[Copypasta] When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade (Portal)

When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the man who's gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I'm gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!
May 2021
I used to be a real ad
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Anime girl surprised

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May 2021

Weebs

Flanders Diddly Spamly Doodly

▒▒▒▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄ ░▄███████▀▀▀▀▀▀███████▄ ░▐████▀▒DIDDLY▒▒▒▒▀██████▄ ░███▀▒▒▒▒SPAMLY▒▒▒▒▒▀█████ ░▐██▒▒▒▒▒▒DOODLY▒▒▒▒▒▒████▌ ░▐█▌▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒████▌ ░░█▒▄▀▀▀▀▀▄▒▒▄▀▀▀▀▀▄▒▐███▌ ░░░▐░░░▄▄░░▌▐░░░▄▄░░▌▐███▌ ░▄▀▌░░░▀▀░░▌▐░░░▀▀░░▌▒▀▒█▌ ░▌▒▀▄░░░░▄▀▒▒▀▄░░░▄▀▒▒▄▀▒▌ ░▀▄▐▒▀▀▀▀▒▒▒▒▒▒▀▀▀▒▒▒▒▒▒█ ░░░▀▌▒▄██▄▄▄▄████▄▒▒▒▒█▀ ░░░░▄██████████████▒▒▐▌ ░░░▀███▀▀████▀█████▀▒▌ ░░░░░▌▒▒▒▄▒▒▒▄▒▒▒▒▒▒▐ ░░░░░▌▒▒▒▒▀▀▀▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▐
September 2016

Classic

Grammar rules for -ussy

-ussy as a fuffix is not gender-specific. on top of that, bussy is already a form of -ussy, for the word boy. Boyussy does not work, due to y acting more like a vowel in context of the word as a whole. using bussy in place of -ussy is never applicable. To use bussy means you are using Bussy as a descriptor, not as a noun (ex: dolphin bussy instead of dolphussy.) This is true for all words, even when spelling and/or pronunciation is not immediately obvious. (Ex: Ohio, while one thing might need to use Ohiobussy or Ohbussy, is spelled Ohussy, pronounced Oh-hussy. Some could argue for Ohiussy, pronounced Ohi-ussy, but that results in -ussy still being seperate from the word, not integrated.) I hope this clarification helps!
April 2022

Why Harry Potter should have carried a 1911

Ok, this has been driving me crazy for seven movies now, and I know you're going to roll your eyes, but hear me out: Harry Potter should have carried a 1911. Here's why: Think about how quickly the entire WWWIII (Wizarding-World War III) would have ended if all of the good guys had simply armed up with good ol' American hot lead. Basilisk? Let's see how tough it is when you shoot it with a .470 Nitro Express. Worried about its Medusa-gaze? Wear night vision goggles. The image is light-amplified and re-transmitted to your eyes. You aren't looking at it--you're looking at a picture of it. Imagine how epic the first movie would be if Harry had put a breeching charge on the bathroom wall, flash-banged the hole, and then went in wearing NVGs and a Kevlar-weave stab-vest, carrying a SPAS-12. And have you noticed that only Europe seems to a problem with Deatheaters? Maybe it's because Americans have spent the last 200 years shooting deer, playing GTA: Vice City, and keeping an eye out for black helicopters over their compounds. Meanwhile, Brits have been cutting their steaks with spoons. Remember: gun-control means that Voldemort wins. God made wizards and God made muggles, but Samuel Colt made them equal. Now I know what you're going to say: "But a wizard could just disarm someone with a gun!" Yeah, well they can also disarm someone with a wand (as they do many times throughout the books/movies). But which is faster: saying a spell or pulling a trigger? Avada Kedavra, meet Avtomat Kalashnikova. Imagine Harry out in the woods, wearing his invisibility cloak, carrying a .50bmg Barrett, turning Deatheaters into pink mist, scratching a lightning bolt into his rifle stock for each kill. I don't think Madam Pomfrey has any spells that can scrape your brains off of the trees and put you back together after something like that. Voldemort's wand may be 13.5 inches with a Phoenix-feather core, but Harry's would be 0.50 inches with a tungsten core. Let's see Voldy wave his at 3,000 feet per second. Better hope you have some Essence of Dittany for that sucking chest wound. I can see it now...Voldemort roaring with evil laughter and boasting to Harry that he can't be killed, since he is protected by seven Horcruxes, only to have Harry give a crooked grin, flick his cigarette butt away, and deliver what would easily be the best one-liner in the entire series: "Well then I guess it's a good thing my 1911 holds 7+1." And that is why Harry Potter should have carried a 1911.
August 2021

I was watching you play Prismata yesterday and fell asleep

twitchquotes: Hey Kripp. I was watching you play Prismata yesterday and fell asleep. In my dream I was playing prismata and fell asleep. The same thing happened in my dream's dream. It was the worst nightmare ever and I woke up in a cold sweat. Please don't play prismata anymore I don't want to go through that again. Pls no copy pastrami.
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp
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