WHY DID YOU MAKE ME DO THIS?! YOU'RE FIGHTING SO YOU CAN SEE EVERYONE AROUND YOU DIE! THINK, MARK! YOULL OUTLAST EVERY FRAGILE INSIGNIFICANT BEING ON THIS PLANET! YOU'LL LIVE TO SEE THIS PLANET CRUMBLE TO DUST AND BLOW AWAY! EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING YOU KNOW WILL BE GONE. WHAT WILL YOU HAVE AFTER 500 YEARS?!
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Kripp you promised to start a cooking show soon
twitchquotes:
Hey Kripparino riparino, I know you love your Hearthstone but you promised your loving father that you would start a cooking show soon. The gig is up, after this game you must Gordon Ramsay us one splendarino disharoni.
twitch chat
Kripp
gachi hydra
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⣿⣿⡿⠁⣀⣤⣤⣄⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠋⠁⣀⣀⡀⠙⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⠁⢀⣟⣓⡲⣿⡡⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⢠⣽⠿⢿⣿⣦⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣄⣘⣿⡟⡽⠾⠜⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⠫⡆⣿⣿⣭⣰⡟⢉⢺⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⡵⣿⣿⣿⣶⣬⡶⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⢺⣻⣿⡟⡵⢿⡅⡇⣿⣿⠟⠻⠿⢿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣷⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⢧⣿⣿⣿⡿⣡⣿⣧⢻⣿⣮⣅⢗⣽⠋⢀⣄⡀⠄⠄⠹⣿
⣿⣿⣿⢱⣿⣿⣿⣿⣼⣿⣿⢋⣼⣿⣿⣿⠗⣬⣯⣵⣿⡧⢱⣿⢛⢿⣷⣦⣀⣿
⣿⣿⣿⢸⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿⡿⢡⣿⣿⣿⡿⣣⣾⣿⡿⢟⣻⣅⣿⡷⣾⣟⣑⡮⣼⣿
⣿⣿⣿⢸⣿⣿⣿⣧⢿⢧⣾⣿⣿⣿⣱⡿⢟⣭⣾⣿⣿⣿⢿⠒⡭⡞⠟⣼⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⡎⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣼⣿⣿⣿⣗⣩⣾⣿⣿⡿⢟⣛⣭⣭⣽⣯⣵⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢟⣩⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠛⠛⠛⢿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⡇⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢃⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⣤⣶⣤⣄⡀⣼⣿
⣿⣿⣿⡇⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⢾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢽⣏⣩⡟⠛⠇⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣧⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣿⣿⣿⣯⣭⣽⣾⡯⢛⣨⡿⣰⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⣿⣿⣛⣛⣛⣱⣊⣴⣿⣿
KappaPride
Can't focus on sex with the Food Network on
twitchquotes:
I’m married and have a 4 year old so sex needs to be done in window opportunities. Whatever channel the TV is on in the background is what it’s going to be. Food Network is the hardest to have sex to by far. So if for example Guy Fieri Triple D comes on and I hear “we’re going to Seattle for some funky BBQ fish empanadas” while having sex my brain is “yes sex! But those empanadas sound crazy...dude focus on sex....that’s a shit load of jalapeños, that would give me heartburn for a week....Ok back to focusing on the sex....oh shit he’s going to a bbq pit in Austin next that does burnt tips in white cheddar Mac and Cheese!!! I gotta wrap this up”
twitch chat
Natalie Portman is the reason I work out
Natalie Portman is the reason I work out. I have this fantasy where we start talking at the Vanity Fair Oscars party bar. We exchange a few pleasantries. She asks what I do. I say I loved her in New Girl. She laughs. I get my drink.
"Well, see ya," I say and walk away. I've got her attention now. How many guys voluntarily leave a conversation with Natalie Portman? She touches her neck as she watches me leave.
Later, as the night's dragged on and the coterie of gorgeous narcissists grows increasingly loose, she finds me on the balcony, my bowtie undone, smoking a cigarette.
"Got a spare?" she asks.
"What's in it for me?" I say as I hand her one of my little white ladies. She smiles.
"Conversation with me, duh."
I laugh.
"What's so funny?" she protests.
"Nothing, nothing... It's just... don't you grow tired of the egos?"
"You get used to it," she says, lighting her cigarette and handing me back the lighter.
"What would you do if you weren't an actress?" I ask.
"Teaching, I think."
"And if I was your student, what would I be learning?"
"Discipline," she says quickly, looking up into my eyes, before changing the subject. "Where are you from?"
"Bermuda," I say.
"Oh wow. That's lovely."
"It's ok," I admit. "Not everything is to my liking."
"What could possibly be not to your liking in Bermuda?" she inquires.
"I don't like sand," I tell her. "It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere."
Classic
WutFace
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠁⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡄⠄⠉⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⢠⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡁⠄⠄⠄⠙⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠉⣤⣭⣋⣻⣋⠙⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢋⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠸⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⣛⠛⡉⠩⣭⣍⣷⢮⣤⡉⢧⣀⣀⣈⠉⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⣾⣾⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡀⠸⣦⣤⣤⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣽⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣧⢁⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣛⡛⠟⠑⠘⢿⣿⣿⣶⡂⠁⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⡟⠈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⡀⢾⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠸⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⡃⠄⢺⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠉⠉⠩⠤⠄⠁⠄⢻⣿⠋⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣥⠄⠄⠙⣿⣿⡇⡀⢀⣀⣀⡀⠄⠄⢀⣼⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⣴⣾⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⠄⠠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡯⠄⠒⢺⣿⠃⠄⠄⠄⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡀⠄⠛⠻⠿⠿⠿⠿⠟⠟⠄⠄⠼⠋⠄⠄⢀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣤⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣄⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣠⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