[Copypasta] Well to be perfectly honest

twitchquotes: Well to be perfectly honest, in my humble opinion, of course without offending anyone who thinks differently from my point of view, but also by looking into this matter in a different perspective and without being condemning of one's view's and by trying to make it objectified, and by considering each and every one's valid opinion, I honestly believe that I completely forgot what I was going to say
twitch chat
January 2019
I used to be a real ad
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Day 2 without sports

twitchquotes: Day 2 without sports: Found a young lady sitting on my couch yesterday. Apparently sheā€™s my wife. She seems nice. Apparently we also have 2 kids.
twitch chat
March 2020

Coronavirus

COVID

GME bank consultation

Short story-time for amusement reasons only: some days ago, I went to my bank (Austria). I am the owner of quite a number of GME shares and my broker app is actually just the bank-intern bond trading app, where I need to pay transactional feed everytime I buy (what is sell?) GME shares. I informed myself about the reasoning of those transactional fees beforehand and found out that by paying them, I have the right of consultation by my bank about the shares theyā€˜re trading/Iā€˜m buying. So, I went to the main national building of my bank, they were really friendly at the beginning, enthustiatically, I mentioned GME to them and that I wish for professional consultation about the financial details involved with that stock (I am not a financial guy, actually, I donā€˜t exactly know whatā€˜s going on, itā€˜s all pretty crazy to me). Suddenly, their posture and mimick changed pretty suddenly. I was told, they are not allowed to consult about GME. To my question, why this was the case, they told me, because GME is ā€žtoo irrelevant for the big stock marketā€œ. They are ā€žaware of the past short squeeze, but one should no longer focus on GMEā€œ. They acted as if GME was some ā€žchildish financial playgroundā€œ that should be forgotten about. When I confronted them with the huge recent naked short attacks and if they could explain to me possible effects of them if they were not covered, they just repeated themselves how ā€žGME is not relevant, please focus on stocks like Apple or Amazon to be safeā€œ. I left the bank, buying more GME shares.
April 2021

WallStreetBets

Lying about service dogs

I work in a restaurant. We only allow dogs in if they are service dogs. If anyone comes in with any dog I ask; ā€˜Is it a service dog?ā€™ With a big wink to give them the opportunity to lie to me making it obvious I want them to. If at first they say ā€˜noā€™ I reply with ā€˜are you sure? This dog here? Sure looks like a service dog to me. Are you sure this is not a service dog?ā€™with another big wink Always works. I love dogs
July 2021

Holy shit! You identify as an attack helicopter?

Holy shit! You identify as an attack helicopter? Iā€™ve never heard that joke before, but itā€™s so genius! You sir, or madame, or helicopter, are the absolute most hilarious and original person I have ever seen in my entire life. Move over, Jerry Seinfeld. Get lost, Brian Regan. Out of the way, Family Guy Funny Moments Compilation #53. Thereā€™s a new funniest man in town. Holy shit, I just canā€™t get over this joke. Iā€™m giggling and guffawing harder than ever before. You should win an Oscar and an Emmy and a Grammy and a Nickelodeon Kidā€™s Choice Award. Attack helicopter gender! Wow! So funny! Take that, liberals! Haha. Every night since I was born I have looked up to the plastic glow-in-the-dark stars on my ceiling and wondered, ā€œI hope one day I can be as funny as the attack helicopter gender guy.ā€ I will tell my children, and my childrenā€™s children, all about the absolute hilarity that went down just now. You just broke the Guinness World Record for funniest and most original jokester on the planet. Iā€™m fucking simultaneously shitting and cumming because this joke is just so funny. Holy shit. That was an amazing joke, my guy. Iā€™m gonna make a subreddit dedicated entirely to this one joke. Itā€™s gonna get thousands of members! History books will forever remember the time you said, ā€œI identify as an attack helicopter.ā€ Itā€™ll go right there in the important quote book, right between Patrick Henry and Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. I just canā€™t believe I was here to witness such grandeur. I was here! I think Iā€™m going to make a whole religion based on worshipping you, my glorious and hilarious attack helicopter God. This is just so funny I canā€™t believe it! Hahahahahahahahahaha! I think Iā€™m going to go to the hospital and fucking die from laughing to hard, but thatā€™s okay! This is even funnier than that guy who said he identified as a toaster! Can you believe it? I never thought that very different joke could be topped, but here we are! Did I mention how funny and original that joke was? Ah, well done, sir, or madame, or helicopter. This is an experience I wonā€™t forget any time soon. Ha. Haha. Ha. Lol. Lmao. Haha. Jajaja. Lmfao. Rofl, rotfl, ha.
June 2021

HEY CHAT LETS OVERUSE monkaS

twitchquotes: monkaS HEY CHAT LETS OVERUSE monkaS HEY CHAT LETS OVERUSE monkaS HEY CHAT LETS OVERUSE monkaS
twitch chat
February 2017
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