[Copypasta] Can't focus on sex with the Food Network on

twitchquotes: I’m married and have a 4 year old so sex needs to be done in window opportunities. Whatever channel the TV is on in the background is what it’s going to be. Food Network is the hardest to have sex to by far. So if for example Guy Fieri Triple D comes on and I hear “we’re going to Seattle for some funky BBQ fish empanadas” while having sex my brain is “yes sex! But those empanadas sound crazy...dude focus on sex....that’s a shit load of jalapeños, that would give me heartburn for a week....Ok back to focusing on the sex....oh shit he’s going to a bbq pit in Austin next that does burnt tips in white cheddar Mac and Cheese!!! I gotta wrap this up”
twitch chat
May 2019
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

AYAYA 2

⡿⠋⠄⣀⣀⣤⣴⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣌⠻⣿⣿ ⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⠹⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠹ ⣿⣿⡟⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣮⠛⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆ ⡟⢻⡇⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣣⠄⡀⢬⣭⣻⣷⡌⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠃⣸⡀⠈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠈⣆⢹⣿⣿⣿⡈⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠄⢻⡇⠄⢛⣛⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⠹⣿⣆⠸⣆⠙⠛⠛⠃⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠄⠸⣡⠄⡈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠟⠁⣠⣉⣤⣴⣿⣿⠿⠿⠿⡇⢸⣿⣿⣿ ⠄⡄⢿⣆⠰⡘⢿⣿⠿⢛⣉⣥⣴⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣻⠟⣉⣤⣶⣶⣾⣿⡄⣿⡿⢸ ⠄⢰⠸⣿⠄⢳⣠⣤⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⢻⡇⢸ ⢷⡈⢣⣡⣶⠿⠟⠛⠓⣚⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⢸⠇⠘ ⡀⣌⠄⠻⣧⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠛⠛⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠘⠄⠄ ⣷⡘⣷⡀⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡋⢀⣠⣤⣶⣶⣾⡆⣿⣿⣿⠟⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⣿⣷⡘⣿⡀⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡿⠟⠉⠄⠄⠄⠄⡄⢀ ⣿⣿⣷⡈⢷⡀⠙⠛⠻⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠷⠾⠿⠟⣛⣋⣥⣶⣄⠄⢀⣄⠹⣦⢹⣿
ascii art
July 2019

Weebs

Even that was not nearly as salty as you are right now...

twitchquotes: I once drank an entire bottle of soy sauce on a dare, which I thought was all well and good... until I developed extreme dehydration and Hypernatremia. They had to put an IV directly into my veins to rehydrate me. It was the closet I've ever been to dying. What I'm getting at is, even that was not nearly as salty as you are right now PJSalt
twitch chat
July 2015
Reynad

salty

Leper gnome into the Twisted Nether

twitchquotes: "Yᴏᴜʀ ᴅᴇᴄᴋ ɪs ᴄʀᴀᴢʏ.” Fᴏʀsᴇɴ sᴀɪᴅ, ᴀs ʜᴇ sʟɪᴘᴘᴇᴅ ʜɪs ғᴇᴍɪɴɪɴᴇ ʜᴀɴᴅ ɪɴᴛᴏ Tʀᴜᴍᴘs’s ᴘᴀɴᴛs ᴀɴᴅ sᴍɪʀᴋᴇᴅ. “Aʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴛʀʏɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ᴛᴏᴘ-ᴅᴇᴄᴋ ᴍᴇ?” ᴘʀᴏᴛᴇsᴛs Tʀᴜᴍᴘ, ᴀs Fᴏʀsᴇɴ ʙʟᴜsʜᴇs, ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴏʏɪsʜ ғɪɢᴜʀᴇ ᴜɴᴅʀᴇssᴇᴅ ʙᴇғᴏʀᴇ Tʀᴜᴍᴘ. “Wᴇᴀᴋ ᴛᴇᴍᴘᴏ ᴘʟᴀʏ, Fᴏʀsᴇɴ.” Tʜᴇ ᴛᴡᴏ ᴋɪssᴇᴅ, ᴅᴇᴇᴘʟʏ ᴀɴᴅ ᴘᴀssɪᴏɴᴀᴛᴇʟʏ, ᴀɴᴅ ᴀғᴛᴇʀᴡᴀʀᴅs Fᴏʀsᴇɴ ᴘʟᴀᴄᴇs ʜɪs ʟᴇᴘᴇʀ ɢɴᴏᴍᴇ ɪɴᴛᴏ ᴛʀᴜᴍᴘs's ᴛᴡɪsᴛᴇᴅ ɴᴇᴛʜᴇʀ
twitch chat
November 2014
Forsen

Trump got kicked out of Blizzcon

twitchquotes: Trump got kicked out of Blizzcon when security asked him a question and he refused to answer unless they gave him $4.99
twitch chat
November 2014
Trump

I sexually Identify as the "I sexually identify as an attack helicopter" joke

I sexually Identify as the "I sexually identify as an attack helicopter" joke. Ever since I was a child, I've dreamed of flippantly dismissing any concepts or discussions regarding gender that don't fit in with what I learned in 8th grade bio. People say to me that this joke hasn't been funny since 2014 and please at least come up with a new one, but I don't care, I'm hilarious. I'm having a plastic surgeon install Ctrl, C, and V keys on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "epic kek dank meme trannies owned with facts and logic" and respect my right to shit up social media. If you can't accept me you're a memeophobe and need to check your ability-to-critically-think privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.
March 2021

I sexually Identify as

More Copypastas
Text-to-Speech Playing