[Copypasta] Tiffany's chandelier

twitchquotes: I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No. I go for the chandelier; it's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I love the cold. Thirty years later I get a postcard. I have a son. And he's the Chief of Police. This is where the story gets interesting: I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years. She's never taken another lover. I don't care. I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.
twitch chat
November 2018
I used to be a real ad
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moon2WOW

⣿⣿⣿⠛⠉⢀⣤⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠻⠷⠄⠄⠄⢘⣲⣄⠉⢻⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⠛⠁⠄⢸⣿⣿⡿⣋⣤⠤⠄⠄⣀⣀⣀⡀⠄⠄⠄⣀⣤⣤⣤⣤⣅⡀⠹⣿⣿ ⠇⠄⠌⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⣁⣴⣾⣿⣿⠟⡛⠛⢿⣆⢸⣿⣿⣿⠫⠄⠈⢻⠄⢹⣿ ⠄⠘⠄⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⡐⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣄⠅⢀⣼⡿⠘⢿⣿⣿⣷⣥⣴⡿⠄⢸⣿ ⠄⠃⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣬⡙⠻⠿⠿⠿⠿⠟⠋⠁⣠⡀⠠⠭⠭⠭⢥⣤⠄⢸⣿ ⢸⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣉⣛⠒⠒⠒⢂⣁⣠⣴⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣶⣿⣿⡇⠄⣿ ⣿⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠋⠉⠉⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⣿ ⡏⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠋⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⢻⣿⣿⠃⢀⣿ ⡇⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⠇⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⣿⣿⠄⢸⣿ ⡇⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣏⠄⠹⣶⣄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠘⠛⢿⠄⢸⣿ ⠃⠠⠈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⢰⣿⣿⣧⠄⡀⠄⢀⣠⣶⣿⠗⠄⢀⣾⣿ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠉⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠈⣿⣿⠃⠄⣩⣴⣿⣿⣿⣃⣤⣶⠄⢹⣿ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠉⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⡟⢠⣿⣧⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣋⡀⠘⣿ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠉⠛⠁⠈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠄⠻ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣾⡖
July 2021
MOONMOON

There was nothing I could do but donate

twitchquotes: ☑ “These Hafu nudes are CRAZY!” ☑ “My dick can't stay limp against nudes like that” ☑ "She NEEDED precisely those two nips to win" ☑ “She took the only nudes that could make me beat off” ☑ "She had the perfect muff" ☑ “There was nothing I could do but donate” ☑ “She cried profusely"
twitch chat
October 2014

wake up this is all a dream

twitchquotes: wake up thijs PepeHands this is all a dream, but we don't have enough money to keep you living through your coma PepeHands we tried everything, if you don't wake up in a week we'll have to unplug you. PepeHands we love you PepeHands
twitch chat
June 2019
Thijs

I've never even watched The Simpsons

I am beyond fucking angry right now. As I type this message I can physically feel my muscles tensing and my blood pressure rising. Why the fuck would you call me a "simp"? I've never even fucking watched The Simpsons. Not one fucking episode. I hope you retract that statement, because i'd never refer to you as a dick for not watching Dick and Dom in da Bungalow.
December 2020

I hate, hate, hate coffee culture

I hate, hate, hate coffee culture. I can't stand people saying, "Oh, I can't do anything until I get a warm cup of coffee in me." Shut up. Being a former smoker, I recognize the addiction and subsequent irritability of coffee drinkers and it bugs me to no end that caffeine gets glossed over as an addictive substance, or even fucking celebrated to some extent. Those people who brag about needing 5 expresso shots (sorry, esssspresso) a day need an intervention, not a nod of approval. Seriously, all you coffee drinkers are the biggest group of fucking enablers I've ever seen. When doing group activities, like camping, I loathe waiting for others to start their day after a morning ritual that hogs counter space, or propane, or dirties good clean water. I hate the sleepy look in peoples' eyes as they grasp their cup of stimulant that they wouldn't need had they never started drinking it in the first place. There's an entire fucking cupboard in my kitchen dedicated to stupid coffee mugs and their dumb sayings staring back at me despite living in a household where only one person drinks coffee. Why? And the dishes. Since nearly every person drinks coffee, inevitably us non-coffee drinkers are going to have to clean up after your morning fix. Seriously, I've done so many goddamned cleanings of coffee mugs if I had a dime for every one, I'd probably have enough for a Starbucks franchise. And don't even get me started on Starbucks. Godamned devil business slanging legal crack for decades, hogging good real estate so addicts have a place to slurp up and get their morning shit in before work. Lastly, I despise the amalgam of ways people cook up their black powder and then talk up the flavor as though it tastes like something other than a dirty sock. That's your addiction speaking. You want to know why you need to dump half an udder of cream in your cup? It's because cream is fucking delicious and when combined with your filthy water, makes it somewhat bearable. And your stupid machines that creak and groan through the quietude of my morning can go fuck themselves. Talk about a waste of counter-space. And the spent black stimulant granules that spill over onto the counter, staining the grout drives me nuts. And lastly, the goddamned keurig cups or whatever they're called are one of humanity's worst inventions, sandwiched between Glyphosate and Joe Rogan. At least the meth addicts don't deposit a plastic remnant that will persist in landfills for hundreds of years spreading micro-plastics into our environment every time they need to get high.
September 2021
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