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Just as the founding fathers intended
I own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, "Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the founding fathers intended.
I own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, "Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the founding fathers intended.
Last night I shoved live gerbils in my ass for the first time. AMA
I went to the pet store and bought three lucky gerbils, a whole set up for them. I took them home, stripped down, lubed up my ass then put the first brave gerbil into a condom. I looked him in the eyes and I could tell he was just as excited but nervous as I was. Then I shoved him inside me and out of instinct due to being squished in my tight little asshole the gerbil tried to burrow to safety which felt AMAZING. I bent over and moaned uncontrollably as the gerbil flailed and burrowed trying to save his life. Unfortunately it was in vain. After a couple minutes he stopped moving. The first brave gerbil on my sexual journey had died. My legs still shaking from pleasure I pulled him out of my ass and out of the condom. I looked at his lifeless body and he looked so peaceful it almost brought a tear to my eye. I threw him in the trash can then grabbed another condom and another gerbil.
The second gerbil was quickly inside me and thrashed just as violently as the first. My legs buckled, my small flaccid penis started leaking. I laid on the bed, my legs shaking as I jerked my tiny penis as hard as I could. Unfortunately this one died quicker. A failure. I cast it into the trash and got the biggest gerbil ready. I swear he winked at me. It was hard to get him in but he started burrowing and thrashing directly on my prostate. I screamed in pleasure and came everywhere as that fat gerbil flailed helplessly in my asshole. My orgasm was so intense I lost control of my bowels and shit everywhere. As the diarrhea sprayed from me like a chocolate fountain the final dead gerbil plopped out of my ass and onto the bed. I laid there panting watching the mixture of shit and cum soak into the bed. Then I got up, cleaned up and got dressed, my legs still shaking. A truly unforgettable experience.
I need more gerbils.
Meet the Engineer TF2
twitchquotes:Hey look buddy, I'm an engineer. That means I solve problems, not problems like "What is beauty?" Because that would fall within the purview of your conundrums of philosophy. I solve practical problems, for instance: how am I going to stop some mean mother Hubbard from tearing me a structurally superfluous be-hind? The answer, use a gun, and if that don't work... Use more gun. Take for instance this heavy caliber tripod mounted lil' old number designed by me, built by me, and you best hope... Not pointed at you.
Hey look buddy, I'm an engineer. That means I solve problems, not problems like "What is beauty?" Because that would fall within the purview of your conundrums of philosophy. I solve practical problems, for instance: how am I going to stop some mean mother Hubbard from tearing me a structurally superfluous be-hind? The answer, use a gun, and if that don't work... Use more gun. Take for instance this heavy caliber tripod mounted lil' old number designed by me, built by me, and you best hope... Not pointed at you.
Hi Kripp, Suda the painting elephant here
twitchquotes:Hi Kripp, Suda the painting elephant here. I thought i could give you a few tips seeing how you appear to be painting at a calf level (that's a baby elephant btw.) Perhaps you could ask your trainer Raina to hand you different colored brushes to make the tree more vibrant? From one herbivore to another I've got to say this is a little depressing, but as long as you keep trying your best I have no doubt you will reach adult animal level painting skills. Happy Painting!
Hi Kripp, Suda the painting elephant here. I thought i could give you a few tips seeing how you appear to be painting at a calf level (that's a baby elephant btw.) Perhaps you could ask your trainer Raina to hand you different colored brushes to make the tree more vibrant? From one herbivore to another I've got to say this is a little depressing, but as long as you keep trying your best I have no doubt you will reach adult animal level painting skills. Happy Painting!
Kripparrian Lord of the Saltmen has returned to me