[Copypasta] Ten reasons why you can't move to Scotland

Tin resins why ye canae move tae Sco'land. Win - We dinnae want ye here Tae - Yer nae hard enough Threh - Ye wouldnae like the wither (and ye wouldne ken hoo tae describ it - dreich, drookit, haar, etc) Fir - Yer a dafty who couldne git intae oor big skels and dinnae ken aboot the Sco'ish Enlightinment Fiv - Yer a big girruls blouse and cannae keep up wi oor drinkin Sex - Yed get snapped in hoff if ye played fitbaw wi us sivvun - Ye coodnae handle the patter It - Wae dinnae wint ye drivin up the hoos prices Nin - Yer pribly a jobbyjabber who likes it it in the backsie Tin - Oor wimmun boke at the sight of ye If somehoo ye dae mit the abuv requirmints then ye can enter but ye must promis to vote fi SNP, the ONLY party that trilly represents Sco'land. Fuck off hame any English cunts.
September 2021
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More Copypastas

My son is learning Twitch speak

twitchquotes: Kripp I need advice. My son watches a lot of you, and he doesn’t speak English but is learning from chat. He's starting using terms like "pog","jabaited", and "kappa,” but its gotten to the point where every sentence is Twitchspeak. At dinner my daughter was talking about how she got accepted to college, and my son said "pog you, easy clap". I told him to talk normally to his family, and he replied "Weird champ, normies omegaLOL." I blacklisted twitch and now my son is hysterical, what to do.
twitch chat
December 2019
Kripp

I had dreams and ambitions of becoming a pro 1v1 player

twitchquotes: Hello OddOne, my name is Gustavian. I had dreams and ambitions, of becoming a professional 1v1 player. I picked this game up yesterday, with hopes and dreams. But you picked a fucking stupid op noob champ, and i lost my 2 bucks because of you. Now i have to stay at my aunts house in Nigeria, because i cant take the train home to Uganda.
twitch chat
September 2014
TheOddOne

I sexually Identify as a Bastion

twitchquotes: I sexually Identify as a Bastion. Ever since I was a transistor I dreamed of being nanoboosted and firing cannonballs on the disgusting enemy team. People tell me that being a Siege Automaton is impossible but I don't care, I'm overpowered. I’m having a plastic surgeon install treads, a gattling gun and a nanoboost on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me BOOSTED and respect my right to take 35% less damage 100% of the time. If not, you're an omnic-phobe and need to check your human privileges
twitch chat
March 2017

Overwatch

I sexually Identify as

I hate April Fool's Day

I’m fucking shaking and crying right now y’all, and people aren’t taking me seriously. This is a DUMB FUCKING HOLIDAY, where people say shit that ISN’T FUCKING REAL for NO REASON. I’ve cut off 8 family members already for falling for this shriveled up, half-assed ANNUAL CORPORATE FIG LEAF like the NPC SHEEP THEY ARE. Maybe if they listened to REAL COMEDY like Bill Maher or political satire that validates what I already believe in, they’d be WORTHY OF INTERACTING WITH. BUT NO, I have to scroll through my timeline, seething, wailing and gnashing my teeth as I’m BOMBARDED BY LOW EFFORT CORNY CAPITALIST PROPOGANDA. THIS IS A SERIOUS DAY. I’m allowed to be this pressed about ha-ha corny joke day because IT’S SERIOUS FOR ME AND THEREFORE SHOULD BE FOR EVERYONE. My great uncle was tragically flattened while trying to rob a coca-cola vending machine on this date, and PEOPLE ARE STILL MAKING CORNU FUKUNG JOKES. I’ve had enough
April 2021

GlitchCat

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣴⠉⡙⠳⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣠⠤⣚⡯⠴⢬⣱⡀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢰⡇⣷⡌⢲⣄⡑⢢⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⠾⢋⠔⣨⣴⣿⣷⡌⠇⡇⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⢹⣿⣿⣄⢻⣿⣷⣝⠷⢤⣤⣤⡶⢋⣴⣑⠟⠿⠿⠿⣿⣿⡀⡇⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⢸⣿⡄⢁⣸⣿⣋⣥⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣿⣿⣶⣟⡁⠚⣿⣿⡇⡇⠀ ⢀⣠⡤⠤⠾⡘⠋⢀⣘⠋⠉⠉⠉⠉⢭⣭⣭⣭⣍⠉⢩⣭⠉⠉⠂⠙⠛⠃⣇⡀ ⠏⠀⠀⢿⣿⣷⡀⠀⢿⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⣿⣿⣿⣆⠀⢿⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢱ ⣦⠀⠀⠈⢿⣿⣧⠀⠘⣿⠀⠀⠀⡀⠀⠀⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⠀⢻⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸ ⢻⡄⠀⠀⠘⠛⠉⠂⠀⠙⠁⠀⣼⣧⠀⠀⠀⠈⠀⠀⠈⠙⠀⠘⠓⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡟ ⠀⢳⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⠿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡀⣏⠀ ⠀⠀⠛⢶⢰⣶⢢⣤⣤⣄⠲⣶⠖⠀⣙⣀⠀⠀⠀⠤⢤⣀⣀⡀⣀⣠⣾⠟⡌⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠘⢄⠃⣿⣿⣿⣿⠗⠀⠾⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣶⣶⠸⠟⣡⣤⡳⢦ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢻⡆⣙⡿⢷⣾⣿⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⢡⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣦ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡼⢁⡟⣫⣶⣍⡙⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⣽⡖⣉⣠⣶⣶⣌⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⢀⠔⢡⢎⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⠹⣿⣿⣿ ⠀⢠⠖⢁⣴⡿⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⢹⣿⣿
October 2021
Text-to-Speech Playing