[Copypasta] I fucking hate gaming laptops

I fucking hate gaming laptops. Today when I walked into my economics class I saw something I dread every time I close my eyes. Someone had brought their new gaming laptop to class. The Forklift he used to bring it was still running idle at the back. I started sweating as I sat down and gazed over at the 700lb beast that was his laptop. He had already reinforced his desk with steel support beams and was in the process of finding an outlet for a power cable thicker than Amy Schumer's thigh. I start shaking. I keep telling myself I'm going to be alright and that there's nothing to worry about. He somehow finds a fucking outlet. Tears are running down my cheeks as I send my last texts to my family saying I love them. The teacher starts the lecture, and the student turns his laptop on. The colored lights on his RGB Backlit keyboard flare to life like a nuclear flash, and a deep humming fills my ears and shakes my very soul. The entire city power grid goes dark. The classroom begins to shake as the massive fans begin to spin. In mere seconds my world has gone from vibrant life, to a dark, earth shattering void where my body is getting torn apart by the 150mph gale force winds and the 500 decibel groan of the cooling fans. As my body finally surrenders, I weep, as my school and my city go under. I fucking hate gaming laptops.
January 2022
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

React Andys constantly pausing the YouTube video

twitchquotes: Streamer the thing is, im just gonna be honest, i really dont care what u have to say, ur words mean nothing to me. But this video...this video means everything to me. And u keep pausing to speak, this feels like a personal attack. Please resume the video and shut the fuck up.
twitch chat
April 2021
Mizkif

Exercise caution and stay away from the Subs

twitchquotes: SECURITY ALERT: A Romanian man, roughly 6'5", skeleton thin, with black hair and scraggly beard has been seen riding the NYC Sub train and violently "Bro-Fisting" passengers. He's accompanied by a short Asian man dressed as Hitler who reputedly cuts out the tongue of anyone who refuses to give him $5. Exercise caution and stay way from the Subs!
twitch chat
January 2015
Kripp

Hearthstone

OH MY GOD IS THAT A RAINBOW LOGO?

‼️‼️OH MY GOD‼️‼️ IS THAT A πŸ³οΈβ€πŸŒˆRπŸ³οΈβ€πŸŒˆAπŸ³οΈβ€πŸŒˆIπŸ³οΈβ€πŸŒˆNπŸ³οΈβ€πŸŒˆBπŸ³οΈβ€πŸŒˆOπŸ³οΈβ€πŸŒˆWπŸ³οΈβ€πŸŒˆ LOGO?!?!?!?!? 😍😍😍😍 OMG 🀯🀯UR SO INCLUSIVE😱😱😱😱 πŸ³οΈβ€πŸŒˆLGBT πŸ³οΈβ€πŸŒˆπŸ³οΈβ€βš§οΈTRANS πŸ³οΈβ€βš§οΈRIGHTS YAAAAS!!!!!!!!!πŸ³οΈβ€πŸŒˆπŸ³οΈβ€βš§οΈπŸ³οΈβ€πŸŒˆπŸ³οΈβ€βš§οΈπŸ³οΈβ€πŸŒˆ UR SO PROGRESSIVE πŸ’πŸ»β€β™‚οΈπŸ’πŸΌβ€β™‚οΈπŸ’πŸ½β€β™‚οΈπŸ’πŸΎβ€β™‚οΈπŸ’πŸΏβ€β™‚οΈ I WILL NOW BUY EVERYTHING YOU HAVE! πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ₯ΊπŸ₯ΊπŸ₯Ί I LOVE YOU SO MUCH NOW 😫😩😩😍😍πŸ₯°πŸ³οΈβ€βš§οΈπŸ³οΈβ€πŸŒˆπŸ³οΈβ€βš§οΈπŸ³οΈβ€πŸŒˆ
June 2021

Emoji Pasta

Please don't copy paste or I might get fired

twitchquotes: Hey guys, Im a blizzard employee and I wanted to give all you fellow kripparians a sneak peak at one of our new GvG cards. It's called the coin- 0 mana and if you play it turn 1 as the first player, it randomly selects a player and they automatically win. Hope you are all excited for the new expansion, please don't copy paste or I might get fired.
twitch chat
November 2014
TidesOfTime

Yeah I'm a virgin, so what?

Yeah I'm a virgin, so what? I'm waiting for the "right one", there's nothing wrong with that. Just because I'm 36 doesn't make it "weird" or make me a "loser". I have standards. I'm not going to give away my state of chastity to some bar/club "whore"; that's just not the kind of guy I am. I require a REAL women that will hold and care for me gently, and who can, above all else, love me for who I am. Once I find that person, I'll happily donate my virginity away. Until then, I am fine being a virgin. Besides, I have a fleshlight, so it's not like I don't know how it feels anyway. Maybe one day you immature keyboard cretins will understand that life isn't about just having sex for the accomplishment, it's about love and finding the "one" to share that experience with.
September 2021
Text-to-Speech Playing