[Copypasta] Today I attempted to insert a whole cantaloupe melon

twitchquotes: Today I attempted to insert a whole cantaloupe melon into my anus because the local shops had run out of apricots (I buy a lot). Using about a gallon of butter, breathing techniques and a few hours I managed to finally get it inside. However it was too uncomfortable so I tried to shit it back out.This is where things got confusing because rather than a melon sliding out half a dozen apricots did. Now there is a chance that I just blacked out upon excreting the cantaloupe and it rolled away somewhere and that I happened to have a dozen or so left over apricots lying around my rectum from earlier but I cannot for the life of me find the melon anywhere.I think I may have the power to anally turn melons into apricots. Further experimentation will be required of course (once my rectum has recovered) but if this turns out to be true then I may be able to solve world hunger.
twitch chat
April 2019
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Daniel Craig Cock And Ball Torture

As Daniel Craig says goodbye to the role of James Bond, let us revisit one of the greatest films in the series. Casino Royale (2006) Daniel Craig receiving some intense cock and ball torture at the hands of Mads Mikkelsen has to be my favourite scene from any Bond film. Right next to the opening of Skyfall. How appropriate is it that a character who has been the face of masculinity for half a century, nearly gets emasculated by someone who possesses none of that virility. Le Chiffre (played by Mikkelsen) is in many ways the opposite of Bond. He lacks the vigour, sex appeal, and chivalry of 007. When a warlord threatens to cut off his girlfriend’s arm, Le Chiffre, out of fear does not object, to which even the warlord comments that she should find a better boyfriend. He suffers from Asthma and Haemolacria (Acute Haemolacria tends to occur in fertile women because of hormones). He even comments during the c and b torture session that he desires to ruin the body that Bond has taken such good care of (There is a hint of jealousy in his voice as he says this). And yet, it is Bond who is strapped to the chair. The camera zooming in on his grimacing face at every strike to his manhood. This castration is also a symbolic one. The weakness and decline of the British empire is a key theme that is explored throughout the Craig Bond films. The idea that the CIA had to donate money to Bond so he could beat a man at a game of Poker, and yet still end up at the mercy of this traditionally impotent individual who is unaffiliated with any country, and has amassed all his power through his ability to control money — paints a damning picture of the power of modern day Britain. And it says a lot about what power really means in our modern world. The opening theme by Chris Cornell is truly remarkable, and some of the action sequences here are the series’ most memorable. For me, this is the greatest Bond film ever. As the man himself says goodbye to the role with the release of No Time To Die, it must be said that no one has embodied the character of James Bond and humanized him quite like Craig has. Nowhere is this more apparent than in Casino Royale. The ice-cold blue eyes that occasionally hint at soft vulnerability, will truly be missed. Daniel Craig can walk away with pride knowing he has been the greatest ever to play such an icon.
December 2021

Pac-Man projectiles

twitchquotes: FeelsGoodMan FBBlock 🍒 🍓 🍊 🍎 🍈 ✈️ 🔔 🔑
twitch chat
April 2019

Super Smash Bros

My best friend is racist

So I met him today and asked him: "Hello, my best friend, are you racist?" And he replied with: "Yes, I'm racist" I was shocked. So I asked him back: "You racist?" He said: "Yes, I'm actually racist" To comprehend him, I asked: "Why are you racist?" He answered with: "Because I'm racist" I made sure: "Racism?" He replied: "Yeah, racism" I shout out: "Oh no" He just: "Yeah" And I'm just: "That's so racist" He: "Racism"
October 2021

Popeye

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣠⣤⣤⣤⣄⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣴⣾⣿⡿⠟⠛⠋⠙⠛⠻⢷⣦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣾⣿⠟⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⢷⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣼⣿⠟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣾⠟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡀⠀⠠⠤⠄⠘⠓⠒⠶⠦⢤⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠔⡽⠂⠈⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣾⠏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⡄⠀⠠⠁⠐⠂⠈⠁⠒⠂⠠⣤⠤⠤⠤⢀⠉⠻⣶⡀⠀⠘⣌⠀⠀⠀⠀⠑⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣠⡟⠀⠀⠀⢀⣴⣿⠿⠓⠐⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡜⠉⠑⠙⢇⠒⠀⠄⠀⢹⣷⠀⠀⠨⢊⡔⠀⣀⡼⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣴⠛⠉⠁⠀⢀⣴⣿⠟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠱⠀⠀⠀⠈⢧⠀⠀⢀⣿⠏⢀⢔⠕⠁⠈⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣿⠃⠀⠀⠀⣴⣿⡟⠁⠀⢀⡤⠤⢤⣤⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡀⠘⣷⠚⠋⠁⠔⡁⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⣿⠀⠀⠀⣼⣿⠋⠀⠀⠐⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠛⠢⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⣿⡄⠘⡶⠒⠚⠚⠻⡛⠛⠻⢶⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠹⣧⡀⠀⢿⡏⠀⠀⡈⠢⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣉⠒⠦⠔⠀⠀⠉⠠⠊⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡀⠀⠀⠹⣷⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠛⠷⣶⡇⠀⠀⠈⠐⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠁⠀⠈⠉⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⠃⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢻⣷⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠤⠄⡀⢀⡀⠀⢀⣀⡔⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⠆⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢻⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠒⠲⠤⠤⠬⠠⠤⠞⢦⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⠠⠚⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣼⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣹⠧⠤⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣾⣿⠁⠉⠀⠀⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⠀⢀⣼⡿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡏⠀⠀⢤⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠹⠛⠛⠛⠻⠛⠛⠿⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣴⠿⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⢷⣆⡀⠀⠈⠀⢠⡀⠀⠀⠑⠄⠀⠀⠀⢀⠀⢁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣾⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠿⣶⣤⠶⠛⢿⣦⡀⠀⠠⢀⠀⠀⣀⠔⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⡿⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⢿⣦⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣤⣾⠟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠙⠿⢶⣶⣤⣤⣀⣀⣤⣤⣶⣾⡿⠟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠉⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
ascii art
September 2021

I'm currently crushing on someone in Highschool

twitchquotes: Hey, everyone. I'm currently crushing on someone in Highschool and we are both freshman. So the thing is I'm kinda shy when asking out people and my courage rn is like Bronze level of weak. I want to ask her out on a date or just see how she really feels about me. Another difficult thing too is that I'm a C9 fan and she is a TSM fan . Do you guys have any advice for me???
twitch chat
March 2018
Riot Games

League of Legends

More Copypastas
Text-to-Speech Playing