[Copypasta] Tiffany's chandelier

twitchquotes: I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No. I go for the chandelier; it's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I love the cold. Thirty years later I get a postcard. I have a son. And he's the Chief of Police. This is where the story gets interesting: I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years. She's never taken another lover. I don't care. I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.
twitch chat
November 2018
What happened to this ad? :(
More Copypastas

Shalom my fellow Twitchlings

twitchquotes: Shalom my fellow Twitchlings. My name is Herschel Goldstein, I hail from the ancient land of Israel. In this world there are two superior races: the valiant Japanese and the God-fearing Jews. When I met the great Kripp at Blizzcon 2013, he gave me a piece of advice that I will never forget: "Pentru a da oul omului, îl hrănești pentru o zi. Om învățat de ouă, îl va hrăni pentru o viață întreagă." Translated into foreign devil talk: I am coming Yankee scum. Get on board or get out of the way."
twitch chat
December 2014
Kripp

Patient #69 Thijs

twitchquotes: Day 63: Patient #69 still calls himself "Thijs" and thinks he live in Netherlands. Almost every day he plays a children's magic poker game and talks to the screen, every day he must take a pill but he calls it "T-time". Our doctors will continue monitoring #69.
twitch chat
January 2019
Thijs

Hearthstone

Are you ready for my demolisher?

twitchquotes: Reynad moaned softly as Hyp3d pressed up against him. "Are you ready for my demolisher?" quipped Hyp3d. Reynad gave a short gasp "B-But it's too early, you don’t have enough mana!" Hyp3d shyly replies, "I've got a Coin-dom right here."
twitch chat
August 2015
Reynad

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twitchquotes: You must pay for the Social Media Package with your internet service provider to view this post. Package includes, but is not limited to: Facebook, Twitter, Myspace, Reddit, Tumblr, and more. Offers start at $3.99 per month per household. Minimum one-year contract. Exclusions may apply. $15.99 activation fee per device. See site for details.
twitch chat
December 2017

Net Neutrality

Criminal is escape gulag in Siberia

Criminal is escape gulag in Siberia. Enter hut that isn’t belonging to. Find peasant couple. Tie to stool. After tie peasant woman, he climb top, kiss neck. Go to shithole. While criminal in shithole, peasant man say, This man escape gulag. Is probably capitalist. Is lusting of woman like other capitalist. I saw he kiss neck of the you. If he is desirous of scandalous act, resist not. Be surrender like fascists in Stalingrad. Is probably danger. If is angry, murder all. Have strength, be product. Is love! Peasant woman respond, he not is kissing neck. Is whispering in ear. He say is liking to stick schalinski in holes of men. Think you look good. Ask if we are having any lard. I told, is in shithole. Have strength, bee product. Is love too! Criminal never return. Starved at shithole due to lack of potato. Fifteen years is long time to be without potato. Peasant couple couldn’t build communism due to being tied to stool. People’s Army Patrol rescue them. Is great happiness! Then sent to gulag due to failure to build communism. Carcass of criminal also sent back to gulag, made to work. Is no mercy for traitors of the motherland.
April 2022
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