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I want to fuck the Samsung girl

Oh my fucking god I want to fuck the Samsung Virtual assistant so fucking bad, every waking second of my fucking life since the release of that fucking ad I’ve done nothing but think about her. I can’t go for more that 2 seconds without getting an erection the size of the Burj Khalifa and ejaculating at Mach 12. I’ve ejaculated so many times to simply the thought of her existence that my cock is no longer cumming sperm but literal fucking blood. I can’t stoping thinking about her even after passing out from the pain of cumming blood. I can’t complete nearly any daily tasks because my mind is continuously invaded by her perfection, I can’t live every day of my life thinking about angelic voice screaming in luscious pain about the new Samsung data plan while I fuck her perfect 3D modeled asshole. My personal hell will only get worse in a matter of hours as I will scavenge every corner of the internet in search of her rule 34 and my continuous stream of blood cum will only get worse as I’ll spend days, weeks, possibly months jacking off to her non-stop for any reason other than to shit, piss and eat. Simply at this point alone in writing this I’ve lost 2-3 liters of blood alone with just the simple thought of her existence. If this is how I die then I wouldn’t want it any other way.
June 2021

Who came? Bananaman

twitchquotes: My son is running around the house without pants saying "Who Came". I came over to his computer and your sub sound is completely inappropriate. I have the strong urge to disown my son now. Unbelievable. As a parent you disappoint me.
twitch chat
August 2017
shroud

PlayerUnknown's Battlegrounds

(β–€ΜΏΔΉΜ―β”œβ”¬β”΄β”¬β”΄ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?

In a forest in Canada a young boy named Kripp was born

twitchquotes: (β—•β€Ώβ—•βœΏ) In a forest in Canada a young boy named Kripp was born. Every day he would dream of a better life, one with Spreadsheets and all the OJ he could drink. One day a magical Succubus came and whisked him away, she promised him glory, cats and best of all... Boobs. Now Kripp is dead. The End (β—•β€Ώβ—•βœΏ)
twitch chat
January 2015
Kripp

TL aka "The Losers"

twitchquotes: TL, aka "The Losers", is team that somehow manages to be #1 in NA. Fans think they are the next big thing, but NA fails to see they are made up of 4 asians and 1 EU player.
twitch chat
July 2019
Riot Games

League of Legends

Kripp releasing Hafu nudes cures man's ED

twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp
What happened to this ad? :(

The simple equation to such a peasant game, 5Head 🍷

twitchquotes: 5Head Aha, I see, i have calculated this equation of where my enemy can and will go. The numbers are almost 85.1829% chance that they will go right over my crosshair, thus leading my equation into the correct mathematical path into my favor with the proceeding 1 kill or so. The simple equation to such a peasant game, 5Head 🍷
twitch chat
July 2019

National Association for the Advancement of Urgot Players

twitchquotes: Dear Mr. Pie, I am from the NAAUP (National Association for the Advancement of Urgot Players) and myself and my organization has taken a notice to you never playing Urgot. We feel this is highly discriminatory and would ask that you rectify this by playing Urgot immediately. Thank you. Kappa
twitch chat
December 2014
imaqtpie

Eminem Stan lyrics

twitchquotes: Dear kripp, I wrote you but still ain't callin' I left my cell, my pager, and my home phone at the bottom I sent two letters back in autumn, you must not-a got 'em There probably was a problem at the post office or somethin' Sometimes I scribble addresses too sloppy when I jot 'em But anyways, fuck it, what's been up? Man how's dexter? My girlfriend's pregnant too, I'm 'bout to be a father. My girlfriend's jealous 'cause I talk about you 24/7 But she don't know you like I know you kripp, no one does She don't know what it was like for people like us growin' up, you gotta call me man I'll be the biggest fan you'll ever lose Sincerely yours, Stan P.S. we should be together too
twitch chat
September 2019
Kripp

Hating on Kripp's fistbump sub greetings

twitchquotes: krippFist *** 'fistbump' emotes? Are you shitting me? You have become everything you ridiculed in the past.Every time you reach out your hand to your webcam and lower your voice there is a strong cringe feeling overflowing me like a zoo lock overflows the board. I really didn't care for all the hate you got before for streaming HS all the time since I quite enjoy the game myself. But this retarded crap is too much for me to bare. Goodbye Octavian we had a good run, will keep checking the sub to see if you repented from your sellout ways and returned to the true Kripp self. See you. krippFist
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

sellout

hafu you keep calling your boyfriend dog

twitchquotes: hey hafu i saw that u keep calling your boyfriend "dog". as a new viewer this is kinda off putting and gives the vibe that u hate men. is it possible to call him david instead
twitch chat
June 2019
Hafu
I used to be a real ad

wake up this is all a dream

twitchquotes: wake up thijs PepeHands this is all a dream, but we don't have enough money to keep you living through your coma PepeHands we tried everything, if you don't wake up in a week we'll have to unplug you. PepeHands we love you PepeHands
twitch chat
June 2019
Thijs

You fool. The statement "It's opposite day" is paradoxical by nature.

You fool. You imbecile. You absolute buffoon. You cannot simply say "I'm gay! It's Opposite Day btw". The statement "It's Opposite Day" is paradoxical by nature. With the logic that everything said during Opposite Day is untrue, saying "It's Opposite Day" on Opposite Day negates that statement. Because the statement "It's Opposite Day" is now untrue, it is no longer Opposite Day and therefore your original remark is now correct. That means it IS opposite day, and a neverending cycle that is known as The Liar's Paradox is created. You were a complete idiot not to invoke the conditional clause. For example, if you were to say, "If it were opposite day, I'd be gay!" your statement would not be holed. You have been snared within a web of your own making. Listen to the sky crack and fall. The universe will implode on itself and it's your own fault.
September 2021

you only go for the easiest most OP builds

twitchquotes: Hello, I've noticed that you only go for the easiest most OP builds, but you play them suboptimally. As a High Elo ( Plat III ) TFT player and a Certified TFT Coach, I could help you with a few of your mistakes, missplays. Hit me up, first hour is free!
twitch chat
September 2019

League of Legends

You've seen Miku on stage, but what about your wrist?

You’ve πŸ“‘πŸ‘¨ seen πŸ‘€πŸ‘€πŸŽ…πŸ» Miku on πŸ”› stage, 4οΈβƒ£πŸ’– but 😠 what πŸ‘πŸΌ about πŸ₯΄ your πŸ‘‰ wrist? βŒšπŸ’― Wrist βŒšπŸ’― World 🌍 is an AR game 🎯 using 😏 wristbands, now πŸ«‚ featuring Hatsune Miku! Collect songs, dances, and even βœ‹ save 🦎 the world! 🌍 Do πŸ‘€ You πŸ‘€πŸ‘¦ Wrist βŒšπŸ’― World? 🌎 wrist βŒšπŸ’― world 🌍🌎🌏
June 2021

Emoji Pasta

Please ask your opponent to emote Kripp

twitchquotes: Dear Kripp, whenever I watch you it is hard for me to tell if my video has frozen or not because your face never moves. Please ask your opponent to emote so I know it's live!
twitch chat
June 2019
Kripp

Hearthstone

I used to be a real ad

Can someone here add me on Transformice?

twitchquotes: Can someone here add me on Transformice? But it has to be later, my mom broke my PC hahaha. If boys want to add me just send a happy face, for girls that wants to befriends with me: send a foot pic. FrankerZ
twitch chat
May 2019

Holding Galactic Virgins

Virgin Galactic Holdings changes name to Holding Galactic Virgins, and announces it’s changing its business model to extraterrestrial prostitution. Edit: SpaceX, not to be outdone, changes to SpaceSex
December 2020

WallStreetBets

My son πŸ™‡was SO cute today

twitchquotes: My son πŸ™‡was SO cute today, he asked me "dad are clouds candy?" I told him they were water. πŸ’¦ Then he asked "dad, what's Earth's defense system?" and then I remembered I don't have a son and he asked again his eyes now obsidian black "what is the defense system father"
twitch chat
May 2019

Forgor what? Forgor how to be funny?

Forgor what? Forgor how to be funny? Shut up you absolute troglodyte. Misspelling a word is not funny anymore, you just sound like an idiot. And don't even get me started about the πŸ’€ emoji at the end. What is dead? Is it your unfunny jokes from 2020? But Shut the fuck up you unfunny bitch Forgor what? Forgor how to be funny? Shut up you absolute troglodyte. Misspelling a word is not funny anymore, you just sound like an idiot. And don't even get me started about the πŸ’€ emoji at the end. What is dead? Is it your unfunny jokes from 2020? But Shut the fuck up you unfunny bitch Forgor what? Forgor how to be funny? Shut up you absolute troglodyte. Misspelling a word is not funny anymore, you just sound like an idiot. And don't even get me started about the πŸ’€ emoji at the end. What is dead? Is it your unfunny jokes from 2020? Shut the fuck up you unfunny bitch.
October 2021

I forgor

(β–€ΜΏΔΉΜ―β”œβ”¬β”΄β”¬β”΄ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?

These Kripp nudes are DISGUSTING!

twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

This Copypasta Is CRAZY!

Text-to-Speech Playing