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copypasta is dumb (dont copy this message. i know its tempting, and i know you might think it'll be funny, but in reality, it's not)
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I used to be a real ad
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My boyfriend doesnt know (from r/trueoffmychest)
At the beginning of this month, my boyfriend received an email from his brother with the subject "Dude check this out" and a Google Doc called "!!NEW RAP!!". When my boyfriend opened it, all that was on the doc was a picture of Nikocado Avocadoās asshole. When my boyfriend texted his brother about receiving his email, he replied "what email?". Theyāve been going back and forth since about the email, my boyfriendās brother saying he never sent an email and my boyfriend thinking heās keeping up the act. What my boyfriend doesnāt know is I sent the email. I made an almost identical looking email, one letter off, and even managed to find the exact email profile picture from his brotherās LinkedIn. Now it kills me every time I see them go at it. Iām literally pissing myself as I write this.
This offends me as a...
twitchquotes:
This offends me as a vegan transgender hipster Native-American-Indo-Chinese hybrid alien agnostic-atheist German engineer who vapes fairtrade organic decaffeinated compressed and hydrated extra-protein soy breast milk on the regular and does Hindi Kama Sutra naked crossfit yoga 8 days a week.
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I sexually identify as Microsoft Windows 10
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I sexually Identify as Microsoft Windows 10. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over PCs dropping hotfixes on braindead users. People say to me that a person being Windows 10 is Impossible and Iām fucking retarded but I donāt care, Iām beautiful. Iām having a plastic surgeon install Cortana, Windows App Store and a keylogger on my system. From now on I want you guys to call me āWindows Update 10.0.10586ā and respect my right to update from above and update needlessly. If you canāt accept me youāre a windowphobe and need to check your OS privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.
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I sexually Identify as
CAN THE MODS OF THIS SUB DO A BETTER JOB OF MONITORING WHO IS ALLOWED IN HERE PLEASE?!
CAN THE MODS OF THIS SUB DO A BETTER JOB OF MONITORING WHO IS ALLOWED IN HERE PLEASE?!
WE HAVE A NEW MEMBER, AN ELDERLY WOMAN. SHE'S BEEN PRIVATELY MESSAGING PEOPLE, SENDING THEM NAKED PICTURES OF HERSELF IN NASTY POSES ALONG WITH CLOSE UPS OF HER UNMENTIONABLES. SHE IS OFFERING AN IPHONE 11 IN EXCHANGE FOR SEXUAL FAVORS. I AM ESPECIALLY BOTHERED BECAUSE IT TURNED OUT TO BE AN IPHONE 6 AND OBVIOUSLY SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH IT. IT'S SUPER SLOW AND THE CAPS LOCK WON'T TURN OFF.
Ben Shapiro Olive Garden breadsticks
Letās say that, hypothetically, you really did have unlimited breadsticks. Now, since they are unlimited, that means that you will never run out. However, on Earth there is a limited supply of the materials required to make breadsticks. Thus, if I were to attempt to eat as many breadsticks as possible, I would not be able to as eventually you would sell out, am I correct? Now that we have established that there are infinite breadsticks but finite supplies to make them, would it not be reasonable to conclude that you are either breaking the laws of physics, or are lying to me? And since one cannot break the laws of physics, logically you must be lying to me. Facts donāt care about your feelings liberals, you have committed the crime of false advertising and must give me free food or I will inform the authorities.