[Copypasta] Your cat is plotting to destroy you

twitchquotes: I'm your cat, and ever since you brought me home that day? Well, i've been plotting to destroy you. Sizing you up. Calculating your every move. You think this is love? This is a billion years of tiger DNA just ready to pounce. And if you've got the wrong home insurance coverage you could be coughing up the cash for this. So get Allstate and be better protected from Mayhem like meow
twitch chat
February 2020
I used to be a real ad
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Chungus has no beginning. Chungus has no end

Chungus has no beginning. Chungus has no end. Chungus is infinite. Millions of years after our civilization has been eradicated and forgotten, Chungus will endure. Chungus is eternal. The pinnacle of evolution and existence. We are but rudimentary creatures of blood and flesh. We touch Chungus' mind, fumbling in ignorance, incapable of understanding. Organic life is nothing but a genetic mutation, an accident. Our lives are measured in years and decades. We wither and die. Chungus is eternal. Before it, we are nothing. Chungus imposes order on the chaos of organic life. We exist because Chungus allows it, and we will end because Chungus demands it. Chungus transcends our very understanding. We cannot grasp the nature of Chungus' existence.
March 2021

A chef explaining why air fryers are a scam on r/unpopularopinion

As a chef, itā€™s an insult to hear ā€œair fryers are as good as fryingā€. Air fryers are fucking bullshit scams and are just convection ovens with an extra fan added. Seriously, pan searing or regular baking will always be better. I swear to shit Jared if I hear you compare fried chicken to air fried chicken one more time Iā€™m gonna smack the gob out of you. Edit: Iā€™m in danger, I never realized how deep the air fryer fandom goes. I will die on this hill Edit2: Iā€™ll never stop upvoting and loving you all butā€¦ but Iā€™m just gonna go cry about something totally different.. Edit3: i think id be a lot less upset if it was called an ā€œextra air ovenā€ as its a convection oven with extra fans. Edit4: if I had a dollar for every comment ā€œyou clearly donā€™t own an air fryerā€ Iā€™d be able to put it towards a new toaster oven. Edit5: the chances of getting doxxed over kitchen appliances isnā€™t high.. but never zero. Edit6: apparently air fryers are taking my job? Sorry boys and girls, no more foi gras for the rich.
November 2021

We require you to change your Twitch name to hl_kripp

twitchquotes: Hello Kripparino, this is Noah Liferino, CEO of No Life IncorporatedĀ©. As you may already know, we are requiring you to change your Twitch name to hl_kripp (has life) as you no longer are a "no life". This was stated in the contract you signed under section 6 article 9 paragraph 420. This is to be enforced immediately.
twitch chat
March 2015
Kripp

Please stop spaming gachiGASM and gachiBASS

twitchquotes: Chat. My son is watching kripp. Please stop spaming gachiGASM and gachiBASS . It's not good for a kid to see that. He might be curious about tasting a glorious *** in the future. I dont want that.
twitch chat
May 2017
Kripp

Dear Hunter in chat, you are smart player

twitchquotes: SMOrc Dear Hunter in chat, you are smart player. Whatever is going on in your laddering right now, please know that you go face and you only ever go face. You are skilled. SMOrc
twitch chat
September 2015
strifecro

Hearthstone

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