Okay I just had the weirdest thing happen to me on my day 2 of no fap, I was taking a shit and struggling to push it out and simultaneously I kid you not I randomly ejaculate as I push my shit out, I’m just sitting there dumbfounded as to why the fuck this happened, there was no pleasure to my shit, nothing strange I wasn’t fapping I swear to god I just randomly….. ejaculated while shitting. WHAT THE FUCK? Anyways mission failed life really hates me lmao
I used to be a real ad
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Sauté the Pepperoni
twitchquotes:
First you boil some pasta, preferably Fagottini ( ͡◕ ͜ʖ ͡◕)ﾉ ~~~~~Then you sauté the Pepperoni ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)⊃━ (o o o)
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Kripp
what do you say when you come? murk durgle
About 5 years ago I was making a character on an RPG and my ex girlfriend was sitting next to me talking to me and asking me questions about my game. I had a dwarf and dreamed up the name Murk Durgle. My ex hated that name and said it felt gross, like the word moist.
I shrugged it off. We went about our day and after putting the kids to bed we started having sex. She tells me she's about to come and I bellow out "MUUUURRRKKKK DUUUURGLE" and she punches me in the chest and yelled at me "what the fuck dude?! You fucking murk durgled me?! Give me my vibrator and get the fuck out"
Then I sat out in the kitchen laughing for a few minutes
its 3 am and i fucked up really bad
I was hungry so i decided to eat some bbq wings and watch some anime. there was about 6 of it and i ate 3 and a half. that was when i started to feel a bit funky on my hand and mouth, and i thought to myself "wow, these bacteria are extra rough today". i used the flashlight on my phone to see what was going on and there was an army of ants covering my hands and i shit you not, i cough once and my mouth is a shotgun that shoots ants as bullets. i was covered in fear and ants and the urge to scream, but the fear of asian parents is stronger. i can only cry silently in a dark and quiet room, all alone, while being violated by ants.
Spider-Dong
twitchquotes:
─=≡Σ/╲/( ͡ʘ ͜U ͡ʘ)/\╱\ ᕕ༼ ºل͟º༽ᕗ Help me, I'm being chased by Spider-Dong!! /╲/( ͡ʘ ͜U ͡ʘ)/\╱\ ᕕ༼ ºل͟º༽ᕗ
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Amaz
HEY ADVERTISERS YOU'RE ONLY PROMOTING TO ONE PERSON
twitchquotes:
HEY ADVERTISERS YOU'RE ONLY PROMOTING TO ONE PERSON NEED PROOF? I'LL POST THIS ON MY OTHER ACCOUNTS
HEY ADVERTISERS YOU'RE ONLY PROMOTING TO ONE PERSON NEED PROOF? I'LL POST THIS ON MY OTHER ACCOUNTS
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