[Copypasta] you are now manually breathing

twitchquotes: :) you are now manually breathing :) you are now manually blinking :) you are aware that your tongue cannot find a comfy place in your mouth :) you are aware of all the itches on your body that need to be scratched :)
twitch chat
July 2017
What happened to this ad? :(
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You fool. The statement "It's opposite day" is paradoxical by nature.

You fool. You imbecile. You absolute buffoon. You cannot simply say "I'm gay! It's Opposite Day btw". The statement "It's Opposite Day" is paradoxical by nature. With the logic that everything said during Opposite Day is untrue, saying "It's Opposite Day" on Opposite Day negates that statement. Because the statement "It's Opposite Day" is now untrue, it is no longer Opposite Day and therefore your original remark is now correct. That means it IS opposite day, and a neverending cycle that is known as The Liar's Paradox is created. You were a complete idiot not to invoke the conditional clause. For example, if you were to say, "If it were opposite day, I'd be gay!" your statement would not be holed. You have been snared within a web of your own making. Listen to the sky crack and fall. The universe will implode on itself and it's your own fault.
September 2021

Undertale Annoying Dog

░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░ ░▄▀▄▀▀▀▀▄▀▄░░░░░░░░░ ░█░░░░░░░░▀▄░░░░░░▄░ █░░▀░░▀░░░░░▀▄▄░░█░█ █░▄░█▀░▄░░░░░░░▀▀░░█ █░░▀▀▀▀░░░░░░░░░░░░█ █░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░█ █░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░█ ░█░░▄▄░░▄▄▄▄░░▄▄░░█░ ░█░▄▀█░▄▀░░█░▄▀█░▄▀░ ░░▀░░░▀░░░░░▀░░░▀░░░
ascii art
March 2016

Unlucky Skeleton

⠀⠀⢀⣤⣶⣶⣤⣄⡀ ⠀⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆ ⠀⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⡟⡗ ⣿⠉⣿⠉⣿⡏⠹⡏⢹⡏⢹⣿⣿⠉⣿⠉⣿⡟⢋⠛⣿⠉⡟⢉⡏⠹⠏⣹⣿ ⠀⠀⠙⠏⠯⠛⣉⢲⣧⠟ ⣿⠄⣿⠄⣿⡇⡄⠁⢸⡇⢸⣿⣿⠄⣿⠄⣿⠄⣿⣿⣿⠄⡀⢻⣿⡄⢠⣿⣿ ⠀⠀⠠⢭⣝⣾⠿⣴⣿⠇ ⣿⣦⣤⣴⣿⣧⣿⣤⣼⣧⣬⣭⣿⣦⣤⣴⣿⣧⣤⣤⣿⣤⣷⣤⣿⣧⣼⣿⣿ ⠀⠀⢐⣺⡿⠁⠀⠈⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⠀ ⠀⠀⣚⣿⠃ ⣶⣶⣶⣶ ⢀⣿⣿⣿⣷⢒⣢⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣠⣶⣶⣄⠄ ⢰⣿⣿⡿⣿⣦⠬⢝⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣿⠿⠿⠟⠛⠋⠁ ⠠⢿⣿⣷⠺⣿⣗⠒⠜⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⣴⠟⠁ ⠀⣰⣿⣷⣍⡛⣯⣯⣙⡁⠀⠀⣠⡾⠁ ⠀⠨⢽⣿⣷⢍⣛⣶⢷⣼⣠⣾⠋ ⠀⠀⠘⢿⣿⣖⠬⣹⣶⣿⠟⠁ ⠀⠀⠀⠚⠿⠿⡒⠨⠛⠋ ⠀⠀⠀⠐⢒⣛⣷ ⠀⠀⠀⢘⣻⣭⣭ ⠀⠀⠀⡰⢚⣺⣿ ⠀⠀⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⡄ ⠀⠀⢸⡿⢿⣿⢿⡿⠃ ⠀⠀⠘⡇⣸⣿⣿⣿⣆ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⣿⡿⠉⠁ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⡟
ascii art
July 2022

How to kill a geologist

Disclaimer: my hatred of geologists is purely theatrical, but if I did have to kill one for some reason, it would be very easy. I’d brandish my obsidian knife at them and they’d be compelled to approach. “That’s very cool,” they’d say, confident in their superior strength and endurance from all the rocks they carry around at all times. They’d shower me with very interesting facts about obsidian and hover just out of range of the cutting edge, waiting for me to exhaust myself. “But as it is volcanic glass, it’s very fragile, you see, and isn’t well-suited for use as a weap—” and then I’d hit them with the wooden baseball bat in my other hand, which they would not have noticed because geologists can only see rocks and minerals.
January 2022

ResidentSleeper pyramid

twitchquotes: only real ResidentSleeper er can build this perfect pyramid ResidentSleeper ResidentSleeper . Try like me !Try like me ! Try like me !! ResidentSleeper ResidentSleeper ResidentSleeper And my pyramid still higher!!!!!! ResidentSleeper ResidentSleeper ResidentSleeper ResidentSleeper
twitch chat
March 2019
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