[Copypasta] In Korea, heart surgeon

Number one. Steady hand. One day, Kim Jong Un need new heart. I do operation. But mistake! Kim Jong Un die! SSD very mad! I hide fishing boat, come to America. No English, no food, no money. Darryl give me job. Now I have house, American car and new woman. Darryl save life. My big secret. I kill Kim Jong Un on purpose. I good surgeon. The best!
April 2021

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A variation of this copypasta: https://www.twitchquotes.com/copypastas/4462
I used to be a real ad
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It has been 4 hours since I successfully sucked...

It has been 4 hours since I successfully sucked my own penis. Things are different now. As soon as mouth-to-penis contact was made I felt a shockwave through my body. I have reason to believe I have super strength and telekinesis now.. 3 hours after contact I noticed a van parked on my street but no one has entered or exited the car since its arrival. I fear for my safety, I'm not sure what sort of power I may have stumbled upon but it's possible that the government has found out
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A girl... AND a gamer?

A girl.... AND a gamer? Whoa mama! Hummina hummina hummina bazooooooooing! *eyes pop out* AROOOOOOOOGA! *jaw drops tongue rolls out* WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF *tongue bursts out of the outh uncontrollably leaking face and everything in reach* WURBLWUBRLBWURblrwurblwurlbrwubrlwburlwbruwrlblwublr *tiny cupid shoots an arrow through heart* Ahhhhhhhhhhh me lady... *heart in the shape of a heart starts beating so hard you can see it through shirt* ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum *milk truck crashes into a bakery store in the background spiling white liquid and dough on the streets* BABY WANTS TO FUCK *inhales from the gas tank* honka honka honka honka *masturabtes furiously* ohhhh my gooooodd~
March 2021

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FLIP THAT TABLE

(โ•ฏยฐโ–กยฐ)โ•ฏ๏ธต โ”ปโ”โ”ป FLIP THAT TABLE. โ”ปโ”โ”ป ๏ธต ใƒฝ(ยฐโ–กยฐใƒฝ) FLIP THIS TABLE. โ”ปโ”โ”ป ๏ธต ๏ผผ\('0')/๏ผ ๏ธต โ”ปโ”โ”ป FLIP ALL THE TABLES เฒ _เฒ  Son... เฒ _เฒ  Put. เฒ __เฒ  The tables. เฒ ___เฒ  Back. (โ•ฎยฐ-ยฐ)โ•ฎโ”ณโ”โ”ณ (โ•ฏยฐโ–กยฐ)โ•ฏ๏ธต โ”ปโ”โ”ป NEVER!!!!
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July 2015

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Hi Kripp, sleazy video game developer here

twitchquotes: Hi Kripp, sleazy video game developer here. I understand you are willing to sell yourself out like a cheap Romanian hooker to any two-bit game development outfit as long as they dangle some shekels in front of your beady little eyes? Great! Because I have this brilliant game in beta testing right now called "Watching Paint Dry" and I am willing to pay you $5.00 USD to play it for 24 hours straight. Let me know what you think, you glorious sellout!
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Spooky skeleton

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