[Copypasta] Can't focus on sex with the Food Network on

twitchquotes: I’m married and have a 4 year old so sex needs to be done in window opportunities. Whatever channel the TV is on in the background is what it’s going to be. Food Network is the hardest to have sex to by far. So if for example Guy Fieri Triple D comes on and I hear “we’re going to Seattle for some funky BBQ fish empanadas” while having sex my brain is “yes sex! But those empanadas sound crazy...dude focus on sex....that’s a shit load of jalapeños, that would give me heartburn for a week....Ok back to focusing on the sex....oh shit he’s going to a bbq pit in Austin next that does burnt tips in white cheddar Mac and Cheese!!! I gotta wrap this up”
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May 2019
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YOU’VE BEEN FREAKING HIT BY THE KAWAII TRUCK

YOU’VE BEEN FREAKING HIT BY THE |^^^^^^^^^^^^](ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ | KAWAII TRUCK | ‘|”“”;.., ___. |_…_…______===|= _|__|…, ] | ”(@ )’(@ )”“”“*|(@ )(@ )*****(@　　　　⊂（ﾟДﾟ⊂⌒） NO KAWAII TRUCK NO!!! MOTHERFUCKER ONCE YOU'VE BEEN HIT, YOU HAVE TO HIT EIGHT FUCKING KAWAII ASS PEOPLE! IF YOU GET HIT AGAIN YOU’LL KNOW YOU'RE REALLY SO FUCKING KAWAII IT'S SO FUCKING SUGOI PEOPLE WILL PISS THEIR PANTS AND SHIT BRICKS AND YOU WILL BE THE MOTHERFUCKING LORD OF THE MOTHERFUCKING KAWAII! IF YOU BREAK THIS MOTHERFUCKING CHAIN, YOU'LL BE CURSED WITH UNKAWAIINESS AND SHITTINESS FOR 9000 YEARS SO PASS IT; HIT WHO EVER YOU THINK IS KAWAII.
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twitchquotes: hi kripp i em olombo bongo frm Somalia. erryday i watch u strem u are favourit stremmer i sell kidney for a laptop 2 i can watch u strem. i work in bannana facotry an 1 day i cum to america LAND OF FREEDDOM so i be lyke u and strem 4 monies insted of pick banana, WOO USAsss al pacino, malcolm in middle, stevo-o, mike 'the situation' sorrentino.
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The residents of Tomato Town need your help identifying two suspects who were about to get down while involved in an event on Monday evening. Ten people were eliminated, and the two suspects, one injured, left the scene headed Southbound and were later spotted at a local park. The two suspects were armed with golden scar ARs and were “hitting that chug jug” as several witnesses stated. Please alert local Tomato Town authorities with any information regarding the duo.
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May 2021
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