[Copypasta] Your cat is plotting to destroy you

twitchquotes: I'm your cat, and ever since you brought me home that day? Well, i've been plotting to destroy you. Sizing you up. Calculating your every move. You think this is love? This is a billion years of tiger DNA just ready to pounce. And if you've got the wrong home insurance coverage you could be coughing up the cash for this. So get Allstate and be better protected from Mayhem like meow
twitch chat
February 2020
What happened to this ad? :(
More Copypastas

Imagine spamming chat

twitchquotes: Imagine going to an online chat and spamming it with brainless text for no reason.
twitch chat
April 2019

Classic

Kreygasm

β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–„β–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–€β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–ˆβ–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–€β–ˆβ–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–β–ˆβ–ˆβ–’β–„β– β–€β–’β–’β–’β–€β– β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–β–ˆβ–ˆβ–’β–’β–„β–„β–Œβ–’β–β–„β–„β–’β–β–ˆβ–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–ˆβ–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–€β–€β–’β–’β–’β–’β–ˆβ–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–“β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–“β–’β–’β–’β–’β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–’β–’β–’β–“β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–“β–’β–’β–’β–’β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–’β–’β–’β–“β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–“β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–“β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–“β–β–ˆβ–Œβ–’β–’β–β–ˆβ–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘
November 2014

Kripp and G2A

twitchquotes: "I won't do it." says Kripp."You guys are rotten scammers selling stolen keys." The G2A dealer stands in the corner, face obscured by the shadows. "Are you sure?" he says with a toothy grin. Kripp nods. The G2A dealer steps out of the shadow, and Kripp is shocked to see it is none other than Scamaz. "I give the order, and Rania and Pupparian die. I've already taken Cattarian as punishment. Now sign the deal." Kripp sobs as he signs, and hopes his viewers will one day understand his plight.
twitch chat
July 2016
Kripp

Hey, Mr. Morosan, this is Mike from Video Playground

twitchquotes: Hey, Mr. Morosan, this is Mike from Video Playground, the adult marketplace. You've been ignoring my calls about your outstanding debt of $12.99 for Big Vegan Balls IV. I'm not here to shame or embarrass you for your taste in husky, sweaty man love, but I've got a business to run, and I wouldn't be able to provide you with the entertainment you frequently enjoy if I didn't get paid. Please don't make me revoke your platinum membership.
twitch chat
June 2017
Kripp

I hate JoJo

I fucking hate JoJo. Every subreddit I go through has a vermin-like underclass of JoJo fanboys. They all just have to say β€œiS THat A JOJo ReFErEncE??!!!1” on every fucking post that contains a single word that may have been used in the shitty comics. Oh, a suspicious link? Probably a rickroll. NOPE!!! They’ve ruined that, too! One of the oldest goddamn internet traditions shat on and ruined by JoJo fanboys. Thunder Cross Split Attack! So fucking funny, right? I’m wheezing! NO. SHUT THE FUCK UP. Nobody cares about your shitty comic series. Dio is a stupid character from a stupid comic series. I downvote every post and comment that mentions JoJo, out of pure bloodcurdling rage. I want to detonate a MASSIVE thermonuclear warhead right on top of whatever godforsaken studio publishes that stinking-pile-of-trash comic. Frankly, I don’t even care for the civilian casualties, either. At least they died for a good reason. Unlike JoJo fans, I actually contribute to the betterment of mankind, instead of spamming shitty references on the internet. Every JoJo fan that dies a slow, painful death is a win in my book. I have claimed over a dozen of them already, too. I annihilated their skulls with my fists. Their stupid ice attack didn’t do shit for them either. They dies like they lived, pathetic excuses for humans. I hope more people hear my message and declare war on JoJo. If nobody helps me, I will do as much damage as I possibly can before I die. Thank you.
February 2021

JoJo's Bizarre Adventure

Text-to-Speech Playing