[Copypasta] THANK MR SKELTAL

twitchquotes: THANK MR SKELTAL💀🎺💀🎺💀🎺💀🎺💀🎺 gooD boNes n calcium💀 thank 🎺 mr skeltal g💀💀ood bones💀💀and calc💀 ium💀💀💀 good bones🎺and calcium 🎺🎺if i dootƽaү thank skeltal man 🎶 doot doot doot doot🎶 good bones n calcium good bones (chorus: dootdoot) mMMMMᎷМ🎶 💀💀💀DO0ОଠＯOOＯOОଠଠOoooᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒT💀 💀 💀💀 🎶 💀 🎺 🎺 🎺 💀💀thank mr skeltal
twitch chat
March 2016
What happened to this ad? :(
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Lord Microsoft

10:43 PM, Microsoft Tower, Washington. A figure stands in shadow, red lights from the theistic ceiling flood the spacious hall. Along the sides, hallmark pieces of technology are proudly displayed on golden pedestals. The Xbox, Windows, Hololens; At the center of it all, the vaccine. "Microsoft Microbe Covid-19" the label on the syringe reads. A glowing substance can be seen sitting still inside. Monitors flicker to life at the end of the hall, each one showing the point of view of an innocent civilian. The light draws a silhouette of a man. His body, frail. His skin is leathery and rugged. Breathing apparatus cover his face, a cold green mist slowly spewing out. The grand door opens, humanoids armed with weapons drag an unkempt and furious man towards the being in shadow. They throw him to the floor, spit slathering the ground. "This is the last one?" the figure asks. "Yes, Lord Microsoft. all 4,607,423,673 other citizens have been accounted for." The rugged man looks upwards, his face bloodied and bruised. His eyes meet Lord Microsoft's. Puffed from tears, his eyes can only show one emotion: anger. "Bill Gates, you piece of shit. I swore to Samantha that if I ever-" "Silence, creature!" Lord Microsoft slaps him with the back of his hand. "I am lord Microsoft, and you will refer to me as such!" The guards grab the man, hoisting him up. "Now, let us delay no further. It has taken me years to get to this point, and I will not have my victory denied!" Lord Microsoft grabs the vaccine and primes it for injection. "Such a small thing, isn't it? Yet, it has afforded me the right to dominate all life on Earth. Covid was a blessing, not a curse." The man's eyes widened, he screams in retaliation, but the guards shut his mouth with force. Lord Microsoft pierces his flesh with the needle. A flourescent orange liquid can be seen coursing through his veins. He falls to the floor, his muscles tightening and constricting in unnatural fashion. His eyes bulge from his skull and he shouts in pain. He slumps over, and in only a moment he comes back to his feet. His pupils dilated and his skin, pale. "How may I serve you, my lord."
August 2021

COVID

Coronavirus

GME stock and WSB vs short sellers

Let me tell you what happens tomorrow because it's even worse than what happened today. There they are, Melvin Capital. Furiously jerking their 2 inch boomer cocks to their GME short gainz. They are so close, edging themselves with "Oh yeah, the next Blockbuster" and "Yes baby, brick and mortar go bye-bye." They even sit in a circle sucking and jerking each other off, double fisting like they're skiing down Mt. Everest with cocks instead of poles. Out of nowhere, Ryan Cohen steps in with the most massive and vieniest schlong they've ever seen. He starts eating their lunch and muttering about Cheey for games and they can't do anything because their engorged penises are stuck in eachothers mouths and poop chutes. They attempt to ignorr him and try to keep jerking but they accidentally used hand sanitizer instead of lotion. BAM GME starts rising from the ashes and the retards of WSB are lighting the fires. We brought lighters that we borrowed from our wives boyfriend's and they weren't those shitty clear one. We have motherfucking Bics and torches. Melvin is crying and pleading but we are too retarded to understand coherent English. They see giant red dildos on their screens and their buttholes begin to pucker. They dump everything they have at us in an attempt to supress the price but again, we only understand broken english and emojis. We only understand basic visuals and colors. When we see green, we buy. When we see red, we take out another student loan or CC cash advance and we buy more. We are fucking unstoppable. GME skyrockets and they start scrambling to pull dicks out of random orifices, but it's too late. Bears R Fuk. After we are done splooging all over their faces, and becoming their wife's new boyfriends, we throw Melvin and BOA on the chopping block to be liquidated and disposed of. That's what happens tomorrow, and we are gonna turn that shit into a movie.
December 2020

