[Copypasta] Just as the founding fathers intended

I own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, "Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the founding fathers intended.
November 2020
What happened to this ad? :(
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Call of Duty is the most realistic video game with the most advanced engine

Meanwhile in Call of Duty, true gamers laugh about Battlefield's primitive physics engine. Arma was an attempt by a failing Czech developer to make Call of Duty 'more realistic'. However due to the fact that Call of Duty was already as realistic as a video game can possibly be, they panicked. They made a shameless rip-off and slapped 'military simulator' on the front. True gamers are smart enough to know this, hence why Arma averages 67 on Metacritic, whereas Call of Duty averages 98-100. Call of Duty players laugh down at players of every other game, knowing they are Call of Duty rip-offs. Call of Duty is the most realistic video game with the most advanced engine. The world's leading video game scientists have confirmed this, so it isn't as much 'thinking' as it is 'knowing'. And Call of Duty can't possibly RIP those games off. Call of Duty was the first video game, so there wasn't anything for it to rip off.
August 2021

Call of Duty

fire fox is sus

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⠀⢀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢰⣠⠴⠿⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣤⣎⠁⡀⠀⣀⡀⣩⠔⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣠⣶⣏⡠⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⢔⢠⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣬⣿⣿⣷⣿⠿⣿⣾⣿⣿⣿⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢧⣤⣶⢾⣤⢤⠀⢀⡈⠛⢢⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢨⣷⣿⣿⣧⡤⠄⠀⠀⢀⣳⠀⠑⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⣿⣿⣿⣟⣃⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡿⡾⣟⣋⣲⠁⠘⣿⣿⣴⡆⠀⠐⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣟⣀⣎⣁⣠⣼⣶⣿⠃⠀⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⡁⣿⣿⣿⣻⣿⣟⣛⣿⣿⣿⠱⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇⣽⣻⣿⣟⠶⢶⣒⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠐⠀⠀⠀⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⡛⢿⢟⣛⣿⣿⡟⠀⠀⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢳⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠗⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣾⡫⠿⣯⣿⠿⣿⡿⡿⣊⠀⢀⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀⢻⣿⣿⣿⣝⡿⣿⣿⡿⡟⢈⢰⡽⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣾⣏⢀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠻⣾⣷⣯⣿⣴⣶⡞⢁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣥⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠛⠛⠋⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠛⠛⠛⠋⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠛⠿⠿⠿⠛⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣦⡤⠶⠛⡳⠀⠈⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣼⣿⡗⠀⢸⠓⠢⠘⠄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣇⣤⣄⣿⣷⣤⣨⣢⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⣿⣿⣿⣏⠛⠛⠛⢻⣿⡿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡀⠀⠀⠘⣷⣦⣤⣄⣀⠞⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢻⣿⣿⣷⣟⣶⡿⠿⠟⠁⠀⠀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠱⡄⠀⠀⠈⠙⠛⠛⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣷⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⢿⣿⣿⣶⣦⣤⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠳⣤⣀⣀⠀⠀⣀⡀⡤⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠻⣦⣄⣀⠀⠀⠀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠙⠛⠛⠛⠛⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠉⠛⠋⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠁⠛⠋⠙⠁⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣀⣀⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣠⡶⠟⣫⣽⣿⡿⠷⣶⣤⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⡟⠉⣀⣀⣉⣻⣦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣎⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⡞⠁⢀⣾⣟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⣷⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣠⣿⠀⢸⣿⡉⠉⠉⠉⣷⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡀⠠⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⡇⠀⠸⣿⣿⣇⡀⠀⠀⠀⠐⠀⣼⣿⡆⠀⠀⠀⢸⣟⣩⣿⡄⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⠿⣶⣦⣶⣠⠔⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⣧⠀⠀⠙⢿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣷⣶⣾⡿⠁⣿⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣧⠀⠈⠉⠉⠉⠀⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⠾⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⣿⣇⠀⠀⠈⠙⠛⠿⠟⠛⠋⠁⠀⢸⡇⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣀⣀⣀⣀⣼⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⢟⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣷⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⡿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠻⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠳⠤⠄⠀⠠⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⠿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣴⠟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⠈⢿⣿⡽⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠉⠛⠛⠛⠛⠋⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
June 2021

Among Us / Amogus

Always has been

Always has been 🌍👨‍🚀🔫👨‍🚀
March 2021

Easter emoji pasta

April 2021

Emoji Pasta

We should buy Reddit

We should buy Reddit. Not the stock. The actual company. If we all get together and own 51% then we will own this entire website. We could make the rules, profit from the advertising, and finally get paid for the memes we make. I've even come up with a list of things we could do as new owners: Reddit mods can apply for paid-internships at Reddit. This is much closer to having a real job than what they currently do and would benefit the organization. Your flair is your official title at the company. IE: instead of "CFO" you'll be "PotatoFart" NSFW posts will receive special protections--and if you happen to work in our new skyscraper then NSFW posts are automatically considered SFW. Everyone gets a turn in the corporate jet. Elon becomes a mod. He can also apply to become a paid intern. We have a monthly party on our company yacht: The S.S. VisualMod. Our corporate cafeteria is a dining hall with fast food restaurants along the side--but they're all Wendy's. I think this is a great idea. Keep it high and tight. 👖🚀👖🚀👖🚀
December 2021

WallStreetBets

Reddit

Text-to-Speech Playing