[Copypasta] You. Me. Gas station

You. Me. Gas station. What are we getting for dinner? Sushi of course. Uh oh! There was a roofie in our gas station sushi. We black out and wake up in a sewer surrounded by fish. Horny fish. You know what that means. Fish orgy. The stench draws in a bear. What do we do? We're gonna fight it. Bear fight. Bare handed. Bare, naked? Oh, yes please. We befriend the bear after we beat it in a brawl and ride it into a Chuck E. Cheese. Dance Dance Revolution. Revolution? Overthrow the government? Uh, I think so. Next thing you know, I'm reincarnated as Jesus Christ. Then I turn into a jet, fly into the sun, black out again, wake up, do a bump, white out, which I didn't even know you could do. Then I smoked a joint, greened out. Then I turn into the sun. Uh oh! Looks like the meth is kicking in. aklfhaofhasfahfakh AAAAAAAAA afahfioahflkf AAAAA
June 2021
What happened to this ad? :(
More Copypastas

This guy's brofist is CRAZY

twitchquotes: ☑ This guy's brofist is CRAZY!” ☑ “My knuckles can't win against a fist like that” ☑ "He NEEDED precisely those 2 fingers to win" ☑ “He brofisted the only sub that could beat me” ☑ "He had the perfect fist ☑ “There was nothing I could fist” ☑ “I fisted that perfectly”
twitch chat
October 2014
Kripp

Boss of this gym

twitchquotes: Hey buddy, I think you've got the wrong door, the leather club's two blocks down. Fuck↗You↘ Oh, Fuck♂You leather man. Maybe you and I should settle it right here on the ring if you think your so tough. Oh yea? I'll kick your ass! Ha! Yeah right man. Let's go! Why don't you get out of that leather stuff? I'll strip down out of this and we'll settle it right here in the ring. What do you say? Yeah, no problem buddy! You got it. Get out of that uh, jabroni outfit. Yeah, smart ass. I'll show you who's the boss of this gym.
twitch chat
July 2020

KappaPride

The pandemic in 2028 is kinda sus

Year is 2028 The pandemic has gotten so bad we are all forced to wear colored isolation suits with their own oxygen tank and no hands for contact. Those infected are turned into sociopathic murders that try to secretly kill everyone, but still dress and act like the rest of us. I work as a spaceship engineer in the Skled along with 9 other people. We just got notified that one among us was infected, but we still have to keep maintaining the ship otherwise it will explode. We are trying to figure out who it is by voting. 2 of us are already dead and i saw red vent, but nobody believes me. I think the others want to vote me off. This might be the last thing i'll write. Goodbye. Tell me wife i love her.
January 2022

Among Us / Amogus

Coronavirus

COVID

Ricardo

⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢴⡶⣶⣶⣶⡒⣶⣶⣖⠢⡄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢠⣿⣋⣿⣿⣉⣿⣿⣯⣧⡰⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣹⣿⣿⣏⣿⣿⡗⣿⣿⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠟⡛⣉⣭⣭⣭⠌⠛⡻⢿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣤⡌⣿⣷⣯⣭⣿⡆⣈⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⢛⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢻⣷⣽⣿⣿⣿⢿⠃⣼⣧⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣛⣻⣿⠟⣀⡜⣻⢿⣿⣿⣶⣤⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢠⣤⣀⣨⣥⣾⢟⣧⣿⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣤⡀⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢟⣫⣯⡻⣋⣵⣟⡼⣛⠴⣫⣭⣽⣿⣷⣭⡻⣦⡀⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢰⣿⣿⣿⢏⣽⣿⢋⣾⡟⢺⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⢹⣷⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⢣⣿⣿⣿⢸⣿⡇⣾⣿⠏⠉⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿⡆ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⢸⣿⣿⣿⠸⣿⡇⣿⣿⡆⣼⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿⡇ ⠇⢀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠘⣿⣿⡘⣿⣿⣷⢀⣿⣷⣿⣿⡿⠿⢿⣿⣿⡇⣩⣿⡇ ⣿⣿⠃⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢻⣷⠙⠛⠋⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿⡇
May 2019

Kripp saved my marriage

twitchquotes: I was going through a rough time in my marriage where nothing seemed to arouse me anymore. Things had gone stale between me and my wife in bed and divorce seemed inevitable. But then I discovered Kripp's stream and everything changed. There's just something about that vegan bald head that does something to me, and before I knew it my libido was back. I now go at it with my wife at the sounds of "Fuck!" and "Topdeck Flamestrike!" to boost my vigor. Thank you Kripp for saving my marriage.
twitch chat
November 2019
Kripp

Hearthstone

Text-to-Speech Playing