[Copypasta] NA ULT LUL

twitchquotes: Listen up you fcking dweebs, this is a WAKE UP CALL to all those who type "NA ULT LUL". I'm from NA and let me tell you what happens when I use my Ultimate Ability (Q on PC, Triangle on PS4, Y on X-box 1). The enemy team is eviscerated. Decimated. Their souls are expelled from the server and banished to Hell. They wallow in their own filth and shit for 10,000 days and it is disgusting. So next time you type "NA ULT LUL" you fcking remember this post.
twitch chat
January 2017

Classic

Overwatch

What happened to this ad? :(
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Pickpocket hot tip

twitchquotes: Hot tip: When someone yells pickpocket start searching for your wallet in the groin area and exclaim 'Thank God my wallet is safely tucked between my testicles'. The pickpocket will see this and assume that the wallet is there. These people usually have very supple and delicate hands so when they try to take your wallet you will instead get a pleasant fondling to your genital area.
twitch chat
January 2019

Classic

I saw exactly 1.09441 square inches of a girls shoulder today

I saw exactly 1.09441 square inches of a girls shoulder today, I immediately fell to my knees, as the rush of dopamine signaling my impending, earth shattering orgasm started making me moan loud enough to deafen EVERYONE in the immediate vicinity. What followed was a torrential downpour of every single sperm cell I ever had, or ever will produce shot out SO HARD that my dick was ripped apart by my Übernut, accelerating to 5% of the speed of light by the time it left my urethra. It vaporized the girl as it punched right through her, it barely slowed before cutting through a structural support beam in the school as if it were a nuclear powered angle grinder. the sheer weight of this historical nut, combined with the total destruction of everything in its path caused the school to collapse, and every female in the state of illinois became pregnant with my children.
July 2021

Classic

FitnessGram Pacer Test

The FitnessGramβ„’ Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20 meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly, but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal. [beep] A single lap should be completed each time you hear this sound. [ding] Remember to run in a straight line, and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark, get ready, start.
September 2016

Classic

UwU

⑆⣐⒕⒕⒕⒕⒕⒕⒕⒕⠅⒗⒕⒕⒕⒕⒕⒕⒕⠕⠕⒕⒕⒕⒕⒕⒕⒕⒕⒕ ⒐⒕⒕⒕⒕⒕⣕⒕⒕⠕⠁⒕⒕⒕⒕⒕⒕⒕⒕⠅⑄⒕⒕⒕⒕⒕⒕⒕⒕⒕ ⒕⒕⒕⒕⒕⠅⒗⒕⠕⣠⠄⣗⒕⒕⠕⒕⒕⒕⠕⒠⣿⠐⒕⒕⒕⠑⒕⒕⠡⒕ β’•β’•β’•β’•β β’œβ •β’β£΄β£Ώβ‘‡β’“β’•β’΅β’β’•β’•β •β’β£Ύβ’Ώβ£§β ‘β’•β’•β „β’‘β’•β …β’• ⒕⒕⠡⒁⠔⒁⣀⣀⣢⣢⣢⑐⣕Ⓗ⠐⒕⠕⣑⣾⣢⣢⣢⣀⑁⒓⒕⠄⒑⒅⒑ ⠍⣧⠄⣢⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣔⒕⒄⒑⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⑑⒕⒀⠱⒐ β’ β’•β …β£Ύβ£Ώβ ‹β’Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ ‰β£Ώβ£Ώβ£·β£¦β£Άβ£½β£Ώβ£Ώβ ˆβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ β’Ήβ£·β£·β‘…β’ β£”β’•β’₯β’»β£Ώβ‘€β ˆβ ›β ›β β’ β£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ‘€β ˆβ ›β ›β β „β£Όβ£Ώβ£Ώβ‘‡β’” β’•β’•β’½β’Έβ’Ÿβ’Ÿβ’–β’–β’€β£Άβ‘Ÿβ’»β£Ώβ‘Ώβ »β£Ώβ£Ώβ‘Ÿβ’€β£Ώβ£¦β’€β’€β’”β’žβ’Ώβ’Ώβ£Ώβ β’• β’•β’•β …β£β’•β’•β’•β’•β’•β£Ώβ£Ώβ‘„β ›β’€β£¦β ˆβ ›β’β£Όβ£Ώβ’—β’•β’•β’•β’•β’•β’•β‘β£˜β’• ⒕⒕⠅⒓⣕⣕⣕⣕⣡⣿⣿⣿⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣕⒕⒕⒕⒕②⒀⒕⒕ β’‘β’•β ƒβ‘ˆβ’Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ£Ώβ’ƒβ’•β’•β’• ⣆⒕⠄⒱⣄⠛Ⓙ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⒁⒕⒕⠕⒁ β£Ώβ£¦β‘€β£Ώβ£Ώβ£·β£Άβ£¬β£β£›β£›β£›β‘›β Ώβ Ώβ Ώβ ›β ›β’›β£›β£‰β£­β£€β£‚β’œβ •β’‘β£‘β£΄β£Ώ
ascii art
December 2019

Weebs

Classic

Mario poops mods

β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–“β–“β–“β–“β–€β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–“β–“β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–„β–ˆβ–€β–‘β–‘β–„β–‘β–„β–‘β–ˆβ–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘β–€β–‘β–€β–‘β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–€β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–€β–ˆβ–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–€β–‘β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ ░░░░▄▀░░░░░░░░▐░▄▄▀░░░░░░░░░ β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–„β–€β–‘β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–β–€β–€β–€β–‘β–€β–€β–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–β–ˆβ–β–„β–‘β–‘β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–ˆβ–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–‘MODS░░░░▐▄▄▄▀░░░░░░░░░
ascii art
January 2017

MODS

Classic

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Text-to-Speech Playing