I own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, "Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the founding fathers intended.
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas
Vapogender
twitchquotes:
Vapogender: A gender that sort of feels like smoke. One can see it and understand it on a shallow level but if one tried to go deeper it disappears, and one is left with no gender and only tiny wisps of the gender one thought it was.
Vapogender: A gender that sort of feels like smoke. One can see it and understand it on a shallow level but if one tried to go deeper it disappears, and one is left with no gender and only tiny wisps of the gender one thought it was.
twitch chat
Sneaky
VapeNation
Unrealized losses
She runs her hand through your thinning hair and laughs. “What?” you ask absentmindedly. You’re looking at Futures, and you’re surprised to see them red.
“I want you to play with me.” She says it playfully, but the single ounce of you that isn’t totally aloof realizes she said this in earnest. And so you do. You throw your phone, and you pin her to the sofa, then the ground. You both roll about, wrestling, like lion cubs. Kissing, lightly biting. Sometime later, you both stop, breathing hard. She grabs an open bottle of red wine, and you pass it back and forth. Eventually she says, “I want to do that more.”
But you’ve already found your phone again to check Futures. Still red. “Uh huh,” you say, distracted. She stares at you for a long moment, but you don’t realize it. Silently, she gets up and goes to bed, and you don’t say a word because you don’t notice.
She hasn’t left you yet, but she will soon.
Unrealized losses.
WallStreetBets
Till I realized Kripp is a dude...
twitchquotes:
༼ ºل͟º ༽ I was m*sturbating to this stream for 10 minutes till I realized Kripp is a dude....... ༼ ºل͟º ༽
twitch chat
Kripp
John Cena eats Bing Chilling
Zǎoshang hǎo zhōngguó xiànzài wǒ yǒu BING CHILLING 🥶🍦 wǒ hěn xǐhuān BING CHILLING 🥶🍦 dànshì sùdù yǔ jīqíng 9 bǐ BING CHILLING 🥶🍦 sùdù yǔ jīqíng sùdù yǔ jīqíng 9 wǒ zuì xǐhuān suǒyǐ…xiànzài shì yīnyuè shíjiān zhǔnbèi 1 2 3 liǎng gè lǐbài yǐhòu sùdù yǔ jīqíng 9 ×3 bùyào wàngjì bùyào cu òguò jìdé qù diànyǐngyuàn kàn sùdù yǔ jīqíng 9 yīn wéi fēicháng hǎo diànyǐng dòngzuò fēicháng hǎo chàbùduō yīyàng BING CHILLING 🥶🍦zàijiàn 🥶🍦
Poggers
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣀⣀⣀⣤⣶⣿⣿⣶⣶⣶⣤⣄⣠⣴⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣦⣄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⣠⣴⣾⣿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦
⢠⠾⣋⣭⣄⡀⠄⠄⠈⠙⠻⣿⣿⡿⠛⠋⠉⠉⠉⠙⠛⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⡎⣾⡟⢻⣿⣷⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⡼⣡⣾⣿⣿⣦⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⡇⢿⣷⣾⣿⠟⠄⠄⠄⠄⢰⠁⣿⣇⣸⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣠⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿
⢸⣦⣭⣭⣄⣤⣤⣤⣴⣶⣿⣧⡘⠻⠛⠛⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⣀⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⠄⢉⣹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣦⣶⣶⣶⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⢰⡿⠛⠛⠛⠛⠻⠿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⠸⡇⠄⠄⢀⣀⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠉⠉⠛⠛⠻⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⠄⠈⣆⠄⠄⢿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣶⣤⣤⣀⣀⡀⠄⠄⠉⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⠄⠄⣿⡀⠄⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠂⠄⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⠄⠄⣿⡇⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠃⠄⢀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⠄⠄⣿⡇⠄⠠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⠄⠄⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⠄⠄⣿⠁⠄⠐⠛⠛⠛⠛⠉⠉⠉⠉⠄⠄⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿
⠄⠄⠻⣦⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣤⣤⣤⣤⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⠄