[Copypasta] Tiffany's chandelier

twitchquotes: I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No. I go for the chandelier; it's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I love the cold. Thirty years later I get a postcard. I have a son. And he's the Chief of Police. This is where the story gets interesting: I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years. She's never taken another lover. I don't care. I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.
twitch chat
November 2018
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More Copypastas

Woah, is this The Elder Scrolls: Legends™?

twitchquotes: Woah, is this The Elder Scrolls: Legends™? PogChamp I love this game! (Paid viewer from the TES:L™ Developers)
twitch chat
March 2017
Kripp

sellout

Please Lord Give Kripp Bad RNG

twitchquotes: BlessRNG PLEASE LORD BlessRNG GIVE KRIPP BlessRNG BAD RNG BlessRNG SO WE MAY FEAST BlessRNG UPON HIS BlessRNG SALTY BOUNTY BlessRNG
twitch chat
March 2017
Kripp

Hearthstone

salty

Lord Microsoft

10:43 PM, Microsoft Tower, Washington. A figure stands in shadow, red lights from the theistic ceiling flood the spacious hall. Along the sides, hallmark pieces of technology are proudly displayed on golden pedestals. The Xbox, Windows, Hololens; At the center of it all, the vaccine. "Microsoft Microbe Covid-19" the label on the syringe reads. A glowing substance can be seen sitting still inside. Monitors flicker to life at the end of the hall, each one showing the point of view of an innocent civilian. The light draws a silhouette of a man. His body, frail. His skin is leathery and rugged. Breathing apparatus cover his face, a cold green mist slowly spewing out. The grand door opens, humanoids armed with weapons drag an unkempt and furious man towards the being in shadow. They throw him to the floor, spit slathering the ground. "This is the last one?" the figure asks. "Yes, Lord Microsoft. all 4,607,423,673 other citizens have been accounted for." The rugged man looks upwards, his face bloodied and bruised. His eyes meet Lord Microsoft's. Puffed from tears, his eyes can only show one emotion: anger. "Bill Gates, you piece of shit. I swore to Samantha that if I ever-" "Silence, creature!" Lord Microsoft slaps him with the back of his hand. "I am lord Microsoft, and you will refer to me as such!" The guards grab the man, hoisting him up. "Now, let us delay no further. It has taken me years to get to this point, and I will not have my victory denied!" Lord Microsoft grabs the vaccine and primes it for injection. "Such a small thing, isn't it? Yet, it has afforded me the right to dominate all life on Earth. Covid was a blessing, not a curse." The man's eyes widened, he screams in retaliation, but the guards shut his mouth with force. Lord Microsoft pierces his flesh with the needle. A flourescent orange liquid can be seen coursing through his veins. He falls to the floor, his muscles tightening and constricting in unnatural fashion. His eyes bulge from his skull and he shouts in pain. He slumps over, and in only a moment he comes back to his feet. His pupils dilated and his skin, pale. "How may I serve you, my lord."
August 2021

COVID

Coronavirus

Cattarrian's warning to Kripp

twitchquotes: Hᴇʏ Kʀɪᴘᴘ, Cᴀᴛᴛᴀʀʀɪᴀɴ ʜᴇʀᴇ. I ᴋɴᴏᴡ ᴍʏ ᴄᴏɴsᴛᴀɴᴛ Mᴇᴏᴡᴇʀɪɴᴏ ɪs ᴀɴɴᴏʏɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ, ʙᴜᴛ I ᴀᴍ ᴏɴʟʏ ᴛʀʏɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ᴡᴀʀɴ ʏᴏᴜ ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇ Sᴜᴄᴄᴜʙᴜs. Yᴏᴜ sᴇᴇ, I ᴀᴍ ᴀᴄᴛᴜᴀʟʟʏ ʜᴇʀ ʟᴀsᴛ BF ᴛᴜʀɴᴇᴅ ɪɴᴛᴏ ᴀ Cᴀᴛᴇʀɪɴᴏ ᴜsɪɴɢ Bʟᴀᴄᴋ Mᴀɢɪᴄ ᴀɴᴅ ᴅᴏɴᴜᴛs. Iᴛ's ᴛᴏᴏ ʟᴀᴛᴇ ғᴏʀ ᴍᴇ, ʙᴜᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴀɴ sᴛɪʟʟ sᴀᴠᴇ ʏᴏᴜʀsᴇʟғ. Rᴜɴ Kʀɪᴘᴘ ʀᴜɴ!!!
twitch chat
August 2014
Kripp

No girlfriend. No friends. No talents.

twitchquotes: 4Head No girlfriend 4Head No friends 4Head No talents 4Head Saturday night alone 4Head Wasting time on Twitch 4Head Watching a dead game 4Head Reading the chat more than the stream 4Head Spamming pastas brainlessly 4Head Must be me
twitch chat
September 2018
Text-to-Speech Playing