[Copypasta] Own a musket for home defense

twitchquotes: Own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, "Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the founding fathers intended.
twitch chat
August 2019
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Slow mode, r9k mode, and randomly banning people, good job mods

twitchquotes: Boy, the mods in this channel have really done a bang-up job. When I first got here it was all cappuccino pasterino, but now that they're using slow mode, r9k and randomly banning people, we can finally have a productive chat without all the IDIOTS. Thank you, mods.
twitch chat
May 2014
Kripp

I need you Kripp, love Trump

twitchquotes: Kʀɪᴘᴘ, ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ɴᴏᴛ ɢɪᴠᴇɴ ᴍᴇ ʏᴏᴜʀ sᴏғᴛ, ᴛᴇɴᴅᴇʀ, ʟᴏᴠɪɴɢ ɪɴ sᴏ ʟᴏɴɢ.... Yᴏᴜ ᴜsᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴛᴏᴜᴄʜ ᴍᴇ ɪɴ ᴡᴀʏs ɴᴏ ᴏɴᴇ ᴇʟsᴇ ᴄᴀɴ. Tʜᴇ ᴛʜɪɴɢs ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴏᴜʟᴅ ᴍᴀᴋᴇ ᴍᴇ ғᴇᴇʟ I ᴊᴜsᴛ Kreygasm... ɪ ɴᴇᴇᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ᴋʀɪᴘᴘ. Sᴏᴍᴇᴛɪᴍᴇs ɪ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴛᴏ ɪᴍᴀɢɪɴᴇ ʀᴇᴄᴇɪᴠɪɴɢ ʟᴏᴠᴇ ᴊᴜsᴛ ᴛᴏ ǫᴜᴇʟʟ ᴛʜᴇ ᴜʀɢᴇs. ɪ ɴᴇᴇᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ɪɴsɪᴅᴇ ᴋʀɪᴘᴘ, ʟᴏᴠᴇ ᴛʀᴜᴍᴘ
twitch chat
January 2015
Kripp

It's pride month,Coming out as impostersexual.

It's pride month and I a 14 year old white girl have decided that I'm sexually attracted to among us,I cannot hold my feelings for the sussy imposter anymore. SUS SUS SUS,there I came,and it was there that I knew,it was the second cuming of Jesus Christ.
June 2021

Among Us / Amogus

Please give me an All-Access Pass

twitchquotes: I’m a gamer school girl, so, i need money for my college, which is why i can’t by this All-Access Pass. But i hope someone can give me one of them. It means so much for me
twitch chat
February 2019
OverwatchLeague

Overwatch

Stalin

⡿⠄⢀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⠞⠛⠁⠄⡼⣿⣿ ⣿⡇⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠙⣦⠐⠠⡥⣿⣿ ⣿⡇⠄⣿⡿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣾⣿⡔⠛⣿⣿ ⣿⡇⢰⢏⣤⣦⣤⣍⣉⣿⣿⣿⡟⢋⣁⣤⣤⣤⣈⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⠚⣯⡄⣿⣿ ⣿⡇⣾⣿⣉⣀⣠⠅⠄⣽⣿⣿⣇⠈⢈⣉⣩⣐⡙⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠤⢿⢱⣿⣿ ⣿⠁⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣤⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⠾⣿⣿ ⡏⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢿⡇⣿⣿ ⣧⢾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣾⣯⣽⣋⠽⢭⣽⣤⡘⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠩⣭⣽⠁⢣⢿⣯⡉⣿⡶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠁⠄⠈⠋⠈⠄⡈⠁⠒⠌⠊⣃⠹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣏⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣤⣤⣶⣿⣿⣿⡿⣿⣷⣤⣄⣤⣠⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡁⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡿⠉⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⣷⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⡿⠛⠄⠄⠄⠙⢿⣷⣿⣭⣤⣬⡁⢉⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠄⠹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
November 2018
Text-to-Speech Playing