[Copypasta] Own a musket for home defense

twitchquotes: Own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, "Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the founding fathers intended.
twitch chat
August 2019
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More Copypastas

My attraction for Thijs is purely platonic

twitchquotes: My attraction for Thijs is purely platonic. I want to wake up and smell his hazel hair pressed up against my cheek, then get up and make a delicious breakfast for us before I go off to work. Then when I get home I will play Hearthstone with him until we fall asleep together, holding hands and whispering each other's name
twitch chat
January 2019
Thijs

I challenge you to “Turtle King”

Before my ban, someone challenged me to a duel with cocks. I challenge you to “Turtle King” instead. We each dock our unhardened cocks into each other, then we put on clips of Yellen speaking during FOMC meetings. The first to effectively go from flaccid to erect and push the other out of the “dock” is crowned Turtle 🤴. Dual me, I’m 4-0.
October 2021

WallStreetBets

Don't use that catheter on my bum bumarino

twitchquotes: Hello Gino "No Cappuccino" Pastarino here. I see you are using one of Reynad's copyrighted decks. You must pay...wait you are Reynadarino climbing ladderino? My badarino. Please forgivarino Lord Reynard. I give much love. Don't use that catheter on my bum bumarino like you did last time-arino. With no cappucino Love, Gino Pastarino
twitch chat
July 2014
Reynad

Repeating yourselves like parrots

twitchquotes: Wow, you imbeciles are especially stupid tonight. Repeating yourselves like parrots, spouting puerile taunts at each other, using crude 'emoticons'... Can you even form SENTENCES? One day you'll all be too dumb to even type your 'dongers,' and then twitch chat can finally have some merit. Until then, I'll stick to the moderated streams..
twitch chat
February 2015
Kripp

I hate Twitch Chat

Starcraft Ghost

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⢴⣦⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣼⣯⣸⣷⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⡜⢳⣓⣚⡹⡄⠙⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣼⡑⠉⡆⠀⠈⠀⢸⢖⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣟⡎⢸⣁⢀⡴⠟⡿⠊⢉⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣇⠔⡻⠤⢋⠤⣎⡤⠖⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣮⠕⠉⢀⡰⢿⢤⠏⡿⠀⠀⠀SOMEBODY⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⣀⡤⢊⣠⣒⣆⡥⠃⠀⡏⠀⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀CALL⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⢀⠔⠊⣠⠞⠁⠀⠀⠸⡆⠀⢠⠃⡸⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀FOR⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠘⠖⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⠋⠉⢹⠒⢱⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀AN⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣄⡠⢼⣠⠃⠀⠀⠀EXTERMINATOR?⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇⠀⡎⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢼⠥⡑⡧⠚⠧⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠯⠤⠟⠉⠒⠚⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
October 2021
Text-to-Speech Playing