[Copypasta] Shit and cum at the same time (from /r/nofap)

Okay I just had the weirdest thing happen to me on my day 2 of no fap, I was taking a shit and struggling to push it out and simultaneously I kid you not I randomly ejaculate as I push my shit out, Iโ€™m just sitting there dumbfounded as to why the fuck this happened, there was no pleasure to my shit, nothing strange I wasnโ€™t fapping I swear to god I just randomlyโ€ฆ.. ejaculated while shitting. WHAT THE FUCK? Anyways mission failed life really hates me lmao
September 2021
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Naughty fun

guys why when a woman gets a vibrator, its seen as a bit of naughty fun. BUT when a guy orders a 240 Volt FuckMaster Pro 5000 blowup latex doll with 6 speed pulsating ***, elasticized anus with non-drip semen collection tray, together with optional built in realistic orgasm scream surround sound system, hes called a pervert?
April 2014

Classic

Trollge face v2

โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ € โ €โ €โ €โ €โฃ โ žโ ‰โข‰โ ฉโขโก™โ ›โ ‹โฃ‰โ ‰โ โข‰โฃ‰โฃ‰โฃ‰โ ฉโข‰โ ‰โ ›โ ฒโฃ„โ €โ €โ €โ € โ €โ €โ €โกดโ โ €โ ‚โก โ ‘โ €โ €โ €โ ‚โ €โ €โ €โ €โ  โ €โ €โ โ โขŠโ €โ „โ ˆโขฆโ €โ €โ € โ €โฃ โกพโ โ €โ €โ „โฃดโกชโ ฝโฃฟโก“โขฆโ €โ €โก€โ €โฃ โข–โฃปโฃฟโฃ’โฃฆโ €โก€โข€โฃˆโขฆโก€โ € โฃฐโ ‘โขฐโ ‹โขฉโก™โ ’โ ฆโ –โ ‹โ €โ ˆโ โ €โ €โ €โ €โ ˆโ ‰โ €โ ˜โ ฆโ คโ ดโ ’โกŸโ ฒโกŒโ ›โฃ† โขนโกฐโกธโ ˆโขปโฃˆโ “โกฆโขคโฃ€โก€โขพโ ฉโ คโ €โ €โ คโ Œโกณโ โฃ’โฃ โฃคโ –โข‹โกŸโ ’โกโก„โกŸ โ €โ ™โข†โ €โ €โ ปโก™โกฟโขฆโฃ„โฃนโ ™โ ’โขฒโ ฆโ ดโก–โ ’โ šโฃโฃโฃคโฃพโขšโกโ โ €โฃจโ žโ € โ €โ €โ ˆโขงโ €โ €โ ™โขงโก€โ ˆโกŸโ ›โ ทโกพโฃถโฃพโฃทโ พโ ›โขปโ ‰โข€โกฝโ ‹โ €โ €โฃฐโ ƒโ €โ € โ €โ €โ €โ €โ ‘โขคโก โข‚โ Œโก›โ ฆโ คโฃ„โฃ‡โฃ€โฃ€โฃธโฃ€โกคโ ผโ šโก‰โข„โ  โฃ โ žโ โ €โ €โ € โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ ‰โ “โ ฎโฃ”โกโ ฆโ €โฃคโ คโ คโฃคโ „โ ฐโ Œโฃ‚โกฌโ –โ ‹โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ € โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ ‰โ ’โ คโขคโฃ€โฃ€โกคโ ดโ ’โ ‰โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €
July 2021

Romanian Salt Baron

twitchquotes: POLICE REPORT - Canadian Mounties have at last apprehended the "Romanian Salt Baron" after suspiciously salty whining was heard outside of a dingy apartment in Toronto. The Salt Baron, a morose, balding gypsy man, was at the time playing a children's card game when Mounties burst through the door. The man attempted to resist by "brofisting" the officials, but his scrawny vegan arms had no effect. The man's wife then assumed her true Succubus form and escaped into the Nether. More at 11.
twitch chat
July 2016
Kripp

Dragon Rider

โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–€โ–€โ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–ˆโ–€โ–‘โ–„โ–ˆโ–‘โ–„โ–ˆโ–€โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–€โ–„โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–ˆโ–€โ–‘โ–€โ–„โ–ˆโ–€โ–„โ–ˆโ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–„โ–€โ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–ˆโ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–€โ–‘โ–„โ–ˆโ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆ โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ–€โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–‘โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–‘โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆ โ–‘โ–„โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆ โ–„โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–ˆโ–„โ–€โ–€โ–‘โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆ โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–ˆโ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–€โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€ โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–€โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–ˆโ–€โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–„โ–ˆโ–„โ–‘โ–„โ–„โ–ˆโ–„โ–„โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–„โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–ˆโ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–‘ โ–‘โ–„โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆ
August 2018

Hating on Kripp's fistbump sub greetings

twitchquotes: krippFist *** 'fistbump' emotes? Are you shitting me? You have become everything you ridiculed in the past.Every time you reach out your hand to your webcam and lower your voice there is a strong cringe feeling overflowing me like a zoo lock overflows the board. I really didn't care for all the hate you got before for streaming HS all the time since I quite enjoy the game myself. But this retarded crap is too much for me to bare. Goodbye Octavian we had a good run, will keep checking the sub to see if you repented from your sellout ways and returned to the true Kripp self. See you. krippFist
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

sellout

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