[Copypasta] I was born with glass bones and paper skin

twitchquotes: haHAA I was born with glass bones and paper skin. Every morning I break my legs, and every afternoon I break my arms. At night, I lie awake in agony until my heart attacks put me to sleep. haHAA
twitch chat
August 2017
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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Your "Twitch Viewer Bot" subscription will soon expire

twitchquotes: nl_Kripp your "Twitch Viewer Bot" subscription will soon expire to continue using our services please renew your account by logging into your account and from the home page go to: My account > Viewbot Status > Renew subscription. This message will repeat until the end of your subscription in 72 hours. Thank you for your dedicated service.
twitch chat
February 2016
Kripp

Viewbots

Classic

Slap Chop commercial script

Now that I have your attention let me show you this handy new kitchen tool, the Slap Chop! You’re going to be in a great mood all day, because you’re going be slapping your troubles away with the Slap Chop. Now, look here’s a potato. One slap you got big chunks for stew, two slaps home fries in a second. And, look at this when you add a mushroom: the more you do it, the finer it gets you don’t have to switch any blades. Now, you love salad -- you hate making it. You know you hate making salads -- that’s why you don’t have any salad in your diet. Watch this one slap... salad! I love Pizza too, but once in a while get the veggies in, at least throw it on top of the pizza. You’re going to change your eating habits. Soup, Coleslaw, stuff we want, 5 seconds. 4 or 5 seconds, it's done. This thing, this tuna looks boring. Stop having a boring tuna, stop having a boring life. Add this tuna putting it in like this now you’re going to have a nice, tuna, salad. Look at this you’re going to have an exciting life now. Look here’s a hard boiled egg. One chop, you add the pickle; you add the green onion. And what you can do is mix things together add the ham and you’re going to love this. You don’t have time to make breakfast, breakfast to go. You’re going to love my nuts. Watch this: almonds, walnuts. Comes with a cover so you can do everything in the cover. Alright, or you can do it on the board, whatever you like. So easy, one finger, if I can do it with one finger you guys can do it with your whole hand. Kids can do it. You know what they charge at the ice cream store? A dollar for toppings at the ice cream store. Add a couple cookies if you want. So, you can make it for 10 cents. Stop throwing your money away. You know not only nuts what about fruit? Put a mango, look at that isn’t that beautiful on your ice cream.
December 2020

Kripp invites Hotform to a friendly Fireside duel

twitchquotes: Hotform sees another invite to a friendly Fireside duel from Kripp and wants to move into fetal curl, but his hand is chained to the heater. Rania steps next to his laptop, putting dry bread and tap water down. “Come, Hotform, it is only 3 more hours today. You can even have some lettuce for dinner.” His eyes tear up while he accepts the invite and mulligans his hand, but then he sees Kripp’s first minion: Lucentbark. “No, nononono, please, please! Kill me! Just kill me! CHAT! CHAT HELP ME!”
twitch chat
August 2019
Kripp

Hearthstone

Kelly Loeffler after Georgia senate election

Kelly Loeffler I know you're at home right now feeling a little sad. And now you're in bed browsing WSB looking for hot stock tips with maybe a few laughs. But just know this: I will have sex with you. DM me.
January 2021

WallStreetBets

The creation of Among Us and it's consequences have been a disaster for the human race

The creation of Among Us and it's consequences have been a disaster for the human race. Just a few months after youtubers and twitch streamers brought it to fame, it had been loaded with kids infested with the hype of the game among us. Furthermore, the constant use of Among us had rendered the game boring, as it entered the downfall stage of a game's popularity, just like Fall Guys. However, this is not something you should celebrate; since the constant use had also brought a new genre or era of memes, often referred to as post-irony. A bastardized version of Among Us called "Amogus" was used for the game in these meme's contexts, going viral in the Urban Dictionary. All the cultures of normie memes and pre-2020 memes have been wiped off as the "Amogus" meme exploded. Post irony has caused a greater disaster where everybody sees things as the crewmate in the mobile game Among Us. As memes began referring to everything as the crewmate, people have been driven to insanity. People who used to be normal looking at memes were now infected by the Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon, which renders everything as something they've seen constantly. "Amogus Everywhere" is the bastardized name of the Phenomenon. Capitalistic-driven people have been competing for a Amogus-crewmate chicken nugget, costing $100,000 at an auction. I hope life returns to normal as Among Us and Amogus have been wiped of the face of this Earth.
July 2021

Among Us / Amogus

Text-to-Speech Playing