[Copypasta] Today I attempted to insert a whole cantaloupe melon

twitchquotes: Today I attempted to insert a whole cantaloupe melon into my anus because the local shops had run out of apricots (I buy a lot). Using about a gallon of butter, breathing techniques and a few hours I managed to finally get it inside. However it was too uncomfortable so I tried to shit it back out.This is where things got confusing because rather than a melon sliding out half a dozen apricots did. Now there is a chance that I just blacked out upon excreting the cantaloupe and it rolled away somewhere and that I happened to have a dozen or so left over apricots lying around my rectum from earlier but I cannot for the life of me find the melon anywhere.I think I may have the power to anally turn melons into apricots. Further experimentation will be required of course (once my rectum has recovered) but if this turns out to be true then I may be able to solve world hunger.
twitch chat
April 2019
I used to be a real ad
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Scary WutFace

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⢋⣵⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣦⣤⣠⣄⡀⠉⠛⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⣠⡾⠋⠉⠉⠉⠩⢛⢿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠋⠙⢶⣆⠄⠄⠹⠿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⢃⣼⡿⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⠄⠄⠁⢻⣿⣿⡠⠦⠄⢸⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠘⣿⣿ ⣿⡿⠛⡁⠾⠹⠁⠄⠄⣴⡾⣿⣿⠄⠄⠸⢋⣭⠻⣶⠞⠛⠛⠄⠄⠄⡀⠄⠘⣿ ⣿⠄⠰⣿⡆⡀⠄⠄⢘⢿⣿⣿⠋⠄⠠⣰⠄⠉⢀⣧⠐⠷⠄⣸⣶⣿⡏⠄⠄⠛ ⣿⠄⢠⣤⣷⣧⡢⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠐⣴⡿⢷⠖⢉⡉⠳⡖⣊⡉⠻⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄ ⣿⢠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣥⣤⣄⣠⣤⡊⠁⢀⣼⣄⠈⠋⣠⣇⠘⠘⢀⠟⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⣟⢸⣿⣿⣿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣭⣍⠉⠉⠉⠛⣷⣾⣿⣿⣿⣾⠏⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⡇⢸⣿⣿⣿⣇⠉⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣤⠿⠟⢡⣿⣿⡏⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀ ⠃⠄⢻⣿⣿⣿⡆⠄⢆⣀⠝⠛⡟⢻⠛⢟⢫⣁⠦⠄⣾⣿⣿⠃⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿ ⡀⠄⠈⠻⣿⣿⣿⣆⣀⣀⡈⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠄⣀⣼⣿⣿⠏⠄⠄⠄⢀⣠⣾⣿ ⣧⡀⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣶⡆⠤⣤⣼⣿⣿⠋⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣷⡀⢾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⡀⢀⣿⡿⠃⠄⠄⠄⢀⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣷⡄⠉⠉⠙⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠁⠉⠉⠁⠄⠄⠄⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣄⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣀⣴⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣦⣤⣄⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣤⣴⣾
ascii art
October 2019

Don/ Pepperoni, captain of the anti-riot police

twitchquotes: ᕼEᒪᒪO TᗯITᑕᕼ ᑕᕼᗩT, ᗪOᑎ ᑭEᑭᑭEᖇOᑎI ᕼEᖇE, ᑕᗩᑭTᗩIᑎ Oᖴ TᕼE ᗩᑎTI-ᖇIOT ᑭOᒪIᑕE. ᔕTOᑭ ᖇIOTIᑎG ᖇIGᕼT ᑎOᗯ, Oᖇ YOᑌ ᗯIᒪᒪ ᗷE TOᑭᗪEᑕKEᗪ. YOᑌ ᕼᗩᐯE ᗷEEᑎ ᗯᗩᖇᑎEᗪ. ᑎO ᑭᑌEᖇTO ᖇIᑕO ᑭᗩᔕTEᖇIᑎO ᗪE ᑎIᖇO TᗩᖇEᑎTIᑎO
twitch chat
April 2014

Hearthstone

NA, AKA. "No Americans" is a Riot Games' Minor League

NA, AKA. "No Americans" is a Riot Games' Minor League that is often associated with very low domestic player participation (2/5). Is also ridiculed for being washed-up and it is specifically known for its obnoxious fanbase and mind-numbing throws.
October 2021

EU vs NA

I sexually Identify as TheLegend27

twitchquotes: I sexually Identify as TheLegend27. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over the armies of my enemies hurling big, hard boulders at disgusting cavalry. People say to me that a person being TheLegend27 is Impossible and I’m *** retarded but I don’t care, I’m beautiful. I’m having a plastic surgeon install Game of War: Fire Age, trebuchets and 90kg stones on my body.
twitch chat
January 2017

I sexually Identify as

Today I finally came out as dreamgender to my family and friends, this is how it went.

I woke up in the morning at 7am and immediately went to wake up my parents. I explained to them how I'm dreamgender and dreamsexual but they didnt even know who dream is, boomers. I had to explain to them its a sexy minecraft youtuber and how Im connected to him emotionally and sexually. They didnt get mad at all (yay!) they just stared at me with a blank expression. I think theyre proud of me but just dont know what to think of it yet since it came as such as shock to them. I tried to show them a video of dream but they werent really interested and told me to go to school. in school the first class was english so I told the teacher that I had an important announcement that I would like to tell to the entire class. Yesterday I prepared a short powerpoint presentation on dreamgenders and dreamsexuals to make them better understand. I explained how dream is really hot and how I feel a deep connection to dream and how he is my soulmate and my identity. The teacher was so amazed I guess she didnt know what to say haha she looked like she was smiling. When I finished explaining why dream is hot and awesome, I started clapping expecting everyone else to do the same, but they didnt. My best friend didnt clap either which was really weird but maybe he was also surprised since I hadnt told him either. my teacher ended up being the only one clapping, so Im really thankful to her. I thought they didnt get it so I tried to explain in simpler terms that I love dream and how I am dream. Some girls were giggling the entire time so I called them out on it saying they shouldnt be laughing when I have prepared for this moment for so long. Then they started saying really dreamphobic things like saying its stupid and makes no sense. I explained to them why its homophobic and close minded but they didnt listen. Then some guy called me a stupid fucking nerd which made my blood boil. I challenged him to a duel in minecraft which he didnt even respond to and his friends were just laughing. Everyone else was silent I thought that they secretly supported me but just didnt want to face the same oppression dreamgenders and dreamsexuals have to face every day. Then the teacher told me to get back to my seat and started the lesson like nothing happened. I told her I wanted to show the class a compilation of minecraft manhunt best moments but she didnt let me do it. After the class a bunch of my classmates came to me and asked if I was joking or what and I tried to explain it to them but they were just making fun of me and saying Im weird and a creep. it was awful. I was bullied a bit before but now nobody wanted to talk to me the entire day even when I tried to show my ''friends'' (not friends anymore, theyre nazis apparently) some dream videos and discussed minecraft speedrunning they didnt respond at all. I've been crying the entire day because I cant believe the people I thought were cool were dreamphobes/racists/nazis as well. 😭😭😭😭😭 its honestly really crushing how people are still like this in 2021. now Im starting to realize I dont need those kinds of toxic people in my life and the only person I truly need is Dream. Dream is my boyfriend, my gender, my sexuality, my identity and my best friend all at once, why would I need anyone else?
June 2021

Dreamgender

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