[Copypasta] Today I attempted to insert a whole cantaloupe melon

twitchquotes: Today I attempted to insert a whole cantaloupe melon into my anus because the local shops had run out of apricots (I buy a lot). Using about a gallon of butter, breathing techniques and a few hours I managed to finally get it inside. However it was too uncomfortable so I tried to shit it back out.This is where things got confusing because rather than a melon sliding out half a dozen apricots did. Now there is a chance that I just blacked out upon excreting the cantaloupe and it rolled away somewhere and that I happened to have a dozen or so left over apricots lying around my rectum from earlier but I cannot for the life of me find the melon anywhere.I think I may have the power to anally turn melons into apricots. Further experimentation will be required of course (once my rectum has recovered) but if this turns out to be true then I may be able to solve world hunger.
twitch chat
April 2019
What happened to this ad? :(
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I Cri Evrytiem (Like This If You Cry Everytime)

Wun day, a boi n a gurl wer walkin w skool. Dey wer holdin handz and redy 2 seluhbrayt der 2 hour aniverssaree. Da gurl turnt 2 da boi n say "bbz, do u luv me 4ever?!" Da boi turnt 2 her n say "NO!" Da gurl wuz <3brokn n run away frum da boi. She run in2 da street n got hit by a car. Da boi run ovur 2 da gurl n hold her az she dyieng "I wuz gonna say, I luv u 5ever" Da boy den pull out hiz gat n shoot himself ded. As his bodee hit da assfalt, a bawks rolled of his poccet. A bootyful dimund ring wuz nside. Liek dis if u cry evrytiem
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You think it's funny to take screenshots of people's NFTS, huh?

You think it's funny to take screenshots of people's NFTS, huh? Property theft is a joke to you? l'll have you know that the blockchain doesn't lie. I own it. Even if you save it, it's my property. You are mad that you don't own the art that I own. Delete that screenshot.
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The feel when your favorite streamer is a feeder

twitchquotes: FeelsBadMan THAT FEEL FeelsBadMan WHEN FeelsBadMan YOUR FeelsBadMan FAVORITE FeelsBadMan STREAMER FeelsBadMan IS A FEEDER FeelsBadMan
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I fell asleep masturbating with the curtains open and porn playing

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i start cracking bongland jokes inna bri'ish accent. Am I the asshole?

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