[Copypasta] Can't focus on sex with the Food Network on

twitchquotes: I’m married and have a 4 year old so sex needs to be done in window opportunities. Whatever channel the TV is on in the background is what it’s going to be. Food Network is the hardest to have sex to by far. So if for example Guy Fieri Triple D comes on and I hear “we’re going to Seattle for some funky BBQ fish empanadas” while having sex my brain is “yes sex! But those empanadas sound crazy...dude focus on sex....that’s a shit load of jalapeños, that would give me heartburn for a week....Ok back to focusing on the sex....oh shit he’s going to a bbq pit in Austin next that does burnt tips in white cheddar Mac and Cheese!!! I gotta wrap this up”
twitch chat
May 2019
I used to be a real ad
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Hey Kripp, this is Jessica from Vegan Heritage Corp

twitchquotes: Hey Kripp, this is Jessica from Vegan Heritage Corp. We scanned our ancestry data-base and it appears you're related to the dinosaur known as Willy Vegansaurus the Herbivorous Dinosaur from 194 B.C We have tried contacting him, but it appears he died from a giant 'Meat-eor' sent from Villa the Spaghettisaurus from space. We fear he's making giant meatballs again, we recommend going carnivorous or earth could be doomed again!
twitch chat
June 2017
Kripp

Bongo cat 2

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣿⣶⣄⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣦⣄⣀⡀⣠⣾⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⢿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⣶⣿⣦⣜⣿⣿⣿⡟⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢿⡏⣴⣺⣦⣙⣿⣷⣄⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⣯⡇⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣾⣿⣬⣥⣭⣽⣿⣿⣧⣼⡇⣯⣇⣹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠀⠀ ⠀⠹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⠀
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April 2021

Vegeta

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September 2021

Mimikyu

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣤⡤⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣾⣿⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⣠⣾⣿⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⢸⠛⠉⢹⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡠⠄⠠⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⡘⠀⠀⠀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⠖⠉⠀⠀⠀⣾⣿⣦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⡇⠀⠀⠀⢡⠄⠀⠀⣀⣀⣀⣠⠊⠀⠀⠀⠀⡠⠞⠛⠛⠛⠛⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⢃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠗⠚⠉⠉⠀⠈⠁⠀⠀⠀⢀⡔⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣴⣶⣄⠲⡎⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠃⠀⠀⢠⣤⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⠀⠘⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⡆⠀⠀⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠛⠉⣴⣆⢹⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⣇⢰⡧⣉⡉⠀⠀⢀⡀⠀⣀⣀⣠⣿⡷⢠⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⢻⠘⠃⠈⠻⢦⠞⠋⠙⠺⠋⠉⠉⠉⢡⠟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠳⢄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠁⢲⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⡆⠀⠀⠀⣀⣤⣴⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡰⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡞⠁⠀⠀⣾⠀⠀⣶⠀⠀⠀⢸⣦⣴⣿⣿⣿⠛⠉⠉⠉⠉⠁⠀ ⠀⠀⢀⣀⡰⠏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠀⠈⠋⠀⠀⠀⠘⣿⣿⣿⠛⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠰⣮⣉⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠻⣿⡋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠈⠉⠻⠥⠤⢤⣶⢄⠀⢀⣠⣄⠀⠀⢠⣶⣤⣄⠈⠑⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠁⠈⠋⠁⠠⠁⠀⠈⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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November 2020

Pokemon

Another extremely unjust loss

twitchquotes: Once again, Kripp, you suffer another extremely unjust loss. I have no idea why you keep losing game after game, even though you possess superb drafting and world-class card game decision making skills. There's clearly something not right and I'm betting that someone at Blizzard may be a little jealous of you.
twitch chat
September 2018
Kripp

Hearthstone

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