[Copypasta] Own a musket for home defense

twitchquotes: Own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, "Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the founding fathers intended.
twitch chat
August 2019
I used to be a real ad
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Gulugulu in your stomach

twitchquotes: Do✋ not 😰 eat 👌 fish 🐟 after 😶 u 😯 drink water 🍺 bc 😰 it can 👻 swim in 🏊 ur stomach 😮 and u will 😲 feel 😕 gulugulu in ur stomach 😓😳😼
twitch chat
March 2017

Emoji Pasta

Response to "go fuck yourself"

What if I'm already fucking myself? Behind this simple insult hides a universal paradox that may put your sexuality in question. Let's do a simple thought experiment: imagine us two standing in front of each other. I, of course, am wearing a pair of jeans, that are covering my genitals and my butt. You then command me to "go fuck myself". I may be fucking myself already. I may as well not be fucking myself already. Until my dick and its position relative to my ass is observed, it is simultaneously in my ass, but also outside of it - thus, it stays in superposition. The moment you lay eyes on my penis, both states collide with each other and become either one. You may have already guessed what the problem here is. As soon as a single photon reflected by my dick enters either one of your eyes, you become gay. The only way to avoid this is to not observe my penis. But if you don't look at it, then you will never know if your insult had any effect, thus rendering it meaningless. Since you have already made the insult, you are now, too, in superposition - you're either wrong, or gay. It's unfortunate, really - you dug a hole for yourself without even knowing it. All you can do now is accept it, and learn from your mistakes.
April 2020

Classic

forsenE

⢸⣿⠿⠛⠛⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣾⣗⣂⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⢸⢀⣠⣤⣤⣄⠄⠉⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⢸⣿⠫⢁⣥⣤⣤⡁⠢⣤⣿⣿⣿⡿⠛⠻⣿⠿⠿⠙⠃⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⢸⣿⡇⠛⠉⠍⠉⠄⠄⠈⣿⣿⣿⠃⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⢸⣿⣶⣤⡠⠄⠼⠗⠄⢠⣿⣿⡿⠂⠄⠄⠄⠄⢐⢛⠛⠥⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⢸⣿⣿⣿⣅⣐⣀⣤⣴⣿⣿⡿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⣊⣁⠑⠠⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠐⠄ ⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠻⣿⣿⣶⣦⣤⣀⣤⣔⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⢋⣽⣿⣿⡿⠋⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠸⣿⣿⣿⡿⠉⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⢸⣿⣿⡿⠁⣠⡾⠋⠉⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠙⠉⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⢸⣿⣿⣗⠜⠋⠄⠄⠄⣀⣀⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠹⣤⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⢸⣿⡿⢻⣿⣦⣼⣷⣦⣤⠭⠍⠉⠙⠈⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠘⣷⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⢸⣿⠄⣠⡿⢟⢿⣿⣿⡟⠉⠉⠉⠉⠓⠒⠄⠄⠄⠰⠊⠓⠂⠉⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⢸⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠚⣿⣿⣿⣁⣠⣤⡀⡄⠄⢀⣀⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⢸⠏⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠹⠿⢿⣿⣿⠿⠛⠂⠊⠈⠉⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
ascii art
July 2019
Forsen

Emote

Leifman the Salt King can save the world

twitchquotes: A hundred years passed and my brother and I discovered the new Salt king, a moderator named Leifman. And although his moderating skills are great, he still has a lot to learn before he's ready to save any chat. But I believe Leifman can save the world.
twitch chat
July 2014
Kripp

I WAS MUTED FOR THE PAST 1200 SECONDS

twitchquotes: IVE BEEN MUTED FOR THE PAST 1200 SECONDS BECAUSE THE MODS CANT TAKE CRITICISM OR JOKES, IF I GET MUTED AGAIN, IM REPORTING THEM TO THE ODO FACTION TWITTER
twitch chat
April 2019

MODS

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