[Copypasta] Magic Sex Gun YouTube ad script

This is my magic sex gun. All I do is point it at a woman I want to fuck, and BANG! She's all over me. How does it work? Go to MagicSexGun.com. You can have your own! And it's not buying hookers, not using personal sites, and definitely not spanking it to p**n... so go to MagicSexGun.com before we take the site down. This magic sex gun works especially well on younger women. Point your magic sex gun at your innocent-looking young coworker and bam! She's sucking your d**k below the desk. Point it at the cute young French woman bagging your groceries and bam! She's letting you rail her behind the dumpster. And of course... point it at any girl on a dating app site, and well... you'll feel like you have a sex machine gun with all the women you're mowing down. This is only if you go to MagicSexGun.com. Get it right now: MagicSexGun.com. There's only so many magic sex guns available, so you want to get in while the getting is good. MAGICSEXGUN.COM!
January 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Ben Shapiro sings the South Park theme song

So lets say, hypothetically, that I was going down to South Park to have myself a 'time'. In this hypothetical situation, there are friendly folks who are completely devoid of temptation. Now, because I am going down to South Park, it is safe to assume that I would be leaving my woes behind. Now, hypothetically, when I arrive, there is ample parking during both the hours of the day and the night, and the media would be saying "howdy neighbor." OK liberal, now that we've established that, lets say next that I was to head up to South Park. I would then, hypothetically, be testing to see if I would be able to unwind in South Park. I would also like to mention that, as a conservative white male, I find large female genitalia to be very attractive. So, I will finish off my argument by stating that the liberal media should come on down to South Park and meet some acquaintances of mine, including my wife (who is a doctor).
December 2020

Ben Shapiro

Spam so I may stay warm

twitchquotes: Hello chat. My home is very cold and I do not know if I will make it through the night. Whenever the chat spams, my old laptop heats up very quickly. It is the only thing keeping me alive. Please chat, spam as much as possible so I may stay warm and survive the frigid night.
twitch chat
June 2019

GME stock and WSB vs short sellers

Let me tell you what happens tomorrow because it's even worse than what happened today. There they are, Melvin Capital. Furiously jerking their 2 inch boomer cocks to their GME short gainz. They are so close, edging themselves with "Oh yeah, the next Blockbuster" and "Yes baby, brick and mortar go bye-bye." They even sit in a circle sucking and jerking each other off, double fisting like they're skiing down Mt. Everest with cocks instead of poles. Out of nowhere, Ryan Cohen steps in with the most massive and vieniest schlong they've ever seen. He starts eating their lunch and muttering about Cheey for games and they can't do anything because their engorged penises are stuck in eachothers mouths and poop chutes. They attempt to ignorr him and try to keep jerking but they accidentally used hand sanitizer instead of lotion. BAM GME starts rising from the ashes and the retards of WSB are lighting the fires. We brought lighters that we borrowed from our wives boyfriend's and they weren't those shitty clear one. We have motherfucking Bics and torches. Melvin is crying and pleading but we are too retarded to understand coherent English. They see giant red dildos on their screens and their buttholes begin to pucker. They dump everything they have at us in an attempt to supress the price but again, we only understand broken english and emojis. We only understand basic visuals and colors. When we see green, we buy. When we see red, we take out another student loan or CC cash advance and we buy more. We are fucking unstoppable. GME skyrockets and they start scrambling to pull dicks out of random orifices, but it's too late. Bears R Fuk. After we are done splooging all over their faces, and becoming their wife's new boyfriends, we throw Melvin and BOA on the chopping block to be liquidated and disposed of. That's what happens tomorrow, and we are gonna turn that shit into a movie.
December 2020

WallStreetBets

Kripp's kidney stone surgery

twitchquotes: There was a heated discussion among the medical experts gathered around an operating table, on which laid an unconscious Romanian man in his 30s. "The salt levels are off the charts!" exclaimed a cardiologist. The head surgeon sighs, "I guess this is what you get when you combine a vegan diet and a sedentary lifestyle playing a children's card game." Upon those words the body suddenly stirs, from which a muted voice barely croaks, "Tell...Rania...not to press...the button".
twitch chat
September 2016
Kripp

Anime girl 7

⢰⡟⣡⡟⣱⣿⡿⠡⢛⣋⣥⣴⣌⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣌⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠏⢼⡿⣰⡿⠿⠡⠿⠿⢯⣉⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣿⣦⣍⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿ ⣼⣷⢠⠀⠀⢠⣴⡖⠀⠀⠈⠻⣿⡿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣛⣯⣝⣻⣿⣶⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⡇⣿⡷⠂⠈⡉⠀⠀⠀⣠⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣍⡤⣤⣤⣤⡀⠀⠉⠛⠿ ⣿⢸⣿⡅⣠⣬⣥⣤⣴⣴⣿⣿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⡭⡄⣀⣉⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⡟⣿⣿⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣦⣈⠀⠀⠀⢀⣶ ⡧⣿⡇⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣾⣿ ⡇⣿⠃⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠛⠛⢫⣿⣿⣻⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢿⣿ ⡇⣿⠘⡇⢻⣿⣿⣿⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠙⠻⠏⠛⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣭⡾⢁ ⡇⣿⠀⠘⢿⣿⣿⣿⣧⢠⣤⠀⡤⢀⣠⣀⣀⠀⠀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⣁⠉ ⣧⢻⠀⡄⠀⠹⣿⣿⣿⡸⣿⣾⡆⣿⣿⣿⠿⣡⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⠐⢡⣶ ⣿⡘⠈⣷⠀⠀⠈⠻⣿⣷⣎⠐⠿⢟⣋⣤⣾⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⣩⠖⢠⡬⠈⠀ ⣿⣧⠁⢻⡇⠀⠀⠀⠈⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠟⠋⠁⢀⠈⢀⡴⠈⠁⠀⠀ ⠻⣿⣆⠘⣿⠀⠀⣀⡁⠀⠈⠙⠛⠋⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⡀⠤⠚⠁⠄⣠
April 2019

Weebs

Text-to-Speech Playing