[Copypasta] Can't focus on sex with the Food Network on

twitchquotes: I’m married and have a 4 year old so sex needs to be done in window opportunities. Whatever channel the TV is on in the background is what it’s going to be. Food Network is the hardest to have sex to by far. So if for example Guy Fieri Triple D comes on and I hear “we’re going to Seattle for some funky BBQ fish empanadas” while having sex my brain is “yes sex! But those empanadas sound crazy...dude focus on sex....that’s a shit load of jalapeños, that would give me heartburn for a week....Ok back to focusing on the sex....oh shit he’s going to a bbq pit in Austin next that does burnt tips in white cheddar Mac and Cheese!!! I gotta wrap this up”
twitch chat
May 2019
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
More Copypastas

That's the wrong VoHiYo

twitchquotes: VoHiYo THATS VoHiYo THE VoHiYo WRONG VoHiYo HOLE VoHiYo ONII-CHAN VoHiYo KYAAAAH VoHiYo
twitch chat
March 2016

Weebs

Classic

How can these trash players be considered pros

twitchquotes: How can these trash players be considered pros when they are always falling off the map?? Even I in Silver can at least not just walk of the map lol...
twitch chat
March 2018
OverwatchLeague

Overwatch

Popsicle burglaries

twitchquotes: Local police are baffled by a string of strange popsicle burglaries that have taken place over the past few days. The thief appears to be ignoring cash, jewelry, and other valuables, only taking sugary treats from the residents' freezers. Police have yet to apprehend the burglar, but have several reports of a suspicious lanky figure with poor hygiene seen near the crime scenes muttering about "value." Any further information on the popsicle bandit should be reported immediately.
twitch chat
August 2016
Kripp

Raise your donger

twitchquotes: work it ᕙ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ᕗ harder make it (ง •̀_•́)ง better do it ᕦ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ᕤ faster raise ur ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ donger
twitch chat
March 2014
WildTurtle

Plankton

──────▄▄───────────▄▄─────── ───────██─────────██──────── ────────██───────██───────── ─────────██─────██────────── ──────────██───██─────────── ───────────██─██──────────── ───────▄▄██████████▄──────── ──────█▀░░░░░░░░░░░▀█─────── ──────█░▄░░░▄░▄░░░▄░█─────── ──────█░░█████████░░█─────── ──────█░░▄█▀───▀█▄░░█─────── ██────█░░█──▄█▄──█░░█─────██ ███───█░░█──███──█░░█───▄███ █░██──█░░█──▀█▀──█░░█──▄█░█─ ▀█░██─█░░▀█▄───▄█▀░░█─▄█░█▀─ ─▀█░█▄█░░░░▀███▀░░░░█▄█░█▀── ──▀█░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░█▀─── ───▀██░░░▄█▄▄▄▄▄▄█▄░░░█▀──── ─────▀█░▀▌─▌─▐──▌─▐▀░██───── ──────█░░▌─▌─▐──▌─▐░░█────── ──────█░░██████████░░█────── ──────█░░██████████░░█────── ──────█░░██████████░░█────── ──────█░░▀████████▀░░█────── ──────█░░░▌─▐──▌─▐░░░█────── ──────█░░░▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀░░░█────── ──────██░░░░░░░░░░░░██────── ───────██░░░░░░░░░░██─────── ────────█░▄██████▄░█──────── ────────█░█──────█░█──────── ────────█░█──────█░█──────── ────────██▀──────▀██────────
ascii art
September 2021
More Copypastas
Text-to-Speech Playing