[Copypasta] Your cat is plotting to destroy you

twitchquotes: I'm your cat, and ever since you brought me home that day? Well, i've been plotting to destroy you. Sizing you up. Calculating your every move. You think this is love? This is a billion years of tiger DNA just ready to pounce. And if you've got the wrong home insurance coverage you could be coughing up the cash for this. So get Allstate and be better protected from Mayhem like meow
twitch chat
February 2020
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I sexually identify as an Ironbeak Owl

twitchquotes: I sexually identify as an Ironbeak Owl. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of being misplayed during tournaments and silencing the incorrect cards. People say to me that a person being an owl is ridiculous and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a genetic engineer put ironbeak owl DNA into my body, equipping me with feathers, beaks, and the power to silence others. From now on I want you guys to call me "Owlsen" and respect my right to silence from above and silence needlessly. If you can't accept me you're an owlphobe and need to check your animal privilege. Thank you for understanding.
twitch chat
March 2015

Hearthstone

I sexually Identify as

Spider

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣉⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡈⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⣹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣍⡙⢿⣿⣦⡙⠻⣿⣿⣿⡿⠁⣾⣿⣿⣿⡿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⡉⠛⠓⠢⡈⢿⡿⠁⣸⣿⡿⠿⢋⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣯⣍⣙⡋⠠⠄⠄⠄⠄⠁⠘⠁⠄⠴⠚⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⢏⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⡴⠖⠒⠄⠁⠄⢀⠄⠄⠄⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠿⠟⣩⣴⣶⣿⣿⣶⡞⠉⣠⣇⠄⣿⣶⣦⣄⡀⠲⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣷⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢠⣿⣿⣿⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣌⠻⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢡⣿⣿⣿⡏⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣸⣿⣿⣿⣷⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
ascii art
January 2019

My son 🙇was SO cute today

twitchquotes: My son 🙇was SO cute today, he asked me "dad are clouds candy?" I told him they were water. 💦 Then he asked "dad, what's Earth's defense system?" and then I remembered I don't have a son and he asked again his eyes now obsidian black "what is the defense system father"
twitch chat
May 2019

Elephant

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ascii art
November 2014

Not enough brofisting

twitchquotes: Dear Mister-I'm-Too-Good-To-Bro-Fist-All-My-Subs, this'll be the last pasta I ever send your ***. It's been six months and still no word - I don't deserve it? I know you got my last two pastas; I wrote the Kappas on 'em perfect. I'm in the chat right now, spamming penises in r9k. Hey Kripp, I drank a fifth of OJ, you dare me to riot?
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp
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