[Copypasta] Can't focus on sex with the Food Network on

twitchquotes: I’m married and have a 4 year old so sex needs to be done in window opportunities. Whatever channel the TV is on in the background is what it’s going to be. Food Network is the hardest to have sex to by far. So if for example Guy Fieri Triple D comes on and I hear “we’re going to Seattle for some funky BBQ fish empanadas” while having sex my brain is “yes sex! But those empanadas sound crazy...dude focus on sex....that’s a shit load of jalapeños, that would give me heartburn for a week....Ok back to focusing on the sex....oh shit he’s going to a bbq pit in Austin next that does burnt tips in white cheddar Mac and Cheese!!! I gotta wrap this up”
twitch chat
May 2019
What happened to this ad? :(
More Copypastas

People need to stop referring to Agilities as Disabilities

twitchquotes: People need to stop referring to Agilities as Disabilities. He is a very skilled player who has worked hard to get to where he is and you're all just disrespecting him by calling him that.
twitch chat
March 2018
OverwatchLeague

Overwatch

game of doctor

when i was like 12 my neighbor invited me over and we played a game called “doctor” basically he took his pants off got fully erect and asked me to examine it. don’t even remember what happened after that. anyways BFT to the moon
January 2021

WallStreetBets

1 v 1 me on RUST!

twitchquotes: Listen here, you scrublords: swiggety-swaggety-swoo is the bee's knees! Now if you disagree, I'll napalm your house m8! Get rekt! 1 v 1 me on RUST! Subscribe or I'll quick scope you non-blud. Puff puff puff 420 blaze--everyday!
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

Please don't use Kappa

twitchquotes: I am from Japan and was raised hearing terrifying stories about kappas from my grandfather. Those are horrible turtle-like monsters who lure and kill children. And then I join this site and see you use it as a joke with a grey faced man. This is not right! I am scared of using the chat now, bringing me bad memories. Please, don't use that emote.
twitch chat
September 2020

Ben Shapiro sings Rick Roll

Lets say, hypothetically, that we were not strangers to love, and lets say, you knew the rules and so did i. And if you thought of a full commitment, you wouldnt get this from any other guy, right? Then hypothetically speaking, i just want to tell you how im feeling. Now lets say i gotta make you understand. Now that we've established that im never gonna give you up or let you down. Am i not correct? You would never run around, and desert you. And i, as a balcony, think that i wouldnt make you cry, so i must be the one to never tell a lie, and hurt you This would mean that, we've known eachother for so long, and logically, your hearts been aching but, youre too shy to say it. which would proceed with both of us knowing whats been going on. Which didnt make sense, we know the game, in a way that we're gonna play it. Yet, if you ask me how im feeling, seeing as you shouldnt say that youre too blind to see
December 2020

Ben Shapiro

More Copypastas
Text-to-Speech Playing