stroll into my local GameStop
looking to pick up a copy of Binding of Isaac
grab the game and take it to the charming maiden at the register
"Pardon me, milady...but could you ring me up? A shame I don't have your number or I'd ring you up instead..."
she giggles and takes the game, blushing as her fingers brush mine due to my fingerless gloves
her eyes widen as she reads the game's title
"Wow, I've never seen anyone buy this before! You must have special taste!"
I smile and ready a witty response when suddenly a voice rings out from behind
"Hahaha look at what this ♥♥♥♥♥♥ is buying! That's not Call of Duty Advanced Memefare! What a piece of ♥♥♥♥!"
I quickly turn around, my cloak billowing behind me, to discern the source of the rude outburst
generic dudebro caricature with a sports team cap and "the guy that beat you up that one time behind the school in early October" shirt is standing there guffawing
"Excuse me sir...you may disparage my person if you wish, but it is untoward to swear in front of a lady."
"♥♥♥♥ you ♥♥♥♥♥♥!"
I smile quietly and tip my fedora low across my eyes, concealing them
"As you wish..."
I quickly swing my cane into his kneecap before he can react
he bellows and charges forward
I expertly sidestep him and the cashier screams as he crashes into the counter
I draw my sword-cane and mutter a quiet oath as I drive it deep into his back
"...requiescat in pace..."
As I clean my blade the girl walks out from behind the counter, twirling her hair with her fingers
"So...maybe you'd like to come over to my place to play that game sometime...?
"No thanks, milady, it's only single player. Besides..."
I sheath my sword
"You're not my type."
skate away on my Heelys
Waiting for adblock to be disabled
More Classic Copypastas
Flanders Diddly Spamly Doodly
▒▒▒▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄
░▄███████▀▀▀▀▀▀███████▄
░▐████▀▒DIDDLY▒▒▒▒▀██████▄
░███▀▒▒▒▒SPAMLY▒▒▒▒▒▀█████
░▐██▒▒▒▒▒▒DOODLY▒▒▒▒▒▒████▌
░▐█▌▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒████▌
░░█▒▄▀▀▀▀▀▄▒▒▄▀▀▀▀▀▄▒▐███▌
░░░▐░░░▄▄░░▌▐░░░▄▄░░▌▐███▌
░▄▀▌░░░▀▀░░▌▐░░░▀▀░░▌▒▀▒█▌
░▌▒▀▄░░░░▄▀▒▒▀▄░░░▄▀▒▒▄▀▒▌
░▀▄▐▒▀▀▀▀▒▒▒▒▒▒▀▀▀▒▒▒▒▒▒█
░░░▀▌▒▄██▄▄▄▄████▄▒▒▒▒█▀
░░░░▄██████████████▒▒▐▌
░░░▀███▀▀████▀█████▀▒▌
░░░░░▌▒▒▒▄▒▒▒▄▒▒▒▒▒▒▐
░░░░░▌▒▒▒▒▀▀▀▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▐
Classic
You guessed it right, I'm from NA
twitchquotes:
MY BELLY IS HUGE MY BRAIN HAS DELAY YOU GUESSED IT RIGHT I'M FROM NA.
MY BELLY IS HUGE MY BRAIN HAS DELAY YOU GUESSED IT RIGHT I'M FROM NA.
twitch chat
Classic
EU vs NA
Response to "go fuck yourself"
What if I'm already fucking myself? Behind this simple insult hides a universal paradox that may put your sexuality in question. Let's do a simple thought experiment: imagine us two standing in front of each other. I, of course, am wearing a pair of jeans, that are covering my genitals and my butt. You then command me to "go fuck myself". I may be fucking myself already. I may as well not be fucking myself already. Until my dick and its position relative to my ass is observed, it is simultaneously in my ass, but also outside of it - thus, it stays in superposition. The moment you lay eyes on my penis, both states collide with each other and become either one. You may have already guessed what the problem here is. As soon as a single photon reflected by my dick enters either one of your eyes, you become gay. The only way to avoid this is to not observe my penis. But if you don't look at it, then you will never know if your insult had any effect, thus rendering it meaningless. Since you have already made the insult, you are now, too, in superposition - you're either wrong, or gay. It's unfortunate, really - you dug a hole for yourself without even knowing it. All you can do now is accept it, and learn from your mistakes.
Classic
Doublelift Pony Roleplay Minecraft server
twitchquotes:
hey, Doublelift! i'm an admin from PinkieCraft 🌈, the pony roleplay Minecraft server that you play on! i wanted to personally extend my thank you for the 1000$ you donated to help keep our server alive! next time you log on we'll make sure to let me know and i'll make sure to get you that custom pony body you donated for! i regret to inform you, however, that we don't currently have a way to give you "20 foot horse cock" like you requested but we'll work on it thank you
twitch chat
Doublelift
Classic
League of Legends
hey there buddy chum pal friend
twitchquotes:
hey there buddy chum pal friend buddy pal chum bud friend fella bruther amigo pal buddy friend chummy chum chum pal i don't mean to be rude my friend pal home slice bread slice dawg but i gotta warn ya if u take one more diddly darn step right there im going to have to diddly darn snap ur neck and wowza wouldn't that be a crummy juncture, huh? do yuo want that? do wish upon yourself to come into physical experience with a crummy juncture? because friend buddy chum friend chum pally pal chum friend if you keep this up well gosh diddly darn i just might have to get not so friendly with u my friendly friend friend pal friend buddy chum pally friend chum buddy...
twitch chat