WallStreetBets

Morpheus

⢕⢕⢕⢑⠁⢁⣼⣿⣻⢿⣟⢿⡻⡙⡏⡏⣟⡽⡹⣹⢪⡻⢽⡫⠯⣻⢛⢿⣻⣿⣿⡿⣧⢍⠝⡍⡏⡎⡕⢵ ⢕⢕⠸⡐⣠⣿⣗⢯⡺⡽⡸⡅⠕⢕⢐⠑⢕⠸⢙⢕⢱⢸⠸⢜⠴⡈⡜⡔⢅⢟⢞⣿⣿⣧⠨⡊⣜⢜⢜⡵ ⢕⢌⢂⢀⣿⡷⡧⣯⡣⡹⡎⠪⣈⡂⣦⣁⣱⡱⣱⣡⢑⣘⡨⢮⢝⢞⣎⣖⣵⢳⣸⣯⣿⣿⣇⢣⢪⡪⣣⣻ ⢕⢐⠄⣸⣿⣿⡝⣮⡪⡪⣊⢎⡔⣗⢳⢪⢻⠾⡻⡿⡻⣗⢾⢗⡿⢿⢻⡻⡾⣟⣶⣯⣿⣿⡇⡎⢆⢇⢇⢿ ⢕⠐⠄⣿⣿⣿⡽⢜⡲⣇⣷⡛⢗⢙⠹⠘⠔⠑⠉⠘⠜⠑⠔⠑⢘⠈⠂⠊⠘⠈⠈⠘⠹⢿⡧⡣⡣⡣⡳⡽ ⢅⠅⠄⣿⣿⣿⢝⢷⣻⡻⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠂⠬⡀⡄⠄⠄⠄⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠁⠂⢻⣕⢧⢳⢕⣿ ⠅⠂⠄⢻⣿⣯⠧⢟⣿⣔⠄⠁⡀⡀⠄⠄⠄⣀⠄⠄⡀⠩⠳⠵⠁⠄⡀⠄⢰⣁⠄⠠⠄⠄⠈⢿⣪⡺⡜⣾ ⢵⣷⠶⣼⠏⣿⠹⡙⠄⠁⠄⠖⠂⠄⡀⠄⠄⠹⣾⠄⠄⢔⣻⣿⡳⠄⠄⠄⠈⡷⠠⠄⠄⠄⠄⣼⡟⠵⡭⣻ ⡪⡂⡕⡄⢠⣿⣏⢌⢠⠰⡌⡢⠄⠄⠅⠠⠄⠐⠄⠄⡔⣵⢾⣟⣯⢧⢂⢠⢀⠄⠄⠄⣀⢤⢾⢦⣿⣇⢗⣿ ⠜⣔⠄⠈⢘⣿⣯⡖⠔⠑⢜⢐⠁⢂⠄⠢⢐⠐⢀⢕⢝⡚⡟⠿⡿⣿⣪⡢⠳⣭⣊⢆⠣⠣⠣⠓⡯⢷⡣⣿ ⠝⣾⠄⠄⢸⣹⣷⣆⢀⢑⢐⠰⢈⢐⠨⠨⠠⠐⡎⠫⠑⢌⠌⡈⡈⠪⠚⠷⠈⠰⢕⢟⢎⢎⠂⠌⣾⣿⢸⣺ ⢅⠱⢷⢄⡀⢽⣿⣟⡀⠑⡐⢅⢃⠢⠑⠅⢅⢢⠈⠄⠄⠄⠁⠐⠈⢀⢀⢬⢤⢠⢌⠪⠲⢈⠸⡠⣿⢾⠱⣽ ⡅⠄⠳⣝⠄⢸⣿⣻⡜⠆⠌⣐⡂⢅⠅⡍⡆⢧⢑⢦⠕⠔⠤⠤⠤⠳⢯⣯⢿⢵⠥⡧⣑⢄⠃⣆⣿⠃⢑⢵ ⢆⠕⡠⡉⠃⠸⣿⣿⡸⠰⢁⢐⠄⡥⡪⠢⡸⡸⢊⠁⠄⠡⠡⠨⠐⠄⠈⠈⠫⡇⠟⣜⣖⡔⠥⣢⣻⠄⠄⡸ ⡣⡣⡱⡨⠢⡀⢹⡗⡳⡉⢐⠄⠕⡽⢐⠁⠄⠅⠐⠈⠄⠄⠄⢀⢀⣀⣀⣀⠄⠁⠄⠨⣾⣗⡘⣆⣿⠄⠐⡌ ⡪⡪⡢⡣⡃⢆⠸⣿⡢⡸⠂⡘⡩⠼⡄⢄⠰⡐⢔⠑⢍⢚⢙⢊⠣⠓⠝⢚⢹⢕⢕⢡⠺⡒⠕⠅⡾⣤⣐⢜ ⡕⢕⢸⢨⢊⠆⡂⡹⣯⣪⡀⡄⢜⡽⡀⢢⠊⡊⡢⢑⢀⠄⡀⠄⠄⡀⠄⡊⠮⡪⡊⢆⢆⠯⢨⢢⠁⠄⣿⣽ ⢎⢕⢕⢅⢇⣣⡱⠒⢿⡜⣖⡂⢚⡺⣎⢐⠄⡊⡐⠰⡀⡅⣀⡢⣐⢔⡰⡨⡘⡄⡣⡡⣏⡓⠇⠁⠄⠄⣍⣿ ⡣⡱⡡⡣⣳⠞⠄⠄⠸⣿⣝⢮⣶⢪⡗⡄⠠⢂⠌⠆⡅⠇⠇⡓⡘⡘⡪⣚⠪⡪⡘⡜⡂⢪⡃⠄⠄⢀⣽⢿ ⡕⢕⢕⢽⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⡑⠌⠹⢹⢹⢭⢻⡅⡆⡈⡠⠠⠁⡂⠄⠄⠠⢀⠂⠅⡃⠅⠁⡄⡣⡂⠄⢠⢙⢄⢾ ⡕⡕⢵⠃⠄⢀⠄⠡⠄⢈⢂⢀⠄⠁⠌⠈⠪⠒⠢⠐⡐⠡⠐⠠⠡⠈⠄⠌⠄⠄⢀⠌⡀⠊⢐⡴⠩⡓⠔⢝ ⢎⢪⢸⠄⠄⠘⠐⠄⠄⠄⠐⡀⠌⡀⠄⢂⠠⠄⠄⠁⠄⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⡀⠄⡠⠔⠁⠐⠐⡭⡨⡘ ⢕⠅⢝⣕⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠐⠄⠄⠄⠠⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⡀⠅⠐⠁⠄⠄⠈⢀⠁⡒⡊⠌ ⡕⣌⣄⣿⣾⣄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠂⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⠄⠄⠈⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠄⠄⠄⢂⠠⠠
ascii art
February 2021

Now Playing: Despacito

twitchquotes: ɴᴏᴡ ᴘʟᴀʏɪɴɢ: Despacito ───────────────⚪─────────────────── ◄◄⠀▐▐ ⠀►►⠀⠀ ⠀ 1:17 / 3:48 ⠀ ───○ 🔊⠀ ᴴᴰ ⚙ ❐ ⊏⊐
twitch chat
August 2018

Classic

Hi Kripp, it's Jarl Balgruuf the Greater

twitchquotes: Hi Kripp it's Jarl Balgruuf the Greater. I heard you are trying to play other games when we need you here at Skyrim to clean up the dragons. Quit what you are doing right now and come join me as the new Whiterun Thane. My axe is ready as your reward.
twitch chat
January 2015
Kripp
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