[Copypasta] Tiffany's chandelier

twitchquotes: I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No. I go for the chandelier; it's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I love the cold. Thirty years later I get a postcard. I have a son. And he's the Chief of Police. This is where the story gets interesting: I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years. She's never taken another lover. I don't care. I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.
twitch chat
November 2018
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

A few feet offscreen, Dex sits in a cage

twitchquotes: A few feet offscreen, Dex sits in a cage far too small for himself. Malnourished because of his "vegan" diet, his ribs are clearly visible through his coat. He barely has the energy to move, let alone enjoy life. Yet, he knows there's hope. He knows he could draw attention to himself, as he hears Kripp constantly talking to someone. In a single act of defiance, Dex barks to draw attention to his dire situation. "Quiet, Dex" is his only reply as Kripp ignores his pleas yet again.
twitch chat
March 2018
Kripp

xqcK

⠀⠀⠀⣀⣴⠟⠛⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡆⠀ ⠀⢴⣿⣿⢯⣤⠾⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀ ⠀⣾⢿⣛⠊⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠙⠛⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠀ ⠀⣰⠞⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣶⣦⣤⣀⡈⢻⣿⣿⣿⠟⠉⠀⣴ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣶⣶⣤⡀⠀⣠⣶⠀⠀⠈⠉⠙⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠀⣀⣾⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣿⣿⣿⣷⣤⣼⣿⣤⡤⠞⠀⠀⠀⢨⣿⡟⠋⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣁⡀⠀⠀⠀⣼⣿⢣⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡧⣾⣿⣿⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠛⠉⠉⠁⠀⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⣿⡇⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠛⠻⠿⢿⣇⣀⣤⣀⠀⠀⢰⣿⣇⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⠿⣿⣿⢿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠀⠀⠀⣴⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣦⡀⠀⠀⠀⣤⣤⣀⣀⡀⢀⣀⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣦⡀⠀⠀⠉⠉⢉⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
December 2020
xQcOW

Hitler speech bubble

⠀⠘⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡜⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠑⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡔⠁⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠢⢄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⠴⠊⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⡀⠤⠄⠒⠈⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣀⠄⠊⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣴⠶⠿⠟⠛⠻⠛⠳⠶⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⣠⣶⣿⣿⣿⣶⣖⠶⢶⣤⡀⠀⠈⢿⣆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⢀⣴⣿⠋⠉⠉⠀⠀⠈⠉⠛⠿⢿⣷⡀⠀⠈⢷⡀⠀⠀⠀ ⡾⠉⡏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠙⢦⡀⠘⣷⡀⠀⠀ ⣷⢰⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢳⡀⢸⡇⠀⠀ ⢻⡜⡄⠀⢀⣀⣤⣶⣶⡄⣴⣾⣿⣛⣓⠀⠀⣧⢸⣇⠀⠀ ⢈⣧⣧⠀⢩⠞⠿⠿⠻⠀⠘⠙⠃⠛⠛⠓⠀⣿⣻⠿⣷⠀ ⢸⡵⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢻⣇⡟⠀ ⠘⢧⣿⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢧⣤⣤⣶⣗⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠜⣽⠁⠀ ⠀⠈⢿⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣀⠀⠀⠀⢠⡟⠁⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠘⣇⠀⠀⠰⠋⠉⠙⠂⠀⠉⠀⠀⠀⣼⡅⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠹⣦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⣠⠏⢻⣤⡀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⡷⢦⣄⣀⣀⣀⣀⣤⣴⡾⠃⠀⠘⡿⠙⢶ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢨⡷⣤⡀⠈⠉⠉⢁⡴⠋⠀⠀⠀⣸⠃⠀⠀
August 2021

Smile

⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢠⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⣀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣄⡀⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⡀⠄⠄ ⠄⠤⠜⠛⣿⣿⡟⠛⣀⡀⠄⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠛⢁⡀⠄⠘⠻⣿⣿⡏⠛⠠⡄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⡇⠄⠉⠄⠄⠄⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠈⠁⠄⠄⢰⣿⣿⡇⠄⠄⡇ ⠄⠤⢤⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣤⣤⣤⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⣤⣤⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣠⠤⠇ ⠄⠄⠈⠹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠉⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⡞⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠁⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣶⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠛⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠛⠃⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠉⠙⠿⢿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠟⠉⠉⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
September 2019

What the fuck are you doing in my fucking swamp you little Farquaad?

What the fuck are you doing in my fucking swamp you little Farquaad? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the brogres, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on your anus, and have ogre 300 confirmed layers. I am trained in making early 2000's pop cultural references, and am the top ogre in the entire far far away armed forces. You are nothing to me but another Drek. I will wipe you out with precision the likes of which have never been seen in Dreamworks, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that dreck to me over the swamp? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of fairy tale creatures across Far Far Away and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, Farquaad. The storm that will end your fucking life. It's fucking ogre, Donkey. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare asscheeks. Not only am I shrextensively trained in onionade combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Fairy Godmothers Factory and I will use it to its full shrextent to wipe your miserable little ass of of the face of meh swamp, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little clever comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn Rumpelstiltskin. I will slay abuse all ogre you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, Pinocchio.
August 2021

Shrek

Navy Seal

Text-to-Speech Playing