In this video, I have to beat Minecraft while my friend is torturing my cock and balls. He has a humbler, a stretcher and can actively kick them at any time he wishes. Can I beat the Ender Dragon before my testicles are ruptured? Watch to find out. Also, according to Youtube statistics, only a small percentage of people who watch my videos are actually subscribed, so if you end up liking this video, consider subscribing. It's free and you can always unsubscribe. Enjoy the video.
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More Copypastas
TIFU: Losing my Virginity to a Water Slide
So do you guys know those waterslides that you stand in, and then they suddenly drop you straight down onto the water slide? If not, look them up on YouTube, there's nothing like them.
Ah yes, the sweet memories of my first time on one of these. I feel that my mental/emotional scars have healed enough to tell this gem.
At the time my girlfriend, now Fiancée, worked as a photographer for one of those resorts with the indoor and outdoor water parks. One of her perks was that her and a family member/friend could get into the waterpark for free, so one hot summer day she had off and we both decided it'd be fun to go there and cool down for the day.
While we were there, I discovered one of there most "Thrilling" looking waterslides. Basically you stand in this tube, and then the slide operator presses a button and this slide drops you straight down a good 90 FEET, before you actually start going down the water slide. Me, being a thrill seeker, of course had to try it. So I made the great climb up to the top of the slide, stood in line, and finally it was my turn. Once I got in the tube, the operator told me to keep my legs crossed. Now I'm a pretty big heavy guy, so I was like "That's uncomfortable as fuck, I'm not doing that". So there I was standing in the tube, having a panic attack from anticipation, with my legs not crossed. The operator finally presses the button, the bottom opens and I fall straight down the water slide. Very quickly I realized why they have you cross your legs. Water shot so far up my ass, so fast, I swear I tasted it in my mouth. My body raced down that slide, as I questioned every life choice that I have ever made.
Once I made it to the bottom, I sat there for a moment, absolutely violated. I felt like someone in an episode of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. I built up the courage to finally stand up, and all I could feel was the nice warm stream of water mixed with shit, and maybe a little bit of blood shoot out of my ass faster than the Steamboat Geyser at Yellowstone National Park. I quickly got off the slide and ran to the bathroom, with a trail of shitty water tailing me as the slide operator stared in awe. They had to shut down the slide for the rest of the day :'), but man was my asshole clean after that!
Moral of the story: Keep your damn legs crossed on waterslides.
Classic
Tyler, you are a role model to other streamers
twitchquotes:
Tyler, you are a role model to other streamers where you dont prioritize your subs, you are a man of culture who appreciates many things with your 195 IQ. You solved many of the worlds mysteries and invented 400k viewer records. You make even the worst games winnable and never surrender at 15. You are the sole man to walk the Earth capable of achieving such feats. You will leave your footprints in history books.
twitch chat
Tyler1
League of Legends
Tempostorm royalty fees
twitchquotes:
(◕‿◕✿) Dear Mr. Kripp. We at Tempostorm have heard that you have used the coined word "Tempo" in a stream today. Reynad will contact you shortly regarding royalty fees. Have a good Tempo Day Back (◕‿◕✿)
twitch chat
Kripp
HADOUKEN
twitchquotes:
༼つಠ益ಠ༽つ ─=≡ΣO)) HADOUKEN
twitch chat
Kripp
Going against the Summoners Code
twitchquotes:
Hello twitch chat, this is "xXswaglordDarienXx" from Rito Games. I've noticed a lot of you are copy pasting the same message over and over again and that unfortunately goes against the Summoners Code, so I will be forced to ban everyone in this chat. Thank you and please do not copy and paste this message.
twitch chat
imaqtpie