He was sleeping soundly naked, and I was eating leftover sushi. I couldn't help myself. I spread open his cheeks ever so softly, and tucked a slice of Philly roll right next to his puckered asshole. He did not wake up. When he awoke several hours later, he thought he had shit himself. I managed to video him discovering it was in his asshole, and I cannot stop watching him dig salmon, cream cheese, and rice out of his butthole. I also cannot stop laughing. I needed to tell someone.
What happened to this ad? :(
More Copypastas
I would like to inform you that I busted a huge nut to your shot
I would like to inform you that I busted a huge nut to your shot. My earth shattering orgasm started making me moan loud enough to deafen anyone in the near vicinity. What followed was a torrential downpour of every single sperm cell I ever have or will ever produce, shot out so hard that it ripped my dick apart by my übernut accelerating to 7% the speed of light by the time it left my urethra. The sheer weight of this historical nut, combined with the total destruction of everything in its path, caused my building to collapse, and every female in the city to fall pregnant with my children. As I lay dying under the rubble, I rest assured knowing every one of my sons will repeat this glorious act.
My boyfriend doesnt know (from r/trueoffmychest)
At the beginning of this month, my boyfriend received an email from his brother with the subject "Dude check this out" and a Google Doc called "!!NEW RAP!!". When my boyfriend opened it, all that was on the doc was a picture of Nikocado Avocado’s asshole. When my boyfriend texted his brother about receiving his email, he replied "what email?". They’ve been going back and forth since about the email, my boyfriend’s brother saying he never sent an email and my boyfriend thinking he’s keeping up the act. What my boyfriend doesn’t know is I sent the email. I made an almost identical looking email, one letter off, and even managed to find the exact email profile picture from his brother’s LinkedIn. Now it kills me every time I see them go at it. I’m literally pissing myself as I write this.
Kermit the frog caused 9/11
Kermit the frog caused 9/11. In the 2002 TV film "It's a Very Merry Muppet Christmas Movie", there's a part where an angel shows Kermit an alternate reality where he was never born. For whatever reason, the editors didn't really think about it, and continued to use footage with the twin towers still standing for this scene, however they aren't there in his original universe. Therefore, something that Kermit did in his life, did in fact cause 9/11 in Muppet lore.
My Kappa is broken
twitchquotes:
My Κappa is broken 
My Κappa is broken My Κappa is broken My Κappa is broken
My Κappa is broken My Κappa is broken My Κappa is broken
twitch chat
Y U NO 2
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣠⠤⠴⠶⠒⠒⠒⠒⠒⠤⠤⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡴⠚⠉⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠠⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⠉⢙⠲⣤⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡠⠚⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠀⠀⠀⠀⡀⠀⠈⡆⠈⡀⠀⠉⠓⢤⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡞⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠃⠀⠘⠀⡠⠀⢀⠀⠀⠈⠳⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣸⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⠀⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠐⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⢦⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡀⠀⠀⢍⠢⠑⣦⣀⠀⠡⡄⠀⠀⠀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢷⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡎⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⠀⢾⡗⡀⠁⠀⢘⣀⠀⢀⠀⡐⡞⢉⣀⢀⡀⠀⠀⠈⢧⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠐⠆⠀⠁⠄⠃⠉⠄⠀⠀⠈⠀⠈⢀⣤⡌⠀⠀⠀⠘⡇⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⠀⠉⠁⠀⢀⠄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢂⠀⠀⠉⠅⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠉⠀⠀⠐⡦⠄⠀⠀⠀⠠⢂⠀⠒⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡄
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠉⠃⠀⠀⢌⠆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠁
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠂⠀⠈⠑⡄⠀⠀⢀⠄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⣤⣴⠆⠀⠘⠓⠶⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡜⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠝⠁⠠⠄⢤⣄⡈⠶⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⠃⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡀⢀⣈⣄⡐⠠⢄⢂⣤⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣼⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠐⠚⠉⠋⢋⡋⢷⠤⡎⠛⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⠏⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⣳⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣀⠄⠀⠀⠘⠀⠀⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡔⠁⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡴⠛⠁⠈⠛⢦⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⠂⢀⡀⠈⠀⠁⠁⠒⠂⠀⠊⢃⠀⠀⢀⡴⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠔⠋⠀⠐⢦⡀⠀⠀⠈⠙⠲⢦⣄⣀⡠⠈⠀⠀⠈⢀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⡼⠞⠛⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⠔⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⢦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠉⠉⠒⠒⠒⣲⠖⠒⠒⠒⠚⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡠⠊⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠑⢄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠔⠙⠦⡀⠀⠀⠀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢱⠄⣜⡰⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡜⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠳⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⠊⠀⠀⠀⢈⡢⣤⢤⣇⡤⠀⠀⠀⢀⠔⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⢀⡜⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠳⣄⣠⠤⠄⡴⠓⠒⠒⠂⠉⠁⠀⠈⠣⡈⠁⣈⠄⠊⠁