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I used to be a real ad
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Slap Chop commercial script
Now that I have your attention let me show you this handy new kitchen tool, the Slap Chop! You’re going to be in a great mood all day, because you’re going be slapping your troubles away with the Slap Chop. Now, look here’s a potato. One slap you got big chunks for stew, two slaps home fries in a second. And, look at this when you add a mushroom: the more you do it, the finer it gets you don’t have to switch any blades.
Now, you love salad -- you hate making it. You know you hate making salads -- that’s why you don’t have any salad in your diet. Watch this one slap... salad! I love Pizza too, but once in a while get the veggies in, at least throw it on top of the pizza.
You’re going to change your eating habits. Soup, Coleslaw, stuff we want, 5 seconds. 4 or 5 seconds, it's done. This thing, this tuna looks boring. Stop having a boring tuna, stop having a boring life. Add this tuna putting it in like this now you’re going to have a nice, tuna, salad. Look at this you’re going to have an exciting life now.
Look here’s a hard boiled egg. One chop, you add the pickle; you add the green onion. And what you can do is mix things together add the ham and you’re going to love this. You don’t have time to make breakfast, breakfast to go.
You’re going to love my nuts. Watch this: almonds, walnuts. Comes with a cover so you can do everything in the cover. Alright, or you can do it on the board, whatever you like. So easy, one finger, if I can do it with one finger you guys can do it with your whole hand. Kids can do it. You know what they charge at the ice cream store? A dollar for toppings at the ice cream store. Add a couple cookies if you want. So, you can make it for 10 cents. Stop throwing your money away. You know not only nuts what about fruit? Put a mango, look at that isn’t that beautiful on your ice cream.
Flareon is better than Vaporeon for human companionship
Hey guys, did you know that in terms of human companionship, Flareon is objectively the most huggable Pokemon? While their maximum temperature is likely too much for most, they are capable of controlling it, so they can set themselves to the perfect temperature for you. Along with that, they have a lot of fluff, making them undeniably incredibly soft to touch. But that's not all, they have a very respectable special defense stat of 110, which means that they are likely very calm and resistant to emotional damage. Because of this, if you have a bad day, you can vent to it while hugging it, and it won't mind. It can make itself even more endearing with moves like Charm and Baby Doll Eyes, ensuring that you never have a prolonged bout of depression ever again.
Pokemon
I want to be Kripp's knee
twitchquotes:
Ｗｈｅｎ Ｉ ｓｅｅ Ｋｒｉｐｐ＇ｓ ｋｎｅｅ， Ｉ ｗａｎｔ ｔｏ ｌｉｃｋ ｔｈｅ ｋｎｅｅ． Ｉ ｗａｎｔ ｔｏ ｌｉｖｅ ｉｎ ｔｈｅ ｋｎｅｅ． Ｉ ｗａｎｔ ｔｏ ｂｅ ｔｈｅ ｋｎｅｅ． Ｉ ｗａｎｔ ｔｏ ｂｅ ｔｈｅ ｋｎｅｅ ｆｒｅｅ． Ｐｌｅａｓｅ ｎｏ ｃｏｐｙ ｐａｓｔｅｒｉｎｏ ｄｏｎｇｅｒｉｎｏ ｐｏｏｐｅｒｉｎｏ．
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Kripp
Dongerino goes all bongerino didgeridoo over my keyboard
Solar energy stocks at night time
It’s nighttime so of course solar energy stocks would be weak as fuck. Wait til morning when the sun rises & pumps them