[Copypasta] My parents used to watch cockfighting in the bedroom

My parents used to watch cockfighting in the bedroom when they thought we were asleep. I'd hear my mother excitedly talking about how much she enjoyed cocks as they jumped around on the bed. What surprised me though was, when we went to Spain she mentioned how cruel she thought bullfighting was. I never confronted her about the hypocrisy though.
October 2021
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Response to "go fuck yourself"

What if I'm already fucking myself? Behind this simple insult hides a universal paradox that may put your sexuality in question. Let's do a simple thought experiment: imagine us two standing in front of each other. I, of course, am wearing a pair of jeans, that are covering my genitals and my butt. You then command me to "go fuck myself". I may be fucking myself already. I may as well not be fucking myself already. Until my dick and its position relative to my ass is observed, it is simultaneously in my ass, but also outside of it - thus, it stays in superposition. The moment you lay eyes on my penis, both states collide with each other and become either one. You may have already guessed what the problem here is. As soon as a single photon reflected by my dick enters either one of your eyes, you become gay. The only way to avoid this is to not observe my penis. But if you don't look at it, then you will never know if your insult had any effect, thus rendering it meaningless. Since you have already made the insult, you are now, too, in superposition - you're either wrong, or gay. It's unfortunate, really - you dug a hole for yourself without even knowing it. All you can do now is accept it, and learn from your mistakes.
April 2020

Classic

Ahegao 2

⣿⡇⠘⡇⢀⣶⣶⠄⠈⣾⡟⢂⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢉⢾⢃⣿⣿⡟⣸⢸⣿⣿⣸ ⣿⢸⣦⢧⢸⣿⣿⢱⠄⠄⣇⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢟⣼⣿⡯⠸⣿⢳⢱⡏⣼⣿⢇⣿ ⡏⣾⢽⣼⢸⣿⣿⡘⣆⢀⠛⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣫⣾⣿⣿⢇⣿⠂⢌⡾⡇⣿⡿⢸⣿ ⢧⣿⠄⢹⢸⣿⣿⣷⣭⢸⡄⣿⣿⣿⢋⣵⣿⣿⡿⠟⡨⡡⠄⣾⣿⡆⣭⡇⣿⣿ ⣼⡏⡀⠄⢀⢿⣿⣿⡟⣾⡇⣿⡿⣡⢁⣿⣿⣫⡶⢃⡵⣡⣿⣮⡻⡇⣿⢸⣮⢿ ⣿⡇⣧⢠⠸⡎⡍⡭⢾⡏⣧⢋⢾⠏⣼⣿⣿⠿⣵⣾⣕⠿⣿⣿⣷⢡⠏⣾⣿⣿ ⣿⠁⣿⠈⠄⠄⢃⢹⡀⠸⢸⢿⠸⢰⢻⢿⣟⢁⣀⠄⠄⠉⠒⢝⢿⠸⣴⣿⣿⣿ ⡍⠇⣿⣷⢰⢰⢸⠄⡃⡆⠈⠈⡀⡌⠠⠸⠃⣿⣏⡳⢷⢄⡀⠄⠄⠰⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⡇⠄⠸⣿⢸⣿⣶⡄⣇⠃⡇⡄⡇⠁⠃⠄⠈⢊⠻⠿⣿⣿⣿⣦⠄⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⡇⠄⠄⢻⣸⣿⣿⠏⡙⢸⣇⣡⢰⢀⠄⠄⠄⠈⡁⢱⢈⢿⣿⡿⡄⣰⣶⣿⣿⣿ ⡇⠄⠄⠄⢻⣿⡿⢰⡇⠆⠲⠶⣝⠾⠸⢴⢠⠄⠇⢸⢸⠄⡶⡜⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⢏ ⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⢿⡇⠧⢣⣸⣦⣄⣀⠁⠓⢸⣄⠸⢀⠄⡀⡀⡪⣽⣿⣿⢿⣿⢟⣬ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⢧⠯⢸⣿⣿⣿⡿⠰⣷⠄⣿⣇⡿⠄⡀⠦⣰⣿⡿⣱⣿⡏⢾⣫ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⣌⢌⢿⣿⣿⠇⠼⢃⢠⢇⣻⣧⣿⡡⣸⣿⠿⢁⡟⢁⣳⣿⣿ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠳⢝⣒⣒⠰⣘⣴⡧⠿⣿⣛⡯⣱⡿⣫⢎⣪⣎⣿⣧⢻⠿
January 2021

Weebs

Obama

░░░░▄██▓▓▓▓▓▓▓██▄▒▒▒▒▒ ░░░█▀░░░░░░▒▒▒▒▓▓▄▒▒▒▒ ░░▐█▌▒░░░░░░▒▒▒▀▓▓▌▒▒▒ ░░▓█▒▒░░░░░░▒▒▒▒█▓▓▒▒▒ ░░▓█▒▄▄▓▀▀░░▀▀▀█▄█▓▒▒▒ ░█▀░▒▒░▀▀░░▌▒▀▀▒▒▒██▌▒ ▐░░▌░░░░░░░▀▓▒▒▒▒▄█▒▌▒ ░▌▒░▒░░░░▓▄█▄▌▒▒███▒▌▒ ░▐▒█▒▒▒░▀▀▐▐▒▒▒▒▒█▓▓▒▒ ░░█▀▓▒▒░▒░▄▓▓▄▒▒▒██▒▒▒ ░░░░▐▄▒░▒▀▀▀▀▒▒▒█▓▒▒▒▒ ░░░░░▌▀▄░░▀▀▒▒▄███▄▒▒▒ ░░░░░▐░▒█▄▄▄███▀▒██▀▀█ ░░░▄███░▒▀███▀░▓██▌██▐ ░▄██████▐▒▒▒▌▄▓████▄▄█
April 2021

DONGER TO ME

twitchquotes: ⊹⋛⋋( ຈل͜ຈ )⋌⋚⊹ DONGER TO ME, SQWAAK ⊹⋛⋋( ຈل͜ຈ )⋌⋚⊹
twitch chat
October 2014
imaqtpie

Qtpie plays Apex Legends

twitchquotes: qtpDANCE on me qtpDANCE hes one hit qtpDANCE hes lit qtpDANCE hes no armor qtpDANCE im fucking running qtpDANCE im dead as fuck qtpDANCE im far as fuck from you guys qtpDANCE im gigalooted qtpDANCE give me a real gun game qtpDANCE oh my god qtpDANCE im so fucking bad qtpDANCE oh shit qtpDANCE im fucking trolling qtpDANCE if anyone has a skullpiercer qtpDANCE
twitch chat
May 2019
imaqtpie
Text-to-Speech Playing