[Copypasta] I put sushi in my husband’s butthole while he was asleep

He was sleeping soundly naked, and I was eating leftover sushi. I couldn't help myself. I spread open his cheeks ever so softly, and tucked a slice of Philly roll right next to his puckered asshole. He did not wake up. When he awoke several hours later, he thought he had shit himself. I managed to video him discovering it was in his asshole, and I cannot stop watching him dig salmon, cream cheese, and rice out of his butthole. I also cannot stop laughing. I needed to tell someone.
May 2022
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
More Copypastas

Be careful, selling out can affect a stream near you.

twitchquotes: It has come to my understanding that our very own Forsken has turned in to a sellout. He no longer reads chat but only reads the $2 donations he gets. He accuses Frump of being a sellout, but is actually now worse than Frump. Please copy and paste this message to spread awareness. Be careful, selling out can affect a stream near you.
twitch chat
November 2014
Forsen

sellout

FeelsBirthdayMan

⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢠⣄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣸⣿⣦⣤⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣾⣿⣟⣻⣿⣷⡄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢸⣿⡟⠛⣿⣤⣿⣿⣄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢿⣤⣿⡟⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠰⡶⠛⠛⣿⣷⣾⣿⣿⣿⣦⣤⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣣⣤⣤⣼⣶⣤⢀⣤⣴⣶⣶⣦⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣾⣿⣿⣛⣭⣭⣭⣝⣋⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⣠⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⣟⠽⣒⣒⣒⣺⠝⢛⠭⣍⣛⣻⡯⠤⠄ ⠄⣰⣿⣾⣿⣿⣟⣭⠿⢖⣛⡭⢝⠛⠻⣯⢙⣭⣭⠋⠄⡀⢺⡭ ⣠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣽⣗⣒⣤⣴⣬⣔⣢⣾⣶⣭⣤⣥⣶⠖⠄ ⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣭⣾⣿⣿⣿⣦⣭⣭⣥⣄⡀⠄ ⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢋⣷⣮⣝⣛⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⣇⠄ ⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⣛⠿⣭⣽⣛⠳⠾⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⢗⣚⣛⠛⠄ ⠘⡻⢿⣿⣿⣷⣭⣻⣿⣷⣶⣾⣿⣭⣭⣭⣿⣿⣛⡛⠛⠋⠄⠄ ⣼⣶⣯⣴⣚⠭⠭⣽⣿⣟⣛⣛⣛⣛⣻⢏⡉⠉⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣾⣿⣿⣷⣦⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
April 2020

I hate MORBIUS. I HATE IT

Oh for the love of God. Enough with the MORBIUS. What’s even the joke???? “Hahahaha hey guys the movie sucks but I pretend it’s good”???? THATS NOT EVEN A FUCKING JOKE. Holy shit my dick is going to fall out of its foreskin if I have to hear, “hehe it’s morbin time” ONE MORE TIME. Not only is it NOT funny, IT DOESNT EVEN MAKE SENSE. THE POWER RANGERS HAVENT BEEN RELEVANT IN DECADES. MORBIUS SUCKS THE MOVIE IS COMPLETE TRASH AND IM ASHAMED TO HAVE SPENT MONEY ON IT. You know…. I never would have seen the movie without all of these “memes”(unfunny shitposts). I would have been a MUCH HAPPIER PERSON. So fuck your “MORBIUS” your “mighty morbin more morbs morbidly MORBIUS BULLSHIT” NO ONE CARES, YOU ARENT FUNNY. Does not a singular human being have any independent thought anymore???? “Morb morb morb morb” you’re like a BUNCH OF SEAGULLS. SEA GULLS. What the FUCK does “morbin” even mean????? ITS NOT A WORD. ITS JUST GOBBLE GOOP. I feel like I am the last truly sentient human being on earth. IM BEING DRIVEN TO THE BRINK OF INSANITY. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. TAKE YOUR MORBIUS BULLSHIT, SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS, AND GO OUTSIDE. Maybe if you went outside you could get “morb” bitches on your dick??!!! YOU LIKE THAT, YOU SEE WHAT YOUVE REDUCED ME INTO. I am a shell of a man and all of you collectively are to blame.This meme has spread like a debilitating illness AND I CANT GET AWAY FROM IT. THE FALL OF WESTERN SOCIETY IS HERE AND THIS COMPLETE UNFUNNY DRIBBLE OF A MEME IS PART OF THE PROBLEM. WHAT THE FUCK DOES “gETtiNg MoRBed” EVEN MEAN. it makes ZERO SENSE. ITS JUST GIBBERISH. FUCKING GIBB ER ISH. ITS NOT FUNNY. Saying “morb” LIKE ITS ITS OWN PUNCHLINE IS NOT COMEDY. IT IS COMEDIC AND CULTURAL DEGRADATION. Are we really so stunted as a generation that even the mention of any word that starts with m-o-r-b is FUNNY??? IN WHAT FUCKING UNIVERSE. Is it funny because it isn’t funny because praising something bad is now good??????? HOW MANY LAYERS OF IRONY DO WE NEED. HOW FAR DOES THE RABBIT HOLE GO. This website has stripped me of EVERY LAST BRAINCELL. GOING ON REDDIT FEELS LIKE IM GETTING A SUPER HERO INDUCED LOBOTOMY. I hate MORBIUS. I HATE IT. I know I’m just going to get FLOODED WITH “get morbed, this guy got morbed, what morb does to a man” HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHQHQHAHAHAHAHAHWHHSHWBSQIISHWINSIQKSBDD SSSSOOOOOOOOOOOO FUNNNNNNNNYYYYYYY AGAGAGGAGHHHHHHHHH
July 2022

Morbius

You can't stop what's coming leafboy

You can't stop what's coming leafboy. I walk all over leaves every autumn, you think this year will be any different? Your flag is a fucking leaf. You chose the one part of the tree that dies every year. Not only that, but it's one of hundreds of leaves, thousands if it's a big tree. All dead come winter. Every winter. A vicious cycle. Totally insignificant. As soon as the tree has had it's way with you you are cast to the Earth to be trod by all other living things. Ants? They not only stomp about you, they will steal your corpse and use it for their people. Birds steal your lifeless shell with impunity. Leaves not only die once, but every year. A brave man dies only once, but leaves die a thousand deaths, or at least 20 or 30 if the tree lives that long. Perhaps more. Every year, leafs crunch beneath my boot. This year shall be no different. So it shall be written. So it shall be done. The day of the rake is at hand because every day is the day of the rake and has always been.
January 2021

I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps

twitchquotes: Trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable *** off the face of the continent, you little ***. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your *** tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will *** fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re *** dead, kiddo.
twitch chat
November 2014
imaqtpie
Text-to-Speech Playing