[Copypasta] Tiffany's chandelier

twitchquotes: I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No. I go for the chandelier; it's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I love the cold. Thirty years later I get a postcard. I have a son. And he's the Chief of Police. This is where the story gets interesting: I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years. She's never taken another lover. I don't care. I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.
twitch chat
November 2018
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

a tesla drives down the street in 2021

the year is 2021 A tesla drives down the street unknowing of the danger behind it a beast of American metal and lightning The driver realizes he is in danger in his commie-fornia shoebox He presses the pussy pedal as hard as he can It cannot save him, he can hear the music already "THIS IS GAWWWWWD'S COUNTRRRRRYYYYYYY" He realizes he is already dead In an instant he becomes like a fly in the grill of a truck In the grill of the Ford F-150 EV It stops for no one
December 2020

WallStreetBets

Privyet, Komrade Toast!

twitchquotes: Privyet, Komrade Toast! Is your cousin Dmitri from Mother Russia! I am of hearing that you make much moneys by playing simplistic chess game for toddlers and whining like little baby in front of thousands of simpletons! BLYAT! You should play game for REAL man like Counterstrike Go! Already I am recruit by man with enormous forehead for professional team Tampon Storm and will be winning many tournaments, yes! Don't be a cyka, you capitalist pig, and stop crying like baby! Love, Dmitri.
twitch chat
July 2019
DisguisedToast

Teamfight Tactics

100 Thieves Team visited an LA orphanage

twitchquotes: In their upcoming heist, The 100 Thieves Team visited an orphanage in LA. "It's heartbreaking to see their sad little faces with no hope", said Charlie, age 6.
twitch chat
March 2019
Riot Games

League of Legends

Don't get salt Reynad!

twitchquotes: (โ—•โ€ฟโ—•โœฟ) Don't get salty Reynad! Ur doing great! (โ—•โ€ฟโ—•โœฟ)
twitch chat
November 2014
Reynad

salty

Bernie Sanders chicken nuggest

Holy shit. My mom came into my room to bring me a plate of chicken nuggets and I literally screamed at her and hit the plate of chicken nuggets out of her hand. She started yelling and swearing at me and I slammed the door on her. I'm so distressed right now I don't know what to do. I didn't mean to do that to my mom but I'm literally in shock from the results tonight. I feel like I'm going to explode. Why the fucking fuck is he losing? This can't be happening. I'm having a fucking breakdown. I don't want to believe the world is so corrupt. I want a future to believe in. I want Bernie to be president and fix this broken country. I cannot fucking deal with this right now. It wasn't supposed to be like this, I thought he was polling well in New York???? This is so fucked.
April 2018

2016 US Election

Text-to-Speech Playing