[Copypasta] BAN ONE FLEX

twitchquotes: 💪 😂 BAN 💪 😂 ONE 💪 😂 FLEX 💪 😂 GET 💪 😂 THE 💪 😂 WHOLE 💪 😂 GYM
twitch chat
September 2017
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Just as the founding fathers intended

I own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, "Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the founding fathers intended.
November 2020

Last night I shoved live gerbils in my ass for the first time. AMA

July 2022

Confessions

Meet the Engineer TF2

twitchquotes: Hey look buddy, I'm an engineer. That means I solve problems, not problems like "What is beauty?" Because that would fall within the purview of your conundrums of philosophy. I solve practical problems, for instance: how am I going to stop some mean mother Hubbard from tearing me a structurally superfluous be-hind? The answer, use a gun, and if that don't work... Use more gun. Take for instance this heavy caliber tripod mounted lil' old number designed by me, built by me, and you best hope... Not pointed at you.
twitch chat
June 2019

Hi Kripp, Suda the painting elephant here

twitchquotes: Hi Kripp, Suda the painting elephant here. I thought i could give you a few tips seeing how you appear to be painting at a calf level (that's a baby elephant btw.) Perhaps you could ask your trainer Raina to hand you different colored brushes to make the tree more vibrant? From one herbivore to another I've got to say this is a little depressing, but as long as you keep trying your best I have no doubt you will reach adult animal level painting skills. Happy Painting!
twitch chat
November 2018
Kripp

Kripparrian Lord of the Saltmen has returned to me

twitchquotes: ( ͡ᴏ ͜ʖ ͡ᴏ) I ᴡᴀʟᴋ ғᴏʀ ᴅᴀʏs, ʜᴀs ɪᴛ ʙᴇᴇɴ ᴍᴏɴᴛʜs. sᴏ ᴍᴀɴʏ sᴛʀᴇᴀᴍᴇʀs ʙᴜᴛ ᴍʏ ʟᴏᴠᴇ ғᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜ sᴛᴀʏs ʟᴏʏᴀʟ. ᴏɴᴇ ᴅᴀʏ ɪ ʟᴏᴏᴋ. ᴄᴀɴ ɪᴛ ʙᴇ sᴏ? ᴋʀɪᴘᴘᴀʀɪᴀɴ ʟᴏʀᴅ ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇ sᴀʟᴛᴍᴇɴ ʜᴀs ʀᴇᴛᴜʀɴᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴍᴇ. ɪ ᴀᴍ sᴏ ʜᴀᴘᴘʏ. ᴘʟᴇᴀsᴇ ɴᴏ ᴄᴏᴘʏᴄʜɪɴᴏ ᴍᴀᴄʜᴘᴀᴘᴇʀɪɴᴏ. ( ͡ᴏ ͜ʖ ͡ᴏ)
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp
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