[Copypasta] Can't focus on sex with the Food Network on

twitchquotes: I’m married and have a 4 year old so sex needs to be done in window opportunities. Whatever channel the TV is on in the background is what it’s going to be. Food Network is the hardest to have sex to by far. So if for example Guy Fieri Triple D comes on and I hear “we’re going to Seattle for some funky BBQ fish empanadas” while having sex my brain is “yes sex! But those empanadas sound crazy...dude focus on sex....that’s a shit load of jalapeños, that would give me heartburn for a week....Ok back to focusing on the sex....oh shit he’s going to a bbq pit in Austin next that does burnt tips in white cheddar Mac and Cheese!!! I gotta wrap this up”
twitch chat
May 2019
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

EU WHY SO QUIET?

twitchquotes: LUL EU WHY SO QUIET? LUL EU WHY SO QUIET? LUL EU WHY SO QUIET? LUL EU WHY SO QUIET? LUL EU WHY SO QUIET? LUL EU WHY SO QUIET? LUL
twitch chat
November 2018

EU vs NA

The mods are doing a good job

twitchquotes: The mods are doing a good job of stopping the copying and pasting trolls. It's a shame that people ruin an entire chat with their immature behavior. Go mods, keep up the good work!
twitch chat
March 2018

MODS

It's not gay with socks on

When I was 13 years old a buddy of mine tried to convince me to fool around. I wasn't into it, and he told me it's not gay if you're wearing socks. I didn't believe him, went home, and asked my dad. That's 'gentleman's gay', hardly gay at all. Don't see it much these days. The 50s were a different time. What were we to do? We were typical boarding school boys, rich with vigor, skin slick with drying sweat and gritty earth from a game of pigskin. At night our young, virile bodies filled the dorm with sweet-musky vapors, like game-meat stewed with apple and peppercorn. You'd awake in darkness to the hushed, melodic rhythm of two pairs of white tube socks, barely visible in moonlight, bouncing on the hardwood floor. The deep bond of male friendship played like a thousand different human instruments. The wet claps of skin on skin, the gentle thud of heads on backboards, frenzied cries in the throes of climax. Wilbur, so fat and soft like tapioca pudding. His breasts were so like the real thing, what we fantasized of our future wives. Unwilling, defenseless Wilbur, so slow and uncoordinated in the dark. 10 of us would glaze his bare, pink flesh like a giant raspberry danish. He once had the audacity to tell Headmaster Redford. But Redford was a Deerfield boy once, he understood. So he joined us on our midnight hog hunts. Through college and years after we'd find time here and there, away from the wives at a family lake house. But it's been decades now - the times have certainly changed. If you wanted to do something private with another man, in your socks, it wasn’t ‘gay’. It was just two men, celebrating each other's strength.
August 2021

Chika dance

⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⠄⢀⣴⡾⠃⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠺⠟⠛⠛⠛⠛⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣤⡀⠄ ⢸⣿⣿⣿⡟⢀⣴⣿⡿⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷ ⢸⣿⣿⠟⣴⣿⡿⡟⡼⢹⣷⢲⡶⣖⣾⣶⢄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣼⣿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⢸⣿⢫⣾⣿⡟⣾⡸⢠⡿⢳⡿⠍⣼⣿⢏⣿⣷⢄⡀⠄⢠⣾⢻⣿⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⡿⣡⣿⣿⡟⡼⡁⠁⣰⠂⡾⠉⢨⣿⠃⣿⡿⠍⣾⣟⢤⣿⢇⣿⢇⣿⣿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣱⣿⣿⡟⡐⣰⣧⡷⣿⣴⣧⣤⣼⣯⢸⡿⠁⣰⠟⢀⣼⠏⣲⠏⢸⣿⡟⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡟⠁⠄⠟⣁⠄⢡⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣼⢟⢀⡼⠃⡹⠃⡀⢸⡿⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟ ⣿⣿⠃⠄⢀⣾⠋⠓⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⣿⣿⣾⣅⢔⣕⡇⡇⡼⢁⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢣ ⣿⡟⠄⠄⣾⣇⠷⣢⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣭⣀⡈⠙⢿⣿⣿⡇⡧⢁⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢏⣾ ⣿⡇⠄⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⢻⠇⠄⠄⢿⣿⡇⢡⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣏⣼⣿ ⣿⣷⢰⣿⣿⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢰⣧⣀⡄⢀⠘⡿⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⣼⣿⣿ ⢹⣿⢸⣿⣿⠟⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣭⣉⣤⣿⢈⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⣾⣹⣿⣿ ⢸⠇⡜⣿⡟⠄⠄⠄⠈⠙⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⣱⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠁⢳⠃⣿⣿⣿ ⠄⣰⡗⠹⣿⣄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⣅⣥⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠋⠄⠄⣾⡌⢠⣿⡿⠃ ⠜⠋⢠⣷⢻⣿⣿⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⣛⣥⣾⣿⠿⠟⠛⠉⠄⠄
April 2019

Weebs

What you guys have no Szechuan sauce?

What you guys have no Szechuan sauce? I WANT SZECHUAN SAUCE! WHERE'S MY SZECHUAN SAUCE??!! I'M PICKLE RICK!!!!!!!! WUBBALUBBADUBDUB!!!!!! I'M PICKLE RICK!!!! REEEEEEEEE!!!! REEEEE!!!! REEEEE!!!! IM PICKLE REEEEEEEEE!!!! REEEEEE!!!!! REEEEE!!!!!!
December 2020

Rick and Morty

Text-to-Speech Playing