[Copypasta] Can't focus on sex with the Food Network on

twitchquotes: I’m married and have a 4 year old so sex needs to be done in window opportunities. Whatever channel the TV is on in the background is what it’s going to be. Food Network is the hardest to have sex to by far. So if for example Guy Fieri Triple D comes on and I hear “we’re going to Seattle for some funky BBQ fish empanadas” while having sex my brain is “yes sex! But those empanadas sound crazy...dude focus on sex....that’s a shit load of jalapeños, that would give me heartburn for a week....Ok back to focusing on the sex....oh shit he’s going to a bbq pit in Austin next that does burnt tips in white cheddar Mac and Cheese!!! I gotta wrap this up”
twitch chat
May 2019
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

The phrase “it’s just a game” is such a weak mindset

twitchquotes: The phrase “it’s just a game” is such a weak mindset. You are ok with what happened, losing, imperfection of a craft. When you stop getting angry after losing, you’ve lost twice. There’s always something to learn, and always room for improvement, never settle.
twitch chat
February 2020
Ninja

The Bible is an amazing manga

The Bible is an amazing manga. Chapters 1-5 were written by this guy named Moses but for some reason the author changed around. Abram is definitely my favorite character although for some reason they retconned his name to be Abraham, and in some regional publications his name is Ibrahim. The best ship is Abram x Sarah. Also, they totally nailed the new testament chapter, with some great character development. I never expected Judas' betrayal either.
April 2020

Weebs

Hey Kripp, Dan from HearthArena here

twitchquotes: Hey Kripp, Dan from HearthArena here. Just wanted to let you know we have some updates to our policy for sponsored content. Instead of saying "that guy's deck was crazy", we now suggest our partners use the phrase, "wow, that guy must have used HearthArena™ to get a deck like that!" We're grateful for your continued participation and hope you have a nice day.
twitch chat
September 2018
Kripp

Hearthstone

salty

I'm a 13 year old atheist

twitchquotes: I'm a 13 year old atheist and it's funny seeing the 'minds' in twitch chat entertained by a children's videogame lmao. Whenever you idiots "Pog Champ" or "OMEGA LUL", I am studying the works of Plato, Sun Tzu, Richard and Mortimer etc. and expanding my knowledge. Guess who will have the better job in 10 years?
twitch chat
April 2018

LEGO Yoda CBT lyrics

[Verse 1] Crush my cock with a rock I must. Maximum pain I must endure. Ok, here we go. [Chorus] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
January 2021
Text-to-Speech Playing