[Copypasta] Today I attempted to insert a whole cantaloupe melon

twitchquotes: Today I attempted to insert a whole cantaloupe melon into my anus because the local shops had run out of apricots (I buy a lot). Using about a gallon of butter, breathing techniques and a few hours I managed to finally get it inside. However it was too uncomfortable so I tried to shit it back out.This is where things got confusing because rather than a melon sliding out half a dozen apricots did. Now there is a chance that I just blacked out upon excreting the cantaloupe and it rolled away somewhere and that I happened to have a dozen or so left over apricots lying around my rectum from earlier but I cannot for the life of me find the melon anywhere.I think I may have the power to anally turn melons into apricots. Further experimentation will be required of course (once my rectum has recovered) but if this turns out to be true then I may be able to solve world hunger.
twitch chat
April 2019
What happened to this ad? :(
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Who came? Bananaman

twitchquotes: My son is running around the house without pants saying "Who Came". I came over to his computer and your sub sound is completely inappropriate. I have the strong urge to disown my son now. Unbelievable. As a parent you disappoint me.
twitch chat
August 2017
shroud

PlayerUnknown's Battlegrounds

This is exactly why I LOVE Twitch chat

twitchquotes: This is exactly why I LOVE Twitch chat. This chat is pure, adulterated, 100% intelligence. Everybody has a single unique, new thought, all spouting the latest meme after meme, that are really good. THIS is why I'm turning off the professional gameplay and will just watch the chat. And I swear to god, if any of you don't copy and paste this, I'm deleting my account forever.
twitch chat
December 2016

Response to Navy Seal Copypasta

Did you just think that you could fucking fool me with that comment of yours? I've searched your name up in the Navy SEAL database and you have never even graduated BUD/S, hell, even served in the Armed Forces. If you were actually a Navy SEAL, then you actually know how to spell guerrilla, you fucking moron. And you say you are the top sniper in the entire US Armed Forces and have over 300 confirmed kills. If that were true, then why the fuck is Chris Kyle a household name and you aren't? And plus he only had 160 kills. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. Plus why the fuck would you say you have a secret network of spies yet you just revealed that you had your secret network of spies? Are you a fucking idiot? If you can kill someone seven-hundred different ways, then list them all, I bet you can't even come up with seven. And if you had access to the entire US Marine Corps arsenal, then why the fuck did you just say you were in the Navy SEALs earlier? If only you could have done your research prior to posting your little “clever” comment, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you goddamn idiot.
March 2021

Navy Seal

GIFF 2GD

twitchquotes: つ ◕_◕ ༽つ GIFF 2GD つ ◕_◕ ༽つつ ◕_◕ ༽つ GIFF 2GD つ ◕_◕ ༽つつ ◕_◕ ༽つ GIFF 2GD つ ◕_◕ ༽つつ ◕_◕ ༽つ GIFF 2GD つ ◕_◕ ༽つつ ◕_◕ ༽つ GIFF 2GD つ ◕_◕ ༽つつ ◕_◕ ༽つ GIFF 2GD つ ◕_◕ ༽つ
twitch chat
February 2016
Dota Major

Dota 2

I hardly ever watch twitch anymore

twitchquotes: I hardly ever watch twitch anymore, and it’s mostly because of cringe chat. All you do is copy and paste the same things or constantly repeat the same stupid emotes in response to everything. So predictable and annoying
twitch chat
September 2020
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