[Copypasta] Masturbation on a plane should be socially acceptable

Flying, and travel in general, is stressful. And want to know one of the best stress relievers? That's right, masturbation. So what if a person wants to relieve some of that tension by spanking the monkey or flicking the bean? There's nothing wrong with paddling the pink canoe or Jackin' the beanstalk. It's totally natural to give yourself a nice little under the pants handshake. We all need to visit the purple headed soldier from time to time. It's not hurting anyone so if it's not your forte, just put on your headphones and ignore the man next to you playing a solo on his skin flute. Society should be way more accepting of masturbation on airplanes.
March 2021
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Unrealized losses

She runs her hand through your thinning hair and laughs. “What?” you ask absentmindedly. You’re looking at Futures, and you’re surprised to see them red. “I want you to play with me.” She says it playfully, but the single ounce of you that isn’t totally aloof realizes she said this in earnest. And so you do. You throw your phone, and you pin her to the sofa, then the ground. You both roll about, wrestling, like lion cubs. Kissing, lightly biting. Sometime later, you both stop, breathing hard. She grabs an open bottle of red wine, and you pass it back and forth. Eventually she says, “I want to do that more.” But you’ve already found your phone again to check Futures. Still red. “Uh huh,” you say, distracted. She stares at you for a long moment, but you don’t realize it. Silently, she gets up and goes to bed, and you don’t say a word because you don’t notice. She hasn’t left you yet, but she will soon. Unrealized losses.
December 2020

WallStreetBets

Legality of Wario

twitchquotes: In order to move units of his "Microgames" Wario "borrows" patented characters, IPs, and game mechanics from beloved Nintendo franchises. Somehow he hasn't yet been called out, let alone legally challenged for it. That's not even touching on the working conditions he subjects his friends to, and the fact that they rarely, if ever, see the revenue their creations bring in. I'm not sure what copyright laws they have in Diamond City, but I seriously think that someone needs to sue that fat con artist for all he's worth.
twitch chat
July 2019

Super Smash Bros

Kripp please pet your cat

twitchquotes: Hello Kripparian, Leon Tidewellow here, CEO of PETA. My sources tell me that you haven't pet your cat in over 3 years, and thats a little too long. I'll give you 5 minutes, if you don't pet the cat then you WILL be brofisted. Have a nice day!.
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

Anime girl 13 (Ahegao)

⣿⣿⣷⡁⢆⠈⠕⢕⢂⢕⢂⢕⢂⢔⢂⢕⢄⠂⣂⠂⠆⢂⢕⢂⢕⢂⢕⢂⢕⢂ ⣿⣿⣿⡷⠊⡢⡹⣦⡑⢂⢕⢂⢕⢂⢕⢂⠕⠔⠌⠝⠛⠶⠶⢶⣦⣄⢂⢕⢂⢕ ⣿⣿⠏⣠⣾⣦⡐⢌⢿⣷⣦⣅⡑⠕⠡⠐⢿⠿⣛⠟⠛⠛⠛⠛⠡⢷⡈⢂⢕⢂ ⠟⣡⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣑⠝⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡵⢁⣤⣶⣶⣿⢿⢿⢿⡟⢻⣤⢑⢂ ⣾⣿⣿⡿⢟⣛⣻⣿⣿⣿⣦⣬⣙⣻⣿⣿⣷⣿⣿⢟⢝⢕⢕⢕⢕⢽⣿⣿⣷⣔ ⣿⣿⠵⠚⠉⢀⣀⣀⣈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣗⢕⢕⢕⢕⢕⢕⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⢷⣂⣠⣴⣾⡿⡿⡻⡻⣿⣿⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣵⣵⣵⣷⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿ ⢌⠻⣿⡿⡫⡪⡪⡪⡪⣺⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃ ⠣⡁⠹⡪⡪⡪⡪⣪⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⠋⠐⢉⢍⢄⢌⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⠈ ⡣⡘⢄⠙⣾⣾⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡀⢐⢕⢕⢕⢕⢕⡘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⠠⠈ ⠌⢊⢂⢣⠹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⢐⢕⢕⢕⢕⢕⢅⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢋⢜⠠⠈ ⠄⠁⠕⢝⡢⠈⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣕⣑⣑⣑⣵⣿⣿⣿⡿⢋⢔⢕⣿⠠⠈ ⠨⡂⡀⢑⢕⡅⠂⠄⠉⠛⠻⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢋⢔⢕⢕⣿⣿⠠⠈ ⠄⠪⣂⠁⢕⠆⠄⠂⠄⠁⡀⠂⡀⠄⢈⠉⢍⢛⢛⢛⢋⢔⢕⢕⢕⣽⣿⣿⠠⠈
May 2020

Weebs

Classic

Rob ford messages Kripp

twitchquotes: ʜᴇʏ ᴋʀɪᴘᴘ ɪᴛs ʀᴏʙ ғᴏʀᴅ. ᴘʟᴇᴀsᴇ ᴄᴏᴍᴇ ʙᴀᴄᴋ ᴛᴏ ᴛᴏʀᴏɴᴛᴏ. ᴡɪᴛʜᴏᴜᴛ ʏᴏᴜʀ sᴛʀᴇᴀᴍ ᴏᴜʀ ɢᴅᴘ ɪs ᴅʀᴏᴘᴘɪɴɢ, ᴅᴏɴɢᴇʀs ᴀʀᴇ ʀɪᴏᴛɪɴɢ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ sᴛʀᴇᴇᴛs ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴛᴀxᴘᴀʏᴇʀs ᴀʀᴇɴ'ᴛ ʜᴀᴘᴘʏ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴍᴇ. ɪ'ᴍ ᴜᴘ ғᴏʀ ʀᴇ-ᴇʟᴇᴄᴛɪᴏɴ ᴀɴᴅ ɴᴇᴇᴅ ʏᴏᴜʀ sᴜᴘᴘᴏʀᴛ. ᴘʟs ɴᴏ ᴄᴏᴘʏᴘᴀsᴛᴇʀɪɴᴏ ᴄʀᴀᴄᴋᴀʀɪɴᴏ.
twitch chat
March 2014
Kripp
Text-to-Speech Playing