I own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, "Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the founding fathers intended.
I used to be a real ad
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I pay much $$ to spam
twitchquotes:
Dear mod. If u ban me. u mad kripp. i pay $5. I pay much $$ to spam. Please respect my Footlong of $5. If i spam u say ok, and not ban me. I pay $5 u. can. not. ban. me. (no copy or pasterino)
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I saw 1.9293948382% of a girl's shoulders today
I saw 1.9293948382% of a girl's shoulders today. I immediately fell to my knees, as the rush of dopamine caused my the impending earth-shattering orgasm started making me moan loud enough to deafen everyone in the immediate vicinity. What followed was a torrential downpour of every single sperm cell I ever have or ever will produce, shot out so hard that my dick was ripped apart by my ΓΌbernut accelerating to 5% the speed of light by the time it left my urethra. It vaporized the girl as it punched right through her, barely slowed, before cutting through a structural support beam in the school as if it were a nuclear-powered angle grinder. The sheer weight of this historical nut, combined with the total destruction of everything in its path, caused the school to collapse, and every female in the state of New Jersey to fall pregnant with my children. When the final death toll was tallied, there were 146 deaths, 458 injuries, and over 4 million pregnancies. As I lay dying under the rubble of my high school, I rest easy, knowing every one of my sons will repeat my glorious actions.
I think i need a special vaccine
twitchquotes:
π³ what's this? my heart is beating so fast π I feel dizzy π€ͺ what is this tension in my lower body? 
I am sweating so much π₯΅ I think i need a special vaccine π because I have [insert streamer name]virus π€π€π€
I am sweating so much π₯΅ I think i need a special vaccine π because I have [insert streamer name]virus π€π€π€
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Masturbation on a plane should be socially acceptable
Hi Tyler, it's Andy from middle school
twitchquotes:
Hi Tyler, it's Andy from middle school, the kid you bullied for 3 years. After I got transferred to another school I had huge self-esteem issues and never made any friends. I turned to league of legends, the only game that made me feel special at silver elo but when I found out you're the top league streamer I got flashbacks from when you bullied me. There is no justice in this world. I am going to end it all now I hope you are happy..
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Tyler1