It has been 4 hours since I successfully sucked my own penis. Things are different now. As soon as mouth-to-penis contact was made I felt a shockwave through my body. I have reason to believe I have super strength and telekinesis now.. 3 hours after contact I noticed a van parked on my street but no one has entered or exited the car since its arrival. I fear for my safety, I'm not sure what sort of power I may have stumbled upon but it's possible that the government has found out
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In Korea, heart surgeon
Number one. Steady hand. One day, Kim Jong Un need new heart. I do operation. But mistake! Kim Jong Un die! SSD very mad! I hide fishing boat, come to America. No English, no food, no money. Darryl give me job. Now I have house, American car and new woman. Darryl save life.
My big secret. I kill Kim Jong Un on purpose. I good surgeon. The best!
Classic
Stroll in my local GameStop
stroll into my local GameStop
looking to pick up a copy of Binding of Isaac
grab the game and take it to the charming maiden at the register
"Pardon me, milady...but could you ring me up? A shame I don't have your number or I'd ring you up instead..."
she giggles and takes the game, blushing as her fingers brush mine due to my fingerless gloves
her eyes widen as she reads the game's title
"Wow, I've never seen anyone buy this before! You must have special taste!"
I smile and ready a witty response when suddenly a voice rings out from behind
"Hahaha look at what this β₯β₯β₯β₯β₯β₯ is buying! That's not Call of Duty Advanced Memefare! What a piece of β₯β₯β₯β₯!"
I quickly turn around, my cloak billowing behind me, to discern the source of the rude outburst
generic dudebro caricature with a sports team cap and "the guy that beat you up that one time behind the school in early October" shirt is standing there guffawing
"Excuse me sir...you may disparage my person if you wish, but it is untoward to swear in front of a lady."
"β₯β₯β₯β₯ you β₯β₯β₯β₯β₯β₯!"
I smile quietly and tip my fedora low across my eyes, concealing them
"As you wish..."
I quickly swing my cane into his kneecap before he can react
he bellows and charges forward
I expertly sidestep him and the cashier screams as he crashes into the counter
I draw my sword-cane and mutter a quiet oath as I drive it deep into his back
"...requiescat in pace..."
As I clean my blade the girl walks out from behind the counter, twirling her hair with her fingers
"So...maybe you'd like to come over to my place to play that game sometime...?
"No thanks, milady, it's only single player. Besides..."
I sheath my sword
"You're not my type."
skate away on my Heelys
Classic
SLEEP TEST
twitchquotes:
SLEEP TEST π IF YOU TOUCH THE BED , GO TO SLEEP β 
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Classic
Chat Test
bbz will u luv me 4evr
gurl was walkin2 skewl wit her bf n they were crossin da rode.
she sed "bbz will u luv me 4evr"
he said "NO.." ... da gurl cryed N ran across da rode b4 da green man came on the sine.
boy was cryin and went to pic up her body.
she was ded.
he whispered 2 her corpse "I ment 2 sey i will luv u FIVE-ever..." (dat mean he luv her moar den 4evr)
xxx~*...LIKE DIS IF U CRY EVRY TIME...~*xxx
Classic
Somewhere in a parallel universe, Europe didn't need to be saved by America
twitchquotes:
β
γγβ
Β° βΎ β ΒΈ. ΒΈ γβ
γ :.γ . β’ β Β° β
γ .γ *γ.γ.γγΒΈ .γγ Β° γΒΈ. * β ΒΈ .γ...somewhereγγγΒ° βΎ Β° γΒΈ. β ΒΈ .γγβ
γΒ° :.γ . β’ Β° γ .γ *γ:.γ.in a parallel universe* β ΒΈ γγγγΒ° βΎ Β°β γ. * ΒΈ.γγγβ
γβ
Β° . .γγγγ.γβΎ Β°β γ. * β ΒΈ ..EUROPE...Β° βΎγβ
Β°β ΒΈ .γγγβ
γΒ° :.γ . β’ β Β° β
γ .γ * DIDN'T NEED TO BE SAVED BY AMERICA βΎγβ
Β°β ΒΈ .γγγβ
γΒ°
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