[Copypasta] Can't focus on sex with the Food Network on

twitchquotes: I’m married and have a 4 year old so sex needs to be done in window opportunities. Whatever channel the TV is on in the background is what it’s going to be. Food Network is the hardest to have sex to by far. So if for example Guy Fieri Triple D comes on and I hear “we’re going to Seattle for some funky BBQ fish empanadas” while having sex my brain is “yes sex! But those empanadas sound crazy...dude focus on sex....that’s a shit load of jalapeños, that would give me heartburn for a week....Ok back to focusing on the sex....oh shit he’s going to a bbq pit in Austin next that does burnt tips in white cheddar Mac and Cheese!!! I gotta wrap this up”
twitch chat
May 2019
What happened to this ad? :(
More Copypastas

Tyler1 is the epitome of optimized-intellect

twitchquotes: Tyler1 is the epitome of optimized-intellect, whom of which specializes in quantum-physics and mathematics, as well as the profoundly skill-consuming game, League of Legends. The motives that Tyler1 possesses stem from his humble beginnings of a hard-stuck D5 Draven main, eventually however climbing the ranks to challenger. Though this quest was not easy, Tyler1 discovered rudimentary theorems and postulates found in today’s mathematical studies.. BigBrother
twitch chat
March 2018
Tyler1

League of Legends

BibleThump

░░░░░░░▄▄▀▀▀▀▀▀▄▄░░░░░░░ ░░░░░▄▀░░░░░░░░░░▀▄░░░░░ ░░░▄▀░░░░░░░░░░░░░░▀▄░░░ ░░▄░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░▄░░ ░▄░░░▄▄░░░░░░░░░░▄▄░░░▄░ ░░░░▌░░█░░░░░░░░▐░░█░░░░ ░▌░░▀██▀░▄████▄░▒▀██░░▐░ ░░░░▒▒▒▒░█▄▄▄▄█░▒▒▒▒░░░░ ░▀░░▒▒░░░░░░░░░░▒▒▒░░▀░░ ░░▀▄░▒░░░░░░░░░░▒▒░▄▀░░░ ░░░░▀▄▒░░░░░░░░░▒░▄▀░░░░ ░░░░░░░▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀░░░░░░░
ascii art
November 2014

I have done it, 80 years and not a single nut bust

twitchquotes: I have done it, 80 years and not a single nut bust. Thanks to my incredible goal i have obtained an iq of 156 which i have used to build a pc that deletes system 32 when it loads any type of NSFW. I’m currently in a hospital bed dying of terminal disease, however, this is a victory as in 72 hours i’m expected to die. Wish me luck in this final run.
twitch chat
November 2020

Hey, Forsen Vladimir Putin here

twitchquotes: Hey,Forsen Vladimir Putin here. Just wanted to say that you are the best Russian streamer. Motherland proud of you,boy! You are drinking very nice aswell. Just call me and no riots
twitch chat
November 2014
Forsen

Kripp's Sellout Castle

twitchquotes: It is the year 2016, the Paparrian waits patiently outside Kripp's Sellout Castle. The butler, Trump, opens the door and bows, "His Grace will see you now." Trump brings the Papa into Kripp's throne room, where he sits on a jeweled throne with the Succubus. "Kripp, my son," begins the Papa, but Trump interrupts, "You must pay to speak."
twitch chat
June 2015
Kripp

sellout

More Copypastas
Text-to-Speech Playing