Hey teach I was wondering, what is a ratio. You see yesterday when I was on Twitter Dot Com I got HELLA ratio'd because I don't know how to spell whens day. I mean really why should I care about english like really its like americaneese and America is super racist they had slaves. Anyways teach back to what I was asking how the fuck do I get my twitter unsuspended.
I used to be a real ad
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Natalie Portman is the reason I work out
Natalie Portman is the reason I work out. I have this fantasy where we start talking at the Vanity Fair Oscars party bar. We exchange a few pleasantries. She asks what I do. I say I loved her in New Girl. She laughs. I get my drink.
"Well, see ya," I say and walk away. I've got her attention now. How many guys voluntarily leave a conversation with Natalie Portman? She touches her neck as she watches me leave.
Later, as the night's dragged on and the coterie of gorgeous narcissists grows increasingly loose, she finds me on the balcony, my bowtie undone, smoking a cigarette.
"Got a spare?" she asks.
"What's in it for me?" I say as I hand her one of my little white ladies. She smiles.
"Conversation with me, duh."
I laugh.
"What's so funny?" she protests.
"Nothing, nothing... It's just... don't you grow tired of the egos?"
"You get used to it," she says, lighting her cigarette and handing me back the lighter.
"What would you do if you weren't an actress?" I ask.
"Teaching, I think."
"And if I was your student, what would I be learning?"
"Discipline," she says quickly, looking up into my eyes, before changing the subject. "Where are you from?"
"Bermuda," I say.
"Oh wow. That's lovely."
"It's ok," I admit. "Not everything is to my liking."
"What could possibly be not to your liking in Bermuda?" she inquires.
"I don't like sand," I tell her. "It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere."
Classic
THANK MR SKELTAL
twitchquotes:
THANK MR SKELTAL💀🎺💀🎺💀🎺💀🎺💀🎺 gooD boNes n calcium💀 thank 🎺 mr skeltal g💀💀ood bones💀💀and calc💀 ium💀💀💀 good bones🎺and calcium 🎺🎺if i dootƽaү thank skeltal man 🎶 doot doot doot doot🎶 good bones n calcium good bones (chorus: dootdoot) mMMMMᎷМ🎶 💀💀💀DO0ОଠＯOOＯOОଠଠOoooᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒT💀 💀 💀💀 🎶 💀 🎺 🎺 🎺 💀💀thank mr skeltal
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Man-made sack containing balls
twitchquotes:
Long ago in the land of Minecraft I noticed that the ink sacs were spelled sac, instead of sack, I got confused and googled it, I discovered that a sac is just an organic sack, part of an animal or whatnot, and now multiple years later, I’m coming to the realisation ball sacks shouldn’t be called ball sacks, they should be called ball sacs, a ball sack would be a man-made sack containing balls
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Scamaz had struck again
twitch chat
Reynad
Hey Kripp, this is Jessica from Vegan Heritage Corp
twitchquotes:
Hey Kripp, this is Jessica from Vegan Heritage Corp. We scanned our ancestry data-base and it appears you're related to the dinosaur known as Willy Vegansaurus the Herbivorous Dinosaur from 194 B.C We have tried contacting him, but it appears he died from a giant 'Meat-eor' sent from Villa the Spaghettisaurus from space. We fear he's making giant meatballs again, we recommend going carnivorous or earth could be doomed again!
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Kripp