[Copypasta] I put sushi in my husband’s butthole while he was asleep

He was sleeping soundly naked, and I was eating leftover sushi. I couldn't help myself. I spread open his cheeks ever so softly, and tucked a slice of Philly roll right next to his puckered asshole. He did not wake up. When he awoke several hours later, he thought he had shit himself. I managed to video him discovering it was in his asshole, and I cannot stop watching him dig salmon, cream cheese, and rice out of his butthole. I also cannot stop laughing. I needed to tell someone.
May 2022
I used to be a real ad
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How traders politely decline the second date

I discovered recently if I am on a date and I’m not that interested in a second, all I need to do is start talking about my stocks. They won’t ask for another one then, I won’t have to politely decline.
December 2021

WallStreetBets

Big eyes WeirdChamp

⠄⠄⠈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠄ ⠄⣴⣾⣿⡟⠋⢁⣩⣭⣭⣭⣝⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢿⣿⡇⠄ ⢠⣿⣿⣯⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⠿⢿⣿⣷⡌⠛⣿⣿⣿⡿⠫⣷⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⡍⢣⠄ ⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⢿⣿⡟⣁⡀⠄⢹⣿⣿⣠⣿⣿⣿⡠⣾⣿⣿⣿⡟⠉⠈⠙⣿⣼⠄ ⢀⣿⣿⣿⣇⠈⢿⣷⡀⠄⢈⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⠛⣿⣿⣿⡄⠉⠄⠄⣿⣿⠄ ⠄⢿⣿⣿⣿⣦⡈⠻⣿⣿⣿⡿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⠙⢿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣾⣿⣿⠄ ⠄⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣶⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⣭⣍⣫⣭⣿⣿⡏⠄ ⠄⠄⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡝⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⢀ ⡆⠄⠄⠻⣿⣿⡿⠿⣻⣿⣿⣦⡉⠉⠉⠉⠛⠛⠛⢛⣿⣎⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢠⣾ ⣧⠄⠄⠄⠄⣁⠄⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣤⣀⡀⠄⣠⣤⣾⣿⣿⣆⠉⢿⣿⡟⢃⣿⣿ ⣿⡀⠄⠄⠠⣿⡄⠄⠄⠘⠛⠛⠉⠍⠉⠻⠿⠯⠽⠛⠿⠈⠋⢠⣾⣿⠃⣼⣿⣿ ⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄⠘⢿⣶⣶⣶⣤⣔⣲⣶⣶⣶⣶⡶⠒⣠⣤⣤⣤⣿⡯⡓⢰⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⡁⠈⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠋⡉⣢⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠛⣿⣿⣿⣧⣄⣀⡀⢀⣀⣠⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⡀⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
June 2019

WOW kid you just got r/WOOOOOOSHED

WOW kid you just got r/WOOOOOOSHED!!!! 😂😂👀 "Wooosh" means you didn't get the joke, as in the sound made when the joke "woooshes" over your head. I bet you're too stupid to get it, IDIOT!! 😤😤😂 His joke was so thoughtfully crafted and took him a total of like 3 minutes, you SHOULD be laughing. 🤬 What's that? His joke is bad? I think that's just because you failed. He outsmarted you, nitwit.🤭 In conclusion, I am posting this to the community known as "R/Wooooosh" to claim my internet points in your embarrassment 😏. Imbecile. The Germans refer to this action as "Schadenfreude," which means "harm-joy" 😬😲. WOW! 🤪 Another reference I had to explain to you. 🤦‍♂️🤭 I am going to cease this conversation for I do not converse with simple minded persons.😏😂
October 2021

Super dong to the rescue

twitchquotes: ─=≡Σ((( つ◕ل͜◕)つ sᴜᴘᴇʀ ᴅᴏɴɢ to the rescue
twitch chat
January 2015
Kripp

BionicBunion

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November 2014
patashu
Text-to-Speech Playing