[Copypasta] you are now manually breathing

twitchquotes: :) you are now manually breathing :) you are now manually blinking :) you are aware that your tongue cannot find a comfy place in your mouth :) you are aware of all the itches on your body that need to be scratched :)
twitch chat
July 2017
I used to be a real ad
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Where are the DPS heroes

twitchquotes: Hey guys, I鈥檓 new to overwatch. Is there a reason that they aren鈥檛 using any damage heroes? How are they supposed to get kills without dps? Are they deleted or banned or something?
twitch chat
March 2019
OverwatchLeague

Overwatch

Oh my gourd, I am financially ruined (agricultural futures)

I have lost everything, and I'm not sure how to continue. This summer I invested $17,500 (six months salary and my entire life savings) into ornamental gourd futures, hoping to capitalize on this lucrative emerging industry. After watching a video about Vincent Kosuga and his monopoly on onions, I decided I'd try to do something similar with another vegetable. I did some research and found out many agricultural forecasters expected this year's gourd yield would be far smaller than the past, due to deteriorating soil conditions in central Mexico and a warmer-than-average spring. At first, demand soared around Halloween and prices skyrocketed, but the gourd bubble burst on November 12th. Unfortunately, the coronavirus caused a massive drop-off in demand due to fewer families decorating their tables for thanksgiving, and prices plummeted. I had invested early enough that I thought I would still be fine, but then on the morning of December 2nd, a new email in my inbox caused my stomach to turn into a pretzel. The massive gourd shipment from Argentina, scheduled for early March, had arrived. I was planning on selling off my futures right before this, in February, but this ruined everything. To top it off, the gourds in this shipment were absolutely gargantuan, some topping 4 pounds each, causing the price-per-pound to drop like an anchor into the range of 6 cents per pound. I am ruined.
January 2021

Classic

WallStreetBets

bro i鈥檓 more japan than you

twitchquotes: bro are you disrespecting my japanese culture bro i鈥檓 more japan than all of you because i watch anime and you don鈥檛, i bet you don鈥檛 even know what Naruto is you degenerate. So before you message me acting like you know my culture maybe check yourself first
twitch chat
June 2019

Weebs

I sexually Identify as a Bastion

twitchquotes: I sexually Identify as a Bastion. Ever since I was a transistor I dreamed of being nanoboosted and firing cannonballs on the disgusting enemy team. People tell me that being a Siege Automaton is impossible but I don't care, I'm overpowered. I鈥檓 having a plastic surgeon install treads, a gattling gun and a nanoboost on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me BOOSTED and respect my right to take 35% less damage 100% of the time. If not, you're an omnic-phobe and need to check your human privileges
twitch chat
March 2017

Overwatch

I sexually Identify as

WHERE IS SODAPOPPIN?

twitchquotes: 銉洁技嗪堎勍溹簣嗉斤緣 PANTS ARE DOWN, DICK IS FLOPPIN, WHERE THE FUCK IS SODAPOPPIN 銉洁技嗪堎勍溹簣嗉斤緣
twitch chat
May 2019
sodapoppin
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