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BREAKING: The World Health Organization has announced that dogs cannot contract Covid-19. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released. To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.
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More COVID Copypastas
Lord Microsoft
10:43 PM, Microsoft Tower, Washington.
A figure stands in shadow, red lights from the theistic ceiling flood the spacious hall. Along the sides, hallmark pieces of technology are proudly displayed on golden pedestals. The Xbox, Windows, Hololens; At the center of it all, the vaccine.
"Microsoft Microbe Covid-19" the label on the syringe reads. A glowing substance can be seen sitting still inside.
Monitors flicker to life at the end of the hall, each one showing the point of view of an innocent civilian. The light draws a silhouette of a man. His body, frail. His skin is leathery and rugged. Breathing apparatus cover his face, a cold green mist slowly spewing out.
The grand door opens, humanoids armed with weapons drag an unkempt and furious man towards the being in shadow. They throw him to the floor, spit slathering the ground.
"This is the last one?" the figure asks.
"Yes, Lord Microsoft. all 4,607,423,673 other citizens have been accounted for."
The rugged man looks upwards, his face bloodied and bruised. His eyes meet Lord Microsoft's. Puffed from tears, his eyes can only show one emotion: anger.
"Bill Gates, you piece of shit. I swore to Samantha that if I ever-"
"Silence, creature!" Lord Microsoft slaps him with the back of his hand. "I am lord Microsoft, and you will refer to me as such!"
The guards grab the man, hoisting him up.
"Now, let us delay no further. It has taken me years to get to this point, and I will not have my victory denied!" Lord Microsoft grabs the vaccine and primes it for injection.
"Such a small thing, isn't it? Yet, it has afforded me the right to dominate all life on Earth. Covid was a blessing, not a curse."
The man's eyes widened, he screams in retaliation, but the guards shut his mouth with force. Lord Microsoft pierces his flesh with the needle. A flourescent orange liquid can be seen coursing through his veins. He falls to the floor, his muscles tightening and constricting in unnatural fashion. His eyes bulge from his skull and he shouts in pain.
He slumps over, and in only a moment he comes back to his feet. His pupils dilated and his skin, pale.
"How may I serve you, my lord."
COVID
Coronavirus
Day 2 without sports
twitchquotes:
Day 2 without sports: Found a young lady sitting on my couch yesterday. Apparently sheโs my wife. She seems nice. Apparently we also have 2 kids.
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Coronavirus
COVID
ACHOO uh oh you just got the Delta variant!
ACHOOโผ๏ธ๐คง๐คงWhat was thatโ๏ธโ๏ธ๐๐Uh-oh ๐ฏ looks like you just got ๐๐ the Delta variant! ๐๐๐ Donโt you know ๐บ๐ธโ๏ธ๐คข๐ค๐ค๐คค the world ๐ HOE Organization ๐๐
called it the most DOMINANT ๐๐ผ๐๐ผ strain since the start of the ๐ PANTIE-DEMIC ๐๐๐ No more touching daddy ๐ฉ๐ฉ ๐ง๐ผ until you wash ๐งฝ๐งฝyour dirty ๐พnasty ๐คข little ๐ค๐ผfingers โ๐ป๐ค๐ปโ๐ป๐ค๐ปfor 6๏ธโฃ9๏ธโฃ seconds with sHOEp ๐งผ and water ๐ง ๐
otherwise it doesnโt count ๐คก๐คก๐คก Time to stop ๐ spreading the germs ๐คฎ๐ฅด๐คand start spreading ๐งyour legs๐คค๐ฆถ๐ฝ๐ฆต๐ปbecause everyone ๐ฉโ๐ฆฐ๐จโ๐ซ๐ฆน๐พโโ๏ธ๐ง๐ผโโ๏ธhas to keep TWERKING ๐๐from home! ๐ก SEND THIS TO 1๏ธโฃ0๏ธโฃ other coronavirus cucks ๐๐พ๐๐ปotherwise Fuckboy Fauci ๐๐ is cumming for you ๐๐๐
Emoji Pasta
Coronavirus
COVID
The year is 2043 Covid variant phi beta epsilon is ravaging 0.0026% of the population
The year is 2043 Covid variant phi beta epsilon is ravaging 0.0026% of the population, you go outside for your government mandated 30 minute exercise, it's 1 a.m. not the best time, but they alternate your schedule so eventually everyone does get some sunlight. You quadruple mask and put on your plastic helmet. You gaze longingly at the sky. A man riding his bicycle points his flashlight at you "Why aren't you doing your stretches and cardio?" He asks, you recognize him as your neighbor (maybe, it's been some time since you last saw anyone). "It's because of people like you not obeying that the lockdowns have been extended another 4 years." He mumbles through his layers of masks. He reports you to AlphabetGoogle and your social credit score drops 5 points, good luck buying bread this week.
COVID
Coronavirus
โ ๏ธWARNINGโ ๏ธ cock inspection is NOT required at the vaccination sites!!!! don't be tricked like me!!
So I was waiting in line to receive my vaccine when all of a sudden this medical "official" came up to me and said that there was something wrong with my patient registration and asked me to follow him to the back. When we went around back he said that I had to take off my pants and show my cock because penis size is the most accurate way to confirm patient identity. Because I thought he was a medical official I swiftly removed my pants and underwear to show him my member. After he fondled it for a bit he said it was good and I could go back into the line. It was only after I received the vaccine I realized that he forgot to check my balls too!!! He was obviously not certified to check such an area and I immediately contacted the security guards about his presence. Please do not fall for any tricks like I did! stay safe and happy vaccinating!