[Copypasta] Own a musket for home defense

twitchquotes: Own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, "Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the founding fathers intended.
twitch chat
August 2019
I used to be a real ad
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Cinco de Mayo Emoji Pasta v3

It’s the end of May the Fourth 4️⃣ 🌌😫 but that means the beginning of 🎸👨🏾🌵CincHOE de Mayo 🎸👨🏾🌵 get ready to get your TACO eaten 👅💦🌮 and gulp Papi's BURRITO 😩🌯💦 send this to 1️⃣0️⃣ of your main 💅🏾PUTAS 💅🏾who need to be stuffed by a CHORIZO 🌭💦 if you get 5️⃣ back you're a border hopping 💁🏽CHOLA 💁🏽If you get 1️⃣0️⃣ back you're a 💚 Green card HOE💚 If you get 1️⃣5️⃣ back you're the💃🏽Telenovela main BITCH 💃🏽 If you get 0️⃣ back you're getting deported by Trump! 🇲🇽😫🚧🇺🇸 Have a happy CincHOE de Mayo and don't let la Migra get you!!
May 2022

Cinco de Mayo

Emoji Pasta

Holiday Emoji

Holiday

Kripp and Hafu

twitchquotes: KRIPP THIS IS HAFU. YOU ARE IN TROUBLE MISTER. You are not gay! You talk to me on the phone every night, and who can forget our nights of endless nipple play? Stop the charade and come back to your Hafu baby. Plz no copy pasterino ching chong changerino noodlerino bok choy kung paorino.
twitch chat
March 2014
Kripp

It's NOT Sudoku or Subaru. It's Seppuku or Harakiri.

twitchquotes: I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Nihongo (Japanese for you gaijin), and I’ve been involved in numerous study abroad trips to Japan, and I have memorized over 300 kanji characters. You need to learn that the correct term for ritual suicide is Seppuku or Harakiri. It's NOT Sudoku or Subaru. Please educate yourselves.
twitch chat
October 2014
Kripp

xqcTOS (emote)

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣠⣤⣤⣤⣤⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣤⣤⣤⣤⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠉⠉⠙⠛⠛⠛⠁⠀⠘⠛⠛⠿⠿⠛⠛⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⠀⠀⢀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⡀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⠉⢻⣿⣿⠛⠋⠀⠀⣿⡟⠛⠛⠻⣿⡇⠀⣿⣿⠿⠛⠛⠿⠇⠀⠀ ⢠⣶⣦⡀⠀⠀⠘⣿⡿⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⣿⠁⠀⢿⣿⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⣸⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⣿⡆⠀⠸⠿⠿⠿⢿⣿⡆⠀⠀ ⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⢀⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣿⡇⠀⠀ ⣿⣿⣿⣇⠀⠀⠸⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⣷⣤⣤⣴⣿⡇⠀⠀⢤⣤⣶⣾⣿⠀⠀⠀ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣀⡀⠈⠉⠉⠉⢉⣩⣤⣄⣀⣀⣉⠉⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀ ⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣀⣁⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡀⠀ ⠘⣻⣿⣿⣿⣦⣄⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠉⠉⠛⠛⠛⠉⠉⠉⠉⠙⠛⠛⠛⠟⠃⠀ ⢿⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣾⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠀⠀⠀ ⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠛⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠉⠉⢛⣿⣄⠈⠛⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⠟⠛⠛⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠤⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣷⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
June 2021
xQcOW

LCS, aka "Lowest Championship Series"

twitchquotes: LCS, aka "Lowest Championship Series", is a League for Riot Games that is often ridiculed for it's ARAM games and questionable Pyke and Jayce games. It is specifically known for it's losing in the fastest international Best of Five
twitch chat
July 2019
Riot Games

EU vs NA

Text-to-Speech Playing