[Copypasta] Just as the founding fathers intended

I own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, "Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the founding fathers intended.
November 2020
Waiting for adblock to be disabled
More Copypastas

Young pistachio becomes grand old cashew

twitchquotes: Let me tell you a story. I was once a young pistachio like you. But then I saw the light. I saw the kripp and let the kripp into my life. Now I am a grand old cashew with a pepperoni plantation to boot. Don't make the mistake I once did and deny the kripp. Kripp is love. Kripp is life. Praise the Kripp. Amen.
twitch chat
May 2014
Kripp

Elephant

โ–‘โ–’โ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–“โ–“โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–“โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–ˆโ–“โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘ โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–“โ–“โ–“(O)โ–“โ–ˆโ–“โ–ˆโ–“โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘ โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–“โ–“โ–“โ–ˆโ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–ˆโ–“โ–ˆโ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–ˆ โ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–“โ–“โ–ˆโ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–ˆ โ–‘โ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–ˆ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–ˆโ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–ˆ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–ˆโ–“โ–ˆโ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–ˆ โ–‘โ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–“โ–“โ–“โ–ˆโ–“โ–“โ–“โ–ˆโ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–ˆ โ–‘โ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–“โ–“โ–“โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–“โ–“โ–“โ–ˆ โ–‘โ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–“โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–“โ–“โ–ˆโ–ˆ
ascii art
November 2014

Shout out to sidewalks for keeping me off the streets

twitchquotes: Pedestrian: i want to give a shout out to sidewalks for keeping me off the streets
twitch chat
January 2015
Reynad

Warrior vs warrior

twitchquotes: HEH, GREETINGS ResidentSleeper ARMOR UP ResidentSleeper ARMOR UP ResidentSleeper I can take the hit ResidentSleeper Welcome to the grand tournament ResidentSleeper TANK UP ResidentSleeper TANK UP ResidentSleeper I'M OUT OF CARDS
twitch chat
March 2016
Reynad

Hearthstone

you will never be on my intellectual level

twitchquotes: listen until you guys have read fichte, kant, schelling, hegel, goethe, novalis and hamann in the original german, you will never be on my intellectual level, you are plebs who are addicted to reddit and think rick and morty is a deep show, your children will be dysgenic losers and mine will be serious winners and well-educated, they'll probably smack the glasses off your children for fun and then go read homer in the original greek.
twitch chat
August 2020
More Copypastas
Text-to-Speech Playing