[Copypasta] Own a musket for home defense

twitchquotes: Own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, "Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the founding fathers intended.
twitch chat
August 2019
(β–€ΜΏΔΉΜ―β”œβ”¬β”΄β”¬β”΄ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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paul "scarra" walker

twitchquotes: Yesterday we lost a good man. I'm of course talking about Paul "Scarra" Walker. He was on his way home from raising his dongers when a drunk driver named Marcus "Dyrone" Hill crashed into him. Dyrone has now been placed into custody.
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July 2014
Dyrus

Jealous that Mario got to date Peach

twitchquotes: When I was 9 I was really jealous that Mario got to date Peach so to let my frustration out I turned on Mario Kart 64 and drove Mario off a cliff for 2 hours then went back to writing my fanfiction of me being Peach's bff and bf.
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August 2020

HassanChop

β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–„β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘ β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘ β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–“β–“β–’β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–ˆβ–‘ β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–“β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘ β–’β–€β–ˆβ–“β–„β–„β–€β–€β–€β–“β–’β–‘β–“β–€β–€β–“β–‘β–’β–‘ β–’β–’β–“β–’β–’β–’β–€β–€β–€β–€β–“β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–‘β–’β–‘ β–‘β–’β–“β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–“β–‘β–‘β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–‘ β–‘β–’β–“β–“β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–’β–’β–€β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–’β–’β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–“β–“β–’β–’β–€β–ˆβ–„β–’β–’β–„β–€β–’β–‘β–’β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–€β–“β–“β–’β–’β–€β–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–’β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–“β–’β–’β–‘β–’β–‘β–„β–“β–‘β–‘
ascii art
April 2018

Think you can beat me?

β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β  β „β „β ’β ‚β’€β „β „β „β „β „β „ β’€β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β „β’€β‘€β „β£°β£Άβ£¦β‘ˆβ „β „β „β „β „β „THINK ⠄⠄⠂⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣖⣿⣷⣴⑄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄YOU ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⣸⣿⣿⣿⠛⠩⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄CAN ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣀⣀⣾⣿⣿⑏⠉⠄⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄BEAT β „β „β’€β£΄β£Άβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ‘Ÿβ Ίβ‘‡β „β’΅β£€β£€β „β „β „β „β „ME β „β’ β£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ‘β β „β£·β£€β ˆβ ™β ›β ‘β „β „β „β „1,2,3? ⠄⣼⣿⣿⣿⑇⠹⣿⣿⣿⑦⠄⠹Ⓙ⑇⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ β „β£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ β’°β£€β£€β£€β£ β£”β’°β „β „β „β „β’€β‘ˆβ „β „β „ β’ β£Ώβ£Ώβ Ÿβ „β „β’Έβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ β’Έβ‘†β „β β „β’Έβ£Ώβ£Œβ „β „ β’Έβ£Ώβ£Ώβ‘†β „β „β’Έβ£Ώβ‘Ώβ’Ώβ‘€β „β ˆβ „β „β’€β „β’°β£Ώβ£Ώβ‘„β „ β ˆβ’Ώβ£Ώβ£·β „β „β „β£Ώβ£·β£¦β „β β „β „β „β ˜β „β ˜β’Ώβ£Ώβ‘‡β „ β „β ˆβ »β£Ώβ£‡β  β „β’€β‘‰β „β „β „β „β „β’€β‘†β „β „β ˜β£Ώβ‘‡β „ β „β „β „β ˜β£Ώβ£§β’€β£Ώβ£Ώβ’·β£Άβ£Άβ£Άβ£Ύβ’Ÿβ£Ύβ£„β „β‘΄β£Ώβ‘€β „ β „β „β „β „β ˜β£Ώβ£§β£β£Ώβ£·β£β’Ώβ£Ώβ ‡β’Έβ£Ώβ£Ώβ‘Žβ‘‘β ‹β „β „ β „β „β „β „β „β£β ›β ‹β β£Ώβ£Ώβ‘Žβ’ β£΄β£Ύβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£·β „β „β „β „ β „β „β „β „β’ β£Ώβ£·β£Ύβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ β ˜β’Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ‘„β „β „β „ β „β „β „β „β’Έβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ ƒβ „β „β ˆβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ‘‡β „β „β „
ascii art
November 2018

Classic

Fabulous

βŠ‚_ヽ γ€€ οΌΌοΌΌ οΌΏ γ€€γ€€ οΌΌ(γ€€β€’_β€’) F γ€€γ€€γ€€ <γ€€βŒ’γƒ½ A γ€€γ€€γ€€/ γ€€ へ＼ B γ€€γ€€ /γ€€γ€€/γ€€οΌΌοΌΌ U γ€€γ€€ οΎšγ€€γƒŽγ€€γ€€ ヽ_぀ L γ€€γ€€/γ€€/ O γ€€ /γ€€/| U γ€€(γ€€(ヽ S γ€€|γ€€|、＼ γ€€| δΈΏ οΌΌ βŒ’) γ€€| |γ€€γ€€) / `γƒŽ )γ€€γ€€LοΎ‰ (_／
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December 2020
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