[Copypasta] Masturbation on a plane should be socially acceptable

Flying, and travel in general, is stressful. And want to know one of the best stress relievers? That's right, masturbation. So what if a person wants to relieve some of that tension by spanking the monkey or flicking the bean? There's nothing wrong with paddling the pink canoe or Jackin' the beanstalk. It's totally natural to give yourself a nice little under the pants handshake. We all need to visit the purple headed soldier from time to time. It's not hurting anyone so if it's not your forte, just put on your headphones and ignore the man next to you playing a solo on his skin flute. Society should be way more accepting of masturbation on airplanes.
March 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Imaqtpie has mastered Kog'Maw's passive

twitchquotes: Hi Imaqtpie, this is David 'Repertoir' Capurro, the lead designer on Kog'Maw back in 2010. Watching you play my champion really warms my heart, and I think you're one of the good guys. You've even mastered his passive!
twitch chat
March 2017
imaqtpie

League of Legends

British "person" (🀒) in Godzilla vs Kong

I can't believe it, one of this year's biggest movies and they added a bri'ish "person", it's a well known fact by now that the so called "British" and the entire country of "Britain" aren't even real things. Why would the director decide to ruin the realism, the immersion his audience should feel when watching a huge monke and lizard fighting, by adding one of these imaginary "individuals". I must admit I was excited for Gozdilla vs Kong when I first saw the trailer but now... I don't know what to feel. I don't know if I have the will to watch this movie and be able to enjoy it while there's a bri'ish person on my screen.
April 2021

British People

I hate myself and my life

twitchquotes: I hate myself and my life, but instead of improving either of those things, I'm drinking alone while watching a rich, balding vegan play children's card games for 15 thousand other losers FeelsBadMan
twitch chat
July 2018
Kripp

Hearthstone

If coronavirus touches your name you're infected

twitchquotes: monkaS If the coronavirus touches your name ⎝ 🦠 ⎠ you’re infected. monkaS
twitch chat
February 2020

DansGame

β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘ β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–€β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–ˆ β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–„β–ˆβ–€β–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–„ β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–„β–ˆβ–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€ β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–„β–ˆβ–€β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–€β–‘β–“ β–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–„β–ˆβ–“β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–’β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–’β–„β–„β–‘β–‘ β–ˆβ–ˆβ–“β–ˆβ–€β–“β–€β–„β–„β–„β–’β–’β–ˆβ–ˆβ–’β–‘β–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–’β–’β–’β–’β–“β–“β–“β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–’β–’β–’β–ˆβ–„β–„β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–’β–’β–ˆβ–€β–€β–€β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–’β–’β–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–’β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–’β–’β–’β–’β–€β–€β–’β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–“β–’β–‘
November 2014
Text-to-Speech Playing