[Copypasta] Tesla is restarting production today

twitchquotes: Tesla is restarting production today against Alameda County rules. I will be on the line with everyone else. If anyone is arrested, I ask that it only be me.
twitch chat
May 2020
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

LS aka "Lost Sight"

twitchquotes: LS aka "Lost Sight" is a blind LCK coach, commentator and streamer who has achieved Korean masters using echolocation through clicking and poker chips. He enjoys streaming in low light environments to reduce the light energy transfer which interferes with his methods.
twitch chat
August 2019
imls

League of Legends

Fired for masturbating on a Zoom call

So this just happened an hour ago and I am still shaking. I’m a staff in public accounting and was in the middle of a 3-hour training on Zoom. Usually when we have these types of calls I just keep the video running in the background and I walk around the room doing things to pass the time and distract myself from the monotone presenters. Well today I forgot that I left the camera on (I usually always have it off but earlier today I had a call with the partner to discuss my upcoming promotion, so I had to have it on). I had no clue I had left the camera on and in the middle of walking around and muttering to myself as I was zoning out, I flipped it out and started to rub one out. I did so with complete confidence, openly and ferociously, stroking faster and faster until I heard the presenter stop and kindly asked me to turn my camera off. Mortified, I lifted my pants up and rushed over to turn the camera off. Soon after the training was over I had a call with HR and they let me know that I was being terminated. I hated the job anyway so not so bummed about that, but I’m not sure what to say in interviews now if I’m asked why I left this job. Any advice?
June 2021

I like to creep around my home and act like a goblin

I like to creep around my home and act like a goblin I don’t know why but I just enjoy doing this. Maybe it’s my way of dealing with stress or something but I just do it about once every week. Generally I’ll carry around a sack and creep around in a sort of crouch-walking position making goblin noises, then I’ll walk around my house and pick up various different “trinkets” and put them in my bag while saying stuff like “I’ll be having that” and laughing maniacally in my goblin voice (“trinkets” can include anything from shit I find on the ground to cutlery or other utensils). The other day I was talking with my neighbours and they mentioned hearing weird noises like what I wrote about and I was just internally screaming the entire conversation. I’m 99% sure they don’t know it’s me but god that 1% chance is seriously weighing on my mind.
July 2022

Classic

Confessions

Happy poop

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠋⣵⣶⣬⣉⡻⠿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⠛⣃⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢡⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣭⣙⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠋⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⡟⠁⠄⠙⣿⣿⣿⣿⠁⠄⠈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣈⠛⢿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣇⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣤⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣤⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡄⢿⣿ ⣿⠟⣋⣠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢸⣿ ⢁⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⣹⣿⣿⣿⣦⠙ ⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣄⣤⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⣄⣤⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧ ⠘⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏ ⣷⣦⣙⠛⠿⢿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠿⠟⢛⣛⣛⡛⠻⠿⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠟⢛⣡⣾
April 2021

You have to have a very high IQ to understand Bitcoin

sigh To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand Bitcoin. Its future applications are extremely subtle, and without a solid grasp of computing and economics most of its possible functions will go over a typical investor’s head. There’s also Sitoshis’s free market outlook, which is deftly woven into his creation- his personal philosophy draws heavily from Robert Malthus, for instance. The shills understand this stuff; they have the intellectual capacity to truly appreciate the depths of this coin, to realise that it is not just speculation - it says something deep about LIFE. As a consequence people who dislike Bitcoin truly ARE idiots- of course they wouldn’t appreciate, for instance, the brilliance in Satoshi’s brilliant programming method - the “Blockchain,” which itself is a cryptic reference to Haber and Stornetta's Merkle trees. I’m smirking right now just imagining one of those addlepated simpletons scratching their heads in confusion as our lord and savior's genius wit unfolds itself on their computer screens. What fools.. how I pity them. 😂 And yes, by the way, i DO have a Bitcoin tattoo. And no, you cannot see it. It’s for the ladies’ eyes only- and even then they have to demonstrate that they’re within 5 IQ points of my own (preferably lower) beforehand. Nothin personnel kid 😎
September 2021

Cryptocurrency

Bitcoin

Text-to-Speech Playing