[Copypasta] I fucking hate Stuart Little

twitchquotes: I fucking hate Stuart Little. I know what you’re thinking, this is some kind of funny joke, but no. Stuart Little is a piece of shit. A damn rat got picked over actual children at an orphanage and he’s supposed to be a hero? And I can’t even tell you how many damn times I’ve seen a great parking space only to turn the corner and realise Stuart Little is already parked there in his stupid little fucking convertible. He took my wife and the kids and my house and my job. I swear to fucking god, I’m going to kill myself and take that goddamn rodent to hell with me. Stuart Little has ruined my family. Last summer, I approached the miserable mouse in the street, and asked him for his autograph, because my son is a huge fan. The fucking rat gave me the autograph and told me to burn in hell. Later, when I gave my son the autograph he started crying and said he hated me. Turns out the mousefucker didnt write his autograph, no, he wrote “you’re a piece of shit, and i fucked your mom”. I’m now divorced, and planning a huge class-action lawsuit against the white devil that ruined my life. Your time is almost over, Stuart. All the people you’ve wronged will rise against you.
twitch chat
May 2020
What happened to this ad? :(
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I orgasmed during an online zoom class

Fuck this is so embarrassing. I'm literally shaking so hard rn. So like the randy horny mf I am, I was jerking off and edging myself before one of my online classes. Then the class started so I joined. Our teacher's pretty strict and all and expects cameras on at all times. So I just sat there whilst everyone joined, still horny as hell. I had my dick pressed between my legs still. Teacher's going round asking us how the weekend went yada yada. So now it's my turn to speak. I unmute my mic to say my stuff and whilst I'm talking I squeeze my legs a little too hard and come hard as fuck causing to me to literally moan LIKE A FUCKING WHALE and make my horrid contorted orgasm face RIGHT ON FUCKING CAMERA WITH MY MIC UNMUTED WHILST THE ENTIRE CLASS OF 40 STUDENTS ARE WATCHING. LET'S NOT EVEN FORGET THAT MY FACE WAS FULL-SCREEN WHILST I WAS SPEAKING. In a total crazy panic, I leave the class. I'm dropping that class asap. No, scratch that. Dropping out of college altogether. No way can I go back there again. Might as well drop off this earth while I'm at it.
September 2021

I accidentally ran over my wife’s pet rabbit with my car

So my wife works from home and she is a graphic designer. She is working from home because the rabbit is very needy and cannot be apart from her without screaming it’s head off. She barely leaves the house due to this and it is difficult because I have to do everything for her and them that requires leaving the house. Whenever we go anywhere together the rabbit has to go with her. However since that post was posted I had developed a plan with the help from some dms and comments I had been acting sick all night and all morning and convinced my wife to go to the market for me to get me medicine. Some Tylenol and cough syrup. She was worried about the rabbit and suggested taking it with her but I somehow convinced her to go without it. We live in a rural area and the closest store is about 20 minutes away. So I hatched my plan as soon as she left. I grabbed that little shit by the neck and while it kicked and screamed I put it into an Amazon box and rushed to the car with it. Initially the plan was to release him into the wild so I drove to the closest wild spot which happens to be a campsite and let the little parasite out. He is partially blind so he just sat there for a bit and I pushed it closer to the grass off the gravel parking lot and it started sniffing around and shit. At this point I thought I was home free and I got into the car to leave but the little shit noticed me getting in and ran towards the car when I started it and moved the car over a bump and I heard a scream. I didn’t know what to do do I started driving and stopped the car a little further away and it was lying there on the gravel parking lot as I started to panic. I didn’t want to kill it I just wanted it gone. Instead I drove over it like a speed bump. I put him back into the box and Drove to the vet. My wife is calling my phone I don’t know what to do, I’m writing this in the waiting room of the vet. I fucked up. The whole thing is a blur. Edit: rabbit is alive, driving home, will update
May 2022

YOU DIRTY SELLOUT

twitchquotes: Hi qtpie, my name is Dave, and I work at YOU DIRTY SELLOUT. We at the YOU DIRTY SELLOUT team are huge fans, and we would be willing to come to a large cash agreement if you engage in SELLOUT activities on stream. Look forward to it.
twitch chat
October 2014
imaqtpie

sellout

Lord Voldemort has infiltrated the Dignitas house

twitchquotes: Michael, this is Dumbledore, Lord Voldemort has infiltrated the Dignitas house and killed Scarra. The legend says the one that carrys the mark of the donger on his forehead is destined to stop the dark lord. Please Michael avenge Scarra!
twitch chat
October 2014
imaqtpie

Mango Bay CoolCat

twitchquotes: CoolCat 𝓜𝓪𝓷𝓰𝓸 𝓑𝓪𝔂 CoolCat 𝓜𝓪𝓷𝓰𝓸 𝓑𝓪𝔂 CoolCat 𝓜𝓪𝓷𝓰𝓸 𝓑𝓪𝔂 CoolCat 𝓜𝓪𝓷𝓰𝓸 𝓑𝓪𝔂 CoolCat 𝓜𝓪𝓷𝓰𝓸 𝓑𝓪𝔂 CoolCat 𝓜𝓪𝓷𝓰𝓸 𝓑𝓪𝔂 CoolCat 𝓜𝓪𝓷𝓰𝓸 𝓑𝓪𝔂 CoolCat 𝓜𝓪𝓷𝓰𝓸 𝓑𝓪𝔂 CoolCat 𝓜𝓪𝓷𝓰𝓸 𝓑𝓪𝔂 CoolCat 𝓜𝓪𝓷𝓰𝓸 𝓑𝓪𝔂 CoolCat 𝓜𝓪𝓷𝓰𝓸 𝓑𝓪𝔂 CoolCat 𝓜𝓪𝓷𝓰𝓸 𝓑𝓪𝔂 CoolCat 𝓜𝓪𝓷𝓰𝓸 𝓑𝓪𝔂 CoolCat 𝓜𝓪𝓷𝓰𝓸 𝓑𝓪𝔂 CoolCat 𝓜𝓪𝓷𝓰𝓸 𝓑𝓪𝔂 CoolCat 𝓜𝓪𝓷𝓰𝓸 𝓑𝓪𝔂 CoolCat
twitch chat
January 2017

Dota 2

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