[Copypasta] Two guys are in a boat with three cigarettes

twitchquotes: Two guys are in a boat with three cigarettes. They had no fire, so they threw one of the cigarettes overboard, and the entire boat became a cigarette lighter.
twitch chat
December 2018
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

What the fuck are you doing in my fucking swamp you little Farquaad?

What the fuck are you doing in my fucking swamp you little Farquaad? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the brogres, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on your anus, and have ogre 300 confirmed layers. I am trained in making early 2000's pop cultural references, and am the top ogre in the entire far far away armed forces. You are nothing to me but another Drek. I will wipe you out with precision the likes of which have never been seen in Dreamworks, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that dreck to me over the swamp? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of fairy tale creatures across Far Far Away and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, Farquaad. The storm that will end your fucking life. It's fucking ogre, Donkey. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare asscheeks. Not only am I shrextensively trained in onionade combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Fairy Godmothers Factory and I will use it to its full shrextent to wipe your miserable little ass of of the face of meh swamp, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little clever comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn Rumpelstiltskin. I will slay abuse all ogre you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, Pinocchio.
August 2021

Shrek

Navy Seal

Rooster

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February 2017

I love ketchup so much

I enjoy ketchup more than the average person. Made with tomatoes and vinegar, this ubiquitous red sauce is my condiment of choice for a wide variety of dining situations. Sweet and tangy, it's perfect for eating with french fries and burgers, of course, but you might not realize how good it is incorporated into other dishes. Its unique sweet and savory nature makes it a bit of a dynamo that way. No wonder this addictive table staple of households and restaurants is so beloved.
April 2022

Kripp from the future

twitchquotes: BibleThump HEY ITS KRIPP FrOM the future here trying to tell you to stop playing this childrens game while you can. IF NOT you will play this game for 40 years in a row and it will take a toll on your health. i have been declared clinacly insane and have been staying at a looney bin forced to eat meat everyday BibleThump
twitch chat
July 2017
Kripp

Hearthstone

All hail Kripparrian of the House TSM

twitchquotes: γƒ½ΰΌΌΰΊˆΩ„ΝœΰΊˆΰΌ½οΎ‰ Hear, hear. All hail Kripparrian of the House TSM, the First of His Name, The One With No Life, King of Wraeclast, Prince of the Docks, Papparrian of the First Men, Emperor of the Great Sarn Sea, Breaker of DeSync, and Father of Cattarian, RIP, First and Last of His Name. γƒ½ΰΌΌΰΊˆΩ„ΝœΰΊˆΰΌ½οΎ‰
twitch chat
April 2015
Kripp
Text-to-Speech Playing