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My son got kicked out of school for letting a girl jerk him off in class. That's three schools now. Maybe teaching isn't for him. 
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Peruvians and Dota 2
twitchquotes:
Let's look at this statistically. Assuming you are not Peruvian, your team has four chances to spawn a Peruvian. The other team has five chances to spawn a Peruvian. Overall, you will have less Peruvians then your opponents, and will automatically rise on the ladder. If you aren't rising, you are probably secretly a Peruvian, ruining the statistical balance of sweet victory.
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SingSing
Dota 2
I can see you
⠄⠠⢀⠐⡀⢐⠐⠐⠄⠂⠐⠄⠂⠐⠄⠐⠄⠂⠐⠈⠠⠑⠨⠢⡊⠔⡐⠄
⠄⠂⠠⠐⠄⠄⡀⠄⠂⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠂⠄⠄⠄⢀⠄⡀⠄⠈⠨⠠⡁
⠄⠈⠄⠄⡀⢂⠠⠐⢀⠂⠠⠈⠄⠂⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠄⠠⠄⠂⡀⠄⠈⠐
⠄⠄⠄⡂⡐⠠⡂⠅⡂⠌⡐⠈⠄⠨⢀⠂⡁⠌⠠⡁⡂⠅⠌⠄⢂⠠⠄⠄
⠄⠄⢂⠢⢨⣶⡾⢷⣦⡅⡂⠅⡡⢁⠂⡂⡂⢅⢑⣴⣾⠾⣮⣌⢐⠠⠄⠄
⠄⠄⢂⢊⢿⡏⠡⠂⢽⡗⢌⢂⠢⡁⠪⡐⠄⢕⢸⣿⠑⠡⢸⡿⢐⠨⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠅⡢⡙⠿⣾⢼⠟⡕⡑⢔⠡⡊⢌⠢⡑⡑⡌⡻⢷⢷⠟⢍⠢⡁⠂⠄
⠄⠄⠌⡂⡪⡑⡆⣇⣣⣱⣸⣰⣱⣜⣬⣪⣬⣦⣣⣎⣖⣔⣕⢅⢕⠨⠄⠄
⠄⠄⡑⣬⣺⡾⣿⣿⣻⣯⣿⣟⣿⣽⣿⣻⣿⣾⢿⣻⣿⣻⣯⣿⣲⢅⠄⠄
⠄⠄⢪⢗⣯⡏⠙⣯⣿⣯⣷⣿⣿⣽⣾⣿⢷⣿⡿⣿⣻⠝⢓⡷⡯⡣⠄⠁
⠄⠄⠈⢝⢞⡿⣦⡀⠙⠯⢿⢷⣿⣽⢿⣾⢿⡯⡟⠏⢁⢤⡿⡝⡕⠁⠄⡀
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠑⠝⣗⣟⡷⣤⣀⣁⠈⠈⠉⠊⣁⡠⣤⢶⣻⢽⠱⠑⠄⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠐⠸⠹⠽⡽⣽⣻⣻⣟⣟⣷⣻⢽⢫⠣⠃⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠁
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠁⠣⢣⢓⢗⢳⢹⢸⠸⠈⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
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⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄I CAN SEE YOU⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
Joe Biden eat hot chip and lie
twitchquotes:
He lets out a sigh and then a plastic smile. “Under the Biden administration,” he says, carefully “There will be a few new rules. It will be forbidden to cook,” The crowd gasps. “Everyone will have to eat McDonalds,” Jill hangs her head in shame. “You may have to charge your phone. You may have to twerk. Hell, you may even have to be bisexual.” An uproar starts in the crowd, but Biden ushers a silence with his next words “But it will all be worth it when we as a people can eat hot chip and lie. Thank you.” Biden leaves the podium to a thunderous applause. America is saved.
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Hello there, Octavian! This is Kurt McGriff
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Hello there, Octavian! This is Kurt McGriff, executive producer for the Food Channel. We have reviewed your recent application to be a host of your own TV show on our network titled, "Salty Vegan Eats - A Pro Gamer's Way of Life" However, after further reviewing your claim of being an "extremely popular professional gamer" we found the evidence lacking. Mr. Octavian, casually playing a children's card game does not make you a "pro gamer." Have a nice day and good luck to your future endeavors.
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Kripp
salty
I hate when people refer to orange juice as OJ
I hate when people refer to orange juice as OJ.
Why OJ? Do you want to sound cool? Is it so much of a hustle to say orange juice? Do you abbreviate apple juice too? " Hey yeah, let me have some AJ?" - said by no one ever. I just think it sound annoying af.
Edit: I don't have any issues with abbreviations, except for OJ as orange juice. Sorry if I offended some of you with sensitive feelings.