[Copypasta] Can't focus on sex with the Food Network on

twitchquotes: I’m married and have a 4 year old so sex needs to be done in window opportunities. Whatever channel the TV is on in the background is what it’s going to be. Food Network is the hardest to have sex to by far. So if for example Guy Fieri Triple D comes on and I hear “we’re going to Seattle for some funky BBQ fish empanadas” while having sex my brain is “yes sex! But those empanadas sound crazy...dude focus on sex....that’s a shit load of jalapeños, that would give me heartburn for a week....Ok back to focusing on the sex....oh shit he’s going to a bbq pit in Austin next that does burnt tips in white cheddar Mac and Cheese!!! I gotta wrap this up”
twitch chat
May 2019
What happened to this ad? :(
More Copypastas

Am I The Asshole for not being able to trade options for my dad? I’m 6.

This started about 4 years ago when I was 2 years old. My dad started to supplement me picture books and cartoons with beginner options books and Martin Shkerli's live videos on how to pick pharmaceutical stocks. Over the course of these years I have retained absolutely nothing even though my dad has spent every waking minute trying to make me understand. He has done almost everything including having Jerome Powell's speeches play while I am sleeping and only having Warren Buffet on the TV to try and make me understand the market. Yesterday, he got to a breaking point when I couldn't differentiate between a straddle and a strangle even though we went through different strategies for almost a month straight. My dad finally convinced my mom that they were doing the right thing when he said that I will soon be a Wendy's worker begging my wife's husband for a weekly allowance because I will never amount to be anything. He couldn't fathom raising a kid who was not able to able to make a profit from trading options by the time he was 10. With all that said, if anyone wants a 6 year old child who is shitty at market strategy, plz adopt me from Eternal Sunny Orphanage in Omaha, Nebraska.
September 2021

WallStreetBets

Am I The Asshole?

Don't feel bad, I'm just better that you

twitchquotes: Don't feel bad, I'm just better that you. Every morning I wake up and wash my adderall down with GFUEL™️, I have a python script that uploads my gameplay directly to reddit and I have amassed over 3 million karma. I only have TTV in my name ironically but also I have a stream PogChamp. If my ping were lower I would literally never lose, my 80% headshot percentage (op included) always carries my team. Let's be honest LUL you will probably never be on my level because of my insane natural talent.
twitch chat
August 2020

Donger

░░░░░░░░░░▐▌░░░░░░░░░░░▄░░░░░░ ▄▄░░░░░░░▄▄▄▄░░░░▌▄▄▄▄▄░░░░░▐▌ ▒▀█▌░░░▐▀▀▄▄▐▌▒░░▒▀▒▄▒█▄░░░░▐▌ ░░▀█▒░░▓░░█▐█▌▌░░▒░▐▌█▌▐▌░░▐▌░ ░░░░░░▓▀░░▒▐▀▄▀▀▀▀▒▒▀▀░░▀▌▒▀░░ ░░░░░░▌░░░░░░▀▄▄▄▄▀░░░░░░▌░░░░ ░░░░░▄▌░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░▒░░░░
ascii art
November 2014

3-eyed face

░░░░░░▄▄▄▄▄▓▓▓▄▄▄░░░░░ ░░░░▄▄▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▄░░░ ░░▄▄▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▀█▄░ ░▓▓▌▓▓▓░░▒▒▒▒▀(◐)▒▒▒▒▒█▓ ░▓▓▌▓▓░▒▒▓(◐)▓░░░▒▓▓(◐)█▓ ▓▓▌▓▓█▄█▀▄▄░▀░▀▄▄▀░░█░█ ▓▓▌▓▓▀▄█▄█░█▀▄▄▄▄▄▀██░█ ░▓▓▌▓▓░█░███▄█▄█▄███░░█ ░▓▓▌▓▓░█░███████████░░█ ░▓▓▌▓▓░█░███████████░░█ ░▓▓▌▓▓░█░███████████░░█ ░▓▓▌▓▓░▀▀█░█▀█▀█▀███░█ ░░▓▓▌▓▓░░░▀▀▄█▄█▄█▄▀░█ ░░▓▓▌▓▓▓▓▀▀▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▀
ascii art
November 2014

Viewbot #420

twitchquotes: (Viewbot #420) MrDestructoid Hello Mr. Michael "Imaqtpie" Santana, I am here to "view" your channel as was previously discussed.
twitch chat
February 2017
imaqtpie

Viewbots

More Copypastas
Text-to-Speech Playing