[Copypasta] JPOW was casually eating dinner

twitchquotes: JPOW was casually eating dinner with his wife and kids for Mother’s Day.. opened his investing.com app.. saw futures were red.. stopped mid dinner and folded his napkin.. headed to the basement.. fired up his money printers.. all why murming I’ll get these bears.. his wife yelled down and asked if he wanted dessert.. he didn’t even answer (and he loves dessert)
twitch chat
May 2020
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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NOW WE RIOT

twitchquotes: ୧༼ಠ益ಠ༽୨ NOW WE RIOT ୧༼ಠ益ಠ༽୨ ୧༼ಠ益ಠ༽୨ NOW WE RIOT ୧༼ಠ益ಠ༽୨ ୧༼ಠ益ಠ༽୨ NOW WE RIOT ୧༼ಠ益ಠ༽୨ ୧༼ಠ益ಠ༽୨ NOW WE RIOT ୧༼ಠ益ಠ༽୨ ୧༼ಠ益ಠ༽୨ NOW WE RIOT ୧༼ಠ益ಠ༽୨
twitch chat
August 2015
Kripp

୧༼ಠ益ಠ༽୨ riot ୧༼ಠ益ಠ༽୨

Fired for masturbating on a Zoom call

So this just happened an hour ago and I am still shaking. I’m a staff in public accounting and was in the middle of a 3-hour training on Zoom. Usually when we have these types of calls I just keep the video running in the background and I walk around the room doing things to pass the time and distract myself from the monotone presenters. Well today I forgot that I left the camera on (I usually always have it off but earlier today I had a call with the partner to discuss my upcoming promotion, so I had to have it on). I had no clue I had left the camera on and in the middle of walking around and muttering to myself as I was zoning out, I flipped it out and started to rub one out. I did so with complete confidence, openly and ferociously, stroking faster and faster until I heard the presenter stop and kindly asked me to turn my camera off. Mortified, I lifted my pants up and rushed over to turn the camera off. Soon after the training was over I had a call with HR and they let me know that I was being terminated. I hated the job anyway so not so bummed about that, but I’m not sure what to say in interviews now if I’m asked why I left this job. Any advice?
June 2021

Math is "mental abuse to humans"

twitchquotes: You know how some people say that math is “mental abuse to humans”? Well, lemme tell you one thing: “Math” is an abbreviation for “mathematics”, so you’re only looking at 36% of the whole thing. What does the other 64% stand for? It stands for “except mostly at truly intelligently cool students”! That means, if you think math is mentally abusing you, you’re not truly intelligent or cool! You’re dumb and lame! So the next time someone gives you the first 36% of this ridiculous acronym, give them the other 64%. Don’t forget to tell them that they suck at etymology.
twitch chat
October 2020

Classic

Keep spamming, while I succes at life

twitchquotes: Since my IQ is quite above the average, I will not be joining this spamming festival. I know you would not understand it, just like you dont understand why I have a girlfriend, good job, and big library. Keep spamming, while I succes at life.
twitch chat
June 2020

There is a bunch of Twitch overlords

twitchquotes: There is a bunch of Twitch overlords who grow batches of streamers from genetically modified eggs. When these eggs hatch and grow, they are given their first computer and start streaming a Dora the Explorer game. As they grow up, the most popular streamers advance and are given more complex games to stream, from CoD to Hearthstone. Each streamer lives in a small cubicle, and there are hundreds upon hundreds of cubicles on the grounds of the Twitch Headquarters. deIlluminati
twitch chat
March 2016
Kripp
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