twitchquotes:
Two guys are in a boat with three cigarettes. They had no fire, so they threw one of the cigarettes overboard, and the entire boat became a cigarette lighter.
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(βΜΏΔΉΜ―ββ¬β΄β¬β΄ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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HODL
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WallStreetBets
I'VE GOT THE STREAM IN MY SIGHTS
twitchquotes:
ΰΌΌΰΊΩΝΰΊΰΌ½οΎΒ·οΈ»Μ·β»ΜΏββδΈI'VE GOT THE STREAM IN MY SIGHTS
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strifecro
There was nothing I could do but donate
twitchquotes:
β βThese Hafu nudes are CRAZY!β β βMy dick can't stay limp against nudes like thatβ β "She NEEDED precisely those two nips to win" β βShe took the only nudes that could make me beat offβ β "She had the perfect muff" β βThere was nothing I could do but donateβ β βShe cried profusely"
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copypasta is dumb
twitchquotes:
copypasta is dumb (dont copy this message. i know its tempting, and i know you might think it'll be funny, but in reality, it's not)
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Apparently I "ruined" Thanksgiving dinner
twitchquotes:
Apparently I "ruined" Thanksgiving dinner by bringing my girlfriend Asuka. My mum didn't care that she was a giat robot pilot, tasked with protecting the world after the Second Impact. She insisted that Asuka isn't real and now we're banned from the local country club. Anyways, my mum says if I don't bring a "real" girl to our Christmas dinner I'm going to get kicked out of the house!!! Asuka sets the bar pretty high but if you think you can compete with her please message me 
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