[Copypasta] Can't focus on sex with the Food Network on

twitchquotes: I’m married and have a 4 year old so sex needs to be done in window opportunities. Whatever channel the TV is on in the background is what it’s going to be. Food Network is the hardest to have sex to by far. So if for example Guy Fieri Triple D comes on and I hear “we’re going to Seattle for some funky BBQ fish empanadas” while having sex my brain is “yes sex! But those empanadas sound crazy...dude focus on sex....that’s a shit load of jalapeños, that would give me heartburn for a week....Ok back to focusing on the sex....oh shit he’s going to a bbq pit in Austin next that does burnt tips in white cheddar Mac and Cheese!!! I gotta wrap this up”
twitch chat
May 2019
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

FeelsOkayMan

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⢋⣥⣴⣶⣶⣶⣬⣙⠻⠟⣋⣭⣭⣭⣭⡙⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢋⣴⣿⣿⠿⢟⣛⣛⣛⠿⢷⡹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣆⠹⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡿⢁⣾⣿⣿⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⠷⠥⠱⣶⣶⣶⣶⡶⠮⠤⣌⡙⢿⣿ ⣿⡿⢛⡁⣾⣿⣿⣿⡿⢟⡫⢕⣪⡭⠥⢭⣭⣉⡂⣉⡒⣤⡭⡉⠩⣥⣰⠂⠹ ⡟⢠⣿⣱⣿⣿⣿⣏⣛⢲⣾⣿⠃⠄⠐⠈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠁⠃⢸⣿⣿⡧ ⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⣊⠙⠳⠤⠤⠾⣟⠛⠍⣹⣛⣛⣢⣀⣠⣛⡯⢉⣰ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡶⠶⢒⣠⣼⣿⣿⣛⠻⠛⢛⣛⠉⣴⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢛⡛⢿⣿⣿⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡈⢿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠸⣿⡻⢷⣍⣛⠻⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⢇⡘⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣝⠻⠶⣬⣍⣛⣛⠓⠶⠶⠶⠤⠬⠭⠤⠶⠶⠞⠛⣡⣿ ⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣬⣭⣍⣙⣛⣛⣛⠛⠛⠛⠿⠿⠿⠛⣠⣿⣿ ⣦⣈⠉⢛⠻⠿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠛⣁⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣶⣮⣭⣁⣒⣒⣒⠂⠠⠬⠭⠭⠭⢀⣀⣠⣄⡘⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⡈⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
ascii art
December 2021

WE DIDIN'T START THE KAPPA

twitchquotes: ヽ༼✿◕ل͜◕༽ﾉ WE DIDIN'T START THE KAPPA ヽ༼✿◕ل͜◕༽ﾉ IT WAS ALREADY SPREADING THE MOMENT WE GOT HERE ヽ༼✿◕ل͜◕༽ﾉ
twitch chat
November 2014
Forsen

mattress/furniture stores exist in a quantum superposition

I'm convinced that mattress/furniture stores exist in a quantum superposition of grand opening and going out of business sale. It is both and neither at once until an observer records the state at which point it becomes one or the other. But because you know exactly where the store is located, you cannot know how fast it is going out of business because of your uncertainty about its business momentum. All around us, all the time pairs of anti-discount mattress stores and discount mattress stores are popping into existence, forming the quantum memory foam that is the basis for the universe. Without the pressure of this quantum memory foam strip malls would collapse. We can see evidence of this when a pair is created such that one half is within the sales radius of a supermassive furniture store like Ikea-- one of them is pulled in and the other escapes as a Hawking mattress store.
December 2020

My daughter was born with a hearing impairment

twitchquotes: My daughter was born with a hearing impairment than ultimately left her deaf shortly after birth. I have been working for years to pay for a new surgery that would allow her to hear again. Today was her 8th birthday and I managed to get her what she's always wanted for her birthday, the sense of hearing. I decided to let her listen in on what Daddy has been watching late at night and I turn on your stream and what do I hear? Silence. Now she's crying thinking she's deaf again, Nice job Kripp.
twitch chat
June 2017
Kripp

Classic

I'll do it. I'll stream Final Fantasy

twitchquotes: Kripp is chained to the chair, sobbing as the man hacks at his face with a razor. He cries as the last bit of his beard is cut away, sapping him of his Romanian gypsy powers. "Please don't hurt her. I'll do whatever you want" says Kripp. The man with the razor laughs and says "Are you ready to accept the deal? Or do we need to hurt Pupparian?" Kripp shakes his head. "I'll do it. I'll stream Final Fantasy." WutFace
twitch chat
March 2016
Kripp
More Copypastas
Text-to-Speech Playing