Earlier today I was really horny, and I saw what I thought to be a blank DVD. I thought, DVDs have a tight hole, they might feel pretty good. So I put my soft pp into the hole of the DVD, and for a few seconds as I started getting harder, it felt pretty good, but then, once I was fully erect, it started being painful. My pp was stuck in the DVD, and I had to break it in half to get if out. It was then when I flipped the broken DVD over and realized that it was not a blank DVD, but a copy of the Pixar movie Up.. Well guys, guess I fucked up.
Waiting for adblock to be disabled
More Classic Copypastas
Think about your actions
twitchquotes:
I have noticed that, although this subreddit has 179,776 readers, I am not receiving 179,776 upvotes on my posts. I'm not sure if this is being done intentionally or if these "friends" are forgetting to click 'upvote'. Either way, I've had enough. I have compiled a spreadsheet of individuals who have "forgotten" to upvote my most recent posts. After 2 consecutive strikes, your name is automatically highlighted (shown in red) and I am immediately notified. 3 consecutive strikes and you can expect an in-person "consultation". Think about your actions.
twitch chat
Classic
Nacho cheese torpedo
Honestly, that's what I call a cool story bro
twitchquotes:
Honestly, that's what I call a cool story bro. Such a riveting tale, I honestly copy and pasted it to word, saved on my hard drive, backed it up on a jump drive, drove to the bank, put the jump drive in the safe deposit box, and will leave it there until my kids turn about 12 (when they can actually state their age, and ask what it is I'm showing them), when I will pick it up, put it in an old USB drive reader and relay this cool story to them and tell them, "kids, this is what a cool story should look and sound like...not like the stories your generation tells.
twitch chat
Classic
Traveled the entire galaxy trying to find out who asked
β β β β β β .γγγγγγγγγγγγγ.γγγοΎ .γγγγγγγγγγγγγ. γγγγγγγγγγγγγγγβ¦ γγγγγ,γγγγγγγ. β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β γγγγγγγγγγγ. .γγγγγγγγγγγγγ. γγβ¦β γβββγγγ,γγγγγγγγγ β γγγγβ γγ, β β β β β β β β β β β β .γγγγγβγγβ γγγβ .γ Λγγγβ γβ ββγγ,γγγγγγ. . β γγβ ββγγγγγβ β¦β γ . .γγγγ.γγγβ . ΛγγγγγγγγοΎγγγγγ. .β γγβ ββ ββ ββ ββ ββ ββ ββ ββ ββ ββ , *γγβ . .γγγγγγγγγγβ β¦ Λγγγγγγγγγγγγγγ .β γγγγγγγγγγ γγγγγγγγγγ.γγγγγγγγ. β¦β γβββγγγ,γγββββ β γγ .γγγγγβγγβ γγγ. Λγγγβ γβ ββγγγγ γγγγγγγγγγγ, .γγγ β βγγββββγγγγγβγγγγγ. Traveled the entire galaxy trying to find out who askedβ β β β β β β .γγγγγγγγγγβ β β β¦ β β γγγγγγγγγγγγγγβ β β β β * β β β .γγγγγγγγγγ. β β β β β β β β β β β β β¦β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β β .γγγγγγγγγγγγγ.γγγοΎ .γγγγγγγγγγγγγ.
Classic
Who Asked?
In Japan, heart surgeon
Number one. Steady hand. One day, yakuza boss need new heart. I do operation. But mistake! Yakuza boss die! Yakuza very mad! I hide fishing boat, come to America. No English, no food, no money. Darryl give me job. Now I have house, American car and new woman. Darryl save life.
My big secret. I kill yakuza boss on purpose. I good surgeon. The best!