[Copypasta] Today I attempted to insert a whole cantaloupe melon

twitchquotes: Today I attempted to insert a whole cantaloupe melon into my anus because the local shops had run out of apricots (I buy a lot). Using about a gallon of butter, breathing techniques and a few hours I managed to finally get it inside. However it was too uncomfortable so I tried to shit it back out.This is where things got confusing because rather than a melon sliding out half a dozen apricots did. Now there is a chance that I just blacked out upon excreting the cantaloupe and it rolled away somewhere and that I happened to have a dozen or so left over apricots lying around my rectum from earlier but I cannot for the life of me find the melon anywhere.I think I may have the power to anally turn melons into apricots. Further experimentation will be required of course (once my rectum has recovered) but if this turns out to be true then I may be able to solve world hunger.
twitch chat
April 2019
I used to be a real ad
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I hate JoJo

I fucking hate JoJo. Every subreddit I go through has a vermin-like underclass of JoJo fanboys. They all just have to say “iS THat A JOJo ReFErEncE??!!!1” on every fucking post that contains a single word that may have been used in the shitty comics. Oh, a suspicious link? Probably a rickroll. NOPE!!! They’ve ruined that, too! One of the oldest goddamn internet traditions shat on and ruined by JoJo fanboys. Thunder Cross Split Attack! So fucking funny, right? I’m wheezing! NO. SHUT THE FUCK UP. Nobody cares about your shitty comic series. Dio is a stupid character from a stupid comic series. I downvote every post and comment that mentions JoJo, out of pure bloodcurdling rage. I want to detonate a MASSIVE thermonuclear warhead right on top of whatever godforsaken studio publishes that stinking-pile-of-trash comic. Frankly, I don’t even care for the civilian casualties, either. At least they died for a good reason. Unlike JoJo fans, I actually contribute to the betterment of mankind, instead of spamming shitty references on the internet. Every JoJo fan that dies a slow, painful death is a win in my book. I have claimed over a dozen of them already, too. I annihilated their skulls with my fists. Their stupid ice attack didn’t do shit for them either. They dies like they lived, pathetic excuses for humans. I hope more people hear my message and declare war on JoJo. If nobody helps me, I will do as much damage as I possibly can before I die. Thank you.
February 2021

JoJo's Bizarre Adventure

Trolling My Dad's Office with Among Us (Office Series Part 5, Finale 2)

That's right. I am the IMPOSTER. I just killed my boss. I now had to convince everyone that I wasn't the imposter. "Chad is the imposter!" I randomly yelled out. Another coworker said "Well, I did see him running towards the stairs/elevator. "Wait, think about this!" Chad stated. "How do you know I'm the murderer? It could be him!" "Hmm.." My coworker, John, said. "Why do you think it's him, Darrius?" "Well," I started, "The same reason as you. I saw him running towards the elevator when the killing happened. "Wait, wait, wait!" Angelica proclaimed. "How do we know it happened on the top floor?" Another coworker, Adam, pointed out the window towards the paramedics wrapping up my boss' mangled corpse in a body bag." Oh!" Angelica said." That's a bit sussy," I said. "I think it must have been Angelica, she's pretending she doesn't know anything?" "Hmm, you might be right." My coworker Dave spoke up. "But I think that it might be you, Darrius." "Wait woah woah, why is it me?" I defended myself. He said "I saw you enter the elevator right before the murderer hit!" He said. Shit. he's onto me." Woah, you could be lying! I was in my cubicle doing my office work!" I yelled back." Oh really, what were you doing?" Dave said." I was uh.. scanning for viruses on my computer!" "Hmm.. okay." "I think that we should get rid of Liam." Angelica proclaimed. "Woah woah woah, pretty lady! Why do you think that?" He quickly hopped to his defense. "I haven't been a part of this discussion at all!" "Well, you're pale, and you work on the closest floor to the boss." Angelica replies. "Yeah, that's sus, Liam." I said. "We should get rid of him." "I agree." Chad said." Me too!" Adam said." Me three!" John said. And so we decided to throw him out the window.
April 2021

Among Us / Amogus

Trolling with Among Us

Harambe I'm coming

twitchquotes: FeelsGoodMan 🔫 HARAMBE I'M COMING FeelsGoodMan 🔫
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August 2016

Classic

Harambe

Super Meat Boy v2

⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣀⣤⣤⣦⣶⢶⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣶⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⠿⣿⣿⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠛⠛⢿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⡟⠡⠂⠀⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠘⠁⠀⠀⣿⡇⠀⢠⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣗⢴⣶⣷⣷⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣤⣤⣤⣴⣿⣗⣄⣼⣷⣶⡄⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⢀⣾⣿⡅⠐⣶⣦⣶⠀⢰⣶⣴⣦⣦⣶⠴⠀⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣼⣿⡇⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⢀⣾⣿⣿⣷⣬⡛⠷⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⣠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠛⠃⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣦⣭⣭⣥⣭⣵⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠙⠇⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⢛⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
ascii art
October 2020

Huntard is confused

twitchquotes: ｈｕｎｔａｒｄ ｉｓ ｃｏｎｆｕｓｅｄ． ｕｎｄｅｒｔａｋｅｒ ｗａｓ ｐｌａｙｅｄ ｔｕｒｎ ｏｎｅ， ｂｕｔ ｏｐｐｏｎｅｎｔ ｌｉｖｅｓ． Ｅｖｅｎ ｇｒｅｅｔｉｎｇｓ ｔｒａｖｅｌｌｅｒ ａｎｄ ｏｖｅｒｐｏｗｅｒｅｄ ｄｏｇｅ ｃａｒｄ ｄｉｄ ｎｏｔ ｗｏｎｎｅｒｅｄ． Ａ ｓｉｎｇｌｅ ｔｅａｒ ｒｏｌｌｓ ｄｏｗｎ ｈｉｓ ｆａｃｅ ａｓ ｈｅ ｃｏｎｃｅｄｅｓ． ｔｉｍｅ ｔｏ ｃｒａｆｔ ｇａｈｚｉｌｌａ．
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December 2014
Kripp
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