[Copypasta] My son got kicked out of school

twitchquotes: My son got kicked out of school for letting a girl jerk him off in class. That's three schools now. Maybe teaching isn't for him. FeelsBadMan
twitch chat
August 2017
What happened to this ad? :(
More Copypastas

Asmongold’s Defence for Brony Accusation

"Listen. Just because I know who Rainbow Dash is, and I know what Equestria is, and Princess Celestia is, and I- I know uh, other things about the thing too probably I- probably I think about it, I don't know - Just because I know that stuff - Pinkie Pie, yeah, the- I don't- Look, it- I- I'm not- no, sounds like you know the story- of course, LISTEN, what do they say, keep your friends close and your enemies closer guys, t- remember- remember how they say that? Wh-what do you- wait, there's nothing wrong with this, it's- it's- that's, SEE? Look guys, yeah, TRUE, TRUE, yep, and absolutely not, nope we're downvoting this one, no, nope nope nope, that's not true, sus-"
April 2022
Asmongold

LGBTQQIP2SAA+ should have another S for straight people

As you may be aware, LGBTQQIP2SAAA is an all inclusive acronym for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Questioning, Queer, Intersex, Pansexual, Two-Spirit (2S), Androgynous, Asexual and Allies. However, this is not all inclusive at all because it omits an S for Straight people like me. And before you say "Ally covers straight people", please know that I can't be an ally because I hate gays. I'm straight and I don't agree with any of this, but I should be a part of the rainbow
June 2021

Jeff Bezos vs Elon Musk

Jeff Bezos -Bald -Exwife took half his networth -Second richest person Elon Musk -Grew back full head of hair -Has girlfriend, allegedly had a threesome with Amber Heard and Cara Delevingne -Richest person TSLA > AMZN
January 2021

WallStreetBets

Classic

Kripp's streaming checklist

twitchquotes: *stretch* β˜‘ "mmmm kay" β˜‘ "yeah alright" β˜‘ "fuckin A" β˜‘ "if he drew anything else I would've won" β˜‘ "how's this guy SO LUCKY?" β˜‘ "TOPDECK FLAMESTRIKE, YEAP" β˜‘ "topdeck into topdeck into topdeck, yeah that's how you get 12 wins guys" β˜‘
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

Todd Howard Fallout 76 announcement

twitchquotes: Hey, gamers. It's me, Todd Howard with an important announcement. Fallout 76 was all an early April Fools' joke. To help us release the REAL game, Fallout: New Vegas 2, all I need is your credit card number, the expiration month and year, and the three digits on the back.
twitch chat
November 2018
Text-to-Speech Playing