[Copypasta] For the blind, it is light

twitchquotes: Who is [streamer name]? 🤔 For the blind, 🦇 it is light. 💡 For the hungry 😣 , it is bread. 🍞 For the sick, 💉 it is the cure. ⚕️ For the sad 😢 , it is joy. 😂 For the poor 🚫💰 , it is the treasure; 💰 ⛏️ for the debtor ➖ 💰 , it is forgiveness. 🙏 For the face 😶 , it is the lips 👄
twitch chat
October 2021
I used to be a real ad
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Buzz Lightyear action figure stuck in my ass

I currently have a Buzz Lightyear action figure stuck in my ass. I am male if it matters. I've always been into putting things in my ass I don't know why, I'm not gay or anything I just like how it feels. Well I got drunk last night and decided to play with my ass and I hadn't gone shopping so I was out of carrots and cucumbers so I looked around and I saw my Buzz Lightyear action figure and thought "why not?" I've put action figures up there before because they feel different and it's funny. I grabbed Buzz, lubed him up and put him up against my asshole and started sliding him in. "To infinity and beyond!" I moaned as Buzz entered me. The only problem is that he has those wings that expand and so they popped open nearly splitting me in half and now he's stuck in there and I can't get him out. I know I need to go to the emergency room but honestly I'm scared and ashamed. I've managed to hide it from my wife so far but I think she's getting suspicious and can tell something is wrong. I'm going to try to sneak to the ER later and hopefully get it taken care of without her finding out.
July 2022

Confessions

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⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠻⣿⣿⠿⠿⠿⢿⣿⠟⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠃⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠃⠀⣴⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣴⡆⠀⠘⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⠿⢿⣿⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⣿⡿⠿⣿ ⡇⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀⢸ ⡇⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀⢸ ⡇⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀⢸ ⡇⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀⢸ ⣧⣤⣤⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣤⣤⣼ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣤⡄⠀⠀⠀⣤⣤⣤⠀⠀⠀⢠⣤⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣤⣤⣴⣿⣿⣿⣦⣤⣤⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿
ascii art
August 2021

You are currently in a 25 year coma

twitchquotes: If you are reading this message, Jesse, you are currently in a 25 year coma. We've been trying to communicate with you for the longest time by manipulating your brain waves, but nothing so far has worked. If you manage to read this it means our new method has succeeded. Please, wake up Jesse. Your family loves you and wants you back. In a week they are going to pull the plug on your life support, they can't afford the medical bills anymore.
twitch chat
August 2017
Sneaky

We require you to change your Twitch name to hl_kripp

twitchquotes: Hello Kripparino, this is Noah Liferino, CEO of No Life Incorporated©. As you may already know, we are requiring you to change your Twitch name to hl_kripp (has life) as you no longer are a "no life". This was stated in the contract you signed under section 6 article 9 paragraph 420. This is to be enforced immediately.
twitch chat
March 2015
Kripp

Copyright Infringement from using Copy Pastas

twitchquotes: Hello, my name is Juan Pastoroni, CEO of Copy Pasta Industries. I'd like to let you know that we've just gained copyrights on a lot of copy pastas seen in this chat. If you are using them right now, please refrain from doing so, or risk being fined under copyright infringement. Thank you, and don't be funny and copy and paste this. This is business, kid.
twitch chat
July 2014
pr0lly
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