[Copypasta] I'm shaking. I'm fucking shaking (Nolan Grayson)

I'm shaking. I'm fucking shaking. I never wanted to breed with anyone more than I want to with Nolan Grayson. That perfect, shredded body. The perfectly trimmed mustache. The planet conquering skills of a literal god. It honestly fucking hurts knowing that I'll never mate with him, have him pass his genes through me, and have me birth a set of perfect offspring. I'd do fucking ANYTHING for the chance for Nolan Grayson to get me pregnant. A N Y T H I N G. And the fact that I can't is quite honestly too much to fucking bear. Why would Robert Kirkman create something so perfect? To fucking tantalize us? Fucking laugh in our faces?! Honestly, I just fucking can't anymore. Fuck.
June 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

My boss recently discovered Among Us

Oh my fucking god guys I am fucking fuming. So the other day at work my boss told us that he recently discovered the video game Among Us, and ever since, his behaviour has become rather concerning. He now refers to me and my coworkers as 'crewmates'. Last Wednesday, when he noticed my teenage colleague slacking off at his workstation, he yelled at him saying he was "faking his tasks" and is "acting sus". I confronted my boss telling him that his behaviour lately has been egregious and immature, and he proceeded to call me an idiot and yelled "kicked!" The next day I caught him dancing around in his office blasting "among drip" from his desktop at full volume. I entered his office to kindly ask him to turn off the music since it was distracting to me and my coworkers. He looked at me angrily, telling me he has called an "emergency meeting", instructing me to have a seat. I asked him what was the matter and he told me that I have been acting extremely "sus". He repeatedly yelled "you're the impostor", telling me to say goodbye to my job because I have been "ejected". I fucking lost my job and I don't know what to do. Please help me Reddit! I have nowhere else to turn.
March 2021

Among Us / Amogus

How do I properly get rid of a life size sex doll?

I bought a $1000+ sex doll which weighs almost 100 pounds and has a metal skeleton and silicone outside. It's like 5'3 and looks very realistic. I bought it when I was drunk like 2 years ago and didn't cancel the order the next day as I forgot I even ordered it; it showed up on my doorstep like 10 days later in a huge box... I tried to use it once but it is impossible to use because its so cold lol. I have it buried under clothes that I don't wear anymore in my walk-in closet for almost 2 years and every time I have a girl over I have to keep the closet locked and I even have to tell my cleaner to clean all rooms aside from my walk-in closet as I am embarrassed by it. I NEVER litter but I don't know what to do with it. I really want to put it in the back of my truck and dump it in the woods somewhere but I know that is a shit thing to do and will not do it. How can I dispose of it in a environmentally safe way without driving to a dump and looking like I am disposing of a dead body or having the workers laugh at me? I can't cut it up into pieces and put it into trash bags as the skeleton is metal and I just don't have the tools to do it; its a really legit sex doll it is super high quality. My apartment complex has a huge dumpster but its all on camera; should I just go there super late at night and throw it in there? The dumpster is on camera and its for "trash only" it says no metal and no boxes. Anyone have an answer on how to dispose of this thing by myself, quietly and without anyone seeing me? Thanks !! EDIT: Lots of weirdos getting angry at me because I "fabricated this" story/question. She just got a (SFW) photo shoot for you so shut up. https://ibb.co/album/xKkCs1
July 2021

OkayChamp

twitchquotes: ⠀⠀⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠀ ⠀⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀ ⢀⣼⣿⡿⠛⠉⠁⣀⣀⠀⠉⠙⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⠀ ⣾⣿⣿⣇⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡄⠀⠈⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠁⠀⢀⣀⣀⣀⡀⠉⠛⠀ ⣿⣿⣿⣟⡋⠉⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣼⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠾⠿⠿⠿⣿⣿⣧⣀⠀ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣏⣉⣛⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣦⣤⣤⣀⣀⣀⠈⠙⣿⡀ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣤⣨⣵⣿⣿⣿⠇ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀ ⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠛⣩⣿⡿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠙⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀ ⠀⠙⠻⠟⠋⠁⢀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣄⠀⠀⠉⠙⠛⠛⠛⠛⢻⣧⡀⠹⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⣀⠀⠀⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⣀⡀⠀⣀⣤⣤⣿⣿⣿⡀⠈⠻⣿⣿⢃⣴ ⠀⠀⠀⢻⣦⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡈⠉⠈⠉⠉⠙⠛⠿⠋⠁⢀⣤⡜⠁⣼⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⢾⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⡀⠸⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡶⠀⠀⣠⣤⣴⣿⡟⠁⢠⣿⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⠈⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠇⢠⣿⣿⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠋⠉⠉⠛⠛⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿
twitch chat
September 2020

heart been broke

heart 💔 been broke 📉 so many times ⏰ i don’t know 🤔 what to believe 💯 mama 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 said 🗣 it’s my fault 😢 it’s my fault 🤦🏻‍♂️i wear my heart ❤️ on my sleeve 💪 i think it’s best 👍🏻 I put my heart ❤️ on ice 🧊
July 2020

Emoji Pasta

Please don't use Kappa

twitchquotes: I am from Japan and was raised hearing terrifying stories about kappas from my grandfather. Those are horrible turtle-like monsters who lure and kill children. And then I join this site and see you use it as a joke with a grey faced man. This is not right! I am scared of using the chat now, bringing me bad memories. Please, don't use that emote.
twitch chat
September 2020
Text-to-Speech Playing