[Copypasta] Can't focus on sex with the Food Network on

twitchquotes: I’m married and have a 4 year old so sex needs to be done in window opportunities. Whatever channel the TV is on in the background is what it’s going to be. Food Network is the hardest to have sex to by far. So if for example Guy Fieri Triple D comes on and I hear “we’re going to Seattle for some funky BBQ fish empanadas” while having sex my brain is “yes sex! But those empanadas sound crazy...dude focus on sex....that’s a shit load of jalapeños, that would give me heartburn for a week....Ok back to focusing on the sex....oh shit he’s going to a bbq pit in Austin next that does burnt tips in white cheddar Mac and Cheese!!! I gotta wrap this up”
twitch chat
May 2019
What happened to this ad? :(
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November 2021

Classic

KFC v2

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠛⠛⢉⣉⣉⣉⣉⡛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠻⠻⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠋⠉⣤⣴⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣦⣤⠀⠁⠀⠄⠀⠄⠀⠌⠉⠛ ⣟⠉⠁⠀⠀⢀⣤⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⠀⠐⠀⠐⠀⠐⠀ ⡟⠀⠀⠀⠒⠋⠉⠉⠈⠀⠉⠉⠙⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⡀⠈⢀⠈⠀⠄ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣴⠖⢁⣠⣶⣶⣶⣦⣴⣿⣿⣻⣾⣿⣾⣿⣻⣿⣿⣿⣧⠀⠀⡀⠂⠀ ⠀⣀⣰⣾⡿⠁⢠⣻⣽⣿⣟⣿⣟⣿⣿⣽⣿⢿⣷⡿⣟⣿⣷⣷⠹⣿⡆⠀⠀⡀⠁ ⠘⣿⣿⡟⠁⠀⡾⣽⣿⣯⣿⣿⣻⣿⣽⣿⣽⣿⡿⣿⣿⢿⣻⣾⡀⠸⣯⠀⠀⠀⠄ ⠀⣺⡿⠀⠀⢨⣟⣿⣽⣯⣿⣾⣿⣿⣽⣿⣽⣿⢿⣟⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⡆⠈⠀⠀⠂⠀ ⠀⢺⡯⠀⠀⣼⢾⢻⠿⠻⠿⠽⣷⣿⣯⣿⠿⠚⠛⠙⠉⢈⣀⠠⠌⣀⠀⡀⠀⢀⠁ ⠀⠈⠟⢀⣀⢈⣀⠄⢀⢤⠀⠀⠀⠉⣉⣌⠀⢀⠀⠊⢑⣒⠈⠀⣸⣿⡀⣿⡀⠀⡀ ⠀⠀⢰⡆⠀⠈⠁⠂⣩⣤⣤⣤⡀⠀⣾⣿⣦⣼⣿⣾⣿⢿⡾⢀⣿⣟⣿⡯⠂⠀⡀ ⠀⠀⠀⠑⠀⠀⠹⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⠋⢀⣷⣿⣟⣿⡯⢿⢾⣿⣷⣾⣿⣻⣿⠃⠀⢀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠐⣤⡿⣿⡾⠂⠰⡅⠓⡿⣿⡻⠃⣄⠈⠚⣽⣾⡿⣟⠛⠀⠀⠄⠀ ⠀⠄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠁⠀⠀⠀⣤⣤⣀⣀⣴⣿⣿⣷⣤⡀⢸⣿⡇⠀⠀⠐⠈⣿ ⠀⠀⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢰⡦⠀⠐⠟⠋⠉⠉⣁⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⣿⡧⠀⠐⠀⢼⣿ ⠀⠁⡀⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠹⣽⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⣉⣥⣤⣦⣶⣿⣷⢐⣿⣿⠇⠀⠀⠒⠛⠛ ⠀⠄⠀⠐⠈⠀⠀⠀⠀⠛⣮⣄⡦⠀⠀⣄⣻⣿⣿⣿⣻⣾⣿⣿⡛⠀⣄⠀⠈⠀⠂ ⠀⠠⠈⠀⠂⠁⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠑⠛⠅⠀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⣿⠷⠋⢀⣰⣿⡆⠠⣄⠀ ⠀⠄⠂⠐⠀⠁⠀⠀⢀⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⠎⠁⠀⣠⣾⣿⣿⡇⢸⡾⡀ ⠀⠠⠐⠀⠂⠁⠀⠀⠸⣾⣗⣦⣀⡀⠀⠀⠛⠿⣿⠏⠀⠤⠚⠛⣿⣿⣿⡃⣸⣿⠆ ⠀⠄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣤⠀⢿⣿⣿⠉⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⢰⣿⣿⢧ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⡀⠀⠨⣿⢦⠈⢿⣷⡀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡄⠀⠀⢢⣀⠐⢶⣽⣿⠏⣾⣿⣿⣯ ⣿⡳⠀⠀⠀⠀⠨⣿⣯⣷⡈⢻⣿⣿⡏⣴⡟⠀⠀⠀⠈⣿⣷⣦⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡷ ⣿⠀⠀⠀⠁⠀⠀⣿⣿⣷⣿⣦⣙⣿⣿⣻⠁⠀⣲⠀⠀⠹⠿⠟⠟⠛⠋⠋⢉⣉⡉ ⡇⠀⠀⠄⠂⠀⠀⠻⠿⠟⠋⠋⠉⠉⠈⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠀⡀⠄⢹⣿⠀⠌⣿⡇ ⣷⣄⡀⠠⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡀⢀⠀⠄⠀⠄⠂⠐⠈⢀⠠⠀⢀⠠⢸⣿⡅⠀⢿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣦⣄⡀⢀⠠⠀⠂⠁⠀⡀⠀⠄⠂⢀⠐⠀⠂⠀⡀⠄⢀⠀⠨⣿⣇⠀⢘⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣤⣄⣐⠈⠀⡀⠄⠀⠂⢀⠠⠐⠀⠁⢀⠀⡀⠄⠂⣿⣷⡀⠄⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣷⣶⣤⣤⣥⣀⣄⣀⣂⣈⣀⣠⣠⣤⣤⣿⣿⣾⣿⣿
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August 2021

This reddit sub is not funny

I have been in this shitty sub for almost a year and the humour here almost didn’t change at all. All of you here are so fucking unfunny it hurts to even open Reddit and see your “jokes” on my home page. The word 69 is not funny at ALL. 420 is also not funny. I know they are the sex and weed number but how is that funny at all? Do you just say “oh I’m almost about to get 69 karma haha funny”????? You’re not. Saying “penis” or when asked to say a joke “my life” isn’t fucking funny in any way. How is a whole group of teenagers SO UNFUNNY???? I used to have this type of “humour” for a bit (not that long so thank god) and after I realized how much it was being repeated I realized that you guys are embarrassing. No one out of Reddit likes or respects ANY of you. TIK TOK is funnier then here AND ALWAYS WILL BE. “So leave the sub” that won’t fix the sub though, will it? It hurts to see your “jokes”. Develop a sense of humor or just get out😐
May 2021

Toilet Pepe

⣿⠿⣛⣯⣭⣭⣭⣭⣭⣭⣥⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣮⣭⣭⣭⣭⣭⡛⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⡇⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⢛⣯⣭⣭⣷⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣬⣭⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⢰⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⡏⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢋⣩⠭⠭⡙⢋⣭⠶⠒⠒⢍⡘⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⡇⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢸⣿⣿⡿⣋⣴⣯⡴⠚⠉⡡⠤⢄⣉⣅⡤⠄⢀⢺⡌⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⡇⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢸⣿⡏⡆⣿⣿⣉⣐⢴⣿⠈⠈⢀⠟⡿⠷⠄⢠⢎⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⡇⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢸⣿⢸⣿⣿⣿⡫⣽⣒⣤⠬⠬⠤⠭⠭⢭⣓⣒⡏⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⡇⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢸⡿⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣾⣾⣭⣭⣭⣭⣭⣵⣵⡴⡇⠉⠹⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⡇⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢸⠠⠄⠉⠉⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠊⠉⠉⠉⠉⠁⠄⠄⠄⠠⢤⡸⣿⣿⣿ ⢇⡻⠿⣿⣿⣿⠘⣠⣤⣤⣀⡚⠿⢦⣄⡀⠤⠤⠤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣄⣘⠳⣭⢻⣿ ⣎⢿⣿⣶⣬⣭⣀⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣬⣙⡳⠟⢗⣈⠻⠛⠛⠛⠛⢿⣿⣿⣦⢸⣿ ⣿⣆⢿⣿⣿⣿⣽⣛⣲⠤⠤⢤⣤⣤⣤⣀⡙⣿⣿⣿⠇⣤⣤⣤⡶⢰⣿⣿⠃⣼⣿ ⣿⣿⣆⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣶⣶⡖⣸⣿⡟⣠⣶⣶⡖⣠⣿⡿⣡⣾⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣽⣛⣛⡻⣿⠇⣿⣿⠃⣿⣟⡭⠁⣿⣯⣄⢻⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿⣷⣭⣙⠗⣸⣿⡇⣾⣮⣙⡛⣸⣿⣿⣿
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February 2019

Pepe

Fired for masturbating on a Zoom call

So this just happened an hour ago and I am still shaking. I’m a staff in public accounting and was in the middle of a 3-hour training on Zoom. Usually when we have these types of calls I just keep the video running in the background and I walk around the room doing things to pass the time and distract myself from the monotone presenters. Well today I forgot that I left the camera on (I usually always have it off but earlier today I had a call with the partner to discuss my upcoming promotion, so I had to have it on). I had no clue I had left the camera on and in the middle of walking around and muttering to myself as I was zoning out, I flipped it out and started to rub one out. I did so with complete confidence, openly and ferociously, stroking faster and faster until I heard the presenter stop and kindly asked me to turn my camera off. Mortified, I lifted my pants up and rushed over to turn the camera off. Soon after the training was over I had a call with HR and they let me know that I was being terminated. I hated the job anyway so not so bummed about that, but I’m not sure what to say in interviews now if I’m asked why I left this job. Any advice?
June 2021
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