[Copypasta] Today I attempted to insert a whole cantaloupe melon

twitchquotes: Today I attempted to insert a whole cantaloupe melon into my anus because the local shops had run out of apricots (I buy a lot). Using about a gallon of butter, breathing techniques and a few hours I managed to finally get it inside. However it was too uncomfortable so I tried to shit it back out.This is where things got confusing because rather than a melon sliding out half a dozen apricots did. Now there is a chance that I just blacked out upon excreting the cantaloupe and it rolled away somewhere and that I happened to have a dozen or so left over apricots lying around my rectum from earlier but I cannot for the life of me find the melon anywhere.I think I may have the power to anally turn melons into apricots. Further experimentation will be required of course (once my rectum has recovered) but if this turns out to be true then I may be able to solve world hunger.
twitch chat
April 2019
I used to be a real ad
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japan is best country in the world!

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twitchquotes: The time was 1:53 AM. This is the last game of my plat promos. The season will end in 7 minutes. We're down by bot turret with our team as we push our lead. I see Scott rolling in as Rammus, traveling at a speed that would put Sonic himself to shame. His words echo through my $5 earbuds. "I'M GOING IN!" I pause to take in the world around me. I can do anything right now. Physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual limits no longer apply to me. I gather the strength in my forefinger as I slowly lift it over my R key. I say...no, I yell, with the ferocity of a million suns, the single word that could be heard around the world. "Same!" Galio prepares himself before leaping into the air, and delivering a devastating blow to the enemies' backline. We did it. The enemy team retreats back into their low elo. I was platinum. With a farewell to Scott for his outstanding work, I drag myself to my bed, ready to fall asleep. My phone chimes. Checking the notifications, I saw only one. A text from Clown9 Sneaky. The message brought a tear to my eye. The message simply read: “I’m proud of you.” Now very emotional, I typed a reply. "Same."
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July 2020
Sneaky

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Kaceytron's Porn Producer

twitchquotes: ＫＡＣＥＹＴＲＯＮ, ＨＥＲＥ＇Ｓ ＹＯＵＲ ＰＯＲＮ ＰＲＯＤＵＣＥＲ ＣＡＬＬＩＮＧ ＹＯＵ ＯＵＴ！ Ｉ ＣＯＵＬＤＮ＇Ｔ ＲＥＡＣＨ ＹＯＵ ＯＮ ＰＯＲＮＨＵＢ ＯＲ ＢＲＡＺＺＥＲＳ, ＳＯ Ｉ＇Ｍ ＣＡＬＬＩＮＧ ＹＯＵ ＯＵＴ ＨＥＲＥ ＯＮ ＴＨＥ ＴＷＩＴＣＨ ＣＨＡＴ, ＨＯＰＥ ＹＯＵ ＤＯＮ＇Ｔ ＭＩＮＤ！ ＷＥ ＪＵＳＴ ＳＣＨＥＤＵＬＥＤ Ａ ＮＥＷ ＭＯＶＩＥ ＣＡＬＬＥＤ "ＫＩＮＧ ＤＯＮＧＥＲ" ＹＯＵ＇ＬＬ ＢＥ ＴＨＥ ＭＡＩＮ ＳＴＡＲ ＡＬＯＮＧ ＷＩＴＨ ＢＥＮ Ｄ＇ＯＶＥＲ ＡＮＤ ＫＩＮＫＹ ＫＯＮＧ！ ＣＯＭＥ ＯＶＥＲ ＴＯＭＯＲＲＯＷ ＡＴ １２ＰＭ, ＷＥ ＳＴＡＲＴ ＰＲＯＤＵＣＴＩＯＮ ＡＴ ＴＨＡＴ ＨＯＵＲ. ＩＦ ＹＯＵ ＤＯ ＷＥＬＬ, ＹＯＵ＇ＬＬ ＨＡＶＥ ＡＮ ＥＸＴＲＡ. ＜３ ＸＯＸＯ
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The Moon isn't so great?

twitchquotes: The Moon isn't so great? Are you kidding me? When was the last time you saw an astronomical object with such an ability and movement within the celestial plane? The Moon puts the eclipse game to another level, and we will be blessed if we ever see a planet with its skill and passion for moving in front of things again. The Sun breaks records. Earth breaks records. The Moon breaks the rules. You can keep your statistics. I prefer the magic.
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