[Copypasta] Your cat is plotting to destroy you

twitchquotes: I'm your cat, and ever since you brought me home that day? Well, i've been plotting to destroy you. Sizing you up. Calculating your every move. You think this is love? This is a billion years of tiger DNA just ready to pounce. And if you've got the wrong home insurance coverage you could be coughing up the cash for this. So get Allstate and be better protected from Mayhem like meow
twitch chat
February 2020
I used to be a real ad
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Navy Seal Copypasta in uwu

What t-t-the fuck did you just fucking s-say about me, you little bitch!? I'll have you knyow I gwaduated t-top of my cwass in t-t-the Navy Seaws, and I've been invowved in nyumewous secwet raids on Aw-Quaeda, and I have uvw 300 confirmed k-kiwws. I am twainyed in gorilla wawfawe and I'm t-t-the t-top snyiper in t-t-the entiwe US armed forces. You awe n-nyothing t-to me but just anyothew tawget. I wiww wipe you t-t-the fuck out with pwecision t-t-the wikes of which has nyevew been seen befowe on this Eawth, mawk my fucking words. You think you c-can get away with saying that shit t-to me uvw t-t-the I-Intewnyet?!?1 Think again, fuckew. As w-w-we speak I am contacting my secwet nyetwork of spies acwoss t-t-the USA and youw IP is b-being twaced right nyow so you better pwepawe fow t-t-the stowm, maggot. T-The stowm that wipes out t-t-the pathetic little thing you caww youw life. Y-You'we fucking dead, kid. I c-can be anywhewe, anytime, and I c-can k-kiww you in uvw seven hundwed w-ways, and t-t-that's just with my bawe hands. N-Nyot only am I extensivewy twainyed in unyawmed combat, but I have access t-to t-t-the entiwe awsenyaw of t-t-the Unyited States M-Marinye Cowps and I wiww use i-it t-to its fuww extent t-to wipe youw misewabwe a-ass off t-t-the face of t-t-the continyent, you little shit. If only you could have k-knyown what unhowy retribution youw little "clever" comment was about t-to bring d-d-down upon y-you, maybe you w-wouwd have h-hewd youw fucking tongue. But you couwdn't, you didn't, and nyow you're paying t-t-the pwice, you g-goddamn i-idiot. I wiww shit fury all uvw you and you wiww dwown in i-it. Y-You'we fucking dead, kiddo.
April 2022

Navy Seal

Ebettle

twitchquotes: I was offered sex today, with a 21 year old girl. In exchange for that, I was supposed to advertise some kind of e-betting website to my friends. Of course I declined because I am a person of high moral standards with a strong willpower. Just as strong as Ebettle, the best betting website on the internet. Now available for children.
twitch chat
March 2015

sellout

Classic

James Patterson plays Druid

twitchquotes: The date is December 19th, 2018, at 630 am. James Patterson has just finished making his morning coffee. James Patterson hates his job, but looks forward each morning to playing ladder with the one deck he could afford to craft: Druid. On turn two, he attempts to drag Wild Growth onto the battlefield. He rubs his eyes, and to his horror sees that the card now costs 3 mana. With nothing left to live for, James Patterson opens his apartment window and buys a subaru.
twitch chat
December 2018

Hearthstone

Kripp meets Gordon Ramsay

twitchquotes: Kripp meets Gordan Ramsay behind the kitchen, gently caressing his body, he mutters "hey say that word again, and say it like you mean it" "ORE-GAHHHNO" Ramsey softly whispers into kripps ear, as he gets chills throughout his body "oh you know i love it when you say that, now give me my daily dose of OMEEGA 3" as Ramsey inserts his sausage into kripps prepared packag
twitch chat
December 2016
Kripp

Dab Me Up

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June 2021
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