[Copypasta] Own a musket for home defense

twitchquotes: Own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, "Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the founding fathers intended.
twitch chat
August 2019
What happened to this ad? :(
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Kripp drained Greece's entire supply of Oranges

twitchquotes: Kripp, its Stavros the Fruit Seller from the bazaar. I'm sorry to tell you but you've drained Greece's entire supply of Oranges. Because of the rioting on the streets we advise you to hide any OJ supply you might have left. We can now only sell you Olive Juice and the odd jar of Tzatziki. Please no gyro ouzo
twitch chat
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Intellectual simp for Pokimane

twitchquotes: Hello, Miss Poki! I was scrolling through your page per usual and I happened to notice you take a plentiful amount of photos with your feet inframe and show them off quite a lot during streams. Is this on purpose? If so, please don't be embarrassed by my intellect! I think it is rather cute. I have subscribed to you for another month and was wondering if I could have secret access to some photos of your adorable soles? If not, I understand. You are a very busy woman and I am no more than a guy on the internet with a ravishingly high IQ might I add. Thank you for reading my message and have a wonderful day!
twitch chat
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Pokimane

Simps

This is the shittiest reply ever Modern Warfare version

twitchquotes: This is the shittiest reply ever. Modern Warfare requires movement, camping, claymoring, rotating, and hitting shots. There are not “positions” in Modern Warfare. A kickers job is LITERALLY to kick. Horrible analogy, kind of embarrassing.
twitch chat
December 2019
Text-to-Speech Playing