[Copypasta] Today I attempted to insert a whole cantaloupe melon

twitchquotes: Today I attempted to insert a whole cantaloupe melon into my anus because the local shops had run out of apricots (I buy a lot). Using about a gallon of butter, breathing techniques and a few hours I managed to finally get it inside. However it was too uncomfortable so I tried to shit it back out.This is where things got confusing because rather than a melon sliding out half a dozen apricots did. Now there is a chance that I just blacked out upon excreting the cantaloupe and it rolled away somewhere and that I happened to have a dozen or so left over apricots lying around my rectum from earlier but I cannot for the life of me find the melon anywhere.I think I may have the power to anally turn melons into apricots. Further experimentation will be required of course (once my rectum has recovered) but if this turns out to be true then I may be able to solve world hunger.
twitch chat
April 2019
(โ–€ฬฟฤนฬฏโ”œโ”ฌโ”ดโ”ฌโ”ด Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
More Copypastas

Kripp's sonnerino from the future

twitchquotes: Kส€ษชแด˜แด˜, ษชแด›'s สแดแดœส€ sแดษดษดแด‡ส€ษชษดแด า“ส€แดแด แด›สœแด‡ า“แดœแด›แดœส€แด‡, แด„แดษดแด„แด‡ษชแด แด‡แด… ษชษด Gส€แด‡แด‡แด„แด‡ แด›สœแด‡ ษดษชษขสœแด› สแดแดœ แด€ษดแด… Tส€แดœแดแด˜'s แด…แดษดษขแด‡ส€s แด›แดแดœแด„สœแด‡แด…. Yแดแดœ สœแด€แด แด‡ แด„แดษดแด›ส€แด€แด„แด›แด‡แด… แด€ สœษชษขสœสŸส สŸแด‡ษขแด€สŸ า“แดส€แด แดา“ แด€ษชแด…s แด›สœแด€แด› sแดแดษด ษชษดา“แด‡แด„แด› แด‡แด€ส€แด›สœแด‡ส€ษชษดแด. Tสœแด‡ แดษดสŸส แด„แดœส€แด‡ ษชs แด€ แด˜สœแด‡ส€แดแดแดษดแด‡ sแด‡แด„ส€แด‡แด›แด‡แด… า“ส€แดแด แดษดสŸส สแดแดœส€ แด‹ษดแด‡แด‡. Pแด€แด˜แด€, สแดแดœ แดแดœsแด› สŸษชแด„แด‹ สแดแดœส€ แด‹ษดแด‡แด‡! PสŸs ษดแด า“แด‡แด›แด›แดœแด„แด„ษชษดแด แด€สŸา“แด€ ส€แดแดแด‡แด
twitch chat
March 2014
Kripp

Apple announces an EV program

Oh boy I can't wait until 2024 when I can wake up to my Apple Homepod Siri alarm and check my Apple Watch for notifications and take a shower in my Apple Big Douche then put my makeup on before work in my Apple Mirror then take my Apple Car to my job at Apple Phone Plant #584 so I can work on my Mac Pro workstation designing the latest Apple Product the iShit smart toilet that syncs with your iAsshole to sense when you have a massive log brewing in my large intestine and sends me a notification to my apple colonoscopy bag. Russian hackers will know what I had for dinner.
December 2020

WallStreetBets

Metal isn't so great? Are you kidding me?

twitchquotes: Metal isn't so great? Are you kidding me? metal requires more talent than any other genre of music. And moonmoon_ow hates it? Thats ridiculous, metal is the best unlike stupid normie music. Moonmoon_ow shouldn't do this stupid restriction when many people (including me btw) love the music. metal is just too complex and cerebral for the masses to consume. dont feel bad. you are just all idiots.12 btw haHAA
twitch chat
June 2017
MOONMOON

Response to "who asked?"

I don't care if you "didn't ask". The world does not revolve around you and I can say whatever the fuck I want, and I could not care less if you didn't ask so shut the fuck up. This is why you are lonely and everyone leaves you.
August 2021

Who Asked?

TriHard

โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–„โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–“โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–“โ–“โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–“โ–“โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–“โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–ˆโ–“โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–“โ–“โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–“โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–“โ–“โ–ˆโ–„โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–„โ–“โ–“โ–ˆโ–“โ–“โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–“โ–„โ–‘ โ–€โ–ˆโ–“โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–“โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–“โ–Œ โ–‘โ–“โ–ˆโ–“โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–’โ–’โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–Œ โ–โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ–’โ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–’โ–’โ–โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆ โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–Œโ–’โ–„โ–€โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–’โ–’โ–โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–Œโ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–’โ–โ–’โ–‘โ–’โ–“โ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–€โ–ˆโ–€โ–ˆโ–Œโ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–Œโ–’โ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–Œโ–’โ–“โ–โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–„โ–„โ–โ–‘โ–‘โ–โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–Œโ–’โ–„โ–“โ–“โ–’โ–“โ–„โ–’โ–“โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–“โ–โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–ˆโ–’โ–“โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–‘โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–Œโ–“โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘
ascii art
November 2014
More Copypastas
Text-to-Speech Playing