He was sleeping soundly naked, and I was eating leftover sushi. I couldn't help myself. I spread open his cheeks ever so softly, and tucked a slice of Philly roll right next to his puckered asshole. He did not wake up. When he awoke several hours later, he thought he had shit himself. I managed to video him discovering it was in his asshole, and I cannot stop watching him dig salmon, cream cheese, and rice out of his butthole. I also cannot stop laughing. I needed to tell someone.
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas
Joe from the US marines thanks Kripp for playing Diablo 2
twitchquotes:
Kripp! This is Joe from the US marines, thank you so much for playing Diablo 2 again, whenever we need to torture a war criminal for information we just force him to watch, after a few minutes they all break in utter despair and boredom. God speed Kripp!
twitch chat
Kripp
I just lost my virginity and said Poggers
I just lost my virginity and said Poggers
Ok so we were flirting and he took of his pants and started to rub his bulge then he pulls his dick out, I dead ass said “ that’s pretty pog” he then broke up with me after we were done 💀
NOW WE RUCKUS
twitchquotes:
(╭ರ 益•́)/ NOW WE RUCKUS (╭ರ 益•́)
twitch chat
Reynad
AITA for not showing up to my own funeral?
So I (74M) was recently hit by a car (2014 Honda) and died. My wife (5F) organized me a funeral (cost $2747) without asking me (74M) at all. I (74M) was unable to make it because I (74M) was dead (17 days). At the funeral I heard my dad (15M) and other family members talking about how they wish I could be there and now I feel bad for not showing up. AITA?
AITA
Qtpie, this is your dad here
twitchquotes:
qtpie, this is your dad here. i just wanted to say how proud of you i am son, always hiding in your room playing your video games, talking to your internet friends. your mom and i think that's swell and we just wanted to let you know we love you. pls no copy dadderino
twitch chat
imaqtpie