I just shit and cum.
# FAQ
## What does this mean?
The amount of shit (and cum) on my computer and floor has increased by one.
## Why did you do this?
There are several reasons I may deem a comment to be worthy of feces or ejaculation. These include, but are not limited to:
* Being gay
* Dank copypasta bro, where'd you find it
* walter
## Am I going to shit and cum too?
No - not yet. But you should refrain from shitposting and cumposting like this in the future. Otherwise I will be forced to shit and cum again, which may put your shitting and cumming privileges in jeopardy.
## I don't believe my comment deserved being shit and cum at. Can you un-cum it?
Sure, mistakes happen. But only in exceedingly rare circumstances will I put shit back into my butt. If you would like to issue an appeal, shoot me a hot load explaining what I got wrong. I tend to respond to retaliatory ejaculation within several minutes. Do note, however, that over 99.9% of semen dies before it can fertilize the egg, and yours is likely no exception.
## How can I prevent this from happening in the future?
Accept the goopy brown and white substance and move on. But learn from this mistake: your behavior will not be tolerated in my mom's basement. I will continue to shit and cum until you improve your conduct. Remember: ejaculation is privilege, not a right.
What happened to this ad? :(
More Copypastas
AITA for invading Ukraine?
Using my alt account because of personal reasons. So anyway, I[69M(literally)] am a high government official of a country with a strong military. Anyway, I am clinically diagnosed with Invasiontia[for anyone who doesn't know it's meaning, it basically means my mind forces me to invade countries, very few people are diagnosed with it(like Adolf Hitler), so i guess it makes me quirky uwu], so i really can't be the one to blame.
I do what i like, usually, but people often judge me for living my life on my own terms. My distant relative, who has a history of playing fortnite and being antivax, being a furry, pedophile, and being a baby yoda hater called me today and abused me verbally, and told me what i was doing was wrong. I was heartbroken by their words. Not only that, Emily[She/They 13 diagnosed with 255 mental illnesses] made a really mean tweet against me today. She compared me to Hitler (I know Hitler and I have the same mental illness, but it doesn't mean I am as much of an asshole like he is, right?).
All this negativity is severely affecting my mental health(i come from a country where mental health isn't given a lot of importance and also my country isn't very supportive of gay people), and i am now contemplating suicide by shooting myself in the head.
Everyone thinks i am an asshole, what do you think reddit? AITA?
Am I The Asshole?
Russian Ukrainian War
Fired for masturbating on a Zoom call
So this just happened an hour ago and I am still shaking. Iโm a staff in public accounting and was in the middle of a 3-hour training on Zoom. Usually when we have these types of calls I just keep the video running in the background and I walk around the room doing things to pass the time and distract myself from the monotone presenters. Well today I forgot that I left the camera on (I usually always have it off but earlier today I had a call with the partner to discuss my upcoming promotion, so I had to have it on). I had no clue I had left the camera on and in the middle of walking around and muttering to myself as I was zoning out, I flipped it out and started to rub one out. I did so with complete confidence, openly and ferociously, stroking faster and faster until I heard the presenter stop and kindly asked me to turn my camera off. Mortified, I lifted my pants up and rushed over to turn the camera off. Soon after the training was over I had a call with HR and they let me know that I was being terminated. I hated the job anyway so not so bummed about that, but Iโm not sure what to say in interviews now if Iโm asked why I left this job. Any advice?
Reynad the Saltnosed Streamer
twitchquotes:
ส อกโ อโ อกโ ส Reynad the Saltnosed Streamer, had a very Salty Nose. All of the other Streamers laughed and used to call him names. 
Then one salty Krippmas Eve, Forsen came to say, "Reynad with your salt so bright, won't you topdeck my sleigh tonight?" Then all Streamers loved him as they jerked off with glee, Reynad the Saltnosed Streamer, you'll go down in history! ส อกโ อโ อกโ ส
Then one salty Krippmas Eve, Forsen came to say, "Reynad with your salt so bright, won't you topdeck my sleigh tonight?" Then all Streamers loved him as they jerked off with glee, Reynad the Saltnosed Streamer, you'll go down in history! ส อกโ อโ อกโ ส
twitch chat
Reynad
salty
It seems you've Eucked Fk0p
twitchquotes:
As Trump leads Mira into the bedroom, she thinks about how many viewers tucking Frump will get her. As they get in bed, Trump turns off the light. After a vigorous minute, Mira rolls off Trump. "Could you host my stream?" she asks. "Sure," replies Ek 
p. As Mira recoils in horror, Trump speaks from the door, "It seems you've Eucked Fk0p."
p. As Mira recoils in horror, Trump speaks from the door, "It seems you've Eucked Fk0p."
twitch chat
Trump
OURcraft?!?!?
Youtube? More like OURtube, am I right?๐๐ I'll put a picture of Staling next to this, so the meme will be super-duper funny!! Get it? Get it? Cause communism, you know, its about making everything shared, right? So you see, this joke is so clever because instead of saying "you", I say OURS! ๐คฃ๐คฃ๐๐คข๐๐ข๐ Get it? Get it? Cuz ours is like its SHARED XD. Man, i'm soooo clever. You know what, it seems to me like I'm really good at these camunism jokes, so I'll try making more!! How about instead of minecraft we say OURcraft? ๐๐คฃ๐๐๐คฎ๐คฃ๐คฃ๐ Get it? Cause commanism!!! Oh, how about, whenever I see something that breaks or falls apart, I'll ask in a very clever and humorous way: "What is this, the USSR?" Get it? Its cause the USSSSSSR also fell apart!! ๐๐๐๐๐ Or maybe I'll call anything that has the colour red in it COMMUNIST!! ๐คฃ๐คฃ๐ค๐
๐๐๐คข๐๐๐ซ๐คฏ๐
๐คฃ๐คฃ๐คฃ Cuz you know, the USssSSSSR's flag is ALSO RED!!!!