[Copypasta] Own a musket for home defense

twitchquotes: Own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, "Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the founding fathers intended.
twitch chat
August 2019
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Elder Scrolls developer messages Kripp

twitchquotes: (The Elder Scrolls: Legends™ Developer): Hey Kripp! Just popping on to make sure you started streaming our game on time. Remember to wear your TES:L shirt and don't forget our little 'arrangement' later tonight at the motel. ;)
twitch chat
March 2017
Kripp

sellout

Do you ever draw anything but Yaoi?

Quick question. Do you ever draw anything but Yaoi? I'm a big fan of your art, but as a straight Phighting fan I just get confused with all of the Yaoi. I'm gonna be fully honest, I don't know if I'm using the word "Yaoi" right. My friend just told me if means "gay people", or something. Thank you in advance.
January 2024

Poop

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June 2016
Riot Games

Classic

League of Legends

Putin had a private screening of Morbius

Vladimir Putin had a private screening of Morbius at the Kremlin. Rumor has it when he walked out, he burst into tears, called up his top generals, and ordered a full withdrawal of Russian troops from Ukraine. He then flew to Kyiv and personally signed a peace treaty with Volodymyr Zelenskyy, pledging the Russian ruble equivalent of $500 billion to the Ukrainian people to help repair damages caused by the war. When asked why he had this sudden change of heart, Putin responded “I have encountered the Morb, and he has Morbed in my heart. I now believe we must all allow ourselves to be Morbed for the sake of world peace.”
June 2022

Morbius

Creepy smile

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⣩⣴⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣦⣍⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⠟⠉⠄⢸⣿⡿⠉⠄⠄⠄⠙⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠋⢀⠄⠄⠙⢿⣿⡇⠄⠉⠻⣿ ⣿⠄⠄⠄⢸⣿⣧⠄⠈⠄⠄⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡀⠈⠄⠄⠄⣼⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄⣿ ⣿⣄⠄⠄⢸⡿⢿⣷⣶⣴⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣶⣾⣿⣿⡇⠄⠄⣠⣿ ⣿⣿⣷⣶⢸⣄⡠⣌⡉⠉⠙⠛⠛⠛⠿⠿⠟⠛⠉⠉⠁⠄⠄⢀⣆⡇⣶⣾⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⢸⣿⡘⠿⠻⠿⣇⡀⣴⣿⠆⣀⣾⣧⠄⣱⣷⣶⠞⠁⣡⡇⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣌⠻⣿⣦⡀⠑⠹⠿⠘⠿⣼⡙⡿⢡⣿⠄⠉⠁⣠⣾⢟⣱⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣮⡛⢿⣷⣤⣀⡀⠐⠌⠱⠉⠄⢀⣠⣴⡾⢋⣵⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣬⣛⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠟⣋⣥⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣶⣶⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
March 2019
Text-to-Speech Playing