat
July 2020

League of Legends

Text-to-Speech Playing