[Copypasta] JPOW was casually eating dinner

twitchquotes: JPOW was casually eating dinner with his wife and kids for Mother’s Day.. opened his investing.com app.. saw futures were red.. stopped mid dinner and folded his napkin.. headed to the basement.. fired up his money printers.. all why murming I’ll get these bears.. his wife yelled down and asked if he wanted dessert.. he didn’t even answer (and he loves dessert)
twitch chat
May 2020
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

How to kill a geologist

Disclaimer: my hatred of geologists is purely theatrical, but if I did have to kill one for some reason, it would be very easy. I’d brandish my obsidian knife at them and they’d be compelled to approach. “That’s very cool,” they’d say, confident in their superior strength and endurance from all the rocks they carry around at all times. They’d shower me with very interesting facts about obsidian and hover just out of range of the cutting edge, waiting for me to exhaust myself. “But as it is volcanic glass, it’s very fragile, you see, and isn’t well-suited for use as a weap—” and then I’d hit them with the wooden baseball bat in my other hand, which they would not have noticed because geologists can only see rocks and minerals.
January 2022

I took Kaceytron on a date

twitchquotes: Once lived a maiden with unmatched beauty, flowing black hair, her name was Kaceytron. She took care of an orphan, just a young CatCam, i decided i would still go for it. Took her out on a date and we ended in bed, now this is the point where the story turns sad. I expected nice boobies but couldn't be wronger, the girl was a boy with a 20inch DONGER
twitch chat
June 2014

I love you chat FeelsGoodMan

⣿⠭⣿⣿⡏⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⢿⣿⠿⣿⠿⠻⣿⣿⡛⣿⡟⢻⠟⣫⡙⣿⠛⣿⢻⣿ ⣿⠄⣿⣿⡇⣿⢋⣶⡆⣿⠈⢏⣼⠃⣬⠕⣿⣿⣷⡘⢡⣿⠸⠟⣡⣿⠠⢟⢸⣿ ⣿⣼⣿⣿⣤⣿⣬⣭⣶⣿⣧⡾⣿⣶⣶⣾⣿⣯⣙⡁⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⡛⣻⡇⢟⠋⣿⣏⠭⠈⣯⡆⢰⡾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡃⣾⠟⣻⠁⣿⠄⣟⢑⣫⣀⣿⣇⣨⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢿⣳⣴⣿⠿⠯⠽⣻⢿⣿⡿⣟⣻⣿⣿⣿⣛⡿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣫⣾⣿⣫⣵⣶⣿⡿⠿⠶⠮⠙⠿⠛⣛⣩⣭⡭⠟⠛⠚⠛⣻⢿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣟⢹⣿⣿⣿⠿⢟⡫⢕⣢⠭⠤⢤⣤⣏⣩⠪⣙⡠⢤⡩⠍⠄⢤⣄⡰⢙⣿ ⣿⢳⣏⣾⣿⣿⡩⠭⣱⣶⣿⠁⠨⠐⠂⢹⣿⣿⣿⣮⣾⣿⠄⠥⠐⠂⢹⣿⣿⣾ ⣯⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣞⠽⢻⠦⢀⣀⣤⠾⢿⣛⡯⣛⣻⣿⠦⢀⣀⣴⣛⡻⣯⣿ ⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣩⣶⡶⠶⢤⣤⣝⣛⡻⠿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⢟⣃⡻⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣾⣽⣛⠷⢾⣭⣝⣛⣛⡻⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⢟⣛⢫⣿⣿ ⠘⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣭⣽⣛⣛⣛⣛⡛⠻⠿⠿⠿⢿⣿⣻⣾⣿⣿ ⠄⠁⠨⠑⠲⠭⢭⣭⣽⣙⣛⣛⣛⣛⣛⣛⣛⠛⠛⠭⣿⣿⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠄⠄⠄⠐⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠒⠄⠄⠄⠈⠄⠝⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
December 2019


Why Pornhub is a rip-off of Spongebob Squarepants

Welcome back to Watchmojo.com, where we tell you our Top 5 picks for why Pornhub is a rip-off of Spongebob Squarepants. Pornhub is a website for watching stuff that your parents don't like. However, this concept may be based on an episode of the animated series Spongebob Squarepants where the titular main character is watching a video of a flesh-colored anenome dancing, while Gary walks in, and so Spongebob quickly grabs the television's remote and changes the channel immediately. Plankton has once said a phrase while speaking about Spongebob, which is "You will be mine". Many fans suggest that Spongebob (who can't be gay because he is fucking genderless smh) is a homosexual, and while saying this he is referring to his brain, which is, in texture, much like a woman's reproductive organs. In the episode of the Spongebob Squarepants series "Face Freeze", one scene shows Spongebob and Patrick's head looking like male and female external genitalia, and later they sleep in the same tent. Later on, Sandy pulls out her dirty, sharp hands and rubs on Spongebob's face, which may have inspired most videos in Pornhub's "lesbian" category. If you count the scene beforehand, this may also be one of the heterosexual "blowjobs". Another scene of Plankton includes him speaking about the Krabby Patty's secret sauce, he utters, while sweating behind iron bars and inside Spongebob's head, "yes, Yes, YES! COME TO PAPA!". Another one, from the movie, is when he says "Daddy yes!". These may have inspired either BDSM, incest porn, or some hentai. Also, Patrick licks his ass. Many Pornhub videos have used fake Spongebobs as character. Sometimes gay, straight, or even hentai. Especially a video where the opening is horrendously remade version of the Spongebob Squarepants intro theme, and the main character is a black man with a yellow painted face, who decides to refer to himself as "Spongeknob Squarenuts". And now, time for our honorable mentions!!!!! a) in the season 5 episode, "Spy Buddies", Patrick constantly uses his butt laser. This inspired Squirting. b) Squidward mentions that Mr. Krabs' "weiner thing" will "blow up in his face. This enspired Cumming. c) Squidward has also used a vacuum cleaner to suck on his penis. This inspired Vibrators and Fleshlights. d) Spongebob uses both animation and live action in episodes, much like Pornhub has live-action and hentai.
June 2021

My attraction for Thijs is purely platonic

twitchquotes: My attraction for Thijs is purely platonic. I want to wake up and smell his hazel hair pressed up against my cheek, then get up and make a delicious breakfast for us before I go off to work. Then when I get home I will play Hearthstone with him until we fall asleep together, holding hands and whispering each other's name
twitch chat
January 2019
Text-to-Speech Playing