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copypasta is dumb (dont copy this message. i know its tempting, and i know you might think it'll be funny, but in reality, it's not)
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I used to be a real ad
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Police clearing out a homeless encampment
On my way into the office today I saw the police clearing out a homeless encampment under a bridge, forcing them into the cold and rain. I keep playing it over in my head and haven’t been able to focus on work all day because of my erection.
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Half watermelon wants to be full watermelon
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Hey guys i am half watermelon but to be a full watermelon i need people to roll like water melon. I hope you will help me become a full fledged watermelon. Me as a full fledged watermelon will not disappoint you and I will become the best watermelon ever. Thank you.
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Riot Games
KKomrade
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KFC rejection letter
Hi Sophie,
Thank you for your application to Team KFC.
We're cluckin' delighted you're keen to join our flock, however at this moment in time your skills aren't the secret recipe the Colonel is looking for.
But we'd love to hear from you again when you have some more experience under your wing, so please give us a cluck if you would like to apply in the future.
Best Wishes,
Team KFC
My poop story
twitchquotes:
My poop story.
I lived in a dookie (pun on purpose) apartment complex in a college town, literally $300 a month, on a river in the south. So a small and always very high maintenance team worked for them. They showed up (stoned) and were changing everyone’s filters. Heard. Ok come in. I had a particularly funky little caesars pizza not an hour before the incident. We were making small talk and such as these things tend to linger, I suddenly felt a disturbance in my lower gut (bubbleguts). I felt confident in my distance from the maintenance guy that I got squeeze out a fart and then distract him into another room. This was no fart. At slightest bit of effort I put towards this fart a flood of terrible pizza diarrhea shot out of my ass like a goddamn rocket. As I was staring this man in the eye. I was staring another human being in the eyes...while I pooed my pants. To this day not only do I have no clue if he knew or not but I would still pay thousands of dollars to just see my face when that happened.
That is my poop story.
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