twitchquotes:
Tesla is restarting production today against Alameda County rules. I will be on the line with everyone else. If anyone is arrested, I ask that it only be me.
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I used to be a real ad
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Half Steve Half Creeper
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Minecraft
I used to work at an abortion clinic
I used to work at an abortion clinic and I saw some extremely fucked up shit there which is why I'm so anti-abortion now. This is just SOME of the horrible stuff I personally witnessed:
• A 23 year old woman came in 11 months into her pregnancy and said "I don't want my stupid baby anymore, kill it" and the doctor said "okay" and he put jumper cables up her baby hole and connected them to a car battery and let it run for six days straight
• A little 8-year old girl wandered in and said "I want an abortion but I am not pregnant" and the doctor said "we'll fix that" and he stole a baby and cut the girl open and put the baby inside her and sewed her shut and then woke the girl up and said "congratulations it's a healthy six year old boy" and the girl said "can I keep him" and the doctor said no and then backed over her in the parking lot with his brand new Ford Raptor
• They made me sign an agreement promising to stop drinking from the medical waste container (I signed somebody else's name)
• One of the doctors there developed a futuristic ray gun that could make anything he shot have an abortion, even trees, cars, or barns
• The receptionist threw nail polish at an elderly man
• The doctor's assistant invented this thing she called "the silly slide" and it was a really fun little water slide that connected a woman's vagina to a paper shredder so a newborn baby could briefly "enjoy the high life"
• The oldest child we aborted was in his late 70s, we didn't even know he was a baby until his wife brought in photos
• The doctors put all sorts of crap up a woman's uterus including a clown nose, bicycle handlebars, a calendar, and an entire Sears retail outlet (before bankruptcy)
• During every successful abortion, the doctor would shout "take that, baby" and he'd push a red button that made sirens go off and confetti fell from the ceiling and we'd all get Del Taco for free
NSFW
I want to bang Timmy Nook from Animal Crossing
Holy fucking shit. I want to bang Timmy Nook from Animal Crossing so goddamn bad. I can't stand it anymore. Every time I go to Nook’s Cranny I get a massive erection. I've seen literally every rule 34 post there is of him online. My dreams are nothing but constant fucking sex with Timmy Nook. I'm sick of waking up every morning with six nuts in my boxers and knowing that those are nuts that should've been busted inside of Timmy Nook’s tight tanuki asshole. I want him to have my mutant human/tanuki babies.
Fuck, my fucking mom caught me with a raccoon I found in the trash. I'd dressed him in my dad’s Hawaiian shirt and went to fucking town. She hasn't said a word to me in 10 hours and I'm worried she's gonna take away my Nintendo Switch. I might not ever get to see Timmy Nook again.
Kripparrian has ripped in the aether
twitchquotes:
Today, November 25, 2014 marks the day that kripparrian has ripped into the aether. He was hit in the head by a Riot Gas thrown by Ferguson Police all the way from US. Please join me as we all fist ourselves without Lube in his remembrance 
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Kripp
Nice opinion, but it's wrong
Nice opinion, just one tiny problem with it. Inspecting your post, it looks like your opinion is different from mine. Let me tell you something, I am the baseline for opinions. Any opinion I hold is objectively correct and as a result, any other opinions are wrong. Guess what? You happen to hold the wrong one! I hope you know that your opinion is now illegal. I have contacted the FBI, CIA, the NSA, the navy seals, secret service, and your mom. You'll be sorry you ever shared your opinions, by the time you're reading this, you'll be done for. Nature will punish you. Humanity will punish you. supernatural beings will punish you. Space will punish you. We decided just to make sure we'll nuke your house from orbit. So there's no chance you can run away, everyone will know you will die. It's a small price to pay, to remove your wrong opinion from this world.