[Copypasta] Can't focus on sex with the Food Network on

twitchquotes: I’m married and have a 4 year old so sex needs to be done in window opportunities. Whatever channel the TV is on in the background is what it’s going to be. Food Network is the hardest to have sex to by far. So if for example Guy Fieri Triple D comes on and I hear “we’re going to Seattle for some funky BBQ fish empanadas” while having sex my brain is “yes sex! But those empanadas sound crazy...dude focus on sex....that’s a shit load of jalapeños, that would give me heartburn for a week....Ok back to focusing on the sex....oh shit he’s going to a bbq pit in Austin next that does burnt tips in white cheddar Mac and Cheese!!! I gotta wrap this up”
twitch chat
May 2019
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
More Copypastas

Hey dad, you never answered any of my calls all day

twitchquotes: Hey dad, you never answered any of my calls all day. Still waiting for you to pick up me and Cattarian from the "Foster Care" fun park that you left us at a few months ago. Tell Motherania that we miss her too. If you dont pick us up soon we'll be forced to work in the salt mines. Love, Kripp Jr
twitch chat
June 2015
Kripp

get teh tazer

twitchquotes: (▀̿Ĺ̯▀̿ ̿) RESISTING ARREST - Get the Tazer (▀̿Ĺ̯▀̿ ̿)
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

monkaW

⣠⠴⠖⠒⠚⠋⠉⠉⠉⠙⠒⠒⠲⢤⡀⢀⡀⠤⠐⠒⠐⠒⠒⠒⠒⠒⠒⠶⢮⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣴⣿⣙⣿⣿⡄⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣶⣹⣷⣦⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢻⣯⣨⣏⣹⠃⠀⠀⠀⡘⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢏⢈⣧⠝⠀ ⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠉⠀⠀⢀⡤⠞⢳⡤⣄⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣠⡤ ⢦⣍⡛⠒⠶⠤⢤⣤⣤⠶⠶⣛⣡⠀⣰⠟⠀⠀⠈⠉⠙⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠉⠉⢀⣴ ⠀⠉⠛⠛⠓⠒⠶⠶⠖⠛⢛⣋⡵⠛⠉⠀⠀⠢⢄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⡴⠛⠁ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣤⠾⠛⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠻⣶⠶⠶⠶⠟⠛⣇⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠥⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢷⡀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢻ ⣀⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⡛⠛⠛⠹⠿⠻⠶⢶⣦⣤⣤⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⢀⣀⣀⡀⣀⣀⣀⣠⣴⡶⠿ ⣶⣶⣦⣤⣴⣄⣀⡨⠀⡁⠈⠉⠉⠛⠻⠛⠛⠛⠿⠿⠿⠿⠟⠛⠛⠋⠉⢈⣨⣤ ⠀⠀⠀⠉⠉⠉⠉⠋⠛⠳⢷⠶⣾⣯⣦⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣴⣶⡾⣧⣞⠛⣻⠁ ⠿⠿⠷⠶⢿⣦⣤⣦⣰⣄⣄⢀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣰⣼⠟⠀
December 2019

Pepe

Kripp discovered one weird trick to look twice his age

twitchquotes: Kripp is the remarkable twenty year old that discovered one weird trick to look twice his age. It's called being VEGAN and it limits your body’s nutritional intake and makes you look and feel TWICE AS OLD. Why would anyone want to be vegan you may ask, well all vegans hate animals so they eat all the animals food so that they starve to death.
twitch chat
January 2015
Kripp

bears are always fucked

Last week I went to go outside for a smoke and this other guy was there smoking as well. We got to talking and the talk of options trading came up. I accidentally slipped that I had bought a SPY put to hedge my portfolio. He immediately gets excited takes off his pants and bends over. Didn't realize he was a 🌈🐻 this whole time. Ofcourse I obliged cause bers r always fukkd
April 2021

WallStreetBets

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