[Copypasta] Own a musket for home defense

twitchquotes: Own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, "Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the founding fathers intended.
twitch chat
August 2019
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Luigi's donger

twitchquotes: In 2018 Nintendo released official marketing art that featured Luigi in Mario Tennis, fans were able to figure out the length of Luigi’s penis by measuring the tennis racket compared to luigi’s bulge in the image. Since Tennis rackets are 28 inches long in real life, by measuring the pixels we were able to mathematically deduce that Luigi’s penis is 3.7 inches flacid.
twitch chat
December 2020

Came on the spider to kill it

twitchquotes: 🕷I🕷was🕷masturbating🕷one🕷time🕷but🕷then🕷I🕷saw🕷a🕷spider🕷and🕷it🕷freaked🕷me🕷out🕷so🕷I🕷came🕷on🕷the🕷spider🕷in🕷order🕷to🕷kill🕷it🕷
twitch chat
August 2019

Emoji Pasta

Meanwhile in Forsen's mouth

twitchquotes: Meanwhile in Forsen's mouth: ~ KappaPride     ~ KappaPride         ~ KappaPride        ~ KappaPride     ~ KappaPride    ~ KappaPride       ~ KappaPride     ~ KappaPride          ~ KappaPride ~ KappaPride     ~ KappaPride       ~ KappaPride     ~ KappaPride          ~ KappaPride     ~ KappaPride       ~ KappaPride     ~ KappaPride         ~ KappaPride      ~ KappaPride       ~ KappaPride      ~ KappaPride
twitch chat
March 2016
Forsen

Classic

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Tomato Town Police Report

The residents of Tomato Town need your help identifying two suspects who were about to get down while involved in an event on Monday evening. Ten people were eliminated, and the two suspects, one injured, left the scene headed Southbound and were later spotted at a local park. The two suspects were armed with golden scar ARs and were “hitting that chug jug” as several witnesses stated. Please alert local Tomato Town authorities with any information regarding the duo.
March 2021

Fortnite

I want to fuck the Samsung girl

Oh my fucking god I want to fuck the Samsung Virtual assistant so fucking bad, every waking second of my fucking life since the release of that fucking ad I’ve done nothing but think about her. I can’t go for more that 2 seconds without getting an erection the size of the Burj Khalifa and ejaculating at Mach 12. I’ve ejaculated so many times to simply the thought of her existence that my cock is no longer cumming sperm but literal fucking blood. I can’t stoping thinking about her even after passing out from the pain of cumming blood. I can’t complete nearly any daily tasks because my mind is continuously invaded by her perfection, I can’t live every day of my life thinking about angelic voice screaming in luscious pain about the new Samsung data plan while I fuck her perfect 3D modeled asshole. My personal hell will only get worse in a matter of hours as I will scavenge every corner of the internet in search of her rule 34 and my continuous stream of blood cum will only get worse as I’ll spend days, weeks, possibly months jacking off to her non-stop for any reason other than to shit, piss and eat. Simply at this point alone in writing this I’ve lost 2-3 liters of blood alone with just the simple thought of her existence. If this is how I die then I wouldn’t want it any other way.
June 2021
Text-to-Speech Playing